Welcome to the NERV !
by BasedSpoobyPls
Summary: (AU) Shinji Ikari is a Hikikomori. The people around him are not. This is a story of the former trying his best to re-join the world of the latter, all while trying to uncover the darker mysteries of his broken family. A mixture of Comedy, Drama, Romance, SciFi, Angst and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. (Rated M: Language and Adult Themes)
1. Welcome to Hunger

Engaged in the obviously futile effort of staring at the fridge in hopes of spontaneous restockage, Shinji Ikari was contemplating leaving his apartment.

He tilted his head over to the door lazily. He was still underneath the covers of his futon, and had little desire to budge.

Outside laid in wait.

It would be a fairly monumental occasion for the young man, as it was still daytime. This fact wasn't _immediately_ obvious with the heavy curtains smothering the window, but the small amount of natural light seeping through the slit between them was indicative enough; this wasn't his time to venture out.

But he had to, really. It was either brave the gazes of strangers going about their day, or wait some hours until the streets emptied to a satisfying degree. With his hunger getting increasingly bad with each passing minute, however, the latter option didn't seem quite feasible.

"Why didn't I just go to the convenience store last night?" Shinji complained to himself, pulling the covers over his head.

He knew the answer, of course. He had been gaming all of yesterday, neglecting practically every worldly concern other than relieving his bladder.

He had _some_ dignity left, after all.

Throwing the covers off in frustration, Shinji forced himself upwards. The sudden motion left him feeling lightheaded.

"It'll be over before I know it." Shinji rationalized aloud, rubbing his eyes. "The store is just down the street."

Getting up, Shinji grabbed some jeans out of the pile of dirty clothing next to his bed. The boy knew the stained clothing would only draw more attention, but he lacked another option. Laundry hadn't been on his mind for weeks.

Walking towards the door, Shinji couldn't help but hesitate before stepping into the cramped entrance way. He stretched, as if to free his muscles of restraint. He took a deep breath, stepped down and slipped on his shoes.

Hand on the doorknob, Shinji froze in realization.

"Almost forgot..."

Retreating back into the apartment, he retrieved a cassette player from under the covers. The headphones got caught in the blanket as he picked it up, and Shinji sighed heavily; it was little things that really got under his skin. In fact, the steps back into the room left him feeling defeated, and his thoughts urged him to crawl back into bed. His _stomach_ had other plans, though.

The short walk back to the entryway felt laborious, but in the end Shinji managed to open the door, though not before putting on a baseball cap for good measure.

"Eyes down, walk brisk. Don't be weird." Shinji muttered a bitter reminder to himself, pulling the brim of the hat down.

Stepping outside, the harsh sun wasted no time beating down on him relentlessly, as if to make him feel unwelcomed. But with his gaze squarely on the ground, j-pop music blasting, Shinji had formed an effective barrier between him and the outside world. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he began walking down the apartment complex's shared balcony. The two story building was fairly small, outdated and unremarkable, but the rent was reasonable and that was what mattered to Shinji most at this point.

Barely having taken three steps towards the stairs that led below, Shinji's music-fueled trance was broken as he bumped into someone, and he stumbled forward roughly. Perhaps it was bound to happen, with the withdrawn way he was carrying himself, but even Shinji was surprised how quickly things had gone awry.

Looking up properly, Shinji made eye contact with a stunningly beautiful woman in a yellow sundress. Her blue eyes and red hair clearly posited that she was foreign, and it threw Shinji for a loop when he went to apologize.

"I-I'm... ah..." Shinji began, stumbling over his words.

As if social interaction wasn't already enough of a problem for him, he now found himself speechless in face of the girl's angered expression.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" The woman cut him off, pushing him away. "Watch where you're going, dumbass!"

"I..." Shinji whispered out, shaking slightly from the rough contact. "Uh... I-I'm..."

" _What_?" She asked in a mocking tone. "Speak up!"

"Take it easy, Asuka. You're scaring the poor guy..." A deeper voiced pleaded, pulling Shinji's attention elsewhere.

There was a man as well, leaning against the door of the room next to Shinji's. He was tall, and older than either Shinji or the girl. His dark brown hair was messily tied into a short ponytail, and he had a patchy, unkempt beard.

In stark contrast to the venomous gaze of the redhead, his eyes were much more gentle and apologetic.

"Sorry about my friend here, she's having a bit of a bad day." The man continued, turning a calming gaze to Shinji, smiling. "Are you alright? You look a bit pale."

"Uh..."Shinji replied, or attempted to, rather.

The redhead sighed, and rolled her eyes. "Jeez... what are you, _mute_? You just gonna stand there and stare?"

Shinji's stomach sunk, frozen in complete anxiety and fear. The girls blue eyes were stunning and sharp like her words, and rendered him completely silent.

 _ **Why did I leave the apartment? Why?**_

Turning on a dime, he started walking back towards the familiarity of his room.

"Hey! Where are you going? What are you, an idiot?" The girl called out to Shinji, causing him to freeze up. "Just apologize! It's not hard!"

"Leave him alone, Asuka." The man urged her, now more stern. "Let's talk, alright?"

"Ohh, so _now_ you want to talk?" The girl turned back to the man stiffly. "Then talk! Tell me the truth. Who's the girl?"

"I've been _telling you_ the truth... there's no girl."

"Then let me inside!"

Shinji turned back to the man, and they met eyes. The man smiled, and quietly urged him away with a subtle gesture.

Slipping away, Shinji opened the door of his apartment. Though trying to be quiet, the squeaking of the door recaptured the girl's attention.

"Yeah, just run away..." She chuckled. "Coward."

Something snapped in Shinji's mind at the accusation. His withheld anxiety boiled over in perhaps the most uncouth moment of his life.

"I'm... I'm sorry!" He said, gripping the doorknob tightly.

"Wow! Would you look at that? Was that so hard?" The girl laughed.

"...angry foreigner _bitch_."

A phrase, intended to be muttered only under the most sheltered of breaths, was spoken more than audibly in a unfortunate moment of transparency.

* * *

...and with that phrase, despite the shrill shouting and insults that attempted to follow him, Shinji slammed the door of this apartment.

It was only once Shinji was back inside of his apartment, that he once again remembered why it was that he left. Perhaps in his abject terror the hunger had subsided, but now that he was once again alone with his thoughts, and appetite, he felt it return with a vengeance.

Of course, with his less than polite exit from the world, Shinji was not prepared to return back out. Not that he was to begin with, anyway.

 _ **This always happens...**_ _ **I should have known.**_

Shinji was a hikikomori, and had been for over a year. Even if hunger could force his hand and make him venture out, the young man knew what cards he held. Once a person severs ties with society, it was hard to integrate back in.

 _ **With girls like that walking around... What chance do I have?**_

Slipping back into the comfort of his futon, Shinji waited stubbornly for the hunger to subside. The shouting outside his door, having continued for some time, had subsided by now. It had been replaced with a muffled conversation coming from inside next door. Shinji could tell from the tones that the redhead was not involved, though. The walls were thin enough to tell that much, at least. Nothing else could be deciphered from the talking, however, short of Shinji pressing his ear against the wall.

It was something Shinji had ashamedly considered. He was _curious_ , after all. The apartment unit next to his had been vacant for almost a year, since his friend Kensuke had moved out. That loss, amongst a plethora of other things, were the cause of Shinji's current withdrawn state. Dropping out of school, without a job, no friends...

 _ **Ah, what do I care? I've hit rock bottom**_ **.**

Shinji crawled over to the wall, taking the blanket with him for comfort. Pressing his ear against the wall, he listened in.

 _ **That's the guy outside talking**_ **...** Shinji thought _._ _ **The other one I don't know, though. Definitely a girl, but too quiet and soft to be the foreign girl, for sure.**_

In the end, Shinji figured it to be a lovers' spat. Crawling back to his bed, Shinji sat down in a thinking position.

 _ **The redhead must've figured out about the other girl inside, and that's why the guy was blocking the door like that... he must be pretty slick to be two-timing; with a foreign beauty like that, too.**_

Part of him wanted to feel disgusted with the man, but the fact that he was so nice earlier made him withhold judgment. If it wasn't for him, Shinji had a feeling he'd still be outside getting chewed out by the redhead.

 _ **It's like I just stumbled upon one of those TV dramas...**_ Shinji chuckled to himself. _ **Regardless, I'll have to thank him later. We could even be friends. Who knows, he's older, mature... maybe he could... help me get back on my feet.**_

The wishful thinking made Shinji disgusted with himself. He was _past help_ , he _knew that_.

At the very least, all the thinking had distracted him. His hunger had finally quieted down to a dull ache. Falling backwards onto his futon, Shinji did his best to drift off to sleep.

* * *

It was only after the sun had gone down that Shinji dared go back outside. Usually he'd wait until past midnight, but by this point he felt like he was practically starving. Shuffling like a zombie over to the convenience store, Shinji finally got ahold of some food. He also bought some beer, with hopes of giving it to his new neighbor as thanks.

 _ **And if I chicken out, I can always just drink it myself**_ _..._ Shinji thought, as he walked down the appropriately emptied streets. Though made anxious by the occasional passer-by, the context of night made people considerably less social, at least in a residential area like this.

As per his routine, Shinji made his way over to a nearby park where he enjoyed eating. For some reason, the atmosphere of nature made the convenience store food taste better, if only a bit.

And so, Shinji sat on a bench and ate hungrily. At first it was quite relaxing, but soon enough he remembered where _exactly_ he was. Students from the nearby university started walking by in small-to-large groups. Many were talking animatedly, happily. The sight made Shinji feel horrible.

 _ **Night classes must have ended...**_ Shinji thought with dread, double-checking his pants for his cassette player. _**I have to go... too many people. Too many students.**_

Walking over to a nearby garbage can, Shinji threw away the foods packaging. Sighing heavily, he turned around to make his escape. But instead of the clear path to sweet solitude that he envisioned, upon turning around he was met with an all-to-familiar face.

It was the _redheaded girl_. Though Shinji noted some differences; she was wearing a fashionable overcoat, though with the same sundress undernaeth as earlier. She was wearing glasses too, and clutching a bag with the university's insignia, cluing Shinji in on her studious intentions.

By the time he had fully recognized her, however, it was already too late; the girl had already taken notice of him, and her expression did nothing to make Shinji feel better. In fact, her sour face only did the opposite.

"Wuh... what the fuck are _you_ doing here?" She asked, bewildered. "Are you _stalking_ me or something?"

"I..." Shinji replied, feeling a sense of horrible deja-vu. "I was hungry?"

Shinji pointed at the discarded bento box in the garbage, as if to help him explain.

"What?" She looked at him with a mix of confusion and disgust. This mix of emotions, though soon turned to an obvious anger. The girl had seemingly come to a realization. "Wait a sec... I'm sorry, what did you call me before you slammed that door, again? _angry foreigner bitch_ , was it? Remind me."

Shinji's stomach turned into knots, as he too remembered the full events of earlier.

 _ **Oh god...**_

"I-I'm sorry?"

The girl shoved Shinji roughly, sending him to the ground. "What the hell? You think you can just apologize for that? I should have beaten the crap out of you! I bet I could too, you little shrimp."

Shinji waved his hands in front of him, shaking his head furiously. "I'm sorry! _Really_! I don't know why I said that!"

"Yeah right, don't give me that." She kicked him in the leg. "At least own up to your words, you coward."

The girls angered expression subdued slightly as she noticed a nearby group of guys staring at her. They were whispering amongst themselves, but stopped and continued walking on once they realized her attention.

The girl groaned, holding her head with her hands. "I'm... just proving your point, aren't I? No wonder Kaji... _Fuck_."

Shinji got up from the ground, and dusted himself off. Slouching, he made reluctant eye-contact with the girl. "I..."

"Just get lost, alright?" She cut him off, shooing him away. "Guys like you bring out the worst of me, goddamn spineless... shit!"

Shinji almost followed her cue, but couldn't help but feel a bit concerned. Fidgeting in place, he took a step towards her.

"Um.. are you okay?" Shinji asked. "I-I shouldn't have said what I said earlier... a-and I _should_ pay more attention where I'm going."

The girl looked at Shinji with exasperation. "Did you just ask if _I_ was okay, after I _physically assaulted_ you? What's _wrong_ with you, just _**go**_."

Shinji shrugged in return. "I-I just wanted to see if I could help."

The girl laughed, but it didn't sound joyous in the slightest.

"I get it, okay? You don't like seeing a girl all flustered and pissed, right?" She responded, glaring at him. "Cause you think you're responsible, and you probably think of yourself as a _nice guy_ , right?"

"Uh..." Shinji sounded out, at a loss for words at the girls pinpoint analysis.

"Well guess what. I'm _not_ nice.." She continued. " _I am_ a bitch, and I _am_ angry. I'm jetlagged to shit, I'm hungry, and I wish I hadn't come to this goddamn country. I made a bunch of stupid decisions and... fuck, why am I even still talking to you?"

The girl started walking past Shinji, practically stomping out her frustrations on the pavement. Part of him wanted to let her go, and forget everything that happened on this messed up day. But there was also part of him that wanted to reach out. Soon enough Shinji got an idea which side was currently in the driver's seat.

"Hey, do you... love that guy?" Shinji blurted out, turning behind him at the departing girl. "The guy next door?"

 _ **Why... why am I...**_

The redhead turned around with a cutting scowl. "What, you think you know me or something? Where do you come off asking something personal like that?"

"You... but you were shouting all that personal stuff just now." Shinji replied, tilting his head in confusion. "I'm sorry, I just..."

Her expression, to Shinji's surprise, actually softened a bit. "I, well... true enough. And you know what? It was a _mistake_. **Goodbye**."

The girl recommenced her departure, sighing.

"Well... I'm a hikikomori." Shinji called out to her, though not without a bit of hesitation. "I'm not much better."

"W-what?" She replied, stopping in place. "You're a what-now?"

 _ **Oh dear lord**_ **...**

"I almost never leave my room, and I... spend my days sleeping and wishing I wouldn't wake up; playing video games and reading manga until I'm malnourished." Shinji explained. "You're the first girl I've talked to in years. And I don't think you're exactly wrong when you call me a coward... I am pretty spineless, it's why I hide away in my room."

"I..." The girl turned in place. "Why are you _telling me this_?"

"Well... you were saying all that stuff... about being a, erm, a _bitch_." Shinji shrugged rigidly. "I j-just think you shouldn't have to embarrass yourself _alone_ , y'know? Figure I'd put us on even ground, so we might _both_ regret this conversation later..."

"W-what?" The girl locked eyes with Shinji, and a smirk creeped onto her face. "You're... pretty strange. But that actually _does_ kind of make me feel better, somehow. But maybe that's because what you said was _way more_ embarrassing..."

Shinji coughed awkwardly.

"S-sorry. What's your name?" She asked, facing him fully.

"I-Ikari Shinji."

"I'm... Asuka. " The girl reluctantly matched his reply, noticeably omitting her surname. An awkward silence filled the air, as she seemed to be deep in thought.

"Look, I don't know what... _this_ is?" The girl began, pointing at herself then at him, then repeating the motion several times. "But if you don't mind, could you... keep an eye on that guy next door for me? Make sure he's not doing anything stupid?"

"Uh, I can do that." Shinji replied, smiling.

To Shinji's surprise, the redhead smiled back. "Yeah? Thanks. Well... uh, goodnight, _Shinji_. And good luck with that, uh, 'hikikomori' thing too, I guess."

As the girl walked away, Shinji couldn't help but wave at the girl, even though she had long stopped looking behind her. She was walking away briskly, with a somewhat of a spring in her step.

The whole conversation, consisting of more words then Shinji had probably said in months, left the young man feeling lightheaded; but in a good way, to be sure.

 _ **She called me by my first name... Asuka...**_

* * *

The walk back to his apartment, Shinji had trouble not obsessing over the conversation with Asuka. The feeling he had, that he managed to have a conversation with a girl, let alone one that didn't end in him slinking away in shame or fear, was intoxicating. That being said, it wasn't as if he had reached some great revelation; he had managed to self-deprecate enough for a girl to take a pity on him. Or, at least, that was how he saw it.  
 _ **  
And who knows if I'll ever see her again.**_ He thought. _**Such is life, I suppose.**_

And yet, life had enough of a sense of humor to have him run into her twice on the same day. With serendipity like that, it was hard for Shinji to say what to expect from now on, even if his daily, boring routine could lead him to some educated guesses. Regardless, he felt feel exhausted as hell, and wanted nothing more than to return back into the sweet silent embrace of his room. He had bought extra food, too, just so he wouldn't have to venture out for a long while.

Still, Shinji had to pause for a moment once he was in sight of his apartment block. The lights inside his neighbor's room were still on, despite it being fairly late.

Shinji looked down at the beer cradled in his arms.

 _ **I'll give it a shot, I guess.**_

He climbed the stairs to his apartment, and soon found himself in front of the door next to his own. After completing a useless ritual of walking away from the door, and then returning in a sad stubbornness, Shinji finally found it on him to knock. Maybe it was the social success from earlier giving him the extra push, he figured.

Soon there was clear movement, stirring from inside, and footsteps appropriately followed, approaching the door.

 _ **So he is home... hope I didn't wake him**_. Shinji wondered, worried.

But nothing followed those initial sounds of life, though Shinji _knew_ he had at least made it to the door. He knocked again.

More shuffling around from inside; it sounded close. Shinji could almost feel himself being scrutinized through the tiny peephole.

"U-um... I brought some snacks, or uh, b-beer, rather. I guess." Shinji's voice called out, hoping the man might be listening. His voice had cracked horribly, causing him to cringe. "Sorry. J-just as thanks for earlier, or, I don't know..."

 _ **My god, I'm sweating. What is the point of this? He probably just thinks I'm weird...**_

But just as Shinji turned to retreat to his room, the door swung open, nearly hitting him in the face. He shouted in surprise, jumping backwards, and nearly dropping the beer.

"Ikari?"

Shinji heard his name being called. But it wasn't the man calling it, but a girl. In the doorway was a girl with light blue hair, and piercing red eyes. Perhaps most striking to Shinji, however, was that she was wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt, barely reaching below her nether regions.

"U-uhhhh... Hi?" Shinji asked. "You... you know my n-name?"

The girls eyes locked onto him curiously, before turning to the items in the boys hands. "Food?" She asked.

"Yes?" Shinji replied simply, mesmerized by her otherworldly stare.

The girl grabbed the beer and the bag of extra food. Caught more than a bit off guard, Shinji didn't even have the presence of mind to question it.

"A-actually... that food is... mine..." Shinji drawled off. "B-but wait. Hold on. You know my name? Ikari?"

The girl looked at him yet again, with a hint of confusion. But there was soon a brief flash of fear. "I have to go now. I can't talk."

The girl closed the door.

...

...

 _ **WHAT.**_

* * *

In the end, Shinji had retreated back into his room, lacking even the resolve to try and recover his lost food. Not only was he now wholly confused, but also had to face the prospect of venturing out yet again for nourishment.

Shoving his head into his pillow, Shinji groaned heavily.

 _ **At least I'm not hungry at the moment...**_ Shinji thought, sleepily.

Closing his eyes, Shinji found himself visually fixated on the girl's haunting gaze and strange hair. Her strange demeanor only raised more questions, as well.

 _ **I guess I just met the 'other woman'... If my suspicions are correct**_. Shinji realized. _**She was almost naked, that girl...**_

"So my next door neighbor... is cheating on Asuka... with _that_ girl?" Shinji repeated to himself. "Is that why she told me to keep an eye on him?"

Something just didn't sit well with Shinji, even when laying all this information out in front of him.

Sitting up slowly, Shinji rubbed his temples. "But... is he even dating Asuka? She never did ever tell me if she loves him... but why else would she be so mad about seeing a girl?"

Ruffling his hair in frustration, Shinji sighed heavily.

 _ **What the hell did I just stumble upon...**_

As far as the young man was concerned, this was way too much for a shut-in to have to deal with...


	2. Welcome to Gossiping

After a day as eventful and confusing as yesterday, Shinji Ikari was, above all else, looking to sleep in. To sleep in an amount that would be shameful to admit to any productive member of society. And that was saying something, considering it was the beginning of the weekend. It was the perfect time to laze around, even though Shinji required little excuse to do that anyways.

And because of the above facts, the last thing Shinji wanted this morning was to be awakened by someone knocking on his door.

...And yet that was what was happening, pulling him out of the midst of a, up-till-then, satisfying sleep.

The usual tactic of ignorance didn't work. While the occasional missionary or salesman would leave after the lack of response from the room's occupant, the current visitor was much more stubborn. Reluctantly, Shinji had to get up and address the problem. Taking care not to make too much noise, he made his way to the door and looked through the peephole.

It was his neighbor. Or more specifically, the person he had _thought_ was his neighbor. Yknow, not the blue haired, red eyed anomaly from last night. No, it was the brown haired, older man who stood casually on the other side of his door. The one that, thankfully, had saved him from Asuka's wrath.

The contemplation of whether or not to open up for the man turned out more difficult than Shinji had figured. Though yesterday he was all too eager to try and make friends with him, yesterday was also a period of time barely recognizable to Shinji. He had multiple conversations, ventured outside in the daylight, and made acquaintance with an actual flesh-and-blood girl. After sleeping, it seemed like it was all just an oddly realistic dream, and Shinji was back in the same rut that cause him to withdraw in the first place.

But alas, Shinji figured he should talk to the man. While he'd like to say it was purely out of some newfound sociability, it was more like he had hoped the food he lost last night was being returned or at least paid forward.

 _ **Then again, do I really want to get more involved with this guy? His life seems a bit... dynamic for my taste...**_

After an unhealthy dose of hesitation, overthinking and staring through the peephole, Shinji reluctantly opened the door. Perhaps it was that familiar gentle expression the man wore that pushed him into acting.

The man smiled, and Shinji did his best to return it, despite his anxiety.

"Hey, bud." He said, leaning in and resting on the door frame. The now reduced space between them made Shinji tense up.

"Uh, y-yeah?" Shinji replied, backing up a bit.

"You remember me, right? The guy with that... _fiery redhead_ yesterday?" The man clarified, chuckling a bit. "Sorry about that, by the way."

"It's, it's okay." Shinji produced a crooked smile.

"Anyway, I... I couldn't help but notice this morning, that there was a lot of empty beer cans and food containers sprawled over my room." The man explained. "You wouldn't happen to-"

"OH!" Shinji shouted out suddenly, causing the man to jump slightly. "The... the girl?"

The words caused Shinji's visitor to take on a sterner look. "Oh. So you _have_ met her. Well that makes things easier; or harder, really."

Before Shinji could even formulate a response, the man was leaning into the room even further, with a much more concerning expression. "Can I come inside? Uh..."

The man was searching Shinji's face, as if looking for answer. It took Shinji a moment before he realized what exactly he was looking for.

"O-oh... it's, uh, Ikari Shinji."

"Ah, thanks. Ikari Shin-" The man repeated smiling, before his eyes widened.

Suddenly, Shinji found himself being pushed inside his own apartment. As if to make the action even more unsettling, the man took it upon himself to slam the door behind him. The loud noise made Shinji squeak out like a mouse.

"Uhaaaerr... W-wait what? Why..." Shinji stammered out.

" **Ikari**." The man repeated with more force, before turning to look more carefully at Shinji's face. " _Okay_ , yeah. I see it now. So, Rei..."

Facepalming, the man turned, and pressed his head against the apartment wall. " _That_ would explain her reaction. Damn, what are the odds?" The man's voice mumbled out, though still comprehensible.

"Um, s-sir?" Shinji interjected, feeling extremely awkward. "I don't get it... you seem to know my family name, and that g-girl did too."

"Yeah... _about_ that..."

An awkward silence formed, as the man trailed off.

As much as Shinji wanted to be completely taken off guard, this situation wasn't entirely new to him. It was his _last name_ that followed his every footstep when he was in university. It was his _last name_ that got him in, and that offered him preferential treatment. Unfortunately, it also offered expectations, and the jealousy and dislike of his peers. Shinji himself would blame it for his awkward exit _out of_ the university, as well.

"A-are you all freaked out because of my _father_? Are y-you, like... a _student_ of his?" Shinji asked. "Or... a colleague?"

"Uh... something like that. I've worked with the man." The man answered, shrugging. "Gendo is... Look, Shinji. Can I _trust you_?"

Those words made Shinji irreconcilably nervous. Something made him feel like this was a rabbit hole he had no business entering.

"W-wait, d-don't worry! I don't even talk to my father anymore! **Ever**." He put on a smile, gesturing his hands frantically. "A-and even if _I did_ , I wouldn't gossip about this whole... girl-jealousy, situation, erm, thing!"

 _ **This is... so awkward...**_

"I.. wait, excuse me?" The man asked, clearly not on the same page. "What _thing_?"

"Well... I-I mean, you know! With that redhead yesterday getting all nosy, and then that girl hiding inside your apartment... I mean she was wearing _your_ t-shirt by the looks of... _a-anyway_ , I may not look it, but I'm an adult too, like, I get it. M-my lips are sealed."

The man's confusion, persistent to a point, seemed to turn to relief after a moment. The gentle expression Shinji remembered from yesterday, and even _missing_ at this point, returned once again. "Huh? Oh. Ah, yeah _, right_. Well... thanks Shinji. You don't mind it if I call you that, right? Like, with your Dad and all it's kinda-"

"G-go ahead" Shinji replied quickly, wanting nothing more than to get away from talk of his father.

"Cool." The man stated, smiling. "I'm Kaji, by the way. Ryoji Kaji."

Kaji looked past Shinji for a moment, into his room. "That's quite the fort you've built in there."

Looking behind himself, Shinji couldn't help but acknowledge the horrible mess of garbage, electronics and blankets. What little space the tiny room had was entirely taken up.

"I-I wasn't expecting company, as you can see..." Shinji explained, lowering his gaze. "And I don't really... get out, much."

Kaji gave his new friend a slight fist bump on the shoulder. "Don't sweat it. But you know, Shinji..."

"Y-yeah?"

Kaji scratched his chin thoughtfully. With how unkempt and messy it was, Shinji figured this must be pretty satisfying.

"If you ever want to talk, just... I don't know; leave a note on my door or something." Kaji continued, chuckling. "That should work for you, right?"

 _ **Yeah... he definitely thinks I'm weird.**_ Shinji thought, though feeling almost relived. "That's perfect."

"Good. Oh, and hey, if you ever _do_ feel like contacting your father..."

"I-I wouldn't bet on that" Shinji interjected desperately, wanting to avoid the subject. " _Seriously._ "

"Yeah, that's fine. But still..." Kaji assured him, stretching his neck. "Just let _me_ know first, alright? I... it'd probably work out better that way."

Kaji began to turn away, but then seemed to remember something.

"Oh, and _she_ can't hold her alcohol all that well, _clearly_." Kaji chuckled quietly. "So maybe _refrain_ from giving her any more. You know what, it's probably best you just avoid her entirely. She's not, uh, _from here_. She's pretty weird. In fact, she probably wouldn't like you. Call it a hunch. We cool?"

"O...kay? Shinji answered slowly, still stumbling mentally over the man's blunt rant. "We are _cool_."

"Cool." Kaji repeated with a smile.

Opening the door, he slipped outside. The door clicked shut, leaving an uncomfortable silence... short of the humming of the A/C, working overtime due to the summer heat. Shinji, meanwhile, was left completely baffled at the interaction. Regardless, the fact that he had distanced himself from this whole love triangle thing was a welcomed relief.

 _ **...Right?**_

From this point on, Shinji could never leave a single note on that man's door, _never ever_ knock again, and continue living his cozy and uneventful life. No school, no job... just himself and his vices.

Or, perhaps that was more of a _maybe_. With all this talking and thinking about his father, Shinji was unintentionally considering the sustainability of this 'cozy' life.

 **As long as the money keeps flowing in... but who's to say...**

Shinji knew he had to do something. But instead of spending time pondering what that _something_ was, _and_ despite him having some really strong clues... Shinji opted to retreat back to his bed to continue his sleep.

* * *

It was only after Shinji had woken up that he remembered about the food he'd lost to that strange girl last night. He briefly considered leaving a note on the man's door concerning it, but Shinji was still a bit hesitant to get back into contact with Kaji and his strange life. It seemed the moment he had entered into contact with his new neighbor, the comfort zone Shinji had so comfortably constructed around him these past two years was crumbling around him.

Now fully energized, and importantly in the _wee hours of the morning_ , Shinji decided he'd just get some more food from the convenience store. It was essentially a repeat of yesterday, except now it was much later, and such the trip was much less stressful. It was the weekend, though, so things were perhaps a bit more lively outside than he might've liked, but in the end it was at least _tolerable_.

He walked to the convenience store. And back.

Or at least partially back.

 _ **It's a repeat of yesterday...**_ Shinji thought, as he found himself sitting on that same bench, eating that same convenience store food. _**What am I expecting...**_

Of course it wasn't just the location or food that made him really question himself. This was a spot he frequented in his all-to-repetitive routine, and the greasy bento boxes and bags of chips and jerky were stables of his _all-to-unhealthy_ diet.

No, it was the fact that the young man kept checking his surroundings. Kept thinking his glances might be captured by that magnetic head of red hair, approaching from the dimly lit park path. While partly just not wanting to be caught off guard like yesterday, Shinji had to admit there was something about the girl that brought out change in him. It was almost like talking, sharing... it all became easier, less terrifying.

 _ **And yet she's probably the most abrasive person I've ever met.**_ Shinji remarked, smiling. _**There's something disarming about that, I guess. I'm not used to it.**_

It only took him a small while before he had finished the food; at least what he had planned to finish. And then he ate more, and then some more. Though Shinji would like to think of it as coincidental, he knew himself to well to know that he was stalling, trying to come up with a practical reason to stay and wait.

It was seemingly fruitless exercise that, despite all odds, did bear fruit. Shinji eventually found himself staring at Asuka, approaching him from the park entrance, rather than from within.

 _ **Are you kidding me?**_

She looked a bit annoyed, in fact. She was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, with hair that was quite disheveled.

"Do you want something?" She asked, once within speaking distance, voice cracking slightly from disuse.

"I... what?" Shinji asked, smiling in disbelief.

"I said, did you want something?" Asuka repeated, scowling. "I sure hope so, because I better not have fuckin' come down here for nothing!"

"What do you mean?" Shinji repeated his questioning, this time a bit more verbose. "I-I'm just eating."

"Yeah. You _were_." She rebutted, shielding herself from a sudden gust of wind. "But now you've just been sitting there with that dumbass look on your face for like an _hour_. You look like a sad puppy for Christ sake, I felt _guilty_."

The sheer accuracy of her recollection of the past few hours made Shinji suddenly extremely self-conscious. "W-why, wait, _how_ did you... what? You were watching me?"

Asuka pointed behind her forcefully, the gesture landing square on a apartment complex across the nearby street. "I live. There. I can see you."

"O-oh. But, it's three in the _morning_." Shinji responded, scratching his head.

"Yeah, it is!" She responded, angry. "While I'm inside my house dealing with _insomnia_ , you are out here waiting around like some kind of sad homeless guy. Now did you want something from me, or not? You feeling in withdrawal after finally getting some attention? Is that it?"

"Uh... no?" Shinji said, raising a brow.

 _ **Maybe.**_

"Fine, whatever. I'm going back inside; don't know why I fuckin' bothered..." The girl replied, sighing heavily. The sight made Shinji's heart sink.

 _ **Man, after odds like this, I can't let her leave.**_ Shinji thought, being honest with himself. _**If I do, I'll replay this moment again and again, like... before.**_

"Um, you were right about the girl." Shinji called out, standing up from the bench. "Kaji is living with her, I think."

Asuka froze in place, not bothering to face him. "Aw, shit. Really? Blue hair?"

The question caught Shinji off guard at first, but it was kind of had to completely forget _that_ detail, especially after some jogging of his memory.

"Ah, yeah. Red eyes, too." Shinji responded, laughing nervously.

Suddenly, Asuka turned around with a much more lively expression. "Are you _serious_? Man, I thought I might've just seen it wrong, but she really is some kind of _freak_!"

Shinji nodded heavily. "I-I know! I was like... when I saw her looking at me, it was like she was otherworldly. It was scary."

"No, you dumbass! I mean 'freak' like in a... kinky, quirky way, y'know?" Asuka waved at him dismissively, walking towards him. "It's just hair dye and colored contacts, I see it every once in a while. Some girls just like the attention."

" _Unlike yourself_?" Shinji muttered, quietly and carefully.

"Huh?"

"Nothing."

...

Asuka took a moment, shaking her head in disbelief. "Well... crap. I kinda wish I was wrong, even if I really did believe it. It's what I get for following... nevermind. This _sucks_!"

"Following?" Shinji asked, curious.

"Forget about it..." She shook her head. "Alright, well, thanks for telling me, I guess. Don't know what I'm gonna _do_ about it though."

"So... you _do_ love him?" Shinji asked, trying to piece together her statements.

"How is that _any_ of your business?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

"You... but you asked me to _spy_ on him, essentially!" Shinji groaned, exasperated. "I'm sort of involved, at this point."

"Hey, you came here and told me all this on your own volition!" Asuka reprimanded, poking him in the chest. "You're involving _yourself_!"

Shinji couldn't deny the accusation; a fact that made him feel a bit uneasy with his supposedly rock-solid identity. He had told himself many times today that he had no desire to get further involved in this whole mess, and yet here he was sharing private information with Asuka, despite telling Kaji that his 'lips were sealed' about... that _other_ girl.

 _ **Some kind of shut-in I am, acting like a gossip like this.**_

"Should... do you want me to stop?" Shinji asked, confused.

"Fuck no!" Asuka responded with perhaps more force than necessary. "C'mon, you've already spilled the beans, right? You gotta keep me up to date! This way I can get an insider's view without, well... coming across as a crazy stalker, or something."

"So... I'm the stalker?" Shinji reasoned with her argument, feeling a bit sick with himself.

"Wellll... you're a next door neighbor, so it's okay, right?" Asuka answered, looking satisfied with herself. "It's only natural to be curious."

Shinji wished he could disagree, but he could still remember pressing his ear against the wall just yesterday.

"Well, alright." Shinji admitted. "I can't promise anything, though. I don't really get out much, y'know?"

"Aw c'mon, it's next door, it's not like you gotta go anywhere. Even a hikekamuri, or whatever, could handle that much, right?" She shrugged, the pronunciation causing Shinji to cringe. "Besides, I'd almost expect Kaji to keep tabs on you himself... he's... the kinda guy who can't really leave well enough alone, when someone is struggling, or in trouble."

 _ **She does love him.**_

"It's annoying frankly. He takes on so much at once, and keeps getting distracted, but then he always manages to work things out. He's _amazing_ , but in the most infuriating way... Goddamnit, why do I keep going on these stupid rants around you. I mean you just stand there and listen with that stupid face, and... and... can't stop myself, shit."

Almost to prove her point, Shinji had nothing to say in response to her ramblings. Asuka merely stared in disappointment.

"Look, just see what you can find out, alright? I wanna get over this mess, preferably with my feelings intact." She added finally.

"Okay... but how will I..." Shinji sounded out, feeling awkward. "How can I get in contact with you?"

"You're not getting my number, shrimp." Asuka replied, looking suspicious. "Well, not yet at least."

 _ **This girl...**_

"But you have a point; you're not exactly the most convenient person to meet up with. Frickin' hermit." Asuka bemoaned, brushing some stray hairs out of her face.

"S-sorry." Shinji apologized, bowing a bit. "It's something I should work on, I guess."

Asuka stared at him, and this made Shinji quite nervous. Her bright blue eyes always seem to catch him off guard.

"You should." She replied, after some supposed thought. "Look, I appreciate the help... so, why don't you meet up with me in say, a _week_. We can go to this 24-hour ramen shop next weekend, and maybe get some drinks while we're at it. Sound good?"

"Uh... I don't know about that, Asuka." Shinji said, fidgeting. "I don't really do that sort of thing, anymore."

"Christ, you said you needed to _work_ on this, right?" Asuka shook her head, groaning. "Look, it'll be _real_ late, and I know the regulars there. It's just a few people, but their _nice_. Good enough for a _start_ , at least? Throw me a bone, here."

 _ **Cmon Shinji... you can't live like this forever...**_ Shinji spoke to himself, as if to search for an appropriate answer within him.

"A-alright." Shinji replied simply; appropriate enough, at least.

"Good." Asuka said, sounding annoyed, but failing to hide a slight smile. "You got a cellphone?"

"Not on me." Shinji shrugged, feeling a bit embarrassed. The flip phone he was thinking of was archaic, and used in _extremely rare_ moment of outside communication.

"Christ, really?" Asuka rolled her eyes. "Alright, _here_."

She pulled out her phone, and inched up closer to him. While the girl tapped away at her phone, navigating through god knows what, Shinji couldn't help but notice how good she smelt. It must've been her shampoo, he figured, as some strands blew into his face with the wind.

"Yo, dumbass." Asuka called out to him, pulling him out of his fantasies. "Look. The map."

Shinji complied, actually focusing on the screen.

"You just keep going down the street right here, then take a right at that big bank, y'know? It's tucked inside this small pathway between these two hotels. You see? You think you can remember that?"

"Uh, yeah." Shinji replied, after actually taking a moment to commit the admittedly short instructions to memory.

"Alright! Finally." She sighed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go try and actually get some sleep. You should too, really if you're going to be useful to me, anyway."

The girl said this with her usual abrasiveness, but she stuck her tongue out slightly; a slight hint of playfulness as she walked away.

"Night, Shinji."

"Uh, night... Asuka."

Shinji stood there, watching her walk up until the door of her apartment. He didn't exactly know what to do with himself, but he didn't feel comfortable leaving the park just yet, for whatever reason. Part of him wasn't really comfortable with the plans he just agreed to, but another, perhaps more honest side of him wanted to see how it would all play out. Regardless, he knew his fate was sealed once Asuka made her way inside, and his last chance of reconsideration left with her. In a week, he would actually have _plans_. It was weird to think about. Sure, these plans involved some spying and going back on his word for someone he barely knew, but...

The plans, Shinji had to admit, made him feel a bit excited for the future. And that was a feeling he missed, he figured.


	3. Welcome to Subterfuge

(thank you to SEEKINGPROFESSIONALHELP, GRYPHON117, KEYBLADE1984, and MISTERHALT for the wonderful and supportive comments!)

...

...

...

It felt wholly unnatural, but Shinji Ikari was now spending at least _part_ of his usually uneventful days, trying to wiggle his way into the _inner sanctum_.

If that type of term seems a _bit much_ in referring to the social life of his next door neighbors, then you'd probably be right. But Shinji figured it to be appropriate enough, given his lack of social skill. Where most people might find an opportunity to invite themselves over through friendly conversation or straight up persistence, Shinji opted instead to wait 'strategically' in his room, waiting for a time to intercept Kaji, or even better yet, the _girl_.

What this amounted to, essentially, was the young man peeking his head outside his door occasionally. Mostly when he heard footsteps outside, or whenever someone made a racket next door. Even for a shut-in, the plan was _wholly_ uninspired. Shinji was completely fine with that, though, and figured he at least had a week to try something more _proactive_.

Days passed. Five to be exact.

Shinji saw Kaji _once_ in that time; the girl, not even. It turns out when one has an irregular and embarrassingly packed sleep-schedule, you don't find ample opportunities to engage with 'normal' members of society. That, and due to a frustrating predisposition to _observing_ rather than _acting_ , nothing came of the opportunities that even _did_ present themselves.

The opportunity; the _one_ opportunity where Shinji had managed to meet Kaji, it was well into the night. The man was clearly in a rush and distracted, and didn't notice Shinji peeking his head out the door at first. Inside the apartment he entered with some food, and out he exited just as fast, albeit empty-handed. Though Shinji managed to get his attention and offer a quick 'hello' as he left, he never found the courage to ask what exactly was going on, before the man briefly responded and sped off in his car.

The whole situation seemed kinda _off_ ; from what Shinji could gather from his passive, lazy observations, at least. There was _always_ someone home as far as he knew, and he knew it couldn't be Kaji because he came to recognize the man's car, and where he parked outside. More often than not the car was _gone_ throughout the day, and yet still signs of life often echoed from next door. This just made Shinji think that Kaji just worked a lot while the girl stayed home, but then if this was some kind of _romantic_ arrangement, the fact that he would just drop off food and leave after a long day of working... and go where?

 _ **I must be missing something...**_ Shinji thought, lying sleepily in bed. _**Maybe this is just a misunderstanding; that'd be a welcome surprise. Then again... the girl *was* essentially half naked last time... jeez.**_

But speculating was about all he could do, at least at this point. Or maybe more accurately it was all he _wanted_ to do; because it just so happened that _both_ of his neighbors were home right now. Perhaps it was this _huge opportunity_ in front of him that had Shinji thinking about how scarce those exact things had been this past four days.

But of course, instead of acting on the opportunity, Shinji was merely lying and listening to the disjointed, muffled exchanges of sounds resonating from the apartment wall.

 _ **All I have to do is go knock.**_ Shinji thought, before banging his head against the floor in frustration. _**I did it before**_. _**Why... is this so hard?**_

It was probably the subterfuge of it all. Shinji knew quite well that anything that he noticed, heard or saw while over there would eventually be relayed to Asuka. Even if he had second-thoughts about it all, or tried withholding information from the girl, Shinji had a feeling she would somehow get it out of him anyway. He found he had a hard time saying no to the girl, and that certainly had something to do why this whole situation was happening in the first place.

But Shinji also couldn't deny his own curiosity was in play, too. Ever since he interacted with that blue-haired girl, the memory of the exchange only became weirder over time. Not only did she look really weird, the way she was acting was quite antisocial. Which was an ironic thing to notice for a hikikormi.

 _ **She just took the food and left...**_ Shinji remembered, almost laughing to himself. _**Not even a smile, frown, anything. Seemed a bit paranoid, though.**_

A knock on the door made Shinji jump slightly. Caught up in this thoughts again, he was caught off guard; he didn't get a lot of visitors.

 _ **Though recently, that hasn't been really true...**_ Shinji figured, nervously. _**It must be Kaji.**_

Opening the door, at least after the usual nervous fumbling, Shinji's suspicions were confirmed when he was faced to face with his neighbor.

"Leftovers~" The man said in a sing-song voice, before smiling bashfully at Shinji's confused face. "Uh, sorry to bother you, I made a bit too much fried rice and figured you'd want some."

Presenting Shinji with the food, his mouth began to water. Kaji was practically shoving the food into his arms; the smell emanating from the bag was amazing.

"I... yes. Yeah!" Shinji stammered slightly, excited at the prospect. "T-thanks, Kaji."

Taking the bag, Shinji was surprised at its loftiness. "Woah, there's a lot in here... this is _a bit too much_?"

Kaji laughed slightly. "Ah, yeah. To be honest, I saw your garbage yesterday when you put it out. You eat a lot of convenience store stuff, huh? I just figured you might like something homemade, for once."

Shinji reddened a bit.

"I-I can cook; believe it or not..." Shinji defended himself, giving nervous smile. "I just don't really, erm go out when anything else is open. Anything healthy, at least. Actually, I kinda really use to enjoy it. C-cooking, I mean. "

Kaji laughed again, a bit harder this time.

"...you don't want to hear all this, do you?" Shinji shook his head. "S-sorry."

"No, no." Kaji assured him, stifling his chuckles. "You're just a very nervous person, Shinji."

 _ **Not the first time I've heard that.**_ Shinji thought, while laughing himself a bit, though much more stiffly.

The conversation, lulled, and Shinji fiddled with eh bag of food to distract himself.

"Well, anyways, It's cool you enjoy cooking, Shinji. I don't mean to offend you, it was just a thought." Kaji assured, him turning away. "G'night, Shinji."

Shinji nodded his head, smiling absentmindedly while Kaji left, before realizing he'd be dumb to pass up this chance.

"W-would you like to try it sometime, maybe?" Shinji asked suddenly, following the steps of the man, outside onto the balcony.

"What's that?" Kaji asked, turning around.

"O-oh, my c-cooking, I mean." Shinji stammered out, looking downwards. "Just as payback, y'know?"

"You don't have to do that, Shinji." Kaji smiled, shaking his head. "It's supposed to be a gift."

"I-I know, I just want to." Shinji said, with a bit more sternness. "You should come over, I mean if you w-want. Your girlfriend can come too, if she's okay with it."

 _ **Ah crap, not exactly tactful.**_

"My girlfriend?" Kaji asked, confused, before his eyes seemed to lighten up. "Ohh _, right_."

Kaji shifted uncomfortably, scratching his beard thoughtfully, in a rare moment of faltering composure. "Probably should have said something last time..."

"Huh?" Shinji tilted his head.

"That girl and I, we're just friends, actually. She's crashing here for now, while looking for her own place." Kaji explained, looking a bit apologetic. "Sorry for the confusion."

"O-oh! No I-I'm sorry! I shouldn't have assumed." Shinji replied, bowing slightly.

 _ **That makes sense...**_ Shinji thought, grateful. _**Asuka will be happy to hear that.**_

"It's alright..." Kaji assured him, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"T-that's probably better anyways, though." Shinji smiled at the man crookedly. "This way I won't seem like a third wheel, or anything... you know, if she comes over."

"Right." Kaji frowned a bit. "I don't know, Shinji. I don't like to impose on people."

"You're not imposing!" Shinji shouted out, with a bit more force than he had intended, surprising even himself. He cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed, before starting again. "I'm... trying to be better. People seem to be put off by me, but you've been really nice to me. I just want to pay it forward, and be a bit more... sociable, I guess. If anything, _I-I'm_ the one imposing on _you_."

Kaji was silent at first and hard for Shinji to read, but he smiled soon enough. "Alright, you've made your point. I suppose I'd be a bad neighbor if I refused. I'll see how Rei feels about it... does Sunday work for you? I've got time off."

"I'm sorry, Rei?" Shinji asked, still caught on the sudden mentioning.

Kaji seemed slightly surprised, bringing his hand to his mouth. "Oh. It's, uh, my friends name."

"O-oh. I see." Shinji smiled warmly. "Sunday works. It works g- _great_."

Kaji stared at his neighbor for a small while, causing Shinji to feel uncomfortable.

 _ **It's like he sees through me...**_

"That's good to hear. Goodnight, Shinji." Kaji responded finally, opening the door to his apartment. "I'll see you Sunday."

Waving as the door closed, Shinji felt satisfied with himself.

"Goodnight, Kaji." He said, though the man had left.

 _ **Asuka will be happy about the girl... and I'm... making friends.**_

Standing out on the balcony of his shoddy apartment, Shinji smiled _candidly_ , for what felt like the first in a long while.

* * *

Once Saturday rolled around, a full week had passed since Shinji had spoken to Asuka. All in all an _uneventful_ week, but one at least where he gathered some positive news to bring to the girl.

And thus, Shinji waited till midnight, and made his way to this supposed 'ramen place' that Asuka had touted about. He was having a bit of difficulty with the task, though. The difficulty didn't stem from the directions, or anything practical like that; it was just a matter of overcoming his social anxiety. The location of the establishment was actually fairly bustling despite the hour of the night. Asuka had conveniently forgot that the place was right next to a bar, albeit tucked in around the corner in an alleyway. Despite bumping into a few intoxicated individuals and a group of delinquents, Shinji made it to the place without too much trouble. It was more of an issue of him already feeling like retreating back to the safety of his room.

The ramen place was quaint and small, but it was actually quite full with people, to Shinji's chagrin. There was a lot of lively conversation going on, as well, as many of the patrons clearly were ending their night here after some drinking.

Pulling his hat down slightly, and only risking to remove one of his headphones, Shinji stalked down the line of tiny booths and barstools were people were being served. Nearly at the end of the line, he finally found Asuka with an empty seat next to her.

"Yo, Shinji." She called him over, lazily. "Saved you a spot. You're _welcome_."

"Oh, t-thanks." Shinji coughed awkwardly, sitting on the stool stiffly. The redheaded girl was wearing a short, red cocktail dress, and was made-up quite nicely.

 _ **She's... something else.**_ Shinji thought to himself, fidgeting. _**Don't stare, Shinji. Don't-**_

"You're realll tense, you know that?" Asuka sneered at him, punching him lightly in the arm.

Shinji felt a twinge of annoyance. "I'm... there's a lot of p-people here. I seem to recall you saying-"

"I might have over exaggerated a bit, aight? It gets _busy_ sometimes, on _weekends_." Asuka rolled her eyes, slurring slightly. "It's fun here, though, too. But you'd never admit thaaat, would you?"

"Have... have you been drinking?" Shinji asked, feeling quite uncomfortable.

"Yeah, so what?" Asuka rebuked him. "I was at the bar with my friends before this..."

"W-wasn't this supposed to be... a bit less..." Shinji complained, looking around him with shifty eyes.

" _Oh my god_ , Shinji, these people don't fuckin' care about you. I bet none of them even noticed you, you move like a _mouse_ , anyways..." Asuka explained, before drinking some more. "Just _relax,_ no one's gonna bother you, idiot."

"Hey Asuka" A voice called out from behind the serving bar. "That the guy you were talking about?"

Shinji looked up to see a guy, around his age, with short dark hair. Reaching over the bar, the guy placed a bowl of ramen in front of Asuka. He was fairly muscular and athletic. He was wearing a cook's apron over tracksuit; a weird ensemble if Shinji had ever seen one, but the guy seemed to be confident enough to pull it off.

"Yyyep. That's the one." Asuka responded lazily, separating a pair of chopsticks. "Shinji, this is Toji. He works here and is generally loud and annoying."

" **Y** _ **ou**_ can call me Suzuhara." Toji glanced at Shinji coldly, before his face turned a bit sour. "H-hey c'mon, I'm not annoying. Am I?" He turned towards her.

"Yep. You are." Asuka chuckled, slurping up some noodles.

Toji looked dejected, but soon enough refocused his attention of Shinji. "I dunno what it is about _you_ , man."

"H-huh?" Shinji asked, nervously.

"I've asked her out a few times, and she always shot me down. What's so special about you?"

Asuka slammed her fist against the bar, catching the attention of a few nearby people.

"Kay, first of all, me and him aren't _going out_." Asuka clarified, matter-of-factly. "Second of all, Toji, you're a _sleazebag_. Like what kind of guy asks a girl out multiple times, when she's only been around for like two weeks'?"

"You've... only been here two weeks?" Shinji asked, confused.

"Duh..." Asuka said lazily, picking at her food. "Don't you remember me telling you I was _jetlagged_? I flew in from America just a couple weeks ago; I came to see... _study_ at the university."

If Shinji were to be honest with himself, he'd have told her he remembered very little about their first few conversations, due to the shock of talking to a girl _period_.

"Even _I_ know that much, and I don't even go to the damn school." Toji chimed in, raising a brow. "How do you two know each other, anyways?"

"Heh, that's kind of a funny story." Asuka chuckled drunkenly.

 _ **One I'd rather you not tell**_ **...** Shinji thought, exasperated with the girl, yet still sitting in un-objecting silence.

"Asukaaa!" A shrill voice called out from behind them.

Turning around, there was a group of girls, all fixated on the aforementioned redhead. There was three of them, but one in particular threw Shinji for a loop.

 _ **Oh... oh no...**_ Shinji thought, spinning back in his barstool. _**I know that girl**_.

"We're going home, it's late!" The familiar girl called out to Asuka, as the others laughed, fooling around. "Are you coming with?"

"Nah, I need to stay here and talk to... huh?" Asuka remarked, as she looked to her left, where Shinji had been sitting.

Instead, Shinji was already halfway through leaving the restaurant, hunched over in a brisk walk.

"Aw cmon, man. At least buy something..." Toji called out to him, annoyed.

"Shinji, where the hell are you going?" Asuka called out as well, getting up from her chair. "We gotta talk, remember?"

"B-bye!" Shinji answered, absentmindedly and without a glance, as he exited the bustling establishment.

* * *

Walking back to his apartment at the same unrestrained pace when he left the ramen place, Shinji felt himself get more than abit annoyed as Asuka tailed him, shouting at him.

"Laaame Shinji. You're so _lame_!" She shouted at him, still clearly a bit drunk. "Why'd you just up and leave, I was having fun! I was _eating_!"

Stiffening in anger, Shinji turned around. "Nobody forced you to follow me! Go back!"

"Screw you, dumbass! We hadn't even talked about the whole Kaji thing!" Asuka yelled back, matching his volume and then some. "That was the whole point of us getting together!"

"I-I couldn't even get a word in edgewise! You were talking so much, and, and, that Toji was asking me all this stuff and being rude... and..." Shinji shouted, before trailing off. "I... recognized one of your friends, from university."

"What? You go to the 'uni round here?" Asuka looked confused. "But you don't even leave your _house_."

"I _dropped out_." Shinji corrected her, bitterly. "This was _before_ everything went south for me, okay? I used to know that girl, but I hadn't seen her, or _anyone_ , from school since I stopped going... I panicked. I'm still embrassed about it."

Asuka scoffed. "Who _cares_ what they think? I don't even like those girls; they just hang around me 'cause I'm foreign and shit. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, Shinji. Who cares if you're a failure dumbass dropout-"

"Asuka..." Shinji groaned, throwing his head back.

"I'm just saying, all you gotta do is be like _fuck you._ Like you don't care; and what are they gonna do? Nothing, that's what. They'll judge you, sure, but what do you care? 'Cause you _own_ your faults, and you sit in that barstool and you don't give a _shit_. it's all about confidence. _Confidence_."

"I, what...?"

"And then _after_ you fixed all those faults and years down the road when you've finally got your shit together and you're all cool and crap, those girls are gonna be like _'damn I wish I never judged that guy for dropping out', he's kinda cute_ " Asuka continued, putting on a 'fake girl' voice for effect.

"A-Asuka..." Shinji repeated

"Hold on, Shinji. " Asuka assured him, raising a hand. "And you know what you say to those girls, now that they're fawning over you?"

...

"...f-fuck you?" Shinji sounded out carefully.

" _Exactly._ " Asuka answered, looking proud of herself. "Cause you don't need anybody but _yourself_. And that's the way it should be."

As Asuka stood in the middle of the sidewalk with her hands placed firmly on her hips, Shinji couldn't help but smile at the sight.

 _ **That was simultaneously the least articulate, but most motivating I've heard in my life.**_ Shinji thought, bewildered but honestly impressed.

"I... thank you, Asuka." Shinji said, feeling a bit more at ease at that point.

"Don't thank me, you dork. I'm telling you to _grow a pair_ , get it?" Asuka reprimanded him, crossing her arms. "I'm still annoyed you just left like that."

"...and me, a _hikikomori_ was supposed to figure all that out spontaneously, after being thrown into a _crowded restaurant_." Shinji pointed out, deadpan.

"It's called a... uh..." Asuka wondered for a second. " _Baptism of fire_. You'll never accomplish anything if you don't face it head on!"

"I'm... I'm sure that works for you." Shinji sighed, staring at his shoes. "I mean, you've been here for two weeks and you already frequent these cool bars and have a bunch of friends and... it's impressive. I don't know how you do it, a girl like you just isn't cut from the same cloth as me..."

"A girl 'like me', huh?" Asuka wondered aloud, with a hint of disdain. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I-I mean it in a good way, okay?" Shinji smiled guiltily.

"Whatever..." Asuka rolled her eyes.

Shinji took a moment to admire the girl, as the two became silent like the sleeping neighborhood around them. Her hair was a bit messy after chasing after Shinji, but if anything, Shinji nfigured, it made her look more adorable.

"Hey, you shit!" Asuka called him out, interrupting his staring. "I totally forgot, what about Kaji and that girl? You figure out anything?"

"O-oh, right !" Shinji realized, becoming if only a little bit excited. "Actually, Kaji told me that they were just friends."

" _Really_." Asuka replied sarcastically, clearly unimpressed. "That so?"

"W-what?" Shinji asked nervously, surprised at her reserved response.

"Well they're still _living together_ right?" Asuka asked, expectantly. "Like under the same roof?"

"Well, as far as I can tell..." Shinji added. "I mean, I'm asleep a lot; it's not always clear-"

"Laaaaame Shinji!" Asuka taunted him. "Sleeping, useless, lame Shinji! Just cause he says their just friends doesn't mean anything!"

"You think he's lying?" Shinji wondered, honestly a bit disappointed. "He doesn't seem like that..."

"Aw c'mon, you're Japanese. Isn't it like, part of your culture, to lie and save face?" Asuka waved him away dismissively.

"I... I think it's a tad more complicated than-"

"Look, all I'm saying is Kaji _might_ be lying. He's really nice and handsome and _cool_ and stuff..."

Asuka blushed heavily, if only for a moment.

"B-but he's like really private, you know? Like he's _too_ cool. He's a tough nut to crack." She explained with more composure. " _Saying_ stuff is one thing and _doing_ is another. I was just hoping you'd have learned of something a bit more concrete."

"Like what?" Shinji asked, fatigued with the girl's logic.

"I dunno, like you heard them banging, or something." Asuka explained frivolously, despite Shinji's reaction.

"W-what?!"

"What do you mean, _what_? Am I wrong that that would be undeniable, no-bullshit proof?"

"Ergh... I suppose..." Shinji admitted, reluctantly. "I mean, there was the time I knocked on the door, and the girl answered wearing... well, what appeared to be kaji's t-shirt, and nothing from the waist down."

"WAIT, WHAT THE FLYING FUCK?!" Asuka shouted, probably waking up half the neighborhood. "YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT!"

"Well, I... it was kinda embarrassing." Shinji admitted.

"Goddamnit..." Asuka continued, ignoring Shinji's flushed face. "Well now we _know_ something is going on between them."

"W-we do?"

"Don't be naïve, Shinji" Asuka dismissed him. "This girl is serious business, and I want the details. I'd like to know who I'm up against and what my _odds are_ , more specifically."

 _ **This is just getting worse...**_

"L-look, I'm gonna be having them over for dinner tomorrow night, and I'm sure they'll be opportunities for us to talk and-"

"You _are_?" Asuka asked, her blue eyes lighting up with excitement. "Having them over for dinner, are you? Wow, that's... actually surprising for a shut-in shrimp! Aren't you a... _exemplary neighbor_?" She mocked him.

"You know for someone who told me to work on being more sociable... you're not being very supportive."

Asuka laughed, much too loud for the time of night.

"Are you kidding me? This is awesome!" She smiled widely. "This is the perfect way to get to know that blue-haired girl more _intimately_."

"Y-you know, this is mostly about me actually doing something social for once, right?" Shinji groaned. "This isn't some kind of interrogation for you."

" _Of course not_ , I'm just saying... y'know, you are _clearly_ socially inept by the way you acted tonight..." Asuka began, looking satisfied.

 _ **I didn't need *you* to tell me that...**_

"So I think it's in both our best interest if I help you prepare for this dinner-thing, and you can help me by getting a feel on that girl's motives and such." She continued, shrugging. "That works, right? We scratch each other's backs?"

"Asuka, I-I don't need you to baby me through this. I'm an adult, I can prepare a dinner, and frankly I'd rather you not be involved with your kind of personal grudges." Shinji rebutted, standing his ground.

"Oh yeah? And how are you even gonna cook food? You got groceries? Cooking supplies? Hell, anything to cook with?" Asuka pointed at him accusingly.

"I-I have a rice cooker..." Shinji pouted.

"Congratulations, Shinji." Asuka clapped sarcastically. "Let's be honest here, you need my help, shrimp. _I'll_ guide you through the big scary world of daytime grocery shopping, and we can make a _nice meal_. Heck, I can even help clean your assumingly disgusting room; _maybe_. Now wouldn't that be a _load off your mind_?"

"...yes." Shinji admitted, with a clear hint of shame. He was beginning to realize just how little thought he had put into this whole 'dinner plans' thing.

"Right. And all you need to do ask that blue-haired, red-eyed freak some very _clear and concise_ questions for me. That's not so hard, right?" Asuka asked, throwing one of her arms over Shinji's shoulder.

Shinji, feeling a bit anxious at the girl's tough, shook her off with some visible frustration. "...Fine. but you have to promise me that as soon as you're done helping me, you will leave and not be _anywhere nearby_ when they come over, _okay_?"

"Yeah! Of course!" Asuka smiled.

The emotion on her face looked honest enough, but something bugged Shinji about the whole arrangement.

As Asuka grabbed Shinji by the arm, and practically dragged him down the street towards where they lived, the young boy couldn't help but develop a nagging suspicion in the back of his mind.

"H-hey Asuka?" He asked worriedly.

"Yesss~? " She sang.

"That whole 'Japanese people lying through their teeth' thing you talked about... That's not just you projecting your own dishonest tendencies onto a culture you resent, is it? "

...

A stray dog barks in the distance, as if to break the silence.

...

"...next time you're drinking too, alright? Lame Shinji. "

"Yeah, yeah."


	4. Welcome to Happenchance

_I just want to extend my thanks to Seeking Professional Help and Gambling Willie for the feedback! Thanks for reading!_

* * *

Grocery shopping would normally be about the most routine and boring activity for a regular person, but Shinji Ikari didn't really fall into that category. It was the middle of the day, and there were plenty enough people around to make him feel out of place. Having silently followed Asuka since they had entered the store, he kept his eyes gaze on the ground whenever he could.

He bumped into Asuka's back. It was the second time it had happened.

"Watch it!" She scolded him, spinning around with an angry glare. The contents of the shopping basket she held shook slightly at the jarring movement. "And you know what, straighten up while you're at it! 'Cause you're only drawing attention to yourself, slouching and skulking around like that!"

"B-but... I... I can't help it." Shinji groaned. "I hate crowds. People keep giving me these looks..."

"Like I said, you _dunce_ , you're not helping none by the way you're acting!" Asuka reminded him. "Just _be natural_! Remember what I said the key to everything was? Huh?"

"Uh, c-confidence?" Shinji stammered slightly, avoiding her gaze after perhaps in the most ironic delivery of all time.

Asuka stared at him, clearly unimpressed. "Fuck.. who am I kiddin'... whatever, what's next on the list?"

Shinji brought the paper up to his gaze. It was crumbled pretty badly, as his need to fidget left him constantly messing and fumbling with the page.

"W-we need... beef." Shinji read carefully. "Man, _that's_ gonna be expensive..."

"Don't complain to me... you're the one who picked the dish... fuck, what is it again?" Asuka asked him with an annoyed sigh.

" _Shabu-shabu_ " Shinji reminded her for what felt like the tenth time.

"Riiight." Asuka recalled, stretching her back and groaning. "Christ. I'm kinda regretting getting involved, now. What a way to spend a _Sunday_ , walking around town with the local _recluse_. I guess that's what I get for making plans when _drunk_."

Shinji crumpled the list again, mostly out of frustration.

"Y-you butted your way into this..." Shinji lamented. "Don't blame me."

" _Please,_ you need my help. Can't even leave your own house during the day, at least without someone _holding your hand_." Asuka sneered at him with some clear disdain. "But whatever, just... forget I said anything, alright? This might _suck_ , but it'll be worth it to find out what's going between Kaji and that blue haired _bitch_."

Shinji went a bit bug eyed at the vulgarity, directed at someone neither of them really _knew_. That said, he had a feeling Asuka wasn't one to usually care about that sort of thing, at least if romantic competition was involved.

"I... don't you think you might be getting ahead of yourself here?" Shinji asked, carefully. "F-for one, you're not even going to _be there_. _Right_?"

Asuka pouted. "Yeah, I _get it_."

"Secondly..." Shinji continued, as Asuka rolled her eyes in return. "There's no g-guarantee I'll even _find out_ anything, okay? I'm a little busy worried about... entertaining guests?"

 _"_ That **is** what I'm doing... right _?"_ Shinji asked in tow, feeling uneasy with the concept.

"Jesus, Shinji, you over-think _everything_!" Asuka grabbed her head in frustration. "It's like when I came to _drag you outside._ I had to practically throw that stupid walkman back into your _cave_ because you _' **needed**_ ' it."

Seeing Asuka's impression of him, sounding like a whiny child, Shinji snapped.

"I-I **DO** need it, Asuka!" Shinji shouted, stomping a foot to the ground. "You don't **get it**!"

Leaving his his house without his music made him feel naked, in a way. Even if only hand for emergencies, that walkman was almost a defense mechanism. It helped him keep calm when the world around him seemed to smother him with anxiety.

Shinji noticed that his sudden outburst had gotten the attention of a nearby couple. Before browsing the shelves contently, they were now staring at Shinji with confused eyes. Their gazes left Shinji frozen with anxiety.

 _This is why..._

"A-asuka..." Shinji whispered, his stomach flipping. "I-I can't..."

"Shh!" Asuka silenced him. "You're _fine_."

...

The couple moved on, resuming their shopping. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief, seeing them leave from his peripherals.

"Did you see that?" Asuka asked, placing her hands on her hips. "This is what we call a _teachable moment_."

"W-what?" Shinji replied confusedly, more occupied with the euphoric end of his anxiety.

"I'm just saying, you just acted like a _buffoon_ , shouting and stomping around like a _child_." Asuka stated, smirking. "You freeze up like a deer in the headlights _to boot_ , and yet _nothing happened_. Did the world come crashing down around you?"

"N-no but..." Shinji squirmed.

"Exactly." Asuka pointed at him. "No one cares about you, Shinji. Feel free to walk these aisles unrestrained, because _the world_ couldn't give less of a shit, even if you're trying your damn best to embarrass yourself."

"I..." Shinji attempted to respond.

 _She... she might have a point._

"Y-you're... you're probably right, but..." Shinji began again. "It's still hard..."

" _Teachable moment_." Asuka repeated with some force, before sighing again. "You have to start somewhere, right?"

The girl presented him the shopping basket. "Now, _you_ do the work for once. _I_ will follow. You're the one who knows the goddamn recipe, anyways."

"Okay..." Shinji took the basket, taking a deep breath, before walking around the girl.

And so, striding down the aisle with perhaps a bit of confidence, Shinji tried to force himself to take charge. At first, the more deliberate movement felt empowering; it was refreshing to take charge, he thought.

But life, ever dark and soul-crushing in its humour, had other plans for Shinji. As he rounded the corner into another aisle, he found himself face to face with a terrifying reminder of the past.

"Oh my god; Shinji, is that you?!" A womanly voice called out to him in apparent disbelief.

 _Oh no... are you kidding me..._

Shinji froze in place as Asuka approached him from behind, nearly bumping into his back at his sudden braking. She peeked around him carefully, nearly resting her head on his shoulder. Shinji could smell her flowery shampoo again. This would usually throw him off, but this only served as a minor distraction to what was going on in front of him.

"M-m-m-isato?!" Shinji uttered out, almost choking on the name.

The woman in question fiddled with her hair awkwardly, looking a bit uncomfortable with the reaction she brought out of Shinji. It was a head of dark, raven, hair; with the strong lights of the supermarket, it almost looked purple.

 _That... hair..._

* * *

Shinji took a deep breath.

The recent rain had left the air smelling muggy and heavy, but now that Misato's long, unruly hair was smothering him in embrace... the unfriendly fall air was replaced with something more pleasant. And warm.

"You're... _sweet_ Shinji." She said, carefully.

Shinji hung onto the words desperately, waiting for more.

"But..."

* * *

Asuka kneed him in the back of the leg, pulling him roughly back into reality.

"Introduce me, dick!" Asuka hissed from behind him. "Say _something,_ at least _."_

The rough words jump-started his brain like an underused engine. He pried his eyes away from Misato's hair, and onto her face. It was one of clear concern.

"Shinji, are you alright?" The woman asked, her dark eyes locked on him.

 _"_ Uh- I... I didn't... think I'd see you." Shinji tried his best, passing the shopping basket from one hand to the other. "...Here."

Misato's smiled with amusement, her brows furrowing slightly.

"Uh, really? A lot of people shop here, though..." Misato replied, tilting her head in confusion. "Besides, isn't that my line? Where have _you_ been?"

 _I... what the hell am I saying?_

"R-right. Sorry." Shinji apologized, glancing at the floor. "I've been... a-around."

"He's been in his room." Asuka corrected him, practically shoulder checking her way around him to his side, despite ample room around them. "That's not an understatement, by the by."

"A- _Asuka_!"Shinji groaned, blushing.

" _There_ we go." Asuka gave him another bump for good measure. She pointed to herself, looking at Misato. "I'm Asuka. Misato, was it? Nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you got it." Misato smiled, chuckling slightly. "Nice to meet you too."

Asuka turned to Shinji with a sharp glare. "Take note, Shinji. _That's_ how normal people converse. Not... _this_."

The redhead was gesturing at him; Shinji was suddenly more aware of his body. Shrunken profile, arms still fumbling with the basket... he straightened up at the sudden scrutiny. "Whatever. You have... n-no tact, you know that?"

Asuka stuck out her tongue.

Misato shifted uncomfortably at the loaded exchange, but she smirked slightly all the same. "Um... are you two-"

"No." Asuka cut her off, gesturing dismissively. "Friends. Platonic. _Strictly_ so."

"O-oh. I see; I guess I was off." Misato laughed awkwardly. "Sorry, you two just kinda seemed like a spatting couple. I've been there."

Asuka groaned.

"If that's the vibe we give off, I'm _done_ going out in public with you. Find a new babysitter." She sighed.

Shinji swung the shopping basket roughly, accidentally smashing it into the nearby shelf. The crash caused Shinji to jump, before re-assuming his spirited response.

"L-like I said, _you've_ been the one dragging me everywhere!" Shinji shouted at the girl.

Misato coughed awkwardly. "Uh, y'know if you guys would rather me head out... I don't want to cause anything..."

Snapping his head back towards Misato, Shinji started shaking his head furiously.

"N-no-no!" He assured her, walking closer to her. "S-sorry! I didn't mean to-"

Misato laughed again. "Don't worry about it, Shinji. You're just a lot... _jumpier_ then I remember, what's up?"

"He probably just has the hots for you." Asuka interjected casually leaning against the shelves and staring resignedly elsewhere. "Or maybe cause you're just a girl; I don't know, really. He seems to have forgotten how to interact with _our kind_ after hiding inside his room for so long."

Misato muffled laughter at the statement made Shinji even more self-conscious.

"ASUKA!" Shinji turned around nearly flailing, his outburst yet again drawing in attention from nearby shoppers. The young man could almost feel himself breaking into a cold sweat.

Misato grabbed his shoulder from behind; an action that made Shinji's hairs stand on end. Turning around rigidly, his stress was somewhat alleviated by the warm smile that met him.

"It's alright, Shinji. I didn't mean anything by it; you just seemed a bit on edge, is all." She assured him, shrugging. "I'm glad I was able to see you again, actually. You kinda disappeared, back then."

 _ **I, no... I can't have this conversation here...** _ Shinji thought worriedly. **_I don't want to have it at all..._**

Misato's curious gaze begged for validation. Meanwhile, Shinji could practically feel the icy glare of Asuka burrowing into the back of his head.

 _ **This is why I don't leave... This is why... damn it,**_ "This is why..."

"Huh?" Misato asked, letting go of his shoulder. "This is why... what?"

 ** _It... just slipped out. Oh... no... I'm talking to myself, for god's sake! I'm losing it..._**

Shinji glanced back at Misato. He focused on her hair; he couldn't meet her eyes. He took a deep breath.

 _Just breathe. Ask her. You know you want to._

"Misato, w-would you be okay with coming to dinner t-tonight?"

Shinji heard a sharp slapping noise coming from behind him. Looking back, he saw that it was indeed Asuka's palm connecting directly with her forehead.

"You're putting the cart before the horse there, Shinji." She complained, sighing.

"Uh... what?" Misato asked, clearly taken aback. "Dinner? With you? Shinji, I..."

 _No! Not again... I don't need to hear this._

"W-with friends! N-neighbors! Dinner with! Them..." He cut her off, his explanation coming out uneven and jagged. He tried again. "I'm having people over... I think it'd be g-good to catch up, y-you know?"

 _Just say yes._

"Um..." Misato shifted, looking to be deep in thought, if not a bit uncomfortable. "I don't have any _plans_ , I think. Sure! You gotta promise to fill me in on these past few years, though, okay?"

The request filled Shinji's fear with a heavy sort of doubt, and he found himself shrinking again. "A-alright." He forced himself to smile.

 _Who am I kidding..._

 **~:~:~:~:~:~**

* * *

 **~:~:~:~:~:~**

"That chick was pretty hot _._ "

Shinji nearly choked on the carrot he was eating. Absorbed in chopping up vegetables, Shinji was not ready for that statement, to say the least.

 _What the hell... out of nowhere..._

The walk back to Shinji's apartment, after an awkward goodbye from Misato and some more tedious browsing, had actually been surprisingly quiet. While Asuka buried herself in her cellphone, Shinji was content to keep to himself and process what exactly had transpired in that supermarket.

 _What are the odds?_ He repeated the words to himself again and again as they moved continuously closer to somewhere more comfortable. More _predictable_.

Well, comfortable save for the redheaded girl now sitting next to his kotatsu, a cozy place usually reserved for Shinji alone. Asuka hadn't said much since they arrived, though, still clearly occupied with her handheld technology.

Well, hadn't said much until _now_.

"E- _excuse me_?" Shinji demanded, turning back to Asuka, eyes glued to the small screen in her hands. " _Pretty hot_?"

"What? She is!" Asuka defended herself, prying her eyes away. "Don't try and take the high road on this one, I saw how you were drooling over her!"

Shinji sighed and opted not to respond, instead turning back to the task at hand; cooking a meal for three.

 ** _Four..._** Shinji mentally corrected himself. **_What have I done?_**

Chopping up some more vegetables, Shinji found himself getting increasingly annoyed at the incessant tapping noises coming from behind him; asuka's long nails caused quite a racket when she was texting.

"You wanna help, or something?" Shinji called out bitterly, though he said with a hushed tone, fearing for the response.

He could hear her get up from the floor and start walking over. Shinji tensed up, unsure what was coming.

Asuka approached him from behind, peeking from around his shoulder at the pile of chopped veggies he was amassing.

" _Well._.. I was gonna clean like I said I would, but _go figure_ you'd have already done that before I showed up this morning. Must've been really gross, huh?" She snickered evil. "Oh well, that's fine by me."

"Can you just slice this beef up? Make it thin so it'll last." Shinji deflected her question, gesturing at the aforementioned meat.

 ** _There's no way I was gonna let her sift through that goddamn mess..._ **_**I'd never hear the end of it...** _

"Yeah yeah..." Asuka responded, grabbing a fresh knife from a bag. "You're real lucky I brought over all this crap, y'know? How do you even live with just a rice cooker."

Shinji had to admit it was impressive, if only to himself. A hot plate, pots, pans, utensils... all brand new.

"I said thanks this morning..." Shinji muttered, feeling embarrassed. "Are _you_ not _lucky_ for having all this stuff in the _first place_? All this fancy western stuff, did your parents-"

"Who _cares_. God, shut up!" Asuka snapped, roughly grabbing the raw beef. "Or what, do you wanna talk about how you can afford this apartment? I'm sure _your parents_ would-"

"Alright! Sorry!" Shinji cut her off, shaking his head. "I... you're right. It's none of my business... _thank you_ for helping me. I'm **sorry**."

"Yeah... _whatever_." Asuka mumbled quietly, before beginning to slice the meat up.

Shinji couldn't help but catch some long glances at the girl; the dull frown that plastered her face at the moment stood in stark contrast to the crackling and lively expressions that she had been donning all day. Shinji didn't always appreciate the near-constant confrontations and challenges that Asuka offered him; her smirks and victorious smiles as she lectured him caused him to get defensive sometimes. But he couldn't deny that it was partly due to that part of her personality that he found himself where he was now... trying to venture back to how things were before, maybe _better_.

 ** _What a mess of a relationship this is... but..._**

"I've been a mess all day... going out into a crowded space like that... running into Misato..." Shinji began carefully, breaking into the stuffy silence between them. "I'm _sorry_ for being-"

"Stop. Just.. stop apologizing so much." Asuka rebutted him, clearly frustrated. "They stop _meaning_ anything, when you throw them out all the time like that."

"You... want this conversation to _mean_ something?" Shinji let his guard down, allowing himself to laugh slightly. "I might be way off the mark here, but I figured you were just killing time here so that you could not-so-innocently get in on this dinner of mine."

Asuka scoffed, but let slip a smile.

"You're not _wrong_ , Shinji." Her smile widen. "But yes, I do. If I'm going to force myself to spend all this time with you, I'd prefer it if it was spent with us... with _you_ being a bit more honest with me. Not hiding behind that huge... barrier of anxious energy."

"That right? And _you've_ been honest with _me_?" Shinji asked in return, placing down the vegetables he was working on. "There's nothing behind your barrier of... uh..."

"Don't finish that sentence Shinji." Asuka cut him off prematurely, pointing her knife at him.

"I was just gonna say... you act really tough but..." Shinji explained, carefully wording.

"Alright, alright." Asuka butted in again, sighing. "How about this, okay? You tell me about how this whole hikkimori thing started... oh, and also about that smoking hot chick too."

Shinji sighed himself. "You don't want to know about that..."

"I do, you _bumbletard_. Besides, what I was _going to say_ is... In return, you can ask _me_ something about myself too. That's fair, right?"

The proposition took Shinji by surprise. He was made uncomfortable by it, and he could tell she wasn't that confident about it either; Asuka's eyes were locked carefully on her cutting board in supposed disinterest, but her silence and mindless fumbling with her knife seemed to beg Shinji for a response.

"I wanna know... about you and Kaji."

"Jeez. Didn't see that coming _at all_ '." Asuka drawled sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Aw cmon! Give me a break, you probably _want_ to talk about it-"

"Just shut up! You go first!" Asuka reprimanded him, her cheeks reddening slightly.

"Uh... okay..." Shinji began, taking a deep breath. "I guess I should start... at freshman year of university. My _only_ year."

...

"That's when I met _her_. Things really got mucked up after that..."


	5. Welcome to Memories

_**Two Years Ago...**_

"So wait... _this_ is the 'Computer Research and Technology" club?"

Shinji looked at the raven-haired woman expectantly; Misato was a few years his upperclassman, so it seemed a reasonable question.

After all, the pair just walked into a _bar_. Two weeks ago, when the women recruited him into the club, she had promised that club activities would get going once all the year-opening 'shenanigans' has settled down.

But as Misato walked over to a booth and plopped herself down proudly with a grin, Shinji had a feeling he had walked into some kind of prank.

"I was wondering where you were taking me... why here? Where's the rest of the club?" He asked, following her reluctantly to the booth.

Misato laughed, as she waved down a nearby waitress. "This **is** the club! C'mon, sit!"

Shinji complied, seating himself across from her in the booth. "E-excuse me?"

Shinji looked around nervously, trying to see if he was indeed being made fun of.

"I know it's not exactly what I promised-" Misato began, smiling.

"You said you worked with computers. How is this **remotely** -"

Shinji had to stop himself from shouting, as a waitress approached them. He smiled sheepishly at the woman, who returned her own.

"I'll have a beer, please; whatever's cheap!" Misato chimed in, looking excited. "Shinji will have the same, _right_?"

Misato's expectant smile, though probably genuine, didn't' exactly look innocent.

"I'll have a _cola_." Shinji added, annoyed. "I don't drink."

Misato pouted as the waitress left; the expression pulled at Shinji's heartstrings enough he almost reconsidered. But he had principles to stick to... right?

"You know, I was afraid you'd say that, Shinji-boy." Misato leaned back into her seat, stretching. "Such a straight-laced, strapping young man, walking into our clubroom with eager eyes."

Shinji felt his face heat up. "What are you getting at..."

Shinji remembered that day, a few weeks ago. It was recruitment day for the clubs, but he found himself too embarrassed to approach any of the tables, littered with upperclassmen in lively conversations with the more confident freshman. Preferring instead to read the list of clubs, he stumbled upon the 'Computer Research and Technology' club. They didn't even have a booth set up, nor offered an explanation or description about what they did. Still, Shinji dutifully searched for the clubroom that afternoon, hoping to find similarly shy computer-geeks like himself. Instead he stumbled upon... well, Misato.

"I just thought it'd be fun to _corrupt_ you is all." Misato responded, bring Shinji out of his memories. She dramatically collapsed onto the table, feigning exhaustion. "It's a natural stage of college life. But... you're as much a _stickler_ as you look, I guess."

"Y'know, I get what you're doing here..." Shinji warned the woman, not buying into her theatrics. "You're just calling me all those things so that I'll try to prove you wrong and _drink_ , right?"

Misato stared at the boy with a deadpan expression, still resting her head on the table. Shinji felt unsurprisingly uncomfortable with the locked eye-contact.

"Shinji, you're not _wrong_... but after _that_ response I'm starting to believe you might actually be a stickler." She responded, voice dead of emotion. "And there's no room for _sticklers_ in the Computer Research and Technology club."

Shinji rolled his eyes at the name, groaning. "How can you even still call it that, we're at _a bar_!"

"If i tell you, will you drink with me?" Misato asked, sitting up straight. Her charming smile disarmed Shinji perhaps more easily than it should've.

 ** _This woman..._**

"F-fine." Shinji mumbled, defeated.

Misato fist-pumped triumphantly, and as if on a timer, the waitress showed up with their drinks. Misato sent the woman back to the bartender with clear instructions; a bottle of sake to split.

"I can't afford that..." Shinji groaned at Misato.

"Doesn't matter~ we can just use the club's budget to drink! We usually do this every couple weeks, isn't that _awesome_?" The woman replied laughing.

" _Awesome_? How is that even _allowed_?" Shinji shouted exasperatedly.

"Well... you have the club president to thank." Misato replied, sighing. "Though he's not even really part of the club anymore. He's still technically a student, but he's been off spending some _research grant_ for months now."

"I-I see." Shinji said timidly. He could almost see that the explanation was draining the fun out of Misato's expression. "I'm sorry, I was just confused... doesn't the university get angry?"

"The ol' president submits some useful coding and programs every once in a while, under the clubs name. Something for the schools website, or database or whatever. He's really good with computers, and the university seems fine to fund our club in the meantime."

"Sounds like a kind of... weird arrangement." Shinji lamented, as the bottle of sake arrived at the table, alongside two small glasses.

"Enough about the club, okay?" Misato sighed, pulling the bottle close. "Let's drink!"

Shinji couldn't help but feel nervous, as the beaming woman handed him a glass.

 ** _First time for everything... I guess._**

 **~:~:~:~:~:~**

* * *

 **~:~:~:~:~:~**

"You're telling me you were with that smoking hot girl, alone, in a club essentially designed for drinking booze and messing around?" Asuka asked him with wide eyes, having been surprisingly silent throughout Shinji's recollections

"Uh, yeah. That's essentially it." Shinji answered simply, smiling.

"Well... okay, I have a _very important question_." Asuka began, looking "like she was still wrapping her head around the story. "Be honest, you fucked her, right?"

Shinji couldn't help but choke on air a bit, somehow still unprepared for Asuka's blunt words. He had to recollect himself before speaking:

"How is that an _important question_?"

"Because, if you somehow managed to fuck up _so badly_ that you **didn't** sleep with her, then I'm beginning to understand how you ended up like this!"

Shinji blushed heavily."I... I _did not_ sleep with her. We were good friends, and-"

"What?! But you obviously had a thing for her right? In fact, don't even _answer_ that question. You _have_ a thing for this woman."

Shinji felt defenseless. Asuka was dead on the truth, and she knew it clearly. "...so what if I do?"

"So what?! Shinji, you're a _virgin_ , right?" Asuka probed him, glaring.

"Pff- I what! You... but why... I... _why does that even matter_?!" Shinji shouted, holding his head in his hands.

"You had this woman... well, _she_ had _you_ in the palm of her hand! How do you mess that up!" Asuka grabbed his arm, shaking it roughly. "You just had to be a little proactive, man!"

Shinji pulled away from Asuka, shaking free form her grip.

"I was proactive! I... I spent tons of time with her in that clubroom..." Shinji explained, staring at the floor. "We were really close by the end of the year... _then I_... I told her how I felt..."

Asuka groaned, shaking her head. "No, no, idiot... I mean, it was _obvious_ , even just from your story, that Misato was still hung up on that club president guy. What made you think she was gonna respond well to you confessing to her like that?"

Shinji narrowed his eyes in a confused glare. "You.. you were asking if I slept with her! Clearly you figured we-"

"No, Shinji... goddammit, that was _just_ a _textbook_ rebound situation; that's **it**." Asuka explained, leaning against the wall. "I mean, it reads like some shitty romcom _script_! The hot senior feels unappreciated by their douchey boyfriend, but then meets some sweet talking, younger, good-looking freshman? Tell me that doesn't scream _hookup_ to you!"

"Wait... you think I'm _good looking_?" Shinji asked sheepishly, still caught up on her words.

"You _FUCKING_..." Asuka began, before forcing herself to calm down if only slightly "Listen, Misato _clearly_ just wanted a **fling** to forget about that _other guy_. You know? The other, smart, successful guy who _happens_ to not be around much cause he's just _that_ smart? Why in the _everloving fuck_ would she give up that kind of catch for a guy like **you**?"

"Ouch." Shinji cringed.

"Don't give me _that_ , you know it's true! Look, if it makes you feel any better... I'll admit you're _easier on the eyes_ than most guys I meet but... for Christ's sake Shinji, you're a nervous wreck and can barely function! Not exactly _dating material_ , right?"

Having been bombarded by the redhead's rant, Shinji felt her harsh words nevertheless resonate within him. They weren't words that _he himself_ hadn't thought two years ago... but he was also hopelessly naive back then.

"I know you're right, but... I really did l-love her..." Shinji mumbled, frustrated. "Besides, I wasn't really a nervous wreck back then... but after she rejected me..."

Asuka started laughing, much to Shinji's surprise. She was trying to suppress it, but not enough, clearly.

"So _that's_ what this whole hikkikomori thing is about? You got rejected by a girl? Give me a break."

"N-no! It was more than just that... I was having trouble with school and everyone's expectations of me. Then my best friend Kensuke left... and in turn the more time I spent with Misato the more my grades suffered. Her rejecting me was just the last straw; I had nothing left at that point, and I couldn't even face my dad with the way my grades were. I just sort of... hid in my room and waited for things to come crashing down. But they never did."

"What do you mean, 'come crashing down'?" Asuka asked, before grabbing a piece of carrot and popping it in her mouth. "School isn't _everything_ you know, you coulda gotten a job or something... I'm sure your dad woulda be fine with that, at least."

Asuka's casual reassurance, muffled by loud chewing , rubbed Shinji the wrong way.

"My _dad_ is Gendo Ikari." Shinji cut her off bitterly.

"Wait..." Asuka thought aloud, clearly recollecting something. "You mean like the 'Ikari Building', Gendo Ikari? _Your dad_ is the guy they named those fancy new labs after?"

"Yeah, that's him. He's..." Shinji responded, before sighing heavily. "Nevermind."

"What? You can tell me." Asuka prodded Shinji, both verbally and physically. "Trust me, if you wanna complain about your parents, or upbringing or whatever, I can join in myself. My dad's no prize, himself."

Asuka sounded spirited; it was enough to bring Shinji's simmering complaints to a boil.

"I just... ever since my mom died... it was over fifteen years ago, and he still hasn't been the same since. He's buried himself in his work, and left me to our empty house and some tutors. The occasional calls trickled down to almost none, and now..."

Asuka didn't respond right away, leaving Shinji to feel a bit uncomfortable with the silence following his words. He wasn't exactly sure how he'd gotten to this point, bringing his heart to bare for a girl he had only met a week ago. That being said, Asuka wasn't scoffing or laughing, but rather seemed to be considering her own words carefully.

"I lost my mom too, a long time ago." Asuka replied simply, her usual emotional rapport considerably more restrained. "My dad... he thinks he can just throw money and gifts at me and call it parenting but... it's not."

"It's _not_." Shinji repeated, smiling if only slightly. " _My_ dad clearly knows about my dropping out and failing... I mean, he's part of the school's faculty. But... he never phoned or visited. He just, kept sending money. It's been two years now, and no contact. He doesn't care; not that I do, either."

Asuka laughed. Shinji stiffened up in confusion.

"I'm sorry!" Asuka reassured him, looking at his offended face. "I'm just... surprised how similar we are. I never would've thought it is all.

Shinji's glare softened, chuckling himself. "It _is_ kind of funny, isn't it."

"I mean, to be fair, I'm _much_ more well-adjusted than you, but I digress." Asuka, adding in a self-reassuring nod.

Shinji groaned, before returning to the task at hand out of frustration. They had almost finished chopping up all the ingredients for the shabu-shabu. It was a dish Shinji liked, but never really made. He and Misato had sometimes made it in the clubroom, conveniently ignoring school policy on open flames.

 _ **Something about cooking the food together...**_ Shinji thought, smiling contently. **_That, and having people to cook with, period. It's nice._**

"Look at Mr. All-Smiles over here..." Asuka said, elbowing him in the side. "What'd I tell you, opening up about these things helps, right?"

"Says you; you have't even held up your end of the deal and told me about Kaji." Shinji reminded her, elbowing her back.

"Huh? Oh... well I met Kaji back in the U.S. He was this really hot assistant prof who was _super smart_ and stuff, and I started getting this huge crush on him. Near the end of the year, I tried to talk him into dating me, but he kept using these excuses like 'conflict of interest, and 'maybe another time, another place', even though I could totally tell he had a thing for me too; like he was totally giving me more help in class, than any other... A-anyways, after he left at the end of last semester, I did some _nosing around_ and found out which University he was going to. I was honestly pretty tired of America, and _screw_ going back to Germany with my dad, so I asked dad for the money to study abroad somewhere else, and well... you get my dad, right? It didn't take a lot of convincing."

Asuka took a deep breath.

"I guess... In short, I basically _stalked_ Kaji back here and, well, tried my luck with him again. You know the rest, really. Found him holed up in an apartment with that _blue-haired bitch_."

Shinji waited a moment before responding; he wasn't sure if her rant was over just yet. It was.

"That was the, uh, _truncated_ version, right?" Shinji asked nervously.

"Well, not everyone has to go on a super detailed recollective journey about their _lost love_ , Shinji." Asuka replied, smirking. "This way, _I_ save time and _you_ know only the essentials."

"S-sure, but I still feel a bit lost. What compels a girl to travel _halfway across the globe_ for a... ' _hot assistant professor_ '?" Shinji used the words bashfully.

Asuka let lose some of her usual English expletives, before turning back to him. "Cmon Shinji! I mean you've _met_ the guy yourself. You invited him over to dinner; _you_ a _hikkikomori_. Do you not kinda get where I'm coming from here? The guy's just... I dunno, _magnetic_. He draws people close to him, but he's just secretive enough to keep people curious. It's... fucking infuriating if you ask me. But, I'm caught up in it all the same."

Shinji thought about it for a second. He did have to admit Kaji had something about him that drew him out of his shell and made him feel comfortable. Shinji could say the same about his current redheaded companion, though... with _her_ it was less the gentle personality, and more of a relentless brutal honesty that disarmed him... not that he would share that information aloud.

"You think Rei... the blue-haired girl is feeling the same thing?" Shinji asked carefully.

A rapping on the door caused the two to jump slightly.

"Yo, Shinji!" A voice called in from outside. It was clearly one of Ryoji Kaji. "It's me, and Rei! Open up, would ya?"

Shinji quickly glanced over at his computer, and gasped a bit at how much the time had passed. Looking back at Asuka, he could see a wide smile forming on her lips. The smile made Shinji feel quite uneasy, and it wasn't hard to guess why.

"I have my _own_ ideas about her." Asuka chuckled. "Either way, we're about to find out, aren't we?"

" _ **We**_?" Shinji asked slowly, and desperately at that.

"Look, I'm not climbing out of the window, Shinji." Asuka answered with some force. "You're guests are here, and I am too. Let's make this work, alright?"

"Work for me, or work for _you_?" Shinji groaned, before another knock on the door brought him to a worried silence. "You're not gonna mess this up for me, right? You won't make a scene with the weird girl?"

"Noooo way." Asuka assured him, still wearing that smile. "Look, _me and you_ , we're cut from the same cloth, right? We _understand_ each other now."

Asuka caught herself on her words, "It's kinda gross to say that, actually."

"Asuka..."

"I _will not_ mess up your precious dinner, Shinji." Asuka finished, rolling her eyes. "There, happy?"

Shinji sighed heavily.

 ** _I got way too caught up talking with her..._** Shinji thought, bitterly. On second consideration, though, Shinji felt his tightened chest loosen up slightly. Part of him felt at ease, maybe even _excited_ that this dinner he had planned so haphazardly had brought in _yet another..._ friend.

It was a sign of progress, he felt.

"I... trust you Asuka. You know that, right?" Shinji said finally, before walking to the door. "I _trust you_."

The girl smiled and nodded silently, as Shinji opened the door with a fair bit of hesitation.

 ** _I'm an idiot..._**


	6. Welcome to Happenchance (II)

**_Thanks again to MisterHalt for the review! I real do appreciate feedback, and it makes me want to keep writing as soon as possible! Let me know how I'm doing, and what you'd like to see!_**

 ** _Thanks for reading, everyone!_**

* * *

"Uh... can't say I was expecting _you_ to be here, Asuka."

Kaji looked uncomfortable with the situation to say the least. He, Asuka, Shinji and the ever-unusual Rei were sitting around Shinji's kotatsu. It was a cramped arrangement, but comfy. Well, in theory at least.

"Well, you're not the _only_ one with a charitable attitude. I was helping Shinji here get ready for _socializing_." Asuka explained, tapping her fingers against the kotasu's top all the while. She put a sarcastic spin on the last word, making Shinji feel embarrassed. "Don't read much into it, alright?"

Kaji laughed gently. "I wouldn't worry about that; just surprised, is all. Can't say I expected you two to spend time together after how you first met."

Shinji had to nod at that, almost reflexively. It _was_ pretty weird.

"I didn't either, really. But life's funny like that, ain't it?" Asuka shrugged, before her eyes wandered away not-so-innocently over to Rei. "Kind of like how she's here, even though you swore up and down that she didn't exist? Funny."

"U-um, yeah, funny. Oh, speaking of... are you okay with this, Rei?" Kaji asked his companion in a moment of realization, while conveniently avoiding Asuka's prying. "I know this is more people than I had promised."

Shinji coughed uncomfortably. "There's _another_ person coming, actually."

"Another? Shinji, I-" Kaji responded with some force.

"I am... okay. For now." Rei interjected simply, eyes darting to Kaji. "Don't worry."

Rei's strikingly sanguine eyes dart with precision again, now landing on Shinji. "Ikari intends no harm. He is... subdued."

"I'm... what?" Shinji asked, tilting his head in confusion.

"Uh... Rei here has a... _rudimentary_ grasp of Japanese. It can be difficult for her to get her thoughts across, right?" Kaji explained before glancing back at the blue-haired, red-eyed girl.

Rei nodded.

"Riiiight. And where exactly are you _from_ , Rei?" Asuka asked, with some clear restraint. "Where does one acquire such... phenotypic traits? Or is that just, uh, a _fashion statement_."

Rei stared back at the girl. "My appearance makes you feel threatened?"

"E- _excuse me_?" Asuka asked, taken aback.

"R-Rei..." Kaji chuckled rigidly, nudging her in the arm. "Let's be nice! We're guests, remember?"

Rei nods again, before turning to Shinji. "I am sorry, Ikari."

"N-no! W-we don't want to make you uncomfortable, Rei..." Shinji concedes, frowning. "It's just... interesting to meet someone, uh, _foreign_. We'll try not to... _overwhelm you._ "

Shinji looked to his side expectantly.

 _" **Right**_ **,** Asuka?"

"...what are you looking at _me_ for? I may have a question or two... I mean the girl has blue... and red.." Asuka glared spitefully at Shinji, before trailing off.

Everyone at the table shared an awkward silence.

"What?! I'm just... goddamnit." She sighed heavily. "Whatever. Shinji, you got any beer?"

Shinji shook his head heavily. "Not at the moment, since erm..."

Shinji sent a sidelong glance to Rei, who looked preoccupied with the posters of anime characters adorning his walls.

 ** _She drank all that beer?_**

"...I don't have any beer, no." Shinji finished dutifully. "I could go get us some, though..."

Kaji nodded contently. "I don't think that's needed, personally. We don't need booze to have a good night, right?"

Shinji had to ponder for a moment, about what it would be like for a girl like Rei to drink heavily, as she allegedly did after they first met. The girl was emotionally blunt, and gave away almost nothing in the way she talked, or carried herself. But apparently his 'gift' that night was enough of a problem for Kaji to request he refrain from offering her more booze the day after.

"Laaaaame." Asuka responded, throwing her head back in frustration. "I just wanted everyone to _loosen up_. Can we start eating at least?"

Asuka was in the process of reaching towards the array of meats, vegetables and mushrooms. All were laid out neatly, next to the hotpot that was currently simmering enticingly.

Shinji smacked her hand lightly. "It's rude if we don't wait for Misato. She should be here any minute now."

"Yeah, either that or she _bailed_. Can't say I'd blame her; dealing with _clingy, crushy_ guys is kinda a hassle." Asuka responded, smirking knowingly.

"Right, because you don't know anything about being _clingy_ , right?" Shinji mumbled, facing away from the girl.

"What was _that,_ idiot-Shinji?"

"Ahem." Kaji clears his throat roughly, looking concerned. "Sorry if this seems like a stretch, but this **Misato** you're talking about... isn't _Misato Katsuragi_ , is it?"

The man's preicison left Shinji speechless for a moment. "...yeah, that's her. You know her?"

Kaji scratched his beard thoughtfully, before shaking his head in apparent disbelief. "Uh, you could say that. Shinji... does the name 'Computer Research and Technology' ring any bells to you?"

A moment of silent filled the room as some gears shifted into place, and connections were made.

"You... are _you_ the president?" Shinji asked in a hushed tone, pointing at the man.

"And _you_ must be the... freshman I read about in her emails." Kaji nodded, laughing in disbelief. "What are _the odds_?"

"God damn..." Asuka rapped on the kotatsu-top, garnering attention her way. "So essentially, by _complete accident_... Shinji has somehow arranged a gathering of Kaji's... **_pet projects_**."

Kaji burst out laughing, catching practically everyone off guard. Well, except Rei, who maintained her silent observation.

"I'm sorry. You just make it sound so... intentional." Kaji explained intermittently, having to subdue his laughter. "Do you take me for some kind of... _collector of misfits_?'

"The fact that you came up with such an accurate title for yourself in that short a pause speaks volumes, Kaji." Asuka said, rolling her eyes. "I'm sure everyone here knows all about how you _reach out_ to people, seemingly out of the goodness of your heart... Though I can't say I speak for **_Misato_** -"

Some knocks on the door cut into Asuka's words.

"T-that must be her." Shinji stated hurriedly, getting up from the tatami floor.

"Okay, what the flying fuck **is happening**? Is this shit scripted?" Asuka shouted out, raising her arms in disbelief. " _Tell me_ that wasn't eerily convenient timing?"

As Shinji walked towards the door, straightening his clothes out all the while, he finished by shrugging and glancing back at Asuka. "Well, we don't know it's her for sure... though I don't get many unannounced visitors."

Turning the knob, the door opened to indeed reveal Misato, carrying a shopping bag full of beer.

"Hello~..." Her voice called out from outside, in some attempt at merriment. The positivity, though, ended at her first step indoors and past Shinji.

Her attention splitting haphazardly between Kaji and Rei, the woman seemed at a lost for words. "Uh, Shinji... who..."

Kaji, meanwhile, was just staring at her. The fact that Rei was right next to him staring herself made the whole situation quite uncomfortable, and not just for Misato.

"I, uh, had a bit of an unexpected meeting with Mr. President." Shinji chuckled nervously, inching up closer to Misato in the doorway. "Funny how things happen, huh?"

Misato, meanwhile was still staring warily at Kaji.

"Uh... can I take your coat?" Shinji asked, tugging at the aforementioned piece of clothing.

The words fell on deaf ears.

"Yo, Misato." Kaji said finally, a sly smile growing on his face.

Misato stayed eerily silent as Shinji gingerly slid the coat off of her shoulder.

"I'll just... take this for you." Shinji said carefully. "Stay a while?"

Misato, now without a coat, was fully exposed to the world. She was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, complemented by some sneakers that were clearly worn in. The hoodie had a picture of a cartoon cat on it, making it have a vaguely childish vibe.

"Y'know, it's been a while since I've seen you in those clothes." Kaji chuckled, partially covering his face with a hand. "The messy hair too; it's kinda nostalgic"

Misato's eyes narrowed sharply, as her cheeks grew a deep shade of red. "Y-you know what, I've _soured_ on the idea of this dinner. Give me my _FUCKING_ COAT BACK, SHINJI _."_

She reached for the coat, but Shinji pulled away defiantly. "C-cmon Misato! It's just Kaji! _Please_ stay!"

"Exactly! It **is** Kaji!" Misato rebutted, grasping at the jacket. "Some other time, Shinji, _some other **company**! Give it here!_ "

"Just let the woman _leave_ , Shinji..." Asuka called out, glancing disinterested at the doorway. "Can't say I'm too thrilled with Kaji's _old flame_ showing u- **HOLY SHIT** "

Misato's coat came flying into the apartment, having been thrown desperately by Shinji as an awkward latch ditch tactic. Scrunched up into a messy mound, the coat acted as an unfortunate airborne projectile... that connected directly with the hotpot on the kotatsu.

Hot water splashed onto the table and onto the tatami floor, leaving Misato's coat horribly soaked.

Asuka and Kaji practically dived away from the scalding water, while Rei seemed more than content to stay put and get hit with the residual bits of the splash. Unbothered and calm, the blue-haired girl walked over to the drenched coat and picked it up.

"Your coat needs to dry." Rei states, simply presenting the coat visually to Misato. "It will take some time."

"That's _convenient_." Misato stated bitterly, before looking at Shinji with dagger-like eyes.

"Good going, you fucking clod!" Asuka yelled, double-checking to see that her own clothes had gone untouched.

"Uh, I'll just go boil some more water..." Shinji slunk away guiltily. "Make yourself at home, Misato?"

" _Misato_?"

Sighing, Misato expectantly looked over at Kaji. The man's eyes were still glued expectantly on her. The woman crossed her arms, conveniently covering the cute cat logo on her hoodie.

"That was the plan, Shinji-boy. That _was_ the plan. _Now_ I'm not so sure, though."

"You're embarrassment is unwarranted. Kaji finds your clothing... comforting." Rei assured Misato, walking over to hand her coat in proper. "...and it would mean much to Ikari for you to remain here."

"Shes... uh, not wrong." Shinji laughed, while carefully picking up the hotpot with some rags. "Please stay, Misato?"

"I... h-huh?" Misato responded nervously, before glancing down at the soaking coat. "Wait, Isn't that coat... _hot_? It's practically steaming."

"It _is_ hot." Rei responded simply, staring at Misato. Soon enough though, she turned and walked away. "Very well."

The strange girl draped the coat over a nearby computer chair, and sat back down next to Kaji. The whole sequence left the room a bit confused.

"Uh, _okay_..." Misato responded, scratching her head. Looking back at Kaji, the man shrugged and smiled. "Ugh, whatever, I need a _drink_. Fuckin' long day at work..." She finished, placing the bag of beer onto the table. Her butt soon followed the downwards trend, sitting herself at the kotatsu.

"And here we were, just discussing how we didn't need to drink tonight." Kaji chuckled, resting his chin on his hands, elbows casually placed on the table.

" _Piss off_ , Kaji." Misato shot back, cracking open a beer. "Last thing I need tonight is you getting smart with me..."

Asuka laughed, nodding eagerly at Misato. "Yeah, yeah! It can be pretty annoying, huh? He may have his looks and charms, but sometimes it seems like he _pretends_ to know things just to act all _mysterious_."

Misato nearly choked on her beer at the comment. "Y'know, you sound like a _smart girl_ , Asuka. Take it from me, Don't waste it on this _slime bag_..."

Kaji took a deep, labored breath. "I guess it's my turn to be scrutinized, huh?"

"Damn straight it is... Asuka, let me tell you about this guy... I have some juicy secrets."

" _Ooh_ , do tell!"

As the kotatsu, cramped yet cozy, erupted with lively accusations and defenses, Shinji smiled. Filling up the hotpot with fresh water from his tiny bathroom sink, he couldn't even see what was happening. Nonetheless, he smiled. Returned happily back to his group of friends, he wore his grin with a strange sense of accomplishment.

* * *

 ** _SEVERAL HOURS LATER..._**

Shinji Ikari reached for the bag of beer.

It was empty, for once. The amply filled bag had been reduced to a wispy husk, sometimes budging at the urging of the nearby A/C unit.

Shinji Ikari reached for some food.

Empty, too. The once excessive amount of food he had purchase had been reduced to crumbs and pieces.

"We ate all that? We **_drank_** all that?" Shinji asked himself aloud, feeling confused. "Huh? Already?"

He turned expectantly to Asuka for an answer, but she was too busy staring suspiciously at Kaji and Misato.

"You know, Shinji..." Asuka drawled out tiredly, before finishing the last swig of her own beer. "I think... I may have been worried about the _wrong girl._ "

Kaji and Misato were absorbed in their own conversation, probably about some past college experience they shared. Shinji had lost interest this point, if he was being honest with himself. Regardless, the tone of their conversation had lost almost all adversity; a trend not innocently relative to the amount of beer the two had consumed as well.

"Shhhiiiitt..." Asuka hissed quietly, turning to Shinji. "Just look at them go... talk-talk-talk."

Shinji chuckled, the laughing causing him to feel a bit tipsy. "Welll, they _are_ old friends. Why, what are you so worried about..."

Asuka smacked him in the head,a bit unnecessary by any measure, but she was drunk enough for Shinji to let it slide.

"What do you think, dumbass? They obviously still have the hots for each other! I mean, she has fuckin' _sweatpants_ on and he's been looking at her like shes a _piece of meat_! Meanwhile I get all dressed up... fuck" Asuka ranted quietly, sighing heavily.

"Y-you look nice, Asuka!" Shinji assured her, feeling a bit emboldened. "Really pretty."

Asuka straightened her clothing out; she was wearing a sundress like she often did... Shinji's eyes drifted to her exposed legs, and perhaps remained there for too long.

Another smack to the head.

"Fuckin... idiot." Asuka managed, clearly flushed in the face. "Look, I'm just _pissed_ that I can see the _writing on the wall_ here. I don't think I stand much of a chance when they have history like this... like Christ, they don't shut up!"

"S-sure.. but ** _friends_** talk a lot too..." Shinji tried to comfort her. patting her on the head. "Cheer up, Asuka."

The arguably patronizing action was put to a swift end as Asuka elbowed him in the side.

"Keep your distance, shrimp."

"Asuka is correct. They have deeply held admiration for one another." A calm voice stated from behind them. The blunt interjection made both of them jump slightly.

Asuka and Shinji turned their heads to see it was Rei, who had apparently left to use the facilities without anyone's notice; even _Kaji's_ , who had been keeping eager tabs on her for most of the night. His animated and drunken conversation with Misato was commanding his attention elsewhere, clearly.

"You know, you're really fuckin' weird, Blue, but for once I agree with what you're saying." Asuka slurred out, sounding defeated. "Those two are _totally_ gonna bang later."

"Asuka..."

"There is an animalistic nature to it... yes." Rei agreed, staring blankly at the pair across the table.

" _You_ too, Rei?"

Asuka scoffed at Shinji's agape mouth. "Will you _shut up_ , Shinji? You're the only one who doesn't see this shit. You're probably just don't want to admit it 'cause you still got a thing for Misato."

"I would disagree. Ikari has spent most of tonight engrossed with _you_ , Asuka." Rei argued briefly, before siting down back in her spot.

Shinji had to content himself with merely sitting in embarrassed silence for that one, as he lacked the necessary beer for a proper spit-take.

"R-really? N-no! _What-the-fuck-ever..._ frickin' _desperate virgin_ over here would _engross_ himself in anything with tits and a skirt." Asuka scoffed, shaking her head.

Shinji slammed his head on the kotatsu, drawing in the attention of Kaji and Misato.

"I'm actually pretty impressed, Rei." Kaji said, smiling warmly at the girl. "You've been pretty talkative tonight, good on you."

Rei nodded. "People are interesting."

"They are, aren't they?" Kaji chuckled. "Well said. This _has_ been pretty fun. Thanks for inviting us, Shinji."

"Well, thanks-" Shinji began before Asuka raised her hand, essentially blocking his vision off.

"About that, Kaji; you said earlier that she's got _rudimentary_ Japanese, but she's almost got a bigger vocabulary than _me_. And I'm pretty smart."

Shinji scoffed, peeking drunkenly from behind her raised hand. " _Are you_?"

"I'm sorry, have you attended university in Germany, America and Japan, and speak _three languages_ fluently?" Asuka glared at him. "Hm? _Mr. Dropout_?

"I... okay, fine. Point taken." Shinji conceded, slinking back into his sitting position.

Misato leaned in herself, focusing in on Kaji and Rei, who were still sitting next to one another. "I've been meaning to ask you about that, too. Where did she come from? I understand you're just housing her, but, I mean... from _where_? Can you tell us about yourself, sweetie?"

The shifted attention to Rei didn't seem to falter her much. She instead looked to Kaji.

"Rei's told me she's of Japanese descent, but she's never told me where she's from specifically." Kaji explained, shrugging. "Not that it's any of _our business_ to pry into her private life, right Rei?"

Rei nodded, staring at the kotatsu-top intently.

"Sheesh, let the girl speak for _herself_." Asuka complained, before staring down at her phone, currently lying on top of the table. "Ah crap, can I charge my phone, Shinji?"

"Uh... do you have an outlet adapter?" Shinji asked, thrown off by the sudden request.

Asuka got up, stretching her arms heartily. Stumlbing a bit from the drunkeness, she let out a sickly groan. "Nahhhh, but I have a USB cord. Can't I just charge it on your computer? _Cmon_ , it won't take long."

Shinji sighed, annoyed with the girl. "Fine, whatever."

As the redheaded girl marched towards his computer, A lightbult suddenly went off in his head. A giant, blinding red lightbulb.

 ** _Oh god... I never... SHIT!_**

"A-Asuka! Forget about it! Just come back over here." Shinji called out to her frantically.

"Huh? Just let me plug it in, first, _god_." Asuka retorted,sitting down in his computer chair. The girl jumped slightly upon leaning on Misato's coat, still wet and draped over from earlier.

"Asuka! Don't use touch the computer!" Shinji pleaded with her. "Please, just trust me."

"What's up, Shinji?" Misato asked, taking a swig from her beer. "Why're you worked up?"

"I'm interested as well." Kaji smiled playfully, clearly taking some pleasure from his apparent discomfort.

"Ikari is concerned... that you will be cross with him." Rei explained.

Shinji's panicked attention was suddenly shifted to the girl of few words, currently staring at him with her frightening eyes. "R-Rei?"

"Why would I be... cross with him?" Asuka asked, sounding annoyed herself. "I was just gonna charge my fuckin' phone."

"He is very embarassed, unusally so." Rei continued. "He does not want to expose the computer's visual contents... a woman... she looks like you."

" _ **R-REI**_?!" Shinji shouted out, flabergasted.

" **Rei**." Kaji joined in, sounding concerned.

"Wait, really?" Asuka asked warily, looking dumbfounded at Rei. Asuka placed her hand on the mouse, before wriggling it rapidly, bringing the computer screen crackling to life.

A compromising picture was displayed in full detail. A redheadead women was sitting on the edge of a bed... in a very revealing position.

...

...

...

"Is that... porn? Yep, that's _porn_." Misato broke the silence, looking at the screen with straining eyes, thought apparently not embarrassed in the slightest. " _Huh_... it _does_ look like you, Asuka."

"W-w- _what the **fuck**_?" ASuka shouted, before pushing the computer monitor over. It fell behind the desk, toppling loudly into the spce between the desk and the wall. "Jesus Christ you fucking disgusting virgin! I... I'm outta here! Fuck!"

Shinji couldn't do much other than stay silent in embarrassment, as Asuka gathered her things and walked into the doorway. "Asuka... your cooking stuff."

"I don't _give a shit_!"

 ** _Ok. Fair..._**

"Uh... goodnight, Asuka." Kaji called out to to her, looking pretty embarrassed himself. "Have a safe trip."

"Whatever, fuckin' **_Kaji_**." She called out drunkenly, as she opened the door. "Have fun _**banging Misato**_."

Slamming the door, Kaji straightened up with clear discomfort. "Erm... on _that_ note, I think it's time Rei and I went back next door."

Rei got up dutifully, following Kaji as he got his own things together.

Misato had widened eyes, staring blankly into space. If she wasn't embarrassed before, she was _now_. "Yeahhh... probably for the best. I'm gonna head out too... while the trains are still running, _yeah_."

"But... your coat is still wet." Shinji explained quietly, pointing at the computer chair.

"T-that's okay! I'll just... y'know what, just keep it for now." Misato explained rigidly, walking over to the doorway. "...I'll keep in touch, Shinji. Bye."

"O-okay?" Shinji replied, as Misato exited with a quick wave, not even bothering to address Kaji, who himself had ventured over to the door, with Rei by his side.

The man looked introspective, even though you could tell he was a bit liquored up. Shinji didn't quite have the words to speak up with, still trying to come to terms with what just happened himself.

"Uh... so that was weird." Kaji said, finally. "Shinji... Rei..."

"That's one way to put it, I guess." Shinji ageed, sifitng his weight uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry if I caused trouble, Ikari." The aforementioned girl spoke up. "I was trying to help."

"I... thanks?" Shinji replied, still horribly confused. "But how... did you... know? The computer?"

" _Shinji_." Kaji cut in, reaching out to grab his shoulder. The warmth of his grip was actually somewhat reassuring to the younger man. "To be frank with you, I'm still kinda drunk. It's not... usual for me to let my guard down like this, and mess things up but... rest assured that Rei and I will explain everything to you soon enough. I just need you to wait until I'm, uh, _properly sober_."

Shinji nodded. " _Please_ do."

Kaji smiled, and began to put his shoes on.

"Oh. And... erm... hows, hows your father?"

"E-excuse me?" Shinji asked, completely caught off guard. "He's... fine, I guess? I _don't talk to him_ , remember?"

"Ah, right." Kaji remarked, scratching his chin. "Cool. Goodnight Shinji."

"Goodnight?"

The man and his blue-haired friend disappeared into the night, and soon enough, audibly entreated the room next door. Shinji, meanwhile, was still staring at his front door; he wasn't entirely sure where to go from here.

But yet, he still turned around and faced his apartment. It didn't help his discomfort that the place looked eerily foreign to him. It was much cleaner than usual, even though there were empty beer cans sprawled across the room, and dirty dishes strewn about on the kotatsu.

Shinji supposed the difference between this grime and the usual one that plagued his day-to-day life, was that this was mess was... lived in. In the way all this mess was arranged, he could see the remains of a night well spent, _in company_. Yes, it ended in a less than fortunate manner, but as far as Shinji was concerned, all the awkward and humiliating revelations in the world were worth what he saw as the bigger picture:

 ** _There might be some hope for me, after all..._ **

**I hope.**


	7. Welcome Back!

**Thanks Renton2895, Gambling Willie, ArikosIsCanon, Gryphon117 for your reviews! They made me feel warm and fuzzy!**

 **...so yeah, new chapter.**

* * *

 _"Onii-chan, I ate your cookies... I'm sorry."_

The girl on the screen, eyes wide as saucers, frowned bashfully, staring guiltily at the floor.

Shinji Ikari mimicked the expression; not out of solidarity for any of 'Onii-chan's' lost cookies, mind you. It was because Shinji found himself questioning his current choice of activities. There was something about the saccharine-sweet voice of the anime girl emanating from his screen that made him feel like a... pervert.

Then again, that also might have something to do with the fact that said anime girl was now bending over suggestively and exposing her...

Shinji shut off his computer.

This hadn't been his first choice, but Shinji had already beaten all of his video games, _twice;_ and cable T.V was, well, yeah _._ Too broke to buy anything new, he opted to reluctantly dig out some of Kensuke's 'gifts' from before he moved away. His old friend had left him a box full of anime DVDs, his _entire collection_ to be exact.

Shinji glanced inside the aforementioned box, currently sitting next to him. The mess of plastic cases strewn about inside were either adorned with sickeningly 'moe' girls, or legions of mechas and tanks. Upon closer inspection, Shinji saw some of them displayed images of moe girls _driving_ tanks, or moe girls who also happened to be battleships...?

 ** _He told me he had to 'grow up'..._** Shinji thought, rustling through the box lazily with one hand. _ **Not to be mean, but I kind kinda see what he meant...**_

Even so, Shinji _was_ the one currently watching them, as critical of their content that he was being. Kensuke, meanwhile, had gone down south to help take over his dad's family business... it was enough to make Shinji feel a bit _left behind_ , which wasn't exactly a new theme in his life, unfortunately.

He hadn't left his house for almost a week now. Well, save for the late-night food runs, of course. Even then, the collective time he had spent outside his room during this week _had_ to be less then an hour. Most of that hour was one ill-fated attempt at talking to Asuka, as Shinji not-so-innocently ate his convenience store food in the park near her apartment.

She never came out. Shinji knew this indirect way of coaxing her outside was bordering on stalker material, and thus put an end to it after she failed to show the first time. Now he just ate in his room, depressingly making a mountain of wrappers and containers in the trash bin next to his computer.

 _ **One step forward, two steps back.**_

After being dragged serendipitously back into the world of socializing, Shinji recognized he had dug himself back into the... deep dark cave of hermitdom. This time, it almost seemed worst.

 ** _Maybe it's a lack of Vitamin D... When's the last time my skin saw sunlight?_** Shinji wondered sadly, leaning back into his computer chair. **_Oh. Probably going to the supermarket with Asuka... the day of the dinner._**

Shinji got up from his computer chair, and in a bout of rage, kicked his garbage can. It was an action he regretted immediately, and not just because his toe now hurt like hell; all of that glorious mountain of food packaging was now strewn about his floor. The sad part was Shinji didn't find it made the place look that much _worse_ , with his room already being quite dirty as it is.

Hopping to his futon on one foot, while clutching his inflamed foot awkwardly, Shinji flopped down roughly onto the bedding.

"WHO THE... **FUCK** LEAVES PORN OPEN WHEN COMPANY IS COMING OVER?" He swore loudly, gripping his foot tighter. "I'M A **FUCKING** IDIOT!"

Shinji didn't normally make a scene like this; the walls of the apartment complex were thin and he had been conditioned to quiet down for the sake of privacy. However, he knew that no one was listening. Kaji and Rei had left.

* * *

"Anyway... We really should head out, Shinji."

Shinji looked at Kaji with concerned eyes. "But... you said that you'd..."

Kaji locked eyes with his younger neighbor as his expression steeled.

"I _know_ what I promised, and I trust you, alright?" Kaji responded, scratching his chin.

"Trust me with... what?"

A deep sigh.

"Shinji... Rei is... _special_."

"...Special?"

Kaji took a moment to respond. Shinji hung onto the silence nervously.

"Have you ever heard of the term... sixth sense?"

* * *

That short talk they had, in the dead of night, just a day after the dinner... left Shinji feeling uneasy.

It wasn't just the odd nocturnal timing, either. Kaji and Rei had shown up _unannounced_ to tell him they were _moving,_ meanwhile carrying an amount of possessions that in retrospect was eerily small. Rei was wearing a baggy hoodie and aviator sunglasses, covering her head and eyes. It would have almost been a cute look for the girl, but it was pretty clear to Shinji that the motivation behind the outfit wasn't fashion-related.

 _ **She was hiding...**_

* * *

"There are people out there that want to _take advantage_ of Rei..." Kaji explained, carefully. "I'd been keeping her safe here, while I arranged for someone to take her in. Somewhere _far away_."

"Is she not safe here... anymore?" Shinji asked, confused.

"I don't know... but the _idea_ was to avoid contact with strangers. Things changed, and..."

Shinji's heart sunk.

"I'm sorry, Kaji."

Kaji smiled gently.

"It's okay. I... _we_ let our guard down. You're a good guy, Shinji. Rei likes you, too."

Rei nodded.

The girl reached out slowly, and touched his face lightly. Her elegant fingers, pale and thin, brushed his cheek.

"Your intentions are... good and pure. I feel... _warm_ around you, Ikari."

"Rei..." Shinji tried to answer, frowning.

Kaji placed a hand on the girls shoulder, sighing.

"But we _have_ to leave. For her sake."

* * *

Shinji reached and touched his face, right where Rei had brushed it a week ago.

 _ **She felt... warm?**_

He wasn't sure what this whole sixth sense business was; the pair had left before he had a chance to ask... but what else could explain her strange behavior? The way she treated others... It was like the girl could see right through you, her haunting eyes piercing into your mind. Before Shinji thought it was just the strange color, but now he could see there was something more _substantive_ to the way she saw the world.

 ** _She cut through my embarrassed rattling like butter... and the porn... she just knew! _**Shinji reminisced worriedly about the night of the dinner. _**But a sixth sense?**_ **_I suppose it makes sense... in the most unbelievable way._**

But now they were gone, and Shinji was left with nothing but his thoughts.

And a phone number.

Kaji had exchanged numbers with him before he left, as a 'sign of trust', he had put it.

* * *

"We can keep in touch. Rei's due to leave Japan by the end of this week, and I'll let you know once she's safe."

Shinji nodded, frowning.

The two were standing next to Kaji's car. His now-former neighbors were about to leave; Rei was already sitting in the back seat, sunglasses still on despite the nighttime lighting.

Kaji looked to enter the car, but turned to face Shinji as he gripped the door handle.

"And... I know this isn't necessary but... _please_ keep all of this between us. If Asuka asks-"

"I won't tell my father, Kaji." Shinji assured him, meeting his eyes with some force. "That's what this is about... right?"

An uncomfortable silence formed between the two.

"Shinji..." Kaji began, looking concerned.

The aforementioned boy managed a weak smile.

"I-I'm not stupid, I know you kept asking about him for a reason."

Kaji chuckled. "Thanks, Shinji."

"Just tell me; is **he** connected to this? To Rei?" Shinji prodded sharply.

Kaji stared at him in return, his expression hardening considerably.

Sighing, Kaji looked inside the car. As Shinji followed his eyes, he could again see Rei sitting on the inside. This time, however, her sunglasses were off, and she was now staring back at him with an intense and _knowing_ gaze.

 **" _Yes._ "**

* * *

 ** _My father... is connected to Rei... somehow..._ ** Shinji thought, worriedly.

The implications of this haunted him, yet he never asked Kaji to clarify any further. For one, they had been in a rush to leave, but at the same time Shinji didn't really _want_ to know the role his father played in all this. He had spent all this time hiding away from the man, and to now have himself nearly dragged back into his fathers world... Shinji just knew he wanted to _stay away_ , now.

It wasn't just his father's involvement that scared him, either. There was also the obvious red-flag of apparently meeting a girl with _Extrasensory Perception_. The ridiculousness of the idea made Shinji want to laugh, but he knew he couldn't disprove the claim... short of shrugging and saying 'it's just not possible'. That was the level of this kind of revelation; to the point where he was confronting former impossibilities.

This sort of thing would turn the whole world on it's head if it got out. And yet... Kaji had told him all this... despite knowing the dangerous connection he was making. Giving him a clear way to reach him as well; the level of trust Kaji had shown left Shinji oddly honored, but mostly frightened.

All he had to do was talk to his father about this and...

 **No. I'd be lower than garbage if I did that, even in the name of so-called _family_. No,  especially in the name of family; _it's sad, but I've feel more like family to those two in just a week, then I have with my own father for_** _ **years.**.._ Shinji thought, bitterly. _**And now they're gone.**_

Shinji pulled out his cellphone, and double-checked his contacts. It wasn't for a particular reason; just to look. In fact, Shinji found it hard to believe that he would ever use the number. Besides being generally asocial, Kaji seemed like he had... well, a lot going on at the moment.

Shinji closed the phone with a sigh, and tried his best to sleep. There wasn't much _else_ to do, he felt.

* * *

Shinji awoke to knocking. Torn from his sleep, the young man had to take a moment to get his bearings. What time was it, anyway?

He checked his phone; it was eight o'clock in the evening.

 ** _What a time to wake up..._**

Shinji reluctantly went to check the peephole. He was caught a bit off guard to see a familiar head of raven hair.

Opening the door, Shinji poked his head out. "M-misato? What's up?"

The woman was facing away, leaning on the balcony of the walkway. She was wearing a casual but stylish dress; the frills at the bottom fluttered in the wind slightly. Turning around, she looked to be quite relieved.

Shinji felt his heart skip a beat when he saw her face. He wasn't ready for this, not after just waking up.

"I was wondering when you were gonna open... up." Misato smiled, before the expression weakened a bit. "Hey, are you alright?"

Misato pushed off the railing, before walking closer to Shinji. She leaned in slightly, as if to examine his face closely.

"H-huh? What do you mean?" Shinji asked, frowning.

"You're really pale... and have horrible bags under your eyes... oh!" Misato explained, before reaching out and touching his chin. "Woah! Look at all these wittle face hairs!"

Unprepared for the sudden contact, Shinji backed up roughly into his entrance-way. He tripped over his only pair of shoes in the process, Falling roughly onto the tatami floor. Shinji let out a groan in pain, taking a moment to simply lay on the floor in accepted defeat.

"Wow... your place looks erm, _different_ than last week." Misato stifled a laugh. Shinji could see her poking her head inside.

Shinji was embarrassed, to say the least, as he took his own gander behind him into the dark reaches of his apartment. Not that he really had to, but he felt he had to get a sense of the view of an outsider... it wasn't pretty. Though, to be fair, the fact that Shinji had failed to clean up his trash-bin mess from earlier certainly didn't help.

"I... yeah..." Shinji tried to defend himself, while picking himself off the floor. It wasn't easy. "I've been having a bit of a... rough week."

"Uh, _n-no kidding_. Y'know, it's funny, I figured Kaji would be keeping an eye out for you..." Misato shook her head, smiling. "But I guess _even he_ has his limits."

Shinji sighed heavily, brushing himself off. "I... I don't need anyone to... watch out for me."

 ** _Liar._**

"Besides, he's gone." Shinji added, locking his eyes on Misato's. "Kaji, I mean. He left."

Misato brows furrowed initially; her face seemed to give off a hint of disgust. Soon enough, though, the expression waned in favor of something softer... yet hard to place.

"I... I'm not really surprised." She rolled her eyes. "That guy's a rolling stone. For as much as he claims to _care_ , he... nevermind. Are you okay?"

Shinji stiffened up defensivley. "W-what? I'm fine. What makes you think..."

Misato was looking at him with unimpressed eyes. She pointed inside his apartment; the point got across without a word spoken.

"O-okay, fair." Shinji sighed. "Things aren't, _good,_ but they're pretty _n-normal._ I... I don't need you to come check in or anything... I know you probably get I'm kind of a s-shut-in, but..."

"I came to _get my coat_ , actually." Misato smirked at him. "You know, the one you spilled hot water on?"

"O-oh!" Shinji froze up, before he stated laughing... wildly.

It was an attempt at coming off as natural, that did anything but. The man rushed inside his apartment with a skip in his step, before arriving near his computer chair. Confused, the boy stared at the chair for a moment before looking back at Misato, who had ventured a few steps into his cave.

"I swear it was here..." Shinji laughed nervously, before looking around on the floor. Soon enough, the boy found the stylish coat underneath a small mess of tissues and food containers; it appears the coat was an unfortunate casualty of his earlier frustrations.

"I... found it?" Shinji said nervously with a grin, picking up the dirtied clothing. Misato returned the grin with a scowl.

"Aaand I will _clean it, and return it later_."

Misato's scowl turned to a satisfied smile. "You will! Clean it **twice**."

Putting the coat back on the chair, Shinji puttered around his room for a moment without much intention. "So... I guess I'll see you later?"

Misato put a errant hand on her hips. "You know it's a Friday night, right? I was **hoping** we could go out like _old times_. Don't tell me you were planning on spending it _cooped up_ in this _hellhole_.. no offense."

"N-None taken." Shinji sighed, before sitting down roughly next to his kotatsu. "And yes, I _was_. Like every other Friday."

Another unimpressed glare from Misato. It wasn't the first time tonight, and it certainly wasn't uncommon during their time together in the "computer" club.

"What... were you expecting anything different? I mean, look at this place... _again_." Shinji groaned rustling through some plastic bags littering the top of the kotatsu. "You really think soomone like me would- JESUS CHRIST."

A cockroach crawled out from underneath a plastic bag, before skittering away into the darker corners of the room.

"F-FUCKING BUGS! I..." Shinji shouted out, standing up quickly, with some flailing to match. "I..."

Looking over at the entrance, Shinji could see that Misato was trying really hard not to laugh.

"I'm sorry, but that's... that's fucking _gross_! Pffftjgkdsk!" Misato spat out, before doubling over in laughter. "This really _is_ a hellhole!"

"...I need _out_ of this place." Shinji finished, letting out a groan. Walking over to the doorway, he gave Misato a slight bump in the arm as he grabbed a coat. The dark haired woman had to take a moment to recompose herself.

"Fair warning though... I-I'm even _more_ socially awkward than before." Shinji explained, shaking his head. Slipping on the coat, he made sure to grab his music player from the pocket before turning back to Misato. "Do you mind if I..."

The woman was smiling widely. Shinji's heart began to quicken pace, as he shared the cramped space of the doorway with her. Feeling his face heating up, Shinji knew he was blushing.

"W-what?" He forced out, shoving his hands, and the music player back into his pockets. "W-why are you looking at me like that?"

Misato shrugged, still smiling. "Dunno, just happy you're coming. Didn't think it was going to work, to be honest. N-no offen-"

" _None taken._ N-now, where to?" Shinji cut in, staring at the ground in embarrassment.

"Uh... no idea." Misato wondered, leaning back onto the wall. "Didn't really plan this far, to be honest."

Shinji shifted uncomfortably, fiddling with the music player inside his pocket. "Erm... I'd prefer it not to be anywhere... too _crowded_ , or, well, **unfamiliar**..."

"Sheesh, Shinji. With criteria like that, how could we go wrong?" Misato drawled sarcastically. "This is gonna be a real _adventure_."

"Well...!" Shinji pouted, feeling his face heat up, _again_.

 _ **I know I agreed but, in the heat of the moment...**_ Shinji thought to himself, now fiddling with the music player even harder. **_Doing going out without... Asuka's help... I miss her..._**

* * *

 _Shinji!_

 _Shinji..._

 _Idiot Shinji!_

* * *

"Hey.. you alright?" Misato asked him, showing a bit of concern. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad, or anything..."

"N-no... it's alright." Shinji said, before meeting her eyes with a slight smile.

"I-I think I have somewhere in mind, actually."


	8. Welcome to Detours

**THANKS AGAIN TO MISTERHALT, GAMBLING WILLIE AND SEEKINGPROFESSIONALHELP FOR YOUR WONDERFUL REVIEWS THEY MAKE ME HAPPY HAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

 **YELLING**

* * *

"Heyyyy... Shinji."

Shinji Ikari jumped slightly, unaware up till that point that someone was addressing him. It was immediately followed by a gentle prodding on his arm; it was clear _someone_ wanted his attention. Removing a lone earbud, currently emitting some sugary substandard j-pop, the young man turned rigidly in his bar stool, in order to face the source of the interruption.

It was Misato. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief.

" _Wow_. I go to the bathroom for five minutes, and your already off in _lala land_." The woman shook her head in disbelief, taking her seat next to him. "That was the _third time_ I said your name, you know. I'm not even really mad, I'm just _impressed_."

Shinji took a moment to look around him. The ramen place they were in was bustling, filled with lively and inebriated conversations.

"S-sorry. It's... kind of hard to hear." Shinji mumbled. "It's just really busy."

Misato had to lean in to even catch his words; this caused Shinji's profile to shrink considerably.

"Somehow I don't think that's the reason, Shinji-boy." Misato sighed, sitting in the stool next to him. "I mean _you_ picked the place, you must have known what you were getting yourself into. You've been so silent and nervous, though. What's up?"

Shinji didn't respond, shrugging in place instead.

Misato pushed the glass she had placed in front of Shinji earlier, centering right in front of Shinji's downward gaze.

"Cmon, driiiink. It'll help." She smiled, before drinking some beer herself.

Shinji complied reluctantly, but the petite sip he took left Misato looking nonplussed. Awkwardly shifting in her stool, the woman looked curiously at her old friend.

"Uhh... so you've really... slowed down, huh?" She said, leaning on an arm. "If I remember correctly, you used to drink _quite a bit_ , back during the ol' club hours."

Shinji laughed nervously, feeling a twinge of embarrassment.

 ** _She's dancing around the subject..._** He thought, cringing slightly.

"Y-yeah, I know... but to be fair I was just trying to keep up with _you_ , Miss _Peer-Pressure_." Shinji retorted, before taking a sizable swig out of frustrated embarrassment. "I-I didn't even drink _at all_ , before I met you."

Misato chuckled, smiling. "I'm a good influence, aren't I?"

"I think you... s-said you'd _corrupt_ me." Shinji responded, glancing curiously at the woman with his peripherals, who was currently mid-swig.

Spitting up the beer slightly, the girl wiped her mouth. Her cheeks were turning a slight pink. "...I did? _Yeesh_ , guess you're not the only one one whose slowed down... I was pretty crazy back then... haha, _college_ , right?"

"I wouldn't know... I dropped out, remember?" Shinji responded with more bitterness than he intended. The awkward silence that followed the delivery made him regret his tone.

"So, you... want to, I dunno, catch me up on that? Maybe?" Misato bridged the conversational gap, smiling guiltily. "I was gonna talk to you about it during that dinner but... **Kaji**..."

The woman stared into the distance with some clear frustration.

" _Kaji_?" Shinji prodded her, if only slight amused by her obvious discomfort.

Misato groaned, before drinking more. Slamming her beer down with a bit unnecessary force, she turned back to Shinji. "L-look, I didn't want to dampen the mood alright? How was I supposed to bring up something like that, when we were all having fun?"

Shinji managed a smile. "True... it _was_ pretty fun."

 ** _Except the porn..._**

Misato smiled wide. " _Right_? And now we're here, and you're all mopey _already_ so... seems like a good opportunity, no?"

Shinji wanted to protest, but he couldn't really formulate a response. Not an effective one, at least. It merely came down to him really not wanting to talk about his hikikomori phase, especially to someone whose opinion of him Shinji cared _deeply_ about.

 ** _Then again... she did see how bad my room was already... not like there's much left to hide._**

Regardless, any opportunity he might have had to vocalize his feelings, was cut off by a bowl of ramen being placed in front of him. Shinji looked up to see... Toji smiling at him. The grin didn't really seem natural, though.

"Uh... I didn't order this." Shinji managed curtly, though the smell of the bowl was certainly making him want to withdraw the comment.

"It's on the house." Toji shot back, leaning onto the bar. "Just don't tell the boss, alright... _buddy?_ "

The last part came out sweetly, but awfully forced, and Shinji noted it with suspicion.

"But... why?" Shinji asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Hey, if you don't want it, I'll fuckin' take it." Misato cut in, peering over Shinji's side at the tasty dish.

"N-no I mean-" Shinji went to respond, before their server took it upon himself to shove the dish over to Misato.

"H-help yourself!" Toji smiled at her. "I was just looking out for my _old pal_ here, but you're more than welcome too!"

"O-old pal...?" Shinji asked, confused.

"Y-yeah! I mean... me, you, Asuka... _good pals_." He responded, chuckling unnaturally. "Cmon, tell yer lady friend."

"But you... you didn't seem all that _friendly_ , last time." Shinji contested, though trying his best to be polite.

Toji groaned, pushing himself off the bar into a more upright position, crossing his arms. "Aw, the least you could do was play along a bit..."

 ** _He reminds me of the jocks back in high school... always picking on me..._** Shinji reminisced bitterly, noting just how built Toji was, matching his upfront personality in intimidating fashion.

"Sorry... what's going on here?" Misato asked curiously, still clearly a bit distracted with eating the ramen than to notice the two guys' awkward rapport. "You guys know each other?"

With Misato's interjection, Toji seemed to regain interest.

"Well, y'see, I saw... Shinji? Yeah, _Shinji_ here walk in, and I recognized him." Toji explained, pointing at Shinji's face, who found the action a bit rude. " _Last_ time he was here, he was with this chick named Asuka; she's foreign, and a real beauty, y'know? A-anyway, so I start my shift and _lo and behold_ I see this guy _again_ , but now with **_you_**... and I figured at that point It might be good idea to _snuggle_ up to this guy, cause he's clearly got _great_ taste in women."

Toji's grin was clearly intended to round off his rant with some charm, but it clearly wasn't working on the intended target. Misato stared at Toiji for a moment, before stirring her ramen with disinterest.

"That so?" She asked, maintaining eye contact.

"Uh yeah?" Toji chuckled, looking clearly uncomfortable. "Like... he's hanging out with _beautiful_ women... such as yourself?"

 ** _She's still staring..._** Shinji thought, looking over at Misato. **_I'm not even the one she's honed in on.. and even I'm feeling a bit scared._**

"This... isn't working, is it?" Toji relented with a broken smile, nervously adjusting the bandanna holding his hair in place.

"No."

"A-ah... well... we don't... we can talk about..." Toji stumbled verbally, still smiling, to his credit. "Uhh..."

"TOJI GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND DO YOUR **FUCKING JOB**!" A grizzled voice called from the kitchen, causing the intended target to jump a bit. "YOU THINK I PAY YOU TO **FUCK AROUND**?"

"S-shit, I gotta go... but it was, nice to meet you...?"

Misato sighed, but smiled dutifully. " _Misato_. Thanks for the ramen."

The simple thanks did it's job and then some. The boy seemed to relish in the words, showing off a grin, before running off to his clearly agitated boss. Misato and Shinji share a laugh at the sight, elevating the mood slightly.

"Soo..." Misato raised a brow, smiling. " _Asuka_ , huh? I had a feeling there was a reason you picked this place. Didn't really seem like your scene."

Shinji put his beer to his mouth and drank at the mention. It was a strange attempt to avoid the topic, and Misato was having none of it, clearly content to watch and wait with a smirk as Shinji drank in embarrassment.

Placing the beer down reluctantly, Shinji shrugged. "I dunno... don't get me wrong, I _want_ to hang out with you. I-I just figured it would be nice to r-run into her? She's a regular here; at least she says."

"Why didn't you just invite her?" Misato asked, confused, before slurping up some noodles.

"I don't think she wants to... talk to me, or _see me_ , after that whole, erm, _incident_." Shinji explained, looking away in embarrassment.

"Incident? What In- _Ohhhhh_... Right." Misato seemed confused, before her eyes widened in comprehension. "Shit, right. _Awkward_."

"Yyyyep."

"Well, I mean, have you _tried_ to get in touch? She might have cooled off by now," Misato leaned in closer to Shinji, as if to inspect him. "I know you're not exactly _upfront_ about these things, after all."

Shinji shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"Uh... well, I waited outside her apartment..." Shinji answered, casually.

It was at that moment Shinji realized the beer he'd been drinking might be starting to catching up to him.

"You _what_?" Misato asked to clarify, looking livid. "Shinji, that's not-"

"I-I'm not doing anything _weird_!" Shinji cut her off, waving his hands in front of him. "T-trust me, it makes sense in the context of our... relationship."

Misato's gaping expression turned to clear annoyance. "Uh-huh, and what kind of _relationship_ is that?"

Shinji had to ponder the inquiry, as sarcastic as it was.

"Uh... one where I... wait places she frequents... at the off-chance she decides to interact with me?" Shinji spelled it out plainly; an act as illuminating to himself as it was to others. "Wow... okay, I see your point."

Misato sighed, shaking her head. "I don't really understand how your brain works, Shinji... you really think things are gonna work out while you wait around like a _stalker_?"

"No... though, I do still have all of her cooking supplies... she's probably going to have to come get them eventu...ally..."

Shinji was feeling a bit relieved at the logic he was weaving, but upon turning to Misato, he realized she was feeling the exact opposite. Venomous eyes piercing his own, Shinji ruffled his hair in frustration, burying his head away.

"..how about you go to her place, _with the cooking stuff_ , and apologize upfront." Misato explained slowly, patting him on the pack. "If things work out from there, great! But there's no point moping around without even trying to fix things with her..."

"You're probably right." Shinji responded, sighing. "No, you're definitely right."

Misato smiled with a chuckle, before drinking some more. "She's probably not even mad... she might even be a bit flattered. I know if a guy was that desperate to wank off to _me_ -"

"M-Misato, can we _not_?"

"S-sorry." Misato laughed, blushing if only a bit. "Sore spot?"

 _Bzzt. Bzzt._

Shinji was surprised to feel his phone going off in his pants; it wasn't something he often took with him when he went out. The vibration from the phone, lying directly next to his music player in his stuffed pocket, reverberated annoyingly and loudly much to his annoyance. Shinji pulled the phone out roughly with a sigh,

 _ **It's Kaji's number.**_

Stiffening up nervously, Shinji cleared his throat and turned to Misato. "Hey... y-you mind if i take this?"

"Depends. Is it Asuka? She calling to confess her feelings?" Misato laughed slyly. "Just kidding. Go ahead, don't mind me."

Getting up from his stool, Shinji managed a laugh himself, despite the numerous worries and questions swirling in his mind. Shinji began to walk away, smiling.

"Y-yeah, _right_."

* * *

"Shinji... I'm really sorry about this, but can you do me a favor?"

Kaji's voice, despite sounding strained and tired, made Shinji's chest tighten up with butterflies. It had been a while since he had heard the man speak, but even Shinji was surprised how much he seemed to have missed it. At least Misato was nowhere nearby to notice his awkward reactions, now that he was safely outside the bar in the adjacent alleyway.

"Shinji?" Kaji repeated.

"O-oh, yeah! Sure!" Shinji spat out, laughing awkwardly. "H-hey, so did Rei make it out okay?"

"Uh..." Kaji seemed to buy some time for thinking; his droning voice sounded a bit weird with the crackling of the phoneline.

"I-I just... you said she'd be gone by the end of the week, right? It's _Friday,_ so I-"

Kaji sighed heavily, cutting Shinji's rambling off. He suddenly felt quite uncomfortable. Something seemed wrong, after all; Kaji's usually comforting voice continued to show signs of wear and tear.

"There's been a bit of a snag; I'm caught up at work, and Rei's probably _really hungry_ by now. We're _so close_ to moving her out of the country... but I'm really tied up here. Can you help me out, and bring her some food?"

The proposal caught Shinji off guard, and made him feel very anxious. Where was Rei, even?

"I'm _sorry_ to spring this on you, Shinji... It's just that... well, you're really the only other person Rei _knows_ and is comfortable with..." Kaji added, clearly noting the uncomfortable pause. "And I think you'd help keep her from getting restless. You know, before the big move."

"I.. I just got to bring her some food, right?" Shinji confirmed needlessly, still anxious at the prospect.

"Yeah... maybe keep her company for a bit, if you wouldn't mind." Kaji responded, now sounding a bit more like his usual self. "Anyway, I have her holding up in... well, it's an internet cafe."

"An **internet cafe**?" Shinji tried to clarify out of disbelief, sounding almost like a worried parent. "H-how is _that_ a better arrangement than before?"

"Well... they let you sleep there for cheap... and they don't ask any _questions_ , either." Kaji explained, sounding a bit incredulous with his decisions himself. "It was supposed to just be for a couple nights, but my plans got delayed..."

Shinji sighed.

 ** _What am I doing, getting caught up in this again?_** His thoughts reminded him in frustration, though he managed to shove them away briefly. ** _Oh well... He's my friend... I'll definitely regret it later if I don't help._**

"I-I'll... bring her some food. I can do that much at least." Shinji relented, though not without a healthy does of hesitation.

" _Thank you_ , Shinji. Really." Kaji chuckled. "You do that for me, and I'll be able to swing by sometime overnight to pick her up and get her moving, alright? I'll text you the address of the cafe."

"O-okay, but-" Shinji cut in, nervously.

" ** _Shit_** , sorry I gotta go." Kaji hissed, before a abrupt click ended the call.

The monotone beeping, signalling the lack of connection, served as a annoying reminder to Shinji of what he had just agreed to do. And sure enough, within a handful of seconds, a short text came in containing the aforementioned address.

Shoving the phone back into his pocket, Shinji puttered back and forth in the alleyway, trying his best to decide if he should call back and try and cancel the whole thing. It seemed a bit late at this point, however. Dutifully, the young man left to re-enter the bar, mentally preparing to excuse himself away for a strange, unplanned detour.

* * *

"What? You're _leaving_? Already?" Misato asked him, clearly a bit miffed. "What the _hell!_ "

Shinji shrugged, as he handed over a couple bills over to Toji for his drinks. "Something came up."

" _Right_. And what, I'm supposed to just think that's normal? You told me yourself you barely leave your house, what could _possibly_ have 'come up'? What happened to _hanging out_? Who was that on the phone?"

The bombardment of questions left Shinji speechless.

 _ **Shit... I didn't even think this through. What do I say?**_

Shinji was left frozen in nervousness at the clear challenge to his intentions. Luckily for him, however, Toji did him a service in interjecting:

"If I had to guess, it's probably got something to do with that Asuka girl I was talking about before." He explained, looking a bit annoyed. "I don't know what she sees in him, but even I can tell she's got a thing for him."

Shinji couldn't help but blush slightly at the accusation. "Y-you're crazy, Toji. We're j-just _friends_."

 ** _Hell, even friend smight be a bit of a stretch..._**

"But... you don't deny it?" Misato leaned onto the bar, showing off a smile that soon faltered at the sight of Shinji's confused face. " _The phone_. Was it really her on the phone?"

Shinji shifted his weight nervously back and forth between his legs.

 ** _I can't tell her... I swore to Kaji I wouldn't..._** Shinji thought worriedly, tortured by complete indecision. **_But she's probably worried about him..._**

"Uh... y-yeah." Shinji spoke slowly, failing to meet her eyes. "She wants to meet up and talk."

"Lucky _bastard_." Toji sighed, rolling his eyes.

Misato laughed at Toji's comment, before producing a contented sigh. "He really _is_ lucky. That, or maybe I was wrong about _waiting around_ being a bad strategy."

Shinji couldn't shake the feeling of guilt emanating from his chest, but managed a meager smile nonetheless. " _D-definitely_ luck. I... I have to go though, Misato. I'm sorry for bailing on you."

The woman waved her hand dismissively, smirking. "Whatever... go ahead and chase that skirt, Shinji-boy. You have my blessing."

"T-thanks" Shinji curtly excused himself awkwardly, turning away. "Uh, s-see ya!"

He only managed a few steps before being tugged back.

"O-oh hey, Shinji?" Misato called out quickly. "Wait!"

Straining his neck to look behind him Shinji was saddened to see Misato reaching out to him fruitlessly as he left.

"You're.. _okay_ , though, right?" Misato asked, her expression hard for the man to read. "I just remembered I never got to ask you about what happened... you know, _back then_. I keep forgetting, I'm sorry."

Shinji _too_ had forgotten her earlier interest in his past. Though maybe he was ready to unearth those feelings before, his time fumbling around since then seemed to have reburied those feelings, perhaps even deeper this time.

"Um... _honestly_? I'm o-okay with you forgetting. It's a pretty s-stupid story, really." Shinji divulged, feeling a bit guilty, as if he was dangling a carrot in front of Misato's concerned face. "I guess I just wasn't... ready."

Misato's brow furrowed. "What do you mean? Ready for _what_?"

"I... dunno. Being an _a-adult_?"Shinji offered, shrugging in surrender. "I _said_ it was stupid."

"Shinji..."

" _I'm_ o _kay_ , Misato." Shinji cut her off, before pulling out an earbud from his pocket, again. Shinji felt some of his built up tension melt away once his music was back in its rightful place.

"I can manage."


	9. Welcome to Revelations

In an unfortunately exhaustive detour, Shinji Ikari found himself having to take a sizable train ride to an internet cafe he'd never seen. All he had to go off of was an address and the name of the place. For someone who rarely ventured outside of his apartment, the distance and uncertainty of his destination made Shinji feel even more anxious than usual. The music that was distracting him from all the Friday night life surrounding him could only do so much, as he often found himself nearly bumping into an alternating mix of pretty girls and sketchy looking dudes. Perhaps the worst thing, though, was the people trying to coax him into one of the numerous hostess club that littered the area.

 ** _I guess they just think I look lonely..._** Shinji thought, shaking his head. **_I just can't imagine myself in one of those places._**

The young man's inner narrative was working in overdrive in attempt to further distract himself from an anxiety. This had the unfortunately ironic effect of over-analyzing everything that happened, however. Every glance from a stranger made Shinji's brain erupt with worries of being judged or targeted, or mocked.

Eventually he caught sight of the cafe, tucked away next to a restaurant. Large, flashing signs on the windows were advertising the cheap hourly rates and games available to play.

 _ **I'm not really surprised it's so cheap; this place looks kinda seedy... Kaji thought *this* would be a good place to hide Rei?**_

Making an awkward beeline to the front door, and nearly crashing into yet another pedestrian, Shinji entered the cafe with a rapidly increasing heart-rate. He was feeling a bit apprehensive bringing food into the place, and didn't want to be scrutinized for it. The bag full of chips and bento from the convenience store wasn't _nutritious_ , but it was cheap and would do the job, Shinji figured.

Luckily for Shinji, the person manning the front desk was off doing who knows what, so he was able to scurry into the place without much attention being sent his way, there was the occasional glance or stare from the people occupying the various tiny rooms, but it wasn't anything malicious.

Kaji's text had included some brief directions. She was in the last cubicle down the hall, to the left. Shinji found it easy enough, and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" A voice called from inside, muffled considerably. It was Rei for sure, but it didn't help Shinji's comprehension any that the girl was so soft spoken.

"It's S-shinji. O-or, Ikari I guess?" Shinji replied, feeling a bit self conscious having to raise his voice for her to hear. "Kaji told me to come."

The door opened quickly, revealing Rei wearing the same hoodie she had been wearing when she left his apartment block a week ago. She looked disheveled and tired, but seemed to perk up once she saw the food. She grabbed the bag at Shinji's offering, and sat down at the computer chair; the lone place to sit in the tiny room.

Shinji managed to crack a smile as he watched Rei gulp down the food hungrily.

"Sorry that it's all, uh... junkfood." Shinji bowed slightly, before leaning against the wall of the room and closing the door behind him.

Rei glanced up from the food. In the cramped space, Shinji felt particularly vulnerable at being on the receiving end of her blood-red eyes. It wasn't just the color either.

 ** _She can... read my mind?_** Shinji thought, stiffening up. **Wait, can she hear this? Rei... clap if you hear this? Please?**

The girl didn't clap.

"I enjoy this... _junkfood_ " Rei said, clearly unfamiliar with the term. "Kaji gives me it often... you do not need to apologize, Ikari."

Shinji sighed in relief. "T-that's good... I wasn't sure what you liked, but you seem to be enjoying it."

Rei nodded contently, and opened one of the bentos. Or what could amount to contentedness for a girl as unemotional as she was.

As Rei continued to eat, the two shared a silence that was at least uncomfortable for one end; Shinji wasn't really sure what to talk about. This was the first time he had been alone with Rei for any considerable amount of time.

"So... Kaji's supposed to back later tonight, right?" Shinji tried his best, smiling. "Then you'll be going, uh, w-where? Away?"

"Kaji told me to not reveal my destination." Rei said, after swallowing a sizable mouthful of rice.

"I-I see." Shinji replied, feeling his stomach sink.

 ** _She doesn't trust me..._**

Rei didn't say anything, at first.

"I am sorry, Ikari. I did not know that you would be so saddened by my response." Rei explained, as she opened a second bento. "I was simply following orders. I can tell you where I am going, if you'd like. You are not a dangerous person."

 ** _Dangerous person? I don't like the sound of that..._**

"S-sure, where _are_ you going?" Shinji asked.

"Norilsk."Rei replied quickly.

"...and w-where is that?" Shinji continued his questioning, at a loss.

Rei seemed to have to think for a moment.

"Kaji said that it is a city in Russia."

Shinji's brow furrowed in frustration. "R- _Russia_? Hold on."

Shinji moved towards the computer in the room; a short trip, obviously. So short, in fact, that Shinji soon found himself having to move carefully around Rei, just to be able to reach it.

"Do you mind if I use this?" Shinji asked Rei politely, looking down at the girl sitting in the chair.

"You may." Rei responded flatly, before budging the mouse. The screen flickered to life, and the girl took a moment to close some windows displaying pictures of... cats.

Shinji smiled at the sight, but remembered why he was bothering. He typed in the name of the city, though helpfully Google-sensei corrected him when he understandably misspelled it. Reading through the results, Shinji progressively became more worried.

"C-closed city... only reachable by air and sea... _Siberia_... history of _forced labor_ camps... c-coldest city in the word?!" Shinji listed off slowly, mouth agape. "This place sounds horrible! why are you going there?"

"Kaji said it would be safe and peaceful; that he knows a man there who will take care of me." Rei explained, munching on some chips. "What is a priest?"

"U-uh... a religious person?" Shinji answered carefully.

Rei seemed confused, for once. "Kaji said that as well... I do not understand _religion_. But this priest is a ' _nice man_ '."

"Kaji said that?" Shinji added, worriedly.

Rei nodded. "I will live with him. Kaji also said that I will have a _job_... cleaning."

"And you're... o-okay with this?" Shinji asked, before backing off from the computer and the girl. "This sounds like an... well, an _awfully big change_."

Rei nodded again, this time with more force. "Yes. I want to be safe. I do not like it here... there are too many people. Too many people, and my head will hurt."

"Your... head?" Shinji asked, confused. "Do you mean... your sixth sense?"

"Yes."

There was an elephant in the room the moment Shinji had stepped in. Now, he figured, that he was staring it in the face, it would be a good opportunity to address it.

"Rei... c-can you explain that... to me?" Shinji asked carefully, not meeting her piercing eyes. "Your s-sixth sense. Can you... _hear_ my thoughts?"

"No." Rei replied simply. "However, I do... feel them."

"You... _feel_ them?" Shinji repeated, trying to make sense of the word.

"Yes, sometimes. It is not always clear, but when I meet eyes with a person, I... feel things. _Imagine_ things."

"I... I don't understand." Shinji confessed.

"Ikari, think of a shape." Rei demanded, staring into his eyes. Shinji felt a chill run down his spine.

"A shape? But why..."

"Triangle."

"O- _oh_... wow..." Shinji managed, stunned. He had stumbled at the question, but it _was_ exactly what he had thought of. "Wait... so, now? What do you... feel now."

"A... house." Rei replied, after a moment. "A small house. On a hill."

"I... wow." Shinji continued, baffled at her unbridled accuracy. "...so that's how... that night."

"Yes. Through you, I could imagine what you were hiding on your computer... I also sensed that Asuka and Misato were _uncomfortable_ with me... they were confused whenever I spoke. _You_ were very happy, until the end." Rei explained, as if she was going down a list.

"I-I see... that's amazing."

"Misato and Kaji were very occupied with one another... they were thinking of the same memories, though from differing perspectives, as they exchanged words... they also-"

"I-It's okay, Rei! I dont... I don't think I should be hearing this, _really_." Shinji cut her off, laughing nervously. "People usually... keep their thoughts private for a reason."

Shinji was nervous at this discussion, and especially so when Rei's eyes fell on his own once again.

"You are frightened." Rei added.

"I'm not!"

"You _are_."

Shinji realized how useless his frantic denial was. "I'm just... I didn't think this was _p-possible_."

"I am sorry... usually I do not pry into others minds too actively. But I... I believe I was enjoying myself that night, you are all interesting people. _Nice_ people. I have not interacted with many strangers... I was curious."

Shinji had to pause and consider what he was now learning, again.

"How did you _d-develop_ this sixth sense?" Shinji asked, feeling _curious_ himself.

"I have always had it." Rei replied, straightforward. "Our father..."

Rei fell silent, a stern look forming on her face.

"I am sorry. I am not... supposed to." Rei spoke awkwardly, her eyes finding the ground solemnly.

"O-our... _father_?" Shinji repeated, eyes widening. " _What_?"

* * *

 _"Just tell me; is **he** connected to this? To Rei?" Shinji prodded sharply._

 _Kaji stared at him in return, his expression hardening considerably._

 _ **"Yes."**_

* * *

"O- _OUR_ father. That's what you said, right?" Shinji repeated yet again, slowly. his stomach twisted at the word. "Rei... are you my... **_sister_**?"

Rei met Shinji's eyes with a hesitation Shinji had yet to see from the girl.

A long, agonizing silence followed.

"I do not know, Ikari... but I _do_ know we share the same father." Rei stated, looking uncertain. "But... I was not supposed to tell you this. Kaji told me it would be... dangerous."

The revelation, delivered so flatly by the girl, stunned Shinji. He had to take a moment to recuperate his thoughts.

"H-hold on! Rei... we share the _same father?_ That makes you my sister, like, by **_d-definition_**! _H-half_ sister? R-Rei, what about my _mom_? D-do you-"

Rei closed her eyes, bowing her head. Grabbing her head in her hands, the girl seemed to shield herself. "Ikari... _Shinji_... you are... _scaring_ me."

Shinji, caught up in a fit of adrenaline, forced himself to slow his thoughts down. "I'm.. I'm sorry, Rei. I just... this is _crazy_."

Rei opened a single eye, before glancing carefully at Shinji .The girl seemed to take notice of something, and opened the other eye. "Your mother... our father... your feelings for them are very... raw... _intense_. I do not like it."

Shinji gulped, a horrible feeling in his stomach formed. "I-I'm _sorry!_ Is your, uh, _head_ okay? Did I... hurt you?"

She rubbed her temple with a hand gingerly, her pale and dainty fingers massaged the area. "Do not worry... but yes, somewhat. I am okay now."

Shinji stood _there,_ in the cramped room, in pained silence. He had so much to say, but felt guilty pressing the clearly distressed girl any further.

"Rei... I-I don't really get this whole business... with my _father also being your father_. B-but I mean, if you're my _sister_... I just don't want to see you in pain. I-I don't want to see _anyone_ in pain, really. If... if going to that, erm, place in Russia? If that keeps you safe and sound, then, y-you should go." Shinji explained, tripping on his anxiety all the while. "N-not that you need my permission."

"I think you are right, Ika... _Shinji._ " Rei replied, seeming to correct herself. "...I finished the food."

The sudden change of topic left Shinji confused for a moment. The girl was currently handing him the bag, now filled with emptied containers.

"The _food_? O-oh, right. _Right_." Shinji realized, letting an embarrassed laugh slip. "I kinda forgot why I was here for a bit, there. We got... _sidetracked_ , huh?"

 _ **Understatement of the century. Brooding psychic girl is my sister? No big deal. Nope; no explanation needed.**_

"Ikari... your mind is racing." Rei stated, bringing Shinji's attention to her current haze. Soon enough, however, the girl looked away. "Very frantic."

"I... t-there's just so much I wanna talk about. To _ask you_." Shinji clarified, feeling self-conscious. "D-don't worry, though. I won't stress you out."

"I think... we should avoid talking about this. I am sorry." Rei said, frowning slightly. "Kaji had warned me you would not want me to leave... if you knew."

"Well... it certainly makes this harder to swallow." Shinji admitted matching her frown. "I won't see you again, will I?"

"It is highly unlikely."

Shinji sighed heavily.

 ** _What now? Where do I even go from here? This would be so much easier if... I had never came. Or just didn't ask so many questions... damn it._**

"Should... I go? Is that okay?" Shinji asked, shrugging. "Kaji should be here soon anyway, right?"

Rei seemed to be stuck on her response, opening and closing her mouth multiple times before speaking.

"Shinji... would you stay? I am nervous." She began, finally, staring at the ground. "I would feel much more comfortable with you here..."

Shinji was unsure about the request, though he didn't want to admit it. On one hand it felt good to have someone rely on him for once, rather than the other way around. On the other hand, however, he felt strange about the concept of spending time with her.

 ** _She may be... my sister? But, she can see my thoughts for god's sake... I don't think I could *ever* be comfortable around her knowing that._**

 ** _..._**

 ** _..._**

 ** _Get a grip. She needs you, Shinji. When's the last time you could say that?_**

"S-sure, Rei." Shinji relented, smiling. "Though, I can't promise I'll be to, uh, _talkative._ Being good company isn't really my strength."

"That is okay. I was going to continue looking at pictures of cats. Your presence alone is enough." Rei replied, swiveling in her chair, to face the computer again. "Do you also enjoy pictures of cats, Shinji? I find them... amusing."

Shinji stifled a laugh, before walking over to her nearest corner and sitting on the ground.

"Yeah, Rei. I do."

* * *

"Kid! KID! Get the fuck up."

...

"I said _get up_!"

Shinji awoke from a shake on the shoulder. The rude awakening made getting his bearings more difficult than usual.

 _ **Woah... what? I fell asleep?**_

Looking around, Shinji realized he was still at the internet cafe. His neck hurt horribly, as it was painfully aware he had slept in an awkward position up against the wall. Rei meanwhile, was still asleep at the desk.

Perhaps the more pressing issue, though, was the older man standing in the middle of the room, making the already cramped room even more claustrophobic.

It wasn't Kaji.

Instead, it was visibly angry, partially balding man. Somehow, though, Shinji _knew_ it wasn't the balding problem that was making him so cross.

"You awake now, kid? Cause I need you to make like a tree and _leave_." The man said sternly, gesturing out the door. "Take your girlfriend with you, while you're at it."

"E-excuse me? W-w-wait, w-what time is it?" Shinji asked, reaching for his phone frantically. The man's angry demeanor wasn't doing any favours for his anxiety.

"It's just about one in the morning, if you gotta know. More importantly, though it's time for you two to leave." The man argued, grabbing Shinji by the arm. "C'mon, get up."

After a slight struggle to right himself with a leg that had fallen asleep, Shinji meekly complied. Shaking Rei awake himself, he bowed deeply.

"I-I'm sorry." He apologized, as Rei shook off her own confusion. "C'mon Rei, we have to leave."

"...why? where is Kaji?" Rei asked, eyes half closed.

Shinji stopped in the tracks nervous pacing. In his frantic attempt to not get in trouble, he hand't even bothered to answer that question. Why _were_ they being evicted?

"Look girl, I know you thought you could just sneak yer boyfriend in, but it just don't work like that; you gotta pay for him, too. Besides, _you_ ran out of paid time an hour ago, and I got a regular outside who wants this room. We're at capacity now and... well, to be frank you've been here _a week_ and you creep me _and_ the customers out. So I'm pulling the plug. Yer gone, got it?"

The man's harsh words made Shinji shy away from even bothering to retort. Instead, he just nodded silently. Grabbing Rei by her arm, he led the girl out of the room.

As if too add insult to injury, the man went to the effort of throwing the bag of food containers at them as they left.

"Take yer fuckin' garbage, too!" He shouted, as the bag collided with Shinji's head. "Fuckin' ungrateful _brats_."

Carrying the now partially open bag of crap out with him, Shinji and Rei exited the internet cafe less than gracefully.

* * *

Now outside, Shinji puttered around the front of the cafe while Rei looked on without any clear emotion. The whole episode indoors had the left him reeling, and now, without a proper place to wait for Kaji, Shinji was at his wits end.

"But... w-where is he? I don't get it, he was supposed to be here by now, _right_?" Shinji ranted shaking his head. "Right? _Rei_?"

Rei nodded simply, failing to even remotely match Shinji's sense of urgency. "Yes, though it is not uncommon for him to be late."

Shinji sighed, shaking his head. "I-I don't know, Rei... the way he was talking, tonight was _the night_. You were supposed to leave."

...

"Oh, **shit**!"

Shinji reached for his phone. In his panic, he had completely forgotten about Kaji's number. Dialing in the number with utmost care, Shinji began pacing around again. The initial relief of remembering the phone, however, was soon replaced with silent dread as the call didn't go through.

"His phone must be off... or something" Shinji sighed, looking down at the phone, glaring at it in misplaced frustration. "But why? Why _now_?"

As he brooded over the phone, Shinji was caught off guard by a drunk passing by, nearly walking into him. Muttering some curses under his breath, the guy walked away without much trouble, thankfully.

"Man, we need to get outta here. But, where do we _go_? The trains aren't even running anymore... Rei, do you know what number to call for a cab?" Shinji glanced behind him to the girl, who shook her head. Shinji sighed. "Didn't think so. Me neither."

"Perhaps we should begin walking, and see if we can find someone to ask about transportation." Rei said, walking up to Shinji and placing a hand on his arm. "If we remain together, we should be okay."

With her hoodie up, her face was masked by the darkness and shadows of the night, Still her Red eyes reflected the nearby neon lights with dazzling color. The sight made Shinji feel nervous.

"Y-yeah, I guess... then we can ride back to my place." Shinji answered eventually, trying his best to smile. The boy had sever trouble in situations like this; usually every step of any plans he made were meticulously thought out and executed. Having to deal with being public without any plan at all, made Shinji's chest feel tight in apprehension. "T-then... Kaji can pick you up there?"

Rei nodded.

Taking a deep breath, the pair went on to walk down the street. The walk was silent, both out of a general awkwardness between the two, but also from a desire to be noticed by the occasional stragglers who were still roaming the street.

Of course, they passed a couple reletivley non-threatening groups of people, or welcoming establishments; the sort of opportunities here asking for help would be appropriate... but Shinji found himself passing up each of them, telling himself hopelessly that he would wait for 'a better opportunity'. As this repeated over a few times, Shinji was becoming painfully aware how empty that self-promise was. His anxiety and pessimism was getting the best of him, yet again.

 ** _Doesen't help Rei won't say anything... at least with Asuka, she'd take charge of things._**

 ** _...God, I'm such a coward!_**

He turned around to check in on Rei, but was surprised to see that she had stopped in place a way back, and was staring at a storefront.

Jogging over to her, Shinji tried his best not to freak out, terrified at the prospect of losing track of her in this sketchy area.

"H-hey, what's wrong?" Shinji asked, glancing at Rei and the building she seemed so fixated on.

"Nothing is wrong. I... remember this building." She answered, her eyes seemingly stuck to the aforementioned structure. The neon sign, posted on the front and begging for attention, was entirely in English and Shinji couldn't make it out.

"You.. really?" Shinji asked, honestly confused. "L-like, from when you came here with Kaji?"

"No. I remember this building... Asuka often thought of it during the dinner." Rei explained, narrowing her eyes. "But I am not sure _why._ "

Shinji was taken aback; somehow he had almost forgotten about Rei's... special skill, amidst all of his worrying. That being said, whereas before he would be hesitant to delve back into the subject of her powers, the mentioning of Asuka pricked his curiosity on the subject more than he would like to admit.

"Oh... s-so l-like, just randomly?"

Rei shook her head, though it was clear she had to consider the query for a moment. "No; she would think of this place often, _later_ in the night, when she was conversing with _you_."

"M-me?" Shinji felt her words sink into his ego. "You think this place might have something to do with... her and me?"

"It's possible... though I was merely suggesting we check to see if Asuka was present, for help." Rei said, pointing at the entrance.

"O-oh, right. Good idea." Shinji laughed awkwardly, before taking some steps towards the largely unremarkable building. "So... here we go?"

Rei nodded, and Shinji was forced to steel himself as he continued to approach the building. Shinji had to admit that most of his sudden confidence stemmed from the prospect of meeting Asuka, however.

Opening the door, Shinji took a deep breath, checking again to make sure Rei was following him.

He wasn't about to go in alone.

* * *

 ** _It's... a hostess club?_**

It was indeed, Shinji quickly noted. The first thing that tipped him off was a large picture posted in the lobby, showing off pictures of all sorts of women in skimpy clothing.

As Shinji and Rei looked over the image, one with more clear embarrassment than the other, an older woman with a broom came walking towards them.

"I'm sorry, but we're about to close... are you two admiring my girls?" The woman asked, sounding amused. "Or maybe _you'd_ like to apply to work here, miss? I think our customers would be intrigued-"

"U-uhhh! N-no, we're just uh..." Shinji stammered out, before looking at Rei, who was still busy examining the pictures. "We were j-just wondering-"

"Shinji. Look, Asuka." Rei pointed out suddenly, the girl sounded bored and hushed, but Shinji was anything but when he followed her gesture to a picture of Asuka posted on the wall. He figured Rei was making a mistake, but the redhead was _indeed_ there. Like the others around her, she too was wearing... enticing clothing.

"Wow... you're right. I-It's really _her_!" Shinji announced, gaping at the picture.

"Oho... is that _Shikinami_ you're admiring?" The woman explained, sounding almost proud. "I'm not surprised; she's a new hire, but she's already extremely popular. She worked tonight, actually."

Shinji gulped nervously. **_She works here... under an alias? Entertaining, no, *manipulating* men for cash... she'd definitely be good at that, but it kinda makes me... angry._**

"Shinji... I am sorry that you are distressed, though I do not understand why." Rei stared at Shinji, who forced himself to divert his eyes from Asuka's alluring picture.

"I... don't worry about it R-Rei." Shinji shrugged, before turning to the older woman. "U-uh, excuse us, erm... could you give us a number for a taxi? We need to get home."

"Oh, of course! But you need to promise me you'' come back to visit! Shikinami is busy, but she _loves_ to meet new clients!" The woman chirped, turning to leave, though she stopped briefly upon remembering something. "And you, missy! Really _do_ consider working here! It's good money, and we're very discreet! Under the table, and no taxes! You would draw in costumers with looks like that too, I'm sure!"

Rei stared at the woman, who seems a bit put off by her lack of response... or emotion at all. Soon enough, she walked away to fetch the phone number as per their request. Soon enough she came back with a piece of paper, sending the two a polite smile before going back to sweeping.

"Shinji... I did not like what that woman was thinking." Rei stated, as she watched the woman do the rounds of the lobby. "These clothes are comfortable and warm, yet she would have me expose my legs, navel and most of my chest."

Shinji blushed.

"Y-you don't say, Rei." He scratched his head, sighing.

"Shinji..."

"Yeah?" Shinji turned around to face his red-eyed companion.

"You are still preoccupied with Asuka; why?" Rei asked, tilting her head cutely.

Shinji wanted to reprimand the girl for being coy, but he knew she lacked the social ability to pull it off. It was just oblivious striahgt shooting from her perspective. Her damned, _clairvoyant_ perspective.

"...Cmon, let's go, Rei." Shinji rolled his eyes, turning towards the door.

...

"And stay out of my head, **_please_**."


	10. Welcome to Heartache

Thanks as always to Gryphon117, Dragonjek, and SeekingProfessionalHelp for their wonderful feedback!

~~ 10 chapter milestone, woohoo! ~~

* * *

"Shinji, why do you talk like that?"

Shinji Ikari jumped slightly at the question. It was coming from behind him, in the more cozy recesses of his apartment. He looked back to see a sleepy Rei, who was currently curled up in the blankets she had borrowed the night before. Leaning against the wall with her legs drawn close to her chest, she was still in the awkward position in which she had fallen asleep. Well, awkward as far as _Shinji_ was concerned, who had watched her fall asleep last night. He didn't mean to, really, but he was still fairly guarded around the telepathic girl.

"...um, t-talk like _what_?" Shinji inquired, confused. "I didn't say anything..."

 ** _I didn't even know you were awake..._** Shinji thought to himself, turning himself away from the pile of clothes he was searching through. He had been absentmindedly sorting through them, trying to decide what clothing he _needed_ to wash the most. He didn't feel like carrying it all down to the washers, after all.

"You _did_ talk. Though, I don't know who you were addressing." Rei replied, pulling the blankets closer to her face. "No one was here."

"O-oh? _Oh_... Yeah, sometimes I do that. S-sorry." Shinji apologized, shrugging. The boy went back to sifting the pile of clothes sheepishly. "I thought you were still sleeping. Y-you never talk to yourself?"

"Why do you repeat syllables so often?" Rei pursued him verbally, completely ignoring his question.

Shinji turned back again, albeit barely, to see the girls face. Her head was titled curiously. He sighed melancholically.

 ** _She's adorable... in the most creepy way..._** Shinji admitted internally, though he had to reflexively catch himself.

 ** _Sister. She's my sister. Supposedly._**

Shinji remembered she was still waiting on his reply. He had to scold himself silently for forgetting something so basic. Social etiquette, as basic as it could be, was tricky, he found. Especially when one was so used to getting lost in his own internal monologue.

"U-uh... I have a pretty bad st-stutter." Shinji answered honestly, though silently cursing himself for conveniently providing such a stereotypical example. He steeled himself before continuing: "...Some people just have trouble speaking clearly, that's all."

Rei was silent for a moment.

...

"Why are you thinking about Misato?"

" _R-Rei_! I told you to stay out of my brain!" Shinji reprimanded his current roommate, groaning.

"I am sorry. I do not always realize that I am the only one who sees what I see; it is a natural thing, for me." Rei explained, looking unconcerned. "I am merely curious."

 ** _Natural my ass..._**

Shinji felt his face heat up, and he turned away for shelter from the girls eyes. "She... er, _M-Misato_. She made fun of me for it... back in our college days. M-my stutter, I mean."

"I see."

Shinji felt understandably vulnerable with this girl sharing his room. It wasn't just the extra body present, either; there was a distinct fear in the back of his head that if this arrangement continued, Rei would be stripping most of his secrets off of him one by one.

And it had only been one night. Kaji couldn't show up faster.

"W-well... w-what about you?" Shinji retorted, chuckling weakly. "You talk _weird_ , too. Y-you don't use contractions."

The returning jab was intended to redirect scrutiny back to the girl; humanize her. Rei clearly had other ideas, though, as she took the observation in stride.

"It is a conscious choice. I feel language is easier to understand when you take your time." Rei explained flatly. "My teacher found it strange as well, when he taught me."

"When your... teacher taught you?" Shinji repeated slowly, gripped by simple curiosity. It turned into more, though when he thought back to his own education. "Like at school. No, wait, don't tell me... were _you_ joined at the hip with a tutor, too?"

"What do you mean?" Rei narrowed her eyes, thrown off by the idiom.

Shinji sighed, regretting even bringing it up. "W-well... you know, f-father wasn't really satisfied with just sending me to school... he hired a private t-tutor."

Shinji's mind filled with images of drinking tea around a quieted table, sharing meek smiles with an older, gentle man. It was a nice feeling to re-experience, before he realized Rei could share with it as well.

"You know.. that man was almost like a father of mine, himself... h-he lived with me when father was gone for work." Shinji added, sighing.

 ** _Gone for work... always gone..._**

"Shinji, I sense you are uncomfortable with this conversation. I think we should end it." Rei interjected rigidly.

Shinji groaned, exasperated with how the gifted girl handled conversation. "Rei... n-normally when someone shares something personal like that, y-you don't just _brush them off_ like that. It's rude."

"Do you disagree?" Rei continued, unabashed.

An awkward silence filled the room. Shinji didn't respond, and kept himself occupied instead. In fact, he started to question why he was trying to converse with her at all, out of politeness or otherwise; there some pretty _obvious reasons_ why interacting with her would most likely **never** be normal. People worked so hard to guard their secrets, and yet she had the ability to flank around that guard without much hassle, short of a few headaches, apparently.

 ** _Even if she is my sister... doesn't mean I have to like talking to her. Heck, that's almost expected of siblings. Still... she means well, I'm sure._**

 ** _..why me?_**

A gentle rustling brought Shinji's attention behind him, Rei had moved from under the blanket, exposing her upper half. She was still wearing that same old ratty hoodie Kaji had given her a week ago.

"Your silence concerns me... I _am_ sorry, Shinji. _Again_ , at times I do not realize what I am doing to others. Interacting with people is... difficult." Rei spoke, more softly than usual. "For most of my life, I only spoke with my teacher... and father. They were used to me; _you_ , are not."

Shinji exhaled laboriously, turning reluctantly to the girl to face her. "N-no, Rei, I'm sorry... I-I don't know what it was like for you growing up... e-everyone's different, I shouldn't..."

Shinji couldn't quite put an apt end to his awkward attempt at consoling her.

As if to make up for it in action, he walked over to Rei, and placed a hand gently on her shoulder. It was something Misato used to do to him often in the clubroom... but now that he was the one doing it, he felt a bit weird.

"I-it's cool. You... y-you're alright, Rei."

 _ **Cringe.**_

Even so, Shinji tried again:

"Uh... Y-you know, I think it's kinda... c-cruel. You didn't even go to school? F-father at least let me go to school..."

It was an awkward attempt at connecting with her, but it was an attempt nonetheless. Rei stared back, expression unchanged.

"My teacher said I would have not functioned well in school."

Suddenly the stupidity of what Shinji had suggested hit him like a brick wall. To him, it felt like his heart sank into his bowels, causing them to knot up uncomfortably.

"...r-right. The s _ixth sense_... thing. Still, I-I know I keep using this word, but... it's _cruel_. I-I guess the world just isn't ready for you, Rei."

 _ **I'm not sure they ever will be...**_

Rei's hand, opposite to her exposed shoulder, emerged from the blanket. Placing it upon Shinji's, Rei shook her head.

"Do not be sad, Shinji. The time I spent with my teacher; it was my... _home_." Rei replied, using the final word with some clear caution. "I do not regret my past. I was treated with care and respect."

Shinji chuckled. "W-well... you're, erm, _special_. I think father..."

 _ **No wonder he lost interest in me...** _ Shinji thought bitterly. **_Someone who could carry the Ikari name... not me, no._**

Shinji looked down towards Rei, getting a bit caught up in her blood red eyes.

 ** _Her, though..._**

He removed his hand from Rei's shoulder... he had felt the urge to squeeze, angrily; an urge that disturbed him deeply.

"N-nevermind." Shinji finished, feeling slightly sick.

Rei's gaze was curious but intense.

"Shinji... do you hate our father? Your mood worsens considerably at his mentioning..."

The blunt accusation made Shinji take a step back from Rei. Her eyes seemed to bore a hole in his brain; heading towards places he wasn't keen on unearthing.

"H-hey, **Rei**?" Shinji made stubborn eye contact again, adding some force to the girl's name.

"Yes?"

"Remember you said you wanted to end the conversation before? Then I said that it was rude?"

"Yes?"

Shinji turned back, walking away briskly to tho two pile of clothes he had managed to make, despite the distractions.

"I'm fine with it now, I think." Shinji called out to her curtly, grabbing one of the piles. "...I don't wanna talk about father; and, if you can't _promise_ to stay out of my head, then _doubly_ so, I _don't want to talk about it_."

The words hung onto the air heavily to the point he was unsure if he was the one that really said them. They were more resolute than usual, even if it didn't feel good to deliver them.

"I-I'm going to go do some laundry." Shinji added with a restrained tone, walking towards the door. "T-there's a laundromat downstairs; I'll just be a few minutes... don't open the door, unless it's Kaji, a-alright?"

Once arriving at the door, Shinji realized his helplessness. Sheepishly, he turned back towards his new roommate.

"H-hey... can you get the door for me? I-I don't have any free hands."

"Understood." Rei replied, before standing up. The blankets surrounding her fell to the ground as she straightened herself upwards. She walked towards him, her steps echoing throughout the room while Shinji tried his best to slip on his shoes without the pile of clothes spilling everywhere. Even when he managed to the put them on, his _sole excuse_ of distraction... he failed to meet the girls eyes as she drew close.

 ** _It's like... I can feel her staring... what the hell..._**

"Shinji..." Rei spoke softly to his face, as she placed her hand on the doorknob to the outside. The cramped space of the entrance way made him feel claustrophobic.

"Yeah?" Shinji became rigid, staring at the ground.

She opened the door.

"You... lose your stutter when you are angry."

"H-huh?"

"You lose your stutter when you are angry." She repeated, robotically.

Shinji shook his head.

"I-I'm not ang..." He tried to retort, but his voiced failed him.

 _ **I can't argue with her...**_

He sighed heavily; his shoulders seemed to weigh more upon exhaling.

"Well, t-thats a... _troubling_ solution." Shinji relented, feeling sick. "I-I'll be right back, Rei."

She nodded as usual, and Shinji scurried out the door, making a beeline for the laundromat.

* * *

After taking his sweet time getting his laundry in order, Shinji reluctantly made his way back to his room once he had started the washing machine. In stark contrast to the cool laundromat and its linoleum floors, he now found himself bathing in the smothering summer heat. The harsh sun seemed to slow him for a moment, and though usually he would be keen to return to his air-conditioned room, Shinji knew that the cooled, comforting air wouldn't save him from the awkwardness of interacting with Rei.

 ** _She's so... annoying._** Shinji thought, though feeling a bit guilty admitting it to himself. **_I wonder how she'd like it... me going into her thoughts..._**

Shinji silently cursed himself, leaning against the outer wall of is apartment. The door to the laundromat fed off into the alleyway between his apartment and the next building; Shinji could wait in this area without _too_ many people passing by. That is, other than the people walking towards the nearby staircase to get up to the apartment units. It was _manageable_ at least, since the apartment block was fairly small, so it wasn't _too_ active a spot.

 _ **I'll just take a rest... soak up some melatonin, maybe**_. Shinji thought, trying his best to smile, if only to himself.

Still, Shinji jumped slightly when he heard the metal staircase creak under somebody's weight. Turning over to the source, Shinji was surprised to discover that it wasn't anyone he recognized from his block, but rather one Toji Suzuhara. Strangely enough, he was descending _down_ the staircase, coming _from_ the housing complex.

Upon noticing Shinji, Toji's eyes widened at first, but narrowed abruptly, as if he remembered something.

" _There_ you are... jeez!"

Walking up next to him, Toji mirrored Shinji's leaning position, taking up the space on the wall to the left of him. For Shinji, at least, it was a bit too close.

"Y'know, I knocked on your door for a _while_ there... I swore I heard someone inside, but I guess I was imagining things." Toji rattled off casually, withdrawing a pack of cigarettes from his jean pocket.

"Uh... h-hey, Toji." Shinji responded simply, dumbfounded to his sudden appearance. "...You know where I live?"

"Nah, Asuka does." Toji answered, before placing a cigarette into his mouth.

Soon, it looked as if a lightbulb went off in Toji's head.

"Oh, hey... was it a girl inside, maybe? Like from the hostess club? It'd kinda make sense, it being the morning after Friday night, after all... though I wouldn't figure those hostess girls would follow you home... not unless you pay extra, hehe."

His words were mumbled from the cigarette, forcing Shinji to pay extra attention in order to understand.

"H-hold on..." Shinji rewound the conversation, trying his best to put Toji's rattling aside for a moment. "You _know_ about the hostess club?"

"Nah, _again_ , Asuka does." Toji repeated, letting loose a puff of smoke frustratedly. "I'm just the messenger."

"M-messanger? What do you mean? What for?" Shinji asked, horribly curious. " _Asuka_ sent you here?"

"Yeah, she's pissed." Toji chuckled warily. "That girl, _man_ , you don't wanna be at the brunt end of her fury, even if she's not mad at you, really, you feel it, I tell ya!"

Shinji felt the urge to agree. He still was a bit caught up on other issues, though.

"T-Toji... why is Asuka pissed?" Shinji asked frowning. "Is... is this still about the p-porn thing?"

Toji coughed violently.

"Wait, what? Porn? What the _fuck_ kinda relationship do you two _have_?" Toji asked, laughing.

Shinji looked away from him, feeling more than a bit embarrassed. "N-nevermind. J-just forget I said anything."

"Nah man, we _have_ to have a beer sometime..." Toji laughed, nudging him in the arm. "First, all these hot chicks you hang out with... now yer tellin' me there's _porn_ involved... like, damn, dude. You lead a blessed life."

Shinji couldn't help but smile and laugh at his own expense. "Yo-you... you might be right, Toji."

The amicable moment shared by the two died down, eventually. It was replaced with an awkward silence, as Toji tapped a rythym on the apartment wall, clearly trying to think of the right words.

"Look, man... Asuka wants you stop _stalking_ her, alright?" Toji began, before taking a deep drag of his cigarette. He exhaled heavily before continuing. "Like... I get it. She's like, _ungodly attractive_ , but... she says yer waiting outside her dorm at night... and like, asking questions about her at her workplace... I mean, she says she never even _told_ you about her side job. She barely tells _anyone_. What are you _doing_ , man?"

Shinji's stomach twisted horribly. He couldn't really deny what Toji was saying.

"Uh... I-I don't know... I just... w-wanted to see her..." Shinji managed, feeling light-headed. "I-I-I.."

He trailed off, taking a deep breath, but couldn't manage any more.

Toji sent him a concerned look, as Shinji stared at the ground.

"She told me to... 'threaten to fuck you up' if you keep this up..." Toji chuckled, shaking his head. "I can't really say **no** to her, but... I'm not really the dramatic type."

"I-I'm... sorry." Shinji managed, though he wasn't sure why. "I wasn't trying to..."

"Yeah, I _know_ , man." Toji chuckled. "You're just an... _awkward guy_. I can see it plain as day when yer at my work, all slouched over and listening to music... but you _gotta_ cool yer jets on Asuka. I'm just... glad she went through _me_ and not the police."

The thought made Shinji sick. He thought many things about himself, but a criminal wasn't one.

"Then again, I doubt _she_ wants to see you behind bars, either." He continues, smirking. "That night I first met ya, man, she was sending you looks that I've never _seen_ her give me, give _anyone_... and I **pay** her to pay attention to me. She _likes_ you, man. You just have to, I dunno, turn down the intensity a smudge, aight? Take some time off with yer _other_ lady friends... ya bastard."

Toji nudged him in jest again, and the two shared a smile, though it was more forced from Shinji's end; he was a bit too focused on a particular detail Toji had let slip.

"You.. you _p-pay_ her?" Shinji asked, not-so-innocently refocusing the conversation. "Like, at the hostess bar?"

"Yeah? Why?" Toji shrugged. "She gave me her card just a few days ago. Told me to keep it _hush-hush_ , though. Speakin' of, how'd _you_ figure out she worked there?"

"Just... a lucky guess." Shinji brushed off the question, pushing himself off the wall.

 ** _She... never told me... why?_**

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Toji asked, clearly confused.

Taking steps towards the staircase, Shinji turned back to Toji rigidly. "W-what... what sort of stuff does she do for you... w-when you _pay_?"

Toji looked a bit dumbfounded. "Uh... like... drinks? Conversation? Nothing too crazy. Fuckin' _expensive_ though... but it's  her, y'know?"

"Y-yeah... it's _her_." Shinji nodded, smiling weakly. "I... know what you mean."

As he continued walking towards his room, Shinji heard Toji call out to him:

"Shinji.. we're cool, right?" Toji asked, sounding a bit concerned. "Like, yer gonna cool down on Asuka... we can grab that beer, sometime? We good?"

Shinji didn't bother to turn this time.

"Yeah. We're good." His voice called out, as he raised a hand in recognition.

"Tell her... I'll be in my room if she needs me."


	11. Welcome to Loss, Lost

**_THANKS AS ALWAYS TO ALL WHO READ AND FOLLOW THIS STORY, YOUR SUPPORT KEEPS ME MOTIVATED!_**

 ** _SEEKINGPROFESSIONALHELP, RENTON2895, GRYPHON117 AND MISTERHALT... YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!_**

 ** _YOUR FEEDBACK MEANS THE WORLD TO ME :D_**

* * *

Holed up in his room during the hottest summer on record, Shinji Ikari was beginning to understand the difficulties of living with someone.

For one, he was finding it much harder to indulge in video games. It was one thing to ignore one's own needs in favor of playing time, but to do the same with someone else... well, it was _different_.

"Shinji, I am hungry."

Re's voice beckoned his attention behind him. She had been watching him play for a few hours now. Shinji wasn't even sure if she was enjoying it, but it's not like she had much choice...

Kaji had yet to return. It had been _five days_ , and not a word had come in from his former neighbor. Rei, meanwhile, was forced to be cooped up in his home, given the risk of public notice.

Was Shinji starting to worry? Yes. Was he currently doing anything about it? Hell no. He was too busy vanquishing the final boss of this dungeon.

"Uh... I-I know, Rei. _Sorry_. Just after this fight, okay?" Shinji explained, not letting his eyes leave the screen. "I'll go to the convenience store."

"You said that, but that was three fights ago." Rei added.

Shinji turned back to the girl, face wrought with guilt. "A-are you sure? Do you even, like, _play_ video games? Maybe you're mistaken..."

"I can recognize patterns, Shinji." Rei retorted, sounding annoyed for once. The injection of emotion into her voice, even if it was negative, made Shinji a bit happy. It breathed life into her usually impersonal self. He sighed, chuckling slightly.

"Y-yeah... okay, _fair_." Shinji said, pausing the game. "Don't touch the controller until I'm back, alright? I-I just don't want to lose my place... been working on this dungeon for _hours_."

"I am _aware_ how long you have been playing." Rei replied, staring at him. Shinji felt a shiver go down his spine.

 ** _Sheesh... okay, cranky when hungry... I should take notes._**

Getting up from his cross-legged position, Shinji stretched his legs. He had been sitting there for an embarrassingly long time. Unsurprisingly, he had to pee, so he started making his way over to the bathroom.

Shinji was only halfway through relieving himself when a knock on the door brought some urgency into his usually quiet life. His immediate assumption was that it was a salesman, or some other kind of unwanted guest; this theory was proven wrong with the help of the peephole.

It was Misato.

In his current mood, Shinji didn't much want to talk to _anyone_ , and that informed his usual choice of ignoring _anyone_ who knocked on his door or phoned him these past few days. That said, the nagging urge to open the door made Shinji feel like perhaps Misato was an _exception_ to this rule. Besides being an old friend, it was hard for Shinji to think of a time when spending time around the woman made him feel anything but... _better_.

 _ **I want to let her in but... Rei's still here...**_ Shinji thought to himself, looking behind him at his aforementioned guest. **_Welp..._** **_Better avoid any misunderstandings if I can..._**

And so, Shinji opened the door and slipped outside. Misato was surprised at the sudden action, nearly colliding with Shinji.

"W-woah, _hello_ Shinji!" Misato smiled slightly. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

Shinji shook his head, smiling. "N-nah... it's just, uh, _dirty_ in there. Y-you know how it is."

It was convenient excuse, and perhaps sadly, not a fabrication. There was the initial phase of Rei's moving in that lent itself to keeping his place clean and proper, as one often would for a guest... but soon enough Shinji fell back into his usual habit of neglecting messes and hoarding. It was partly out of simple laziness, but also because Shinji realized that Rei didn't particularly _care_. Well, that or if she did, she sure wasn't saying anything about it.

"I... see." Misato replied simply, before sighing. She looked around her, seeming a bit off kilter. "I'd... prefer to have this conversation _inside_ , though... if you don't mind. I don't really care about the mess."

"O-oh... I mean..." Shinji tried to reply, at a loss.

It was at this time, once he was over the initial adrenaline rush of interacting with someone was over, that Shinji noticed that Misato's eyes had heavy bags under them. She certainly wasn't looking to be in good shape.

"H-hey... are you alright?" Shinji asked, frowning. "You don't look so great."

Misato didn't reply, but brushed some hairs out of her face. It was clear she wanted to speak, her frustrated sigh was indicative enough.

"Y'know... not that I'm a prize myself..." Shinji tried to lighten the mood rubbing his chin, adorned with patchy stubble.

Misato smiled, but it seemed forced, broken slightly. Still, the sight made Shinji feel a bit better.

"Um... so, have you not heard the news?" Misato began, crossing her arms sheepishly.

Shinji shook his head, before shrugging. "I-I don't really get out much. 'L-live under a rock', you could say."

No smile this time.

"Shinji... Kaji is dead."

* * *

Suicide.

In the **_opinion_** of the local police, Ryoji Kaji had committed _suicide_ in his car, using the method of carbon monoxide poisoning. His car and corpse had been discovered by farmers well outside Tokyo, a few days ago.

The news had been relayed to his employer at the university, and the news had spread like wildfire. A well-known and well-liked assistant professor had killed himself...

"In the **_opinion_** of the police." Misato repeated again, more assertive this time.

Shinji shifted uncomfortably. He glanced to his right, at Rei. They were all sitting around his kotatsu, as this was one of the few places one could have a meeting in spite of the mess.

Rei's face lacked emotion. Anything discernible, at least. Shinji figured the news hadn't really settled in for her, since he himself was having a hard time keeping it together. He felt sick to his stomach, and moreso than the usual gut-punch of anxiety.

Turning back to the visibly angered Misato, Shinji shrugged.

"O- _opinion_... you keep saying that, but..." Shinji started, carefully. "What if-"

"Kaji didn't _kill himself_ , Shinji!" Misato shouted, slamming her fist on the kotatsu. The look on her face was intense; it terrified Shinji.

"I... I don't get it, M-Misato... he did." He responded, avoiding the woman's fiery gaze."Y-you just explained it yourself. I-It's what the police found."

Misato looked to explode again, but she seemed to catch herself. Shaking her head heavily, she clenched her fist.

"Screw the police! It's a _homocide_ , Shinji. A _cover-up_." She explained, rigidly. "Someone killed him, and the police are more than happy to _sweep this under the rug_."

Shinji swallowed nervously. He had to admit, the thought hadn't not occurred to him... but that sort of thing was... unthinkable?

 _ **There's a telepathic girl to your right, idiot.**_ Shinji caught himself mentally, and he almost had to smile. _**Throw out your expectations; they're toast.**_

"O-okay... but, how are you so sure?" Shinji responded, after some recollection.

If Misato was capable of restraining herself before, now wasn't the same.

" _Me_? What about you? How are _you_ so ready to accept it?" She pointed accusingly at him. "Do you really think Kaji would _kill himself_? A guy like him? No! He was kinda _in the middle of something_ , right?"

The accusatory gesture now found itself directed at Rei.

"Speaking of, how in the hell are you _so calm, Rei_?!" Misato shouted, straightening her arm further, a helpless palm extended to the blue haired girl. "Isn't this news a little... surprising to you?!"

Rei stared at Misato in return. The gaze was sustained to a point where Shinji knew what she was doing... Misato, on the other hand, merely seemed to get more annoyed at the silent staring.

"I am... envious of your close relationship. This is clearly devastating to you." Rei answered finally, though still maintaining her cold expression. "I am sorry."

Misato's eyes narrowed. Her lip quivered slightly. "What... what do you know?"

Her words were darkly subdued, in stark contrast to those that preceded them. They were hurt, bitter.

"I don't understand." Rei replied, simply.

"Tell me what you _know_ about all this!" Misato exploded, now slamming both hands to the table. "You're the last one to _see him_ , are you not?! Why are you just sitting there, saying _nothing_?! What do **you know**?!"

"M-misato... t-take it easy..." Shinji interjected, concerned.

"It's okay, Shinji. _I'm_ okay." Misato assured her younger friend, closing her eyes as if to calm herself. "Just.. let her answer."

Shinji turned to Rei, who was currently staring at the ground.

 _ **That's not guilt, is it?**_

"G-go ahead, Rei." Shinji prodded her, hanging on her worrying silence.

Rei nodded.

"I... I do not know _why_ this has happened. I do not know why _anyone_ would do such a thing. Kaji had told me he would help me leave Japan... begin a new life. He was _nice_. I believed him." She started, frowning, before lifting her eyes with clear resolve. "I am _deeply_ sorry, and _confused_ , by this news... but I am also... _not normal_. I often do not know how to react appropriately, and it confuses people greatly. I am sorry, Misato."

Misato frowned in turn, though her anger had clearly subsided. "Rei... n-no, I'ts okay. I'm... _sorry_ I exploded on you like that. I'm kind of _stressed_ right now."

"I-I think... I think it's safe to say w-we _all_ are." Shinji added, before reaching over and placing a comforting hand on Misato's own.

She withdrew her hand, bringing it to her lap. Shinji's hand was left alone. His stomach dropped.

"I'm just confused..." Misato began, adjusting her hair slightly. "What do you mean, you're ' _not normal_ '? _Why_ were you trying to leave Japan? Why was Kaji involved?"

Rei stared in turn yet again. After a moment, she took a deep breath:

"I am..."

"M-Misato... Rei has had, erm, a _t-traumatic_ upbringing... of sorts." Shinji cut her off, shrugging. Rei glanced over at him, her eyes glistening slightly with curiosity.

Sighing nervously, Shinji continued:

"She came to Kaji for help. And, I-I mean... none of us knew or _know_ e-exactly what it's all about b-but... she _needed_ to leave, to get away from her past. She _still_ does. T-that's why I'm taking care of her... w-we were waiting for Kaji to return. He had a _new place_ arranged for her elsewhere... t-to start again."

Misato's eyes seemed to study the words; she darted her gaze over Shinji's expression, as if to look for something. Soon enough, though, they returned to Rei.

"...Is that true, Rei?"

Rei nodded. "Shinji is... correct. I would rather not speak of my past. I can assure you, however, that I know _nothing_ of Kaji's untimely end."

Shinji breathed a sheltered sigh of relief.

 _ **I... can't let Rei spill the beans about herself... I promised Kaji... I have to honour that promise. It's only right.**_

"Though... in truth..." Rei began anew, sounding hesitant for once.

 ** _Ah, shit..._**

"I believe that my... presence has been problematic enough. People do not like me being around them... I _feel_."

Shinji shook his head. "C-cmon, t-thats... thats not true, Rei."

Rei's eyes darted to Shinji, piercing him yet again.

"Shinji, this is... a _strong intuition_." Rei spoke, with a _smirk_.

"O-oh..." Shinji responded knowingly, feeling a bit guilty. "Well... w-what do you want to do _now_? Your plans with Kaji have been... well, _yeah_."

Glancing to his left, Shinji saw Misato's pained expression.

 ** _Fuck... way to be tactful..._**

"I think... I would like to return to see my teacher." Rei responded, pulling Shinji away from his awkwardness. "He will know what to do."

"Y-your teacher?" Shinji asked, confused. "Wouldn't that..."

 ** _That's a direct link, back to father..._**

"Rei, are you _sure_?"

Misato sighed sharply, catching everyone's attention.

"Yeah, excuse my straightforwardness, but I thought you were running _from_ your past, not returning to it." Misato added, sounding more than a bit accusatory.

"...I lack another choice, at this point. I do not want to inconvenience you all, anymore. I will return to seek help from my teacher, whom I trust."

"Okay... where does this teacher of yours live?" Misato asked.

"Kagawa Prefecture. He runs a farm, there." Rei explained.

"Kagawa? That's quite a ways south... you going to take a train?"

"I am unsure, at this point." Rei replied.

Shinji took a deep breath.

 _ **This is... my responsibility, now. Isn't it?**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **Though, it doesen't have to be.**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **But... Kaji, trusted me. ME.**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **For once... I was needed. I am needed.**_

 _ **...**_

"I'll take her!" Shinji blurted out. "I-I'll accompany her!"

Taken aback, Misato managed a scoff. Shinji straightened up in return, a bit embarrassed. "W-what?"

"N-nothing... just a bit surprised." Misato admitted, stifling a chuckle or two. "I mean, you've become a bit of a... recluse, no? _You're_ gonna go all the way to Kagawa?"

Shinji groaned.

"W-well... t-to be fair, would you rather me _stay_ a recluse, or actually _do_ something about it?" Shinji asked in return, raising his hands slightly in exasperation.

Misato smiled, shaking her head. "No, I'm _glad_ , actually... just **surprised**."

Shinji sighed, before looking at Rei. "Y-you're... cool with that, right Rei? You'd... l-like some company?"

Rei seemed to take a moment, staring at Shinji, who avoided her eyes strategically.

"Yes. I find this arrangement... satisfactory." She responded, finally, though robotically.

Shinji rolled his eyes. "R-right. Good? I guess? _Good_."

Sighing, Misato got up from her seat on the floor. Navigating carefully over some nearby garbage and knick-knacks she glanced reluctantly at Shinji.

"Ah, what the hell... I'll help you guys alright?" She said, hands placed decisively on her hips. " _I'll_ drive you two to Kagawa."

Shinji's brow furrowed. "You'll... huh? Why?"

"I'll drive you two there. With my car?" Misato clarified, smiling.

She then took a moment, eyes wandering as if in search of something. "As to _why_... I like to think I'm a nice person."

Shinji didn't buy into the girls smile, which was a bit cheesy given the circumstances.

"But M-Misato, a-aren't you... _grieving_? I-I don't mean to pry but-"

Misato cleared her throat, clearly signaling a desire to interject. Shinji rescinded his interruption, bowing his head. The girl continued, re-assuming the smile, albeit clearly more strained this time.

" _Look_ , Shinji... I get that you're worried, but... I _honestly_ think I could use some time away from the city. Things are _obviously_ crazy right now; I just need to time to _think_ , and process everything." She explains shaking her head. "This is _just_ a good excuse to do it. For a... good cause."

Even if the woman's voice came across a bit acidic, unnatural... Shinji had to agree.

"Y-yeah, y'know things have't been... _t-too_ great for me, either." Shinji said, glancing absentmindedly over to Rei, the unfortunate source of most of his recent anxieties. Upon her meeting his gaze, however, the boy backtracked immediately. "And with this news on top of things... maybe I could use some time off too."

 _ **Cmon, Shinji. Let's not guilt-trip the telepath... hell, who am I kidding... she already knows how I feel.**_

Misato chukled.

" _Time off_? For a hikkikomori?"

Shinji silently cursed himself, but had to smile. "P-point taken."

"Nah, Shinji-boy... _girl problems_ can be a real bitch, even for the most... unmotivated of men." Misato smirked, before glancing at Rei.

"H-huh?"

"Aw c'mon, this whole situation spells 'romantic comedy'... you're living with Rei, so Asuka's _probably_ jealous. Not to mention Rei wasn't in her good books in the first place, since she was spending time with her... crush... aw, _fuck_."

Shinji hadn't seen a smile melt off someones face quite so fast; then again, maybe his own could've beaten in. That is, if it matched the speed at which he felt his stomach sink horribly.

 ** _Oh god... Asuka..._**

"I... I-I didn't even _think_ about how she must be dealing with this..." Shinji announced, warily. He suddenly felt the need to move around, and _do_ something. It wasn't hard to guess why.

"I... can't say I did either." Misato admitted, before covering her mouth slightly. " _Poor girl_."

It seemed expletives were particularly appropriate for this moment, Shinji tended to agree.

 _ **He was the entire reason she came here... she's alone...**_

"Shinji, you should _go to her_." Misato pleaded suddenly, walking over to him. "I can barely handle this... I can't imagine what she's going through, right now... in a foreign country, all by-"

"M-Misato, I _know_." Shinji interrupted her, frowning. "But... I-I _don't_ think she wants to see me right now."

Misato mirrored the emotion, shoving her hands into her jean pockets.

"Look... you know her better than I do, but... are you really sure that's true? _After what's happened_?"

Shinji bowed his head deeply. It hit the kotatsu. Digging deep into his brain, he searched for a reason to believe.

* * *

 _"Laaaame Shinji!"_

 _..._

 _"You don't have to prove anything to anyone, Shinji."_

 _..._

 _"I lost my mom too, a long time ago."_

 _..._

 _"I'm just... surprised how similar we are. I never would've thought it is all."_

 _..._

 _"What'd I tell you, opening up about these things helps, right?"_

 _..._

 _"Look, me and you, we're cut from the same cloth, right? We understand each other now."_

* * *

"You're right... I'll go talk to her."

It seemed like, before he even knew it, Shinji was on his feet. He didn't know _where she was_ , to begin with, but the details didn't quite much matter anymore as they usually did for the anxiety ridden man. This was different.

Misato nodded eagerly. "Good."

Walking over to the entrance-way, Misato sighed, before slipping on her shoes.

"I'm.. gonna go to the office; book some time off. We can talk about the trip to Kagawa later, alright? I think... _hope_ it will be cathartic for _all_ of us. Considering what's happened."

Shinji nodded, walking over to the woman. "I hope so, too. And... helping Rei,I-I think that's what Kaji would have wanted."

Misato didn't respond, but instead looked over at the aformentioned girl. She was still next to the kotatsu, staring, as per usual.

"Shinji...I am hungry. Still."

...

...

"I am sorry, that was inappropriate timing, was it not?"

Shinji laughed. Misato shook her head, though letting a smile slip.

" _Wow_. Quite the caretaker there, aren't ya Shinji-boy?"

Shinji sighed.

"O-okay! _Noted_. Convenience store _first_. Asuka second."

As Shinji slipped on his own shoes, he turned back to see that Rei... was _smiling_ , for once.

Shaking his head and smiling, Shinji turned to the door to leave.

 **Hunger... I'm chalking it up to the hunger.**


	12. Welcome to Avoidance

_**Sorry for the long wait.**_

 _ **Thanks to SPH, GamblingWillie, VoidBlade and rabidporcupine80 for the reviews!**_

* * *

"So, let me get this straight..." The freckled woman began, sighing. "You said you wanted to see _Asuka_?"

Shinji Ikari managed a weak nod, a bit put-off by her suspicious stare; it wasn't a welcoming feeling, for sure.

Then again, it's not like he could really blame her for being so wary of his presence. Though he had certainly taken his sweet time getting over to the dorm complex, none of that time had been spent making himself... presentable. Still wearing the stained sweatpants and t-shirt he had donned... _some while_ ago, the sleep-deprived hikikomori didn't exactly come across as a welcomed sight; not outside a girls only dorm, _for sure_.

The woman looked behind her as if for support, though there was clearly no one there. She failed to respond for a moment. Shinji was sweating bullets trying to decide whether he was about to be taken pity on, or be on the receiving end of campus security.

"Um... to be honest, you'll just have to leave, alright? I've already received a complaint from a resident about you loitering... I-It's nothing personal."

Shinji wondered which of the wary-eyed girls that had passed him the past couple of hours had called in this supposed _complaint_. The fact that were multiple potential answers to this question disturbed him...

 _ **Which of those disgusted glances was the most disgusted?**_ He thought,

"Are you _listening_?"

Shinji rose his heavy eyes to meet the accusation.

 _ **No... the answer is no.**_

"I-I'm sorry... I'm just _w-worried about her_ , is all." Shinji spoke slowly, apologetically. "I know I'm not really wanted here, b-but I-I have no way of contacting her, and..."

The woman rose a brow, seeming a bit surprised. "Worried? In what sense?"

Shinji shrugged, feeling reluctant to go into detail. "S-she... can't be feeling to well right now, I-I figured. I... just got informed of some, u-uh, _unfortunate_ news."

 _ **That's putting it lightly...**_

The woman was listening carefully, and eventually produced a thoughtful nod. "Well... you're not wrong, she's _really_ been out of sorts. You must know her fairly well, then?"

Shinji shifted uncomfortably in place. "I... what? K-know her.. what do you mean?"

"The, uh, _unfortunate_ news. I mean, If were on the same page, that is. P-professor Kaji, right?" The girl answered, stumbling slightly at the name.

Shinji nodded, solemnly.

Another sigh from the girl; this time more heavy, laboured.

" _Yeah_. Everyone here heard about it one way or another; I mean, a professor is _dead_ , it's not exactly small-time news. But the fact that Asuka knew him so well, well, _that's_ not common knowledge. She only told me last night, actually. She was... _inebriated_ , to say the least."

"O-oh..." Shinji managed, feeling horrible, though not exactly surprised. "That's c-concerning. Do... you know where she is now?"

"Um... I have an idea, b-but... who are you, _anyway_?"

The way the girl delivered the last word betrayed her attempt at sounding friendly; she was still uncomfortable, clearly.

"I'm... Shinji Ikari. Not sure if that helps any, though..." Shinji mumbled, feeling embarrassed. "A f-friend of hers... I think?

 _ **Not suspicious at all.**_

The girl smiled suddenly, and caught a chuckle that slipped her lips. "S-sorry. That helps _a lot_ , actually. _You're_ Shinji?"

Shinji fidgeted nervously, shoving his hands into the pockets of his dirty sweatpants. "Y-yeah?"

"Hm... I can kinda see it now, actually. You kind of look like... well, how she described you." The girl admitted, looking a bit shy.

Looking down at himself almost reflexively, Shinji remembered just exactly how he looked right now. "W-wha... what kind of unflattering description was she giving me?"

"S-sorry... I don't mean to make you uncomfortable." The girl laughed slightly, but seemed to remember something. "Oh! I-I'm Hikari, by the by. Hikari Horaki. I'm a student here, but I also help out as a residence manager."

"S-so wait... Asuka talks to you? About me?" Shinji asked, admittedly curious.

"You could say that, I guess. Took a little while to get her to open up to me, though." Hikari laughed. "Some people tell me I'm _persistent_ when it comes to making friends."

Shinji found himself smiling. "W-well, I'm glad she has _someone_ to talk to."

"Well, that girl has _always_ had her fair share of conversation partners 'round here." Hikari smiled softly. "Though, I can't say she ever enjoyed it much. At least not past the first day or so. She's a real attention magnet with her looks and aggressive personality... but I think it was starting to wear her down. And now, with Professor Kaji..."

Trailing off, the girl frowned solemnly; Shinji just stood in anxious silence.

"...she's in a rough spot, that girl." Hikari continued, sighing. "I want to help her, but... there's only so much I can do. I felt like we were finally becoming friends but, now it's like shes built up this wall of grief... it's _horrible_."

Shinji felt his heart sank. Hikari seemed to take note of Shinji's sadness, and began shaking her head.

"U-um, don't mind me though. I'm just... venting, being a worrywart; the usual. I'm sure being friends with her, you know about all of this already."

"W-well, I g-guess you could say that." Shinji admitted. "I j-just wanted to check up on her."

Hikari glanced at her feet, then hesitantly back at Shinji. "Well, she told me she went to... _work_. But truth be told I don't really know where that is."

Shinji could feel his heartbeat quicken.

"I-I... I have an idea."

* * *

After a long journey through the city, Shinji was feeling more uncomfortable than usual; and that was saying something.

It wasn't the weather. The summer air was humid, but the night had lessened the season's effects. A cooling breeze was starting to form, rustling the leaves of some nearby trees.

No, it was mostly the girl sitting in front of him that caused him so much stress. A few feet away, on a bench next to a convenience store, was Asuka. The short distance that remained between them now ensured that the girl had at least _noticed_ Shinji's approach, but she hadn't quite deigned to make eye contact.

To be fair, that suited Shinji just fine. If she could see him right now, it'd be pretty evident how captivated he currently was with her. Certainly dressed for the job of a hostess, Asuka's short red cocktail dress didn't leave much to the imagination.

"S-so..." The young man began, sighing nervously. "Sent home from work, h-huh..."

Asuka's eyes remained on the ground in front of her, seemingly devoid of life.

"Yeah, so? Why do you care?" She replied eventually, voice bitter.

Shinji was taken aback at her quick, cutting response. He had assume his arrival would cause a bit more of a fuss, but Asuka seemed unfazed at him showing up; suddenly at that. The lack of affect on Asuka's part made Shinji concerned, but he tried his best to play along:

"W-well... you're not... _home_." Shinji shrugged, glancing inside the convenience store next to them. "F-far from it, actually."

" _Why do you care_?" Asuka asked again, this time with more vitriol.

The repeated question stumped Shinji for a moment, despite its simplicity. Still, he tried.

"W-well... I-I care about you." Shinji managed, albeit awkwardly. "I... I care about how you're feeling, r-right now. _E-especially_ right now."

Asuka turned to him finally, meeting his eyes. The act, as simple as I was, wasn't received by Shinji in a simple manner. He practically froze in place, as her eyes studied his.

"You're not the first guy to say that, Shinji." Asuka replied, bluntly.

Shinji took a few steps, closing the gap between them to a foot or two. She broke eye contact the moment he moved his foot though.

"Well, a-am I... the first guy to... walk around a city for hours to find you?" Shinji asked, carefully.

Raising an eyebrow, she turned back towards him. She seemed confused at first, but managed a smirk.

"...yeah, probably." Asuka scoffed. "But you have all the time in the world though, don'tcha, _hikki?_ "

 ** _Yeouch._** Shinji mirrored her smile. "You're not wrong."

Approaching the bench, Shinji steeled himself, before offering his hand out to the girl. "We should go. It's getting late."

Asuka stretched heartily, before reaching into her backpack, which laid next to her underneath the bench, mostly out of sight. She took out a thermos, unscrewed the cap, and took a swig. Sighing in satisfaction, she cradled the thermos in her arms almost lovingly.

"Yyyyeah? And where to?" The girl asked expectantly.

Shinji shrugged sheepishly. "I dunno... where do _you_ want to go?"

Asuka groaned almost reflexively at the response, stuffing the thermos into her backpack. "Jesus Christ, you're such _a doormat_! Did you really spend all this time looking for me just to... **w-woah**!"

Mid-rant, Asuka had tried to stand up from the bench; operating word, _tried_. Stumbling forward, the girl almost faceplanted, if it weren't for Shinji's surprisingly quick reflexes, catching her by the arm.

"S-shit, sorry. I'm a bit, well, _drunk_." Asuka apologized for once, laughing bitterly. Righting herself properly, she seemed to get her bearings. "Drunker than I thought... s'what I get for not standing up in a while."

Shinji realized he was still holding onto her hand, and let go a bit too quickly. "I-I know. I asked your boss where you were, she seemed kind of pissed."

Asuka rolled her eyes dramatically.

"Oh, _whatever_. I get drunk at that place all the time... though I guess it's usually during my shift, not _before_... and I don't dump drinks on the clients... _hehe_." The girl reminisced, smirking with a restrained giggle. "I thought i'd be fired, but I'm basically a cash-magnet for that place."

Shinji merely stared at the girl in return, unimpressed. Asuka didn't seem to impressed herself either.

"Yeah, yeah... I don't care what you think." Asuka scoffed. "At least I _have a job_ , fucking **lame** Shinji."

Ignoring the venomous jab, Shinji scratched his head nervously; something had been bugging him about all this, and it wasn't the one-sided inebriation.

"And I take it... you don't care about me _being here_ , do you?" Shinji asked, avoiding her eyes. "Like, around you... _near_ you."

Grabbing her backpack from the ground, and swinging it wildly around her, Asuka scoffed yet again. "No, I really don't."

Walking away from Shinji, the redheaded girl swung the backpack rhythmically from side to side. Shinji watched on for a while, finding the sight to be kind of cute. Eventually though, he noticed that Asuka was now looking behind her, waiting for him to follow.

"You comin', hikki?"

Though a moment of nervous hesitation grounded him firmly, Shinji found himself jogging dutifully after the heartbroken girl.

* * *

Shinji didn't exactly understand why Asuka had chosen to drag him drunkenly back to the usual ramen place, but it seemed he wasn't the only one incredulous about this nights developments. _Toji_ looked confused and almost offended, when the girl had knocked on the large glass window on the front of the restaurant, trying to get his attention as he swept the floor of his workplace. After all, it was _Shinji_ who was standing next to her, hand over his face in embarrassment at the racket Asuka was currently making so late at night.

Needless to say, there was a bit of an awkward silence as Toji made his way outside, setting his broom aside. Well, it _would be_ silence were it not for Asuka's drunken, playful humming,

...

...

"So, hold on here for a sec, Asuka..." Toji sighed, now leaning on the brick wall outside. Rubbing his temples, he tried again:

"Just a week ago, you told me to beat the shit out of _this guy_ for _stalking_ you. A guy who now you are now hangin' out with in your _work uniform_ , past midnight on a _weeknight_ , drunk out of yer minds?!"

Toji was mainly directing his confusion at Asuka, but he was also occasionally glancing over at Shinji, as if he had something to offer in terms of an explanation. He had nothing.

Nothing _especially_ , since Toji was spot on. While he and Asuka had made their way over here, she had made sure to force him to drink from her inconspicuous thermos as well. Shinji didn't really know what the contents were, nor would Asuka share the recipe, but it was... effective. Unable to say no to this girl, a girl he had essentially been fawning over for weeks, Shinji now found himself drunker than ever; bar perhaps his 'glory days' with Misato.

"Seriously, what the _fuck happened_?" Toji asked again, getting impatient as Shinji and Asuka either fidgeted or giggled, respectively. "Care to explain?"

"Looook, Toji. That whole... 'beat the shit out of him', erm, _thing_." Asuka laughed. "Bit of a kneejerk reaction, huh? I mean... pfft, look at this dude. He wouldn't hurt a fly!"

"Yeah... too bad you didn't' realize that before you set him over to _threaten_ me..." Shinji chuckled, shoving Asuka's almost empty thermos into the girl's hands roughly. She had been having him carry it around for a while, with obvious intentions.

Asuka took the thermos less than gracefully, before proceeding to chug the rest of the drink. Shinji immediately regretted handing it over to her now, but he wasn't exactly in a state to make good decisions.

"Uh... yeah, sorry bout that, Shinji." Toji prodded Shinji in the side. "I didn't realize that whole, _stalking_ ordeal... was just a _fleeting fancy_ of hers."

"Nah nah nah... I mean, the guy's still creepy, don't get me wrong." Asuka reprimanded him, shoving the thermos back into Shinji's hands, much to his tipsy chagrin. "Things have just _changed;_ I've got bigger problems to deal with, now."

Toji raised a brow, annoyed. "Yeah, like _what_?"

Shinji, of course, knew about these new 'problems' Asuka was speaking of. Being reminded of them though, made Shinji a bit more questioning of their current predicament... and why he was so okay with it. Caught up in this drunken, and admittedly fun, spiral with Asuka... he hadn't really thought about how strange this was. Here was a girl who was grieving over a loved one, and yet was drunk and merry like nothing was wrong. She looked practically despondent earlier when he first saw her, and even apparently had a meltdown at work. But now, she seemed... _fine?_ _Happy,_ even. What was going on?

"Uhhh... Toji. I-I don't think..." Shinji called out, scratching his nose. "Asuka is-"

"None of your business, Toji." Asuka butted in, hands on her hips. "I'm not here to _boondoggle_."

"Bitch... you show up at my work after close." Toji reprimanded her, clearly at the end of his wits. "I think this is _kind of_ my business, now."

" _Aw cmon_ , Toji... I just want to know if you can hook me up with some _booze_." Asuka clarified, leaning forward. Both Toji and Shinji took note of her... exposed cleavage; her work uniform' as Toji had put it earlier, was an effective persuader.

"W-we're _closed_ , Asuka! I said that already." Toji brushed her off, though clearly straining. "Just go to a convenience store."

Puffing out her cheeks cutely, Asuka sighed. "Cmon... hook me up, man. I know you guys have tons in there. Besides, I've blown _all_ my spending money."

Toji groaned, face-palming. "H-how is that _my_ problem? Besides, what about your job? Don't tell me you've already burnt through all those tips I gave you."

Groaning, Asuka threw her head backwards along with the rest of her torso, de-emphasizing her chest to Toji's relief.

" _So what_ if I have?" She sighed. "Besides, _fuck_ that job. I **hate** it."

"What? But you were so into it, before; you kept nagging at me to come visit you." Toji explained, confused. "What the heck is going on with you?"

"AAAAH! _ **Whatever**_!" Asuka shouted out, grabbing the empty thermos from Shinji and shoving it into her backpack in a not-so-elegant outburst of drunkenness. "I can already feel myself sobering up, talking to your lame ass!"

Turning around, or rather stumbling around, Asuka began walking away from the pair of confused boys.

Toji, for once in his life, seemed a bit concerned. "Asuka, it's a _weeknight_ , don't you have classes tomorrow?"

Asuka didn't bother turning around at the comment. Instead, she opted to flip him off with a raised hand.

"Fuck off, you sound like my _stupid dad_."

Shinji and Toji shared a look, as the girl continued to walk away.

"You're going after her, _right_?" Toji asked him, nudging him in the side.

"U-uh, yeah." Shinji answered curtly, before going to leave himself.

Walking away, Toji called out to him. "Keep an eye on her, man. Something's off with her."

...

"I know."

* * *

"Uh... A-Asuka?"

The aforementioned girl was mid-swig into a king-sized beer, burping loudly, the girl turned to face the guy calling her.

"Ye- *hic* yeah?" Asuka slurred out, smiling.

"Um... y-you should take it easy, probably." Shinji asked, meekly.

Asuka giggled, hiccuping again. "Aw c'mooon... you bought this for me, ya _dingus_."

"I did? Wait, I did, didn't I?" Shinji admitted guiltily, feeling more than a bit drunk himself; he was currently carrying a bag full of beer, bought at the convenience store at Asuka's insistence. "Where are we going, anyway? Your dorm isn't this way."

"To yer place, man."

Shinji took a double take at Asuka, who had just finished dropping that bomb after another hearty sip of beer.

"W-w-what?! Why _my_ p-place?" Shinji asked, less than gracefully.

Besides the obvious issue of bringing a drunk, scantily clad women back to his place, Shinji was equally concerned about the _other girl,_ currently waiting for him there. The fact that this scenario was happening, to him of all people, was mind-boggling to him.

"Cause, like I said, my dorm is closed now; there's a _curfew_." Asuka explained, smiling wide. "Let's just kill some time at yer place till the mornin', *hic* alright?"

Shinji had a thousand urges to say **no** swirling around his brain, but he was finding it hard to deny the girl her apparent happiness... happiness that he figured was fleeting, at best. After all, Shinji wasn't exactly unfamiliar with the concept of drinking to avoid ones own problems; Misato had made sure of that. Instead, the boy just found himself nodding, pulling off a meek smile. Asuka smiled back, _wider_.

* * *

"Hehe! Whoooops~!" Asuka laughed heartily, sprawled out across the stairs to Shinji's apartment. Shinji didn't say anything, of course, but he could totally see up the girl's dress as he mounted the stairs behind her. Instead, he just tried his best to smile and extended a hand to help her up.

"Wow, I'm soo goddamn druunk!" Asuka laughed, taking his hand. Barely capable of standing even with his help, Asuka continued to accept Shinji's help as they finished climbing the stairs.

"Alsooo... I can't believe _you_ drank so much, lame Shinji... even though I seem wayyy drunker than youuu~."

"Uh, _hehe_ , y-yeah." Shinji managed a slight laugh, smiling at her.

 ** _I can't believe it either._** He thought, shaking his head. Even now, Shinji had trouble piecing together the night and it's events, it was like memories were cutting in and out without warning. He knew he was way too drunk to be functioning right now... but if anything was sobering him up, it was the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something wasn't right. No, he _knew_ something wasn't right.

As they approached his door, Asuka began humming again; it wasn't remotely the first time she did this tonight. Anytime there was a prolonged silence between them (which admittedly wasn't too often, given Asuka's drunken rambling...), she would begin humming. It was like she was trying to fill the void with... something.

Reaching the door, Asuka spun around drunkenly (nearly losing her balance), and leaned against the door frame. She locked her eyes to Shinji's, causing him to freeze up on his usually puppy-like following of her. At the moment, he found himself at a 'safe distance from the girl, with her unable to do much than stare at him.

 ** _What... what is that look? I've never seen her look at me like..._**

 ** _...that..._**

 ** _Oh no._**

"What are ya waiting, for dumbass?" Asuka laughed, brushing some hairs from her eye. "Unlock the fuckin' door. Let's _go inside_."

"Asuka... um..." Shinji began, finding it awfully difficult to but his admittedly presumptuous thoughts into words. "You're not... um... look, I just..."

"C'mere!" Asuka urged him towards her, laughing. "You look like a... scared little mouse, or something!"

"I'm... I'm not scared, I just..."

" _Come. Here. Then._ " Asuka sounded out, sounding impatient.

Sighing, Shinji began taking some steps forward finally. As he neared the door, and more importantly, Asuka, he felt his heart skip a beat.

She reached out to him. Grabbing his shirt collar, Asuka pulled Shinji in, her mouth agape. For a moment, the whole world seemed to slow down for Shinji. His arm seemed to move on its own, bracing himself against the wall behind Asuka. Asuka continued to tug at him, before she realized that he was effectively _stopping her from kissing him_.

"W-what are you doing, dumbshit? Don't make this _awkward_!" Asuka pleaded with him, tugging harder at his collar, struggling. "I know you... I know you fuckin' want this!"

With her free hand, Asuka grabbed one of Shinji's. Pulling towards her chest, Asuka tried to get him to grope her.

"N-not.. not like _this_ , I don't." Shinji managed, struggling himself. The girl was surprisingly strong. "W-we're too drunk..."

Pulling even harder, Shinji found himself mere inches away from Asuka's sweating body. Her eyes were locked with his, but Shinji didn't see any happiness in them, any compassion.

"You... y-you put up with me tonight... it's only fair." The girl urged him, voice shaking slightly. "Just let me..."

" _No._ You're just going to regret this." Shinji replied, forcefully.

Asuka's grip loosened.

Pushing him roughly away, Asuka sent Shinji reeling back to the railing of the shared balcony.

A long silence formed between the two, As suka covered her face with her hands.

"Why... why won't you..." Asuka began, muffled from behind her hands.

Asuka began to sniffle and whimper, still unable to show her face. Shinji felt his gut churn with guilt.

"Asuka..." Shinji began, leaning against the railing. "I'm not... I can't be... Kaji..."

...

"Don't you think I **know** that..." Asuka managed, whimpering all the while. "You're... you're just a _stupid hikkikomori_."

...

"...but even _you_ don't want me." Asuka began crying, sliding down the wall, before sitting on the ground roughly, wrapping her arms around her legs.

Shinji walked towards the girl, before getting down on her level, crouching. "Asuka..."

"I'm worse... than a _stupid hikkikomori_... I'm **garbage**..." Asuka spoke messily between difficult breaths, interrupted by crying. " **Worthless**."

Reaching out, and grabbing her hand, Shinji squeezed it. " _Don't talk about yourself like that. I-I... I know you, you're not garbage, you're-"_

 _"No._ You don't get it" Asuka interrupted him, squeezing his hand to the point of hurting. "You don't **get it**. My m... m-mom... she... oh god- Hrmmmph!"

Asuka removed her head from the bosom of her legs, though only to _puke_. Making an absolute mess of Shinji's door, the apartment owner merely watched in terror as the girl heaved helplessly.

"S-shinji... open the fucking door... _for real this time_." Asuka managed, sounding weak, disgusted. " **Toilet**."

"O-oh right!" Shinji realized, hurriedly searching for the keys. Fumbling awkwardly it took Shinji a minute before he properly opened the door. Rushing in behind him, a stumbling, drunken Asuka collided with the doorframe to this bathroom, before practically tumbling to the floor in front of the toilet. Shinji watched in horror from the doorway as he merely heard disgusting heaving sounds from outside his apartment.

 ** _Fucking hell... why did I buy her those beers... what was I thinking?_**

Walking ashamedly into the bathroom, Shinji crouched to pat Asuka on the back gently, before reaching around her to gather her hair and remove it from the... line of fire. It was a bit late at this point, but it was an almost reflexive action for Shinji, having done it more than a few times for Misato during their time in college.

...

"Shinji... who is here?"

...

Both Shinji and Asuka turned to the source of the noise; the latter removing her head from the toilet bowl.

It was Rei, standing in the darkness of the apartment, clearly having just woken up, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Oh. Hello, Asuka."

 _ **Dear... dear god... I forgot...**_

Turning his head to Asuka, he saw her wearing a deadpan, lifeless expression. Without warning, however, the girl suddenly burst out laughing:

"HAHAHA... oh _fuck me_... what the fuck..." Asuka laughed loudly, before turning and placing her head back in the toilet. "What the... **fuck**..."

...

" _Hrruuuugh_!"

...

"Ptoo... ptoo... what the... **fuck**... haha"

...


	13. Welcome to Polygyny

_Shinji..._

He looked around him, trying to place the source of the sound; someone was calling him. The voice was soft, and seemed to long for his attention. No matter how hard the young man tried, however, attention wasn't something he could offer to the seemingly disembodied voice. All he could see was his apartment, surrounding him like a security blanket, with sunset seeping in hungrily through the drawn curtains.

 _Shinji..._

It seemed to come from... outside? Shinji nodded to himself, contently. Of course; the outside world looked so inviting... the sun was so warm, and such a lovely colour. He walked over to the door and turned the knob, but the stubborn piece of metal refused to give way, no matter how hard he struggled.

 _Shinji!_

The voice interjected again, this time sounding more hurried. Shinji continued to pull desperately against the door, but to no avail.

 _ **Shinji.**_

The voice whispered directly behind him. Spinning around, Shinji's heart seemed to leap into his throat.

It was Asuka. She stared deep into his eyes, failing to blink even once over what seems like an eternity for Shinji.

 _What do you think of me?_

Her voice was lighthearted, almost mocking. She produced a smile, and it curled upwards almost unnaturally. No one could be that happy. Still, she awaited an answer:

"I lov-"

Shinji had barely opened his mouth to confess before she puked, releasing inhuman amounts of black sludge from her mouth and into his own. His words, carefully chosen, had drowned.

Soon enough the black sludge engulfed his entire face, cutting off his vision. Desperately wiping away at his eyes, Shinji was confused to find that upon recapturing his vision, he was no longer in his apartment.

He tried to get his bearings, looking around him nervously.

It was the university clubroom... he recognized the old battered table, located in the center of the room, but eerily missing the usual messes of student-life it usually upheld.

 _Shinji._

A voice called to him again. A shiver ran up his spine; he no longer found the haunting voices endearing. Turning in place, to and fro, Shinji tried his best to guard himself.

Suddenly, strands of raven hair entered his vision from the left side, before seemingly wrapping themselves around his face to the right. Shinji spun to his left, arms outstretched, as if to push away the perpetrator.

It was Misato. His outstretched arms, intended to push himself away, now found themselves wrapped around the woman lovingly, who herself had her own arms wrapped around him. She pushed him onto the clubroom table with unnatural strength, pinning Shinji below her.

 _Was I wrong about you?_

The woman had asked, with that... same unnatural smile.

"N-no! I lov-"

Misato pressed a forceful finger against his lips, silencing him. Soon, though, she lowered her head down his. Pursing her lips, she closed her eyes for a kiss. Shinji reciprocated eagerly. As she drew closer and closer to him, her long strands of hair began covering her face. Shinji couldn't see this with his eyes closed... but he could feel it. He could feel the hairs slowly cover his face, more and more... and no kissed followed.

He opened his eyes to a sea of suffocating raven locks... and that flowery smell that had haunted him for years. He reached out to Misato, grasping in front of him, but it was useless.

 _Shinji..._

"NO!" Shinji yelled out, as the disembodied voice taunted him, yet again.

 **Shinji.**

Emerging from the raven sea, Rei's face burst forth, stopping within inches of his own.

"Rei... what are you..."

Rei smiled the unnatural smile. Her mouth opened wider and wider before her jar pried open like a snake preparing to devour its prey. Shinji whimpered.

 _Itadakimasu_.

* * *

Shinji Ikari's body jumped, pulling him violently from his sleep. He stared up at the ceiling of his apartment, too scared to move.

 _ **A dream? Is it... over?**_

Carefully, he righted himself upwards. Taking a deep breath, his attention was immediately caught by the sound of his game console; sound effects, incessant clicking of buttons.

Asuka was playing, staring boredly at the screen. The way she looked at the screen reminded Shinji of himself, initially. Just like for him, too, Rei was sitting directly behind Asuka in her usual spectating position.

She wasn't spectating, though. She was staring at him... intently. Suddenly Shinji knew what had just happened.

 _ **Those... fucking red eyes.**_

Picking up an emptied cup of ramen noodles, he threw the garbage at Rei with a rage he didn't really knew he possessed.

"Stay out of my fucking head!" He shouted, causing Asuka to almost have a heart attack. Rei, meanwhile, barely reacted as the Styrofoam cup collided harmlessly with her face.

"Jesus Christ!" Asuka complained, clutching at her chest. "How about you give us a warning before you go all rage-tastic on us? The fuck is your problem?"

In his sleepy rage, Shinji had almost forgotten about his guest. What she knew, what she didn't knew. For Kaji's sake, he bit his tongue, despite having a great deal of desire to expose the... monster that was currently living his house.

As cathartic as it was for the boy to steam away, swearing internally at his telepathic roomate, he forced himself to get up from his futon and make his way to the bathroom. Splashing water on his face Shinji cooled off in more ways than one.

He wanted to be alone, but found himself sighing deeply as Rei followed him, waiting patiently in the doorframe of the bathroom entrance. Asuka too, eventually followed, apparently bored with gaming. The two women waited for him like vultures, as Shinji did his best to ignore them.

"I am sorry, Shinji. You were sleeping with your eyes open." Rei explained. "I was curious."

Shinji looked over at her; there was a semblance of 'apology' plastered on her face. It was hard to tell, sometimes. Regardless, her attempt was enough to make him calm down.

"I-it's okay, Rei... but just for future notice, that's not an... invitation." Shinji said, shaking his head. "I don't know if all of that was intentional, but that was scary... really _fucking_ scary."

"What the hell are you two even talking about?" Asuka interjected both verbally and physically, squeezing her way into the bathroom.

Shinji shook his head, cursing himself for not being more tight-lipped. "It's nothing; s-she was just... screwing with me while I was asleep. I-I got angry."

Asuka raised a brow. "Really? Guess I was zoned out... y'know, those games you have aren't half bad. They're outdated, though."

Shinji turned to the redheaded girl... and the _blue-headed_ one. He wanted to leave the bathroom, but they were now completely occupying the doorway. Shinji sighed again.

"Don't you have classes to go to?" Shinji asked, putting his hands on his hips.

Asuka shrugged, looking almost offended. "Sure, but at this point, why bother? I'm going to miss a bunch soon, anyways."

Shinji wanted to reprimand the girl, having been the rule-adhering student he was, but relented. She had a point.

"Speaking of, you said Misato was coming tomorrow, right?" Asuka added, assuming a much happier mood. "I finally went back to the dorms and packed my shit up."

"Y-you did? When?" Shinji asked, confused.

"I dunno, when you were sleeping, probably." Asuka smirked. "Which is an _unhealthy_ amount, by the by."

Shinji felt his face heat up.

"Didn't we agree that while you crashed here..."

"I wouldn't _judge your lifestyle_... I know." Asuka rolled her eyes, but still smiling. "It's been like a week, and I've been _super good_ , cut me some slack."

Shinji stared at the girl, unimpressed.

" _Super good_ , huh? I-I can't help but remember you... constantly calling me names, a-and making fun of my anime collection. W-which isn't-"

"I know, it's not even yours..." Asuka cut him off, groaning. "Well, I can't help but remember cleaning this place until it was spotless, buying you and Rei groceries, and organizing said anime collection, which whether or not it's yours... is full of really _weird-ass shit_."

Shinji's face heated up even more.

"Like I said, it's n-not mine." He defended himself. "Besides, no one asked you to do that..."

Asuka didn't respond. She just stared, expectantly, with a smug smirk.

"...thank you, Asuka."

Asuka's smirk turned into a genuine grin.

"You are welcome, Shinji." She responded, properly. "Besides, it's actually been pretty nice living here with you two... _after_ I put in some elbow grease, of course."

Shinji looked at the girl confused. "...nice? Really?"

"Let's just say... It's been a change of pace. I was getting sick of school... of that dorm." Asuka explained, before walking out of the bathroom. The girl walked over to what Shinji correctly guessed to be her suitcase. Rummaging around aimlessly, she seemed to keep herself busy.

"You call it a change of pace, but. Aren't you just... ditching school? What's your... _dad_ going to think?" Shinji asked, carefully.

"If you ask me to not judge you, Shinji, then can we stop the reverse, too?" Asuka asked, now rummaging more violently through her belongings. As if to get fed up, she spun around to face Shinji with a burning gaze.

"I don't give a shit! About school, or my dad. Fuck em." Asuka explained, forcefully. "And... fuck you."

"...how eloquent." Shinji sighed, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

" _Whatever_." Asuka replied fruitlessly, going back to her bag.

Shinji paused a moment, looking at the girl, still fuming away.

"F-for what it's worth, Asuka... I-I'm glad you're coming." Shinji managed, glancing hesitantly at the girls back.

Standing up, Asuka turned around. Shinji expected otherwise, but the girl's face was actually calm. Pensive, even.

"Yeah? Why's that?" She asked him, staring. The intensity and precision of the question left Shinji feeling anxious.

"Uh. W-well, Y'know, M-Misato said she needed a break. I... I think we all need a break. W-we have to help Rei, too."

Asuka sighed heavily, making Shinji's anxiety only worsen.

"You know, you keep saying we need to help her... but _neither of you_ have bothered to explain _why_."

Asuka had widened her accusations, now staring behind Shinji. Looking behind him, Shinji saw that Rei was mere inches behind him, staring back at Asuka herself.

"Why is she hiding here? Why does she need to go to Kagawa?" Asuka pressed further, walking closer to them.

"I... I don't really know." Shinji offered, raising his hands defensively, as the girl approached.

"What the hell do you mean, you _don't know_?" Asuka asked, narrowing her eyes, frustrated. "You just agreed to help her, without knowing anything?"

Shinji, unable to truly meet the girl's eyes, just shrugged. "Kaji... Kaji asked me to help her. And now that he's..."

Asuka's frustrated expression gave way to a solemn change, though only for a moment. Soon, she shook her head, as if to shake some unwelcomed feeling off.

"Fine... whatever. I don't really... _give a fuck_." Asuka relented, squeezing the bridge of her nose in frustration.

Shinji, meanwhile, was taken aback. "Asuka... are you _okay_?"

The aforementioned woman grabbed him by the nose. Squeezing down, the girl laughed, before smiling sarcastically. "I'm _swell_ , lame-Shinji. You two can keep your secrets... I'm _beyond caring_ at this point."

"What's... what's that supposed to mean?" Shinji asked the girl, though she didn't even bother to address him. Instead, Asuka practically dragged Shinji aside by the nose, in order to reveal the blue-haired phenom hiding behind him.

"Just promise me one thing, Blue." Asuka said, staring daggers at Rei. "Promise me you're not taking advantage of him."

"I am not sure... what you mean." Rei asked, clearly confused.

"Look... I know _first-hand_ that it's tempting to take advantage of this idiot... but, he's a good guy. You're not roping him into anything criminal, are ya? Anything dangerous?"

Rei didn't flinch at the accusation, and stared back at Asuka with equal strength, but much more purpose. "I am not what you think I am. I _need his help_. He is my only hope."

Asuka laughed, and laughed _hard_ , at that; even Rei seemed confused at the abruptness.

"HAHAhahah.. ha... Jesus, Blue... that's pretty damn dramatic, but... I can't say I don't identify with that, just a bit."

"A-Asuka, what are you..." Shinji tried to regain control of the conversation, hopelessly confused.

"Anyways, I get that you're like relying on him and everything... but sometimes you need more _brains_ in the operations of things." Asuka continued, smiling wide.

"Asuka, can you please tell me what you're on about..." Shinji pleaded, practically stepping between them.

"Welll... look, this is going to seem really random, but talking to Blue here got me thinking." Asuka explained, looking at Rei, up and down. "If she's hiding, why the fuck is she still broadcasting her identity like _that_?"

Asuka had pointed at Rei, specifically her hair... her face.

" _Blue hair, Red eyes_." Asuka spelt out for the two of them, who still looked to be slow on the uptake. "It's fucking _creepy_! More importantly, kind of hard to _blend in_ , don't'cha think?"

For once, Rei seemed a bit self-conscious at the scrutiny. Touching her hair gently, she seemed a bit lost in thought.

"How about you ditch the hair-dye and the contacts, Blue." Asuka finished, hands placed on her hips.

"This is... natural." Rei explained, still touching her hair, almost defensively.

Cue a deadpan look from Asuka. "...you're fucking with me, right?"

"...how does one... fuck... with someone?" Rei sounded out, confused.

Asuka's surprised look morphed almost into concern, as the girl struggled to wrap her head around Rei's inner-workings... and outer-appearance.

"Okay, _Christ_... look, I've got plenty of spare cash. I'm gonna go to the mall and grab some hair-dye and contacts, cause apparently you don't use them... _somehow_." Asuka explained, clearly still a bit in disbelief. "Then once we head out, every person in Japan won't be _gawking_."

As Asuka pushed push Shinji and Rei to get to the door, Shinji found himself feeling a bit sorry for her.

"Sorry... Asuka. I never really thought about that..."

Asuka turned back, as she put her shoes on, wearing her typically smug smirk when dealing with her hikikomori friend.

"Well like I said... we need some brains in this operation." She chuckled, shaking her head. "Besides, someone around here has to do the whole 'going outside' thing."

Shinji nodded his head, sheepishly. "R-right... I'll leave it to you."

Grabbing the doorknob to leave, though, Asuka turned with newfound vigour:

"Can I just say though, that if somewhere down the line we find out that Blue is an alien, I'm _totally_ calling it right now."

Facepalming, Shinji nodded as Asuka stepped outside. "Noted, Asuka."

"Mark my words!" Her voice disappeared as the door slammed shut.

...

A silence emerged as the two remaining occupants of the apartment stared at the recently closed door.

"...hey, Rei?"

"Yes?"

"I know I said _**I**_ was off limits... but you haven't been delving into _her_ mind... have you?

"No, although it has been tempting."

"Yeah... I don't think I'd be able to resist."

"...so, shall I?"

"N-no!"

* * *

Sitting and playing video games, Shinji Ikari tried his best to ignore the noises coming from his bathroom. Of course, most of the noise was from Asuka, who was busy laughing and giggling away. Rei, meanwhile, was only heard through the occasional talking or questioning. Shinji could do little but speculate what exactly they were talking about, their words hopelessly muffled by the bathroom door.

 _ **Part of me thinks I should be weirded out by this... but by now it's almost like we've become some... messed up family unit.**_ Shinji thought, sighing at himself. _**It's been what, a month? What happened to my cozy life?**_

Of course he wanted to complain. But he knew at the end of the day, this was all his doing. His choices. His... friend. His _Sister_.

If there was some things Shinji could be thankful for, though, it'd be that Rei's hiding here had been wholly uneventful, and that Asuka apparently remembered nothing of their messy night together. Nothing... important, at least. These two things combined lead to their somehow being some semblance of peace amongst their strange household of misfits and broken-folk.

Shinji found himself wishing, yet again, that Kaji was still around to offer some guidance. It was a naïve desire though, he knew...

"Ta-Da!"

Asuka's voice, alongside the abrupt opening of his bathroom door, let Shinji know that Asuka was finished doing... whatever it was she was doing. He had a good idea, of course, but the amount of fun she seemed to be having was making his mind wander.

Turning around, Shinji found himself face-to-face with... "The new Rei!"

Asuka sounded excited saying this, and practically grabbed Rei's arm to force her to twirl. Rei was wearing now wearing one of Asuka's sundresses, and it fluttered as she spun in place, her face confused.

Her face, of course, was the bigger concern. Rei's hair was now brown, and her eyes a darker shade of the same.

Shinji went to say something; one of the numerous pre-planned compliments he had devised while he waited for them to finish up.

' _ **You look great!'**_

' _ **Wow, it's so different!'**_

' _ **Awesome!'**_

..but none of that came out. Nothing did. Shinji found himself instead stuck on a thought, a nagging feeling that he couldn't escape. Somehow... somehow, Shinji felt even _more_ creeped out than before.

"Uh, hey Shinji... stop gawking and say something." Asuka reminded him, snapping at the air in front of his face. "Hell, this is a tad _more conservative a look_ , don't'cha think? What's got _you_ all flustered?"

Shinji forced himself out of his thoughts.

"U-uh, sorry, Rei." Shinji apologized, feeling a bit of a cold sweat. "Just... I think I was just used to the... old you. You look, erm, _nice_ , though."

Silence.

"And now, Rei, is when you say ' _thank you_ '!" Asuka added, exasperated.

"Thank you, Shinji." Rei replies, face unchanging.

Silence.

Asuka shook her head, sighing.

" _Christ_ , you guys are awkward."


	14. Farewell to Constraints

_**Sorry for the wait!**_

 **Thank you for all the kind reviews... Gryphon117, Krieg118, renton 2985, Zeromaru Chaos Mode, Demon Lord Cashmere Snow, SPH, magicdownunder and Toby Narukami. All of your guys' support is the reason I keep working on this story. Thanks again!**

* * *

"So, how does Shinji feel, now that he's cast aside the title of 'local recluse'?"

"Huh?" Shinji lifted his head, bringing his vision away from his twiddling thumbs. Asuka was standing to his right, leaning on the same railing as him. She was holding her phone in front of her carefully, wearing a sly smile.

"I said… how does it feel, _Shinji_ , to be an _ex-hikikomori_?" Asuka repeated herself more forcefully, yet still maintaining her pristinely unendearing smile.

"A-are you.. filming me?" Shinji asked, scowling.

Asuka nodded. Before pointing a decisive finger at him, making sure to get her gesture in the shot. "Answer the question, young man!"

Shinji let loose an exasperated groan. "Why are you filming me, Asuka?"

The redheads devious smile dropped into a pout. Shinji felt his heartstrings pull.

"I don't know… for posterity? Memories?" Asuka wondered aloud. "Maybe I just knew it'd make you uncomfortable…" The girl laughed, slightly. Shinji didn't return the favour, and looked back down at his idle hands.

"Asuka… things haven't changed. What do you mean, _ex-hikikomori_?"

Asuka looked annoyed at the insistence. "Look around you, Lame Shinji."

Shinji reluctantly took the girls advice, prying his eyes yet again away from his personal bubble. Looking out in front him past the railing the pair leaned on, Shinji got an eyeful of the admittedly beautiful ocean view. Their day of travel had neared a close, and the setting sun was painting it's aquatic canvas in breathtaking fashion. Far out on at the edge of a nearby dock, Rei was sitting and kicking her legs playfully(?) in the ocean. The way her silhouette was enraptured by the skyline was picturesque.

Having actually taken in the 'scene', Shinji felt a little guilty for being self absorbed. That still didn't make him any less annoyed at Asuka's prying, though.

"It's beautiful… what's your point?" Shinji added, mumbling slightly.

"Doesn't look much like your apartment, does it?" Asuka replied, sarcastically. "Last time I checked, hikikomoris didn't leave their homes. Not this far, anyway."

"I did this for Rei… I had to. This isn't some kind of big step for me." Shinji answered, shaking his head. "It just… happened. I just got swept along like usual."

Asuka sighed herself, almost as if to get caught in Shinji's negative pull. "This interview is already turning into a pity fest."

"Are you surprised? Y-you're talking to _me_." Shinji rolled his eyes, pushing himself up and away from the railing. The boy stepped away from his friend in some not-too-subtle body language. Asuka was having none of it, though, and followed after him with angry steps.

"Goddamnit Shinji, you're on a vacation with a bunch of _hot girls_ ; how could you possibly be depressed?!" The girl brought the camera closer to Shinji's face, focusing on him dramatically.

Cue a snort and a laugh from behind them.

"You know, Shinji, she's not _wrong_." Misato laughed, turning her head back to look at him. "Most guys I know would be damn happy with a trip like this…"

The woman had her hands full changing a tire; the reason for their current pitstop. Her car had chosen a luckily scenic place to get a flat. Luckily, their driver had been prepared, albeit slow to change into a replacement.

Shinji was feeling a bit uneasy with the intentive stares of both the girls on him; he could only be thankful Rei wasn't around to join in on the fun, even ignoring the extra connotation _her_ staring came with.

"You say 'vacation', you say 'trip'." Shinji recounted, pointing at each of them in turn. "I say, 'important promise to keep Rei safe… and back to her… teacher'. We should be a bit more serious… _Kaji_ would've."

Misato's face turned to a scowl, eerily complementing Asuka's own reaction.

"You mean… that Rei?" Asuka asked, pointing out towards the sea. The aforementioned girl was still enjoying the water's caress, kicking her legs around. Shinji had to smile at the sight, as much as he hated it.

"Seems like you're the only one here being serious, lame-Shinji." Asuka prodded him verbally, still filming away. "Or should I say, _ex-hikikomori_ Shinji. Your thoughts?"

Shinji closed his eyes in frustration, shaking his head. "It's more _complicated_ than that, Asuka."

"It's really _not_ , you dumbass." Asuka retorted, rolling her eyes.

"H-how would you know?!" Shinji hissed.

"You _told_ me!"

"He _told you_?"

Shinji and Asuka looked over at Misato, who was looking at the latter with a surprised look. "This guy shut himself away years ago without a word… never explained a thing to me."

Shinji looked away guiltily, assuming that Misato had zeroed in on him. He knew the woman had tried to get him to talk, but still to this day he had avoided the topic.

Asuka laughed, seeming to genuinely enjoy the moment she was capturing. "Well, of course he never told _you_ anything. The whole fuckin' reason the guy went AWOL was you rejected him..."

"Asuka!" Shinji interjected, frantically, albeit quite too late.

"What?! It's true!" Asuka defended herself adamantly.

"T-that…" Shinji tried to begin, before shutting up at the sight of Misato's knowing eyes. "That was just one part…I-I _don't even want to talk about this_!"

"Dude, she totally knows, anyway…" Asuka sighed, turning away from them and filming the scenic view for a moment.

Shinji looked over nervously at Misato, who merely chuckled. Shinji's chest tightened horribly at the aloof response.

"I mean… you did stop talking to me _right after we did it_. I had _some_ idea."

Shinji coughed awkwardly.

"Right after you did _what_?" Asuka turned back in alarming speed, poking her phone outwards in eager listening. Misato's eyes widened slightly at the girl's sudden, pinpointed interest. Her face flushed slightly, before turning quickly back to the flat tire.

"D- _did_? What? After… he confessed to me." Misato replied, loosening a lug nut.

Asuka rose a brow in confusion, before turning to Shinji. The boys face was even more flushed than Misato's, eyes looking away suspiciously.

"Wait… did you guys _bang_?" Asuka looked between the two in disbelief. "You guys' _totally banged_!"

Silence. Minus the methodical squeaking of the tire's lug nuts.

"Shinji, you sly dog! You lied to me!" Asuka accused her friend, turning to him angrily. "You said you guys didn't fuck!"

Shinji was horrified, to say the least. "Can we please stop filming this?!"

"This is now evidence! An official record!" Asuka proclaimed, putting on overtly official voice. The girl began planning her camera rapidly between her two subjects. "Let it be known, ON RECORD, that these two… did the dirty!"

Shinji facepalmed at the theatrics, turning away from the electronic scrutiny in disgust. He had nothing to say. Nothing he could think of, at least; besides frantic and ultimately useless denial. Asuka got information when she wanted, it seems.

"...can the record also show that we were _pretty wasted_?" Misato began laughing again, obviously taking this more in stride than others. "An all-too-common occurrence, at the time."

Asuka meanwhile joined in the laughter. " _No shit_ , huh?" The girl walked over closer to Shinji, before leaning in and speaking with a hushed, playful tone:

"Strange... that didn't seem to work for me..." The girl smirked, pointing the camera in his face. The act made Shinji extremely uncomfortable, and not just because of the close-up. Asuka had never even alluded, let alone spoken to him about that drunken misstep of theirs. Shinji had assumed she was more than happy to put that embarrassing night behind the two of them for good. Now, though, she was almost dangling the memory in front him playfully.

 _ **Something about her seems… off.**_

Shinji covered the lens of the phone, carefully. Looking into her eyes, Shinji offered her a genuinely pleading look. "Can you please turn that off? Stop _talking about this_?"

Despite his effort, she just offered him a slow shake of the head: "You never gave me my answer."

Shinji gritted his teeth. "You… want an answer."

"Yeah."

"...fine."

Pausing for a moment, Shinji removed his hand from the lens, before looking into it with as much resolution as possible.

"Let me clear up some confusion, then, for you two. _I am a hikikomori._ The _consecutive_ failures… failed life goals, failed relationships, being a _failure_ in the eyes of my father. The _**collective**_ anxiety of all those _**consecutive failures**_ … _that's_ why I stay in my room. Why I will _continue_ to stay in said room as soon as we get back from this trip. Happy?"

"Uh…" Asuka attempted to reply.

"You should be… it's the truth." Shinji added bitterly, turning to the ocean view to seek its comfort. "Whether I like it or not. Getting roped into all this Kaji and Rei business doesn't suddenly change who I am deep down. It doesn't fix my flaws, my problems. To think that way is just… naive and childish."

"C-childish? _**Naive**_? You…" Asuka went to reply, clearly agitated, before Misato extended an open hand back behind her, tapping Asuka on the leg.

"Asuka, just leave Shinji alone and give me a hand, would ya? I think you've made things _sufficiently awkward_ , okay?"

"Me? How is this my fault? I'm not the one with a stick up my ass. Fucking prick." Asuka replied, sending a sharp glare at Shinji. but complied anyway, kneeling to help Misato out with changing the tire.

Misato chuckled, shaking her head. "Are you kidding me? All the questions, the filming? It's like kicking a hornets nest… if the hornets were all extremely anxious and depressed."

Shinji laughed, reflexively. Asuka turned back, unimpressed: "Oh, so you like it when _**she**_ grills you…"

Shinji took in Asuka's sour face, before cracking a smile. "That's cause I like Misato more than you."

Another laugh from Misato, drawing in Asuka's wrath: "HEY! You want help with this shit or not? I'll walk away!"

Shinji let another laugh loose, before he noticed Rei walking up from the dock. The girl approached them slowly, wearing her usual stoic face. Walking up the steps to the road, Rei seemed to notice something as she caught sight of Shinji's face.

"Shinji… you feel better?" Rei asked simply, tilting her head.

Shinji shrunk at the question; at the girl's staring, and mostly _what it meant_. Walking closer to the girl, and lowering his voice, Shinji continued with a confused face."N-no, why? What do you even mean, _better_?"

Rei seemed to _delve deeper_ before resuming: "Your mind… it's not racing anymore. It's like a pressure has been relieved. Your soul has been frantic, worried, since we left."

Shinji took a step back from the girl, looking away worriedly. It had been something of a recurring issue since the girl had changed her look. Shinji found the 'normalized' version of Rei to be even creepier than before, yet he couldn't place the reason.

"M-my… soul, huh? That's cryptic."

"It is difficult to explain." Rei replied, shrugging. "Just like your avoidance of me, as of late."

Shinji raised a brow at the girl, taken aback by the turn in the conversation.

"I told you to stop trying to read me, you know…" Shinji reminded her, carefully.

"There are some things I notice... even without the sense." Rei explained, sounding a bit conflicted. "I do not feel as if I have angered you… In fact _I know_ I have not. Why… do you dislike being around me?"

Shinji shook his head heavily. "Of course I don't, Rei… I… just give me some chance to adjust."

"Adjust? To what?"

"Rei… you just… I don't know… y-you remind me of someone. Ever since you changed your look, I feel like I'm talking to... someone else... it's weird."

Rei tilted her head again, though now in confusion. "...that _is_ strange."

A silence formed between two, a silence that was painfully obvious amidst the heated bickering going on nearby between Misato and Asuka. The two headstrong women didn't always see eye-to-eye, especially not when changing a tire, apparently.

"...thank you for taking me to Kagawa, Shinji."

Shinji looked confused at Rei, who was back to staring at him.

"Thank me? You should thank _Misato_ … she's done all the preparation." Shinji insisted, gesturing back at their currently incapacitated vehicle.

" _Misato_ did not take care of me, and feed me. Accept me for who I am. What I am." Rei explained further, looking out at the ocean. " _ **Thank you,**_ Shinji."

"W-W...what's gotten into you?" Shinji chuckled a bit, before looking back at Asuka."Hell, what's gotten into everybody…"

"I'm unsure, myself. Perhaps it is that phenomenon… what did Misato refer to it as? A 'Road Trip'?" Rei wondered aloud, still staring out onto the water. "Misato said it would be 'fun', and I find myself now in complete agreement. However, I feel my concept of 'fun' might differ from hers."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were travelling in the car… it was quite silent at times, was it not?" Rei clarified, looking back at Shinji curiously.

"Well, save for Asuka's music, sure." Shinji smiled, remembering the trip itself. "I don't know, sometimes there's not much to talk about."

Rei's eyes widened, looking almost excited. "And yet, when I look around… everyone's minds are quite active. Concepts… complex thoughts are forming… reaching a precipice before falling off entirely. It's quite fascinating."

"Um… I don't quite follow, Rei." Shinji responded honestly.

"No one was talking, but everyone had something to say. _Much_ to say." Rei said, closing her eyes dramatically.

Shinji sighed heavily. "Again, Rei… not to burst your bubble... But didn't we have a talk about _reading people_?"

"I was… bored."

Shinji shook his head, but smiled. " _Still_."

"Shinji... would you accept some advice?" Rei asked, sounding hesitant.

"Erm… that depends…" Shinji hesitated himself.

"From what I…. understand… you will likely not see any of us after this trip concludes. That is, if your insistence on being a hermit continues."

Shinji blushed slightly at the word choice. "It sure seems that way. W-what's your point?"

"Everyone here has much to say to you. You have much to say to everyone here. With the current circumstances, it would be prudent to say these things to one another, before it is too late." Rei explained, locking eyes with Shinji.

"Rei… why are you…"

...

"Hey Bumbletard, Blue! We're ready to go! Get yer asses in the car! It's gonna be night soon, and I'm not sleeping in the car!" Asuka began shouting at them, cutting Shinji off.

Shinji felt as if his forming response had been stuffed roughly into his throat, leaving him reeling. Putting his thoughts on pause, he turned back to the verbal intruder:

"Whatever, Asuka… how can you even call her ' _Blue_ ' anymore…" He asked, walking back towards her. "You were the one who wanted her to change all that."

"Cause it suits her, _Bumbletard_!" Asuka called back, laughing.

Shinji groaned, before turning back to Rei. "Hey, Rei, are you coming… _R-Rei_?"

 _Rei_... was smiling.

* * *

 _ **~A Few Hours Later~**_

"Ohhhh. So _**you're**_ the guy watches all that weird cartoon porn?!"

Silence filled the air as the words left Asuka's mouth. There were some chirping crickets however, brought on by the encroaching night. Shinji was having difficulty deciding if there had ever been a more apt moment for them to be singing.

 _ **Awkward…**_

"I-I…. b… what?" Kensuke asked, dumbfounded, and beet red at that. "P-porn? Cartoon?"

"Yeah!" Asuka assured him confidently. "Shinji, you just said he was your old neighbor, right? Like, the one who left?"

"I… sure did." Shinji sighed, facepalming. "Why? Asuka… why?"

"Cause! You blamed that big box of weird anime shit on him!" Asuka insisted, poinitng at Kensuke rudely, who suddenly and clearly had a good idea what was transpiring.

"T-that.. That was just anime! Normal, _good_ anime!"Kensuke argued, putting a hand on his hip. "Who… who even are these people, Shinji?"

"There was porn! Cartoon porn!" Asuka insisted, further _._ "I know you tried hiding it, putting it at the bottom of the box and stuff, but I found it!"

"I… _did_ try hiding it, Kensuke." Shinji admitted, blushing himself. "I-I didn't expect her to dig to the bottom, really."

"L-look… enough about the goddamn _porn_ … are you gonna answer my question, man?" Kensuke pleaded, adjusting his glasses.

"S-sorry, Kensuke… these are the friends I was talking about in the phonecall. The ones you said you'd… accommodate?"

" _These three_ are the friends?" Kensuke looked skeptical, to say the least. "...you brought three _female_ friends? _Good-looking ones_? Something isn't right here… is this a joke?" Kensuke smiled, though uncomfortably at that.

"Y-you'd be right, ninety percent of the time… but these _are_ actually my friends." Shinji laughed, slightly. "We just needed a place to crash. I knew you lived nearby so… I-I hope this is okay."

"Well, I-I mean…" Kensuke began, clearing his throat. "I already agreed, so… I don't want to be rude…. Uh…"

Kensuke cleared his throat again. Soon enough it became clear he was looking at Misato, who perked up, awkwardly: "O-oh! Uh… I'm Misato, and this is Rei… the redhead over there is-"

"M- _Misato_ , huh? Rei? ….well, I know things have been a bit… weird. But you're all welcome to use the baths… I know traveling can be exhausting." Kensuke explained, smiling sheepishly at her.

"Wait, this is a _bathhouse_?" Misato asked, dumbfounded, as Kensuke merely nodded. "Free baths~! Shinji, why didn't you say anything?! This is amazing!"

Shinji merely shrugged tiredly.

"You can say that again…" Asuka added, dreamily. "This is gonna feel goooood~"

"Y-yeah! The, uh… signs off…" Kensuke shrugged himself, pointing at nearby neon sign meant to advertise the baths, currently shut off and uninviting. "Uh… You know… t-this is actually _my_ business, now… I inherited it fr-"

"C'mon Asuka! _Rei_! Let's go get our _bath on_! Shinji can wait." Misato interrupted Kensuke excitedly, hurrying towards the entrance. The two other girls followed in suite, one considerably more excited than the other. Soon enough they opened and disappeared beyond the front entrance.

Kensuke, meanwhile, was left in their wake… clearly a bit conflicted

"Shit, wait… I'm gonna have to go chop wood, aren't I?" Kensuke bemoaned, as the girls left his view. "What a pain… I wasn't gonna offer the baths, but once I saw their damn faces... I'm weak with girls, man."

"You're not the only one." Shinji agreed, laughing slightly. "You guys still use a wood furnace? How old is this place?"

"Well, it's the _'family business'_ … So, I do things the way my dad did things… and he did it the way his dad-" Kensuke explained.

"I-I get it… Kensuke." Shinji cut him off, smiling slightly. "...thank you for having us, though. Really."

"Yeah, yeah…" Kensuke shook his head. "This is still gonna be a pain…"

Suddenly, the front door opened again, and Misato poked her head outside. "I just realized I never properly thanked you, Kensuke… Sorry~!" Misato bowed sheepishly. "You really have no idea how much this bath means to me! I feel so gross with the heat!"

"U-uh… yeah… n-no problem, Misato." Kensuke replied, smiling sheepishly.

And just as quick as she appeared, Misato slipped back inside. Unsurprisingly to Shinji, a newfound energy seemed to enter Kensuke. Marching away to work, Kensuke sighed happily before turning back to Shinji.

"That girl is something else~!" Kensuke almost sang, before turning back. "I'll see you inside, Shinji."

As Kensuke turned the corner, Shinji nodded to himself. "Yeah, she is."

"They all are."

* * *

As Kensuke slammed the bottle onto the table, Shinji was caught off guard at how much noise the sake made when it collided with the kitchen table. The two had retreated there for a 'talk', once the girls entered the baths proper.

"Are… do we really need to drink?" Shinji asked reluctantly. "I-I've been trying to stay off the stuff."

 _ **Trying. Failing.**_

"Of course you do! Are you kidding me? You need to explain to me how you've managed to go traveling with a bunch of hot chicks! What in the hell was happened since I left that apartment block… I hear nothing from you for a while… now _this_? Lucky bastard.."

"S-sorry…" Shinji apologized, solemnly. "Things got a bit weird... I guess. And those girls being here, well, it's a... _long_ story."

"I'm sure it is, but we have _a lot of booze_ right here, so recount away." Kensuke insisted, taking a swig from the bottle, before pushing it over to his old friend.

Shinji hesitated, before grabbing the bottle. He owed him this much, at least, he figured. Taking a swig, Shinji coughed slightly from the strength.

"You too… things are different… you're all muscly, now. You run a business, too. Like an... adult." Shinji laughed to himself slightly. "I'm jealous."

Kensuke sighed, rubbing his arms. "Yeah, well, chopping wood every morning will do that to a guy… and as far as the business goes… it's been far from paradise. This place is real old and has a lot of upkeep… and you know all about me having to give up… _anime_ … my mom was real harsh with me, man…

…

give me that bottle, Shinji. You're sitting on it."

Shinji smiled, though nervously, and complied. It had been a while since the two of them had done something like this. Whenever it did happen, you could bet there was usually something going either horribly wrong or horribly right in their lives… and it usually involved a girl. This time was obviously no different though considerable time had passed. There was a lot he had to say to Kensuke, but he wasn't really sure how to go about it.

"So, erm... Misato… she's _ **that** girl. _ You know what I mean?" Shinji blurted out quietly, stumbling awkwardly into his desired subject. Kensuke was in the middle of a swig, and looked at him bug-eyed before placing the bottle down roughly yet again.

"Wait…. Really? _That's_ _ **the**_ girl?!" Kensuke proclaimed, voice nostalgic. "The one you crushed on super hard?"

Shinji nodded, though making a gesture for him to quiet down. Kensuke did, but he couldn't hold back a large grin.

"Well, now that I've finally seen her… I can see why you went all googoo for her. ...She's _gorgeous_." Kensuke admitted, looking to almost be floating in his seat.

Nodding again, Shinji sighed. "She has that effect on men."

"That so? And what about me?" A voice called out, approaching them from behind Shinji. He jumped, looking around quickly to see Asuka approaching, wearing some baggy pajamas. Her hair was damp, clearly still drying from the bath.

"What _about_ you?" Shinji asked, trying to mask his surprise with disdain. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to see what's happening here." Asuka replied, deadpan, grabbing Shinji's shoulder roughly. Leaning in,she peeked at the two guys.

"Oh my god, are you guys, like, totally having like a _secret boy talk_?" Asuka burst out, doing her best valley girl impression. "Like, oh em gee~!"

Shinji sighed heavily, grabbing the bottle from Kensuke. "If I say _yes_ , will you leave us alone?"

"Not a chance."

"Didn't think so."

With the newfound presence of the fiery redhead, the two guys were understandably hesitant to continue their conversation. To make things worse, the two froze up further once Rei entered the room as well.

"Misato has fallen asleep." Rei announced, scanning the room boredly.

"A-already?" Shinji laughed to himself. "Well, I guess she was tired. Stressed. _Both, probably_."

"Hey, whatever, that works with me." Asuka added, smiling. " _Blue~_ , you want to drink with these guys, or what?"

Rei looked over at the said boys, before her eyes landed on the large bottle of sake. "That is… alcohol?"

"H-hold on, guys…" Shinji interjected, frowning. "I-isn't this up to Kensuke? It's _his_ sake…" Shinji sent a pleading look to his friend.

 _ **Please don't.**_

Adjusting his glasses nervously, Kensuke smiled slightly. "I… I don't mind. The more the merrier."

 _ **Goddamnit.**_

"Fuck yeah, Kensuke!" Asuka laughed, before plopping herself down at one of the unoccupied seats. "For what it's worth, I don't really care about the cartoon porn, y'know. I was just teasing you."

"C-can… can we just drop that… please?"

"Whatever you say, Ken."

 **She hasn't even started drinking yet…** Shinji couldn't help but cover his face at the exchange. _**Already...**_

Rei walked over to the table and sat down herself. Soon enough it became clear, watching her eyes move rigidly, that she was waiting for the sake (currently changing hands from Kensuke to Asuka,) to come her way. Shinji was taken aback by the concept:

"Y-you drink, Rei?" Shinji asked carefully, as the bottle made it to his hands. It was his opportunity to pump the brakes on this operation.

Rei nodded. "Yes, though only once. Do you not remember?"

"Why would I…" Shinji began to answer, before getting stuck on a memory. The sight of seeing a half-naked, blue haired girl take a six pack of beer from his hands. It was hard to forget, really. "Wait... no, I remember that night. That was when we met, wasn't it?"

Rei nodded. "I found alcohol to be quite enjoyable, even if it was _..._ accidental."

"...really?" Shinji asked, dumbfounded. He found the concept of Rei drinking, even now, to be wholly strange.

Another nod. "Yes, though Kaji forbade me from doing so, afterwards…"

Shinji remembered that, as well. Kaji kept to himself back then, at least at first, but even he popped over to investigate what happened after Shinji… well, he got Rei liquored up. Kaji had seemed actually quite bothered by the whole event at the time, which is saying something, considering it was _Kaji_. The man seemed to take anything in stride.

"Right… was there any particular reason..?" Shinji asked, confused. "Seems a bit extreme."

"Cause that guy is… he _was_ a total stick in the mud. He never drank alone with me, either. As much as I pressured him to." Asuka shook her head, drumming her hands on the table. "Can you just pass that shit to Rei, Shinji? Before I lose my buzz."

"C-calm down…" Shinji relented, before looking over to study Rei. The girl was merely staring at him, as per usual. "Rei, why do you like drinking so much? I'm just curious."

Before Rei could even respond, Asuka reached over the table to forcibly take the bottle from Shinji's hands. She delivered it straight to Rei, who wasted no time in taking a sizeable sip. Letting loose a satisfied sigh upon finishing her drink, Rei turned to Shinji with a smile.

"Because, It feels… _**good**_."

The table fell silent for a moment, before Asuka slammed the table with her fist, laughing. "Damn right it does, Blue!"

Shinji too, wanted to join in on the clear celebration Asuka was having. A celebration that Rei was clearly becoming more loose around them. He did… but as Shinji took a good moment to study Rei's eerie smile, he couldn't help but feel uneasy.


	15. Farewell to Restraints

**_Hello everybody. Sorry for the long wait._**

 _ **Thanks as always to everyone who reads this story. Special thanks to Toby Narukami, SPH, Bcaffera and edwardelricueki for the feedback! Hopefully you all enjoy this next chapter.**_

* * *

"Watch your step, Kensuke." Shinji warned his friend as he walked him up _his_ stairs. Kensuke was essentially using him as a balancing aid, his arm wrapped his neck. It felt strange to have to navigate someone through their own house. He had to, though, considering how drunk the man was.

"Fuck, man… I'm such a lightweight." Kensuke complained, trying his best not to trip.

Shinji didn't agree out loud, but he had to admit it didn't take very long for his friend to bite the dust. Then again, it didn't help that Asuka kept egging him on to drink more.

"Nah, nah my room's right there… you passed it." Kensuke pointed slightly behind them, demonstrating he still was at least somewhat aware of his surroundings.

Shinji complied silently, before carefully helping him down onto his futon. Kensuke let out a heavy sigh as he sat down onto the sheets.

"Thanks, Shinji... " Kensuke began, sounding a bit choked up. "Yknow...I missed you, man. I missed… this."

Shinji's stomach dropped slightly.

"I'm sorry, Kensuke." Shinji replied, solemnly. "I should have kept in touch."

Kensuke shook his head, almost sending himself off balance in the process.. "Don't worry 'bout it. I've been managing. You too, from what I can tell."

Shinji smiled, guiltily. "I wouldn't go that far…"

"Nah… you're still the same old… softie." Kensuke laughed. "You know how to _listen_ … you're selfless… you… I like you."

"Kensuke, you're drunk." Shinji laughed, before turning to leave. "You should get some sleep."

"A drunk man's an honest man, Shinji-buddy." Kensuke smiled, before burping. "And this drunk man... well, I remembered tonight why I liked you in the first place. So stop… frowning so much."

Shinji turned around, smiling. "Is _that_ what this is about?"

"Well, for all you've stayed the same… you've changed too." Kensuke explained, frowning himself. "You seem _tired_. Distant."

Shinji sighed, fumbling with his words slightly. "W-well… Kensuke… remember when we used to joke about being hikikomoris?"

Kensuke laughed, almost inappropriately loud. "Dude, I know. Asuka told me when you were in the bathroom."

A twinge of annoyance. "T-that woman… has no tact."

"A hikikomori, huh… You ever think we joked about it so much, because we knew it was half-true? We were always a little bit reclusive… hehe." Kensuke leaned back onto the futon, his voice nostalgic.

"Definitely." Shinji smiled.

"Hell, I probably'd be a hikikomori too if it wasn't for my parents dragging me back here." Kensuke admitted, ruffling his hair. "A blessing in disguise, I guess."

Shinji nodded, sighing. "Well, _my_ dad…"

"Your dad was a _fucking asshole_ , man." Kensuke laughed, bitterly. "Fuck that guy… no offense, pffffft..."

 _ **He's wasted…**_ Shinji thought, unable to not smile at his friends frankness.

"None taken." Shinji laughed slightly. "C-can't say I knew you felt so strongly about him, though."

"Maaaan, the walls of those rooms were sooo~ thin." Kensuke grinned. "You had prepared for like a week, cleaned the place spotless…. your dad finally visits you _for once_ , and he leaves you in tears. Cried for a while, you did. I was too afraid to reach out. I'm sorry..."

Shinji didn't respond at the behest of flooding memories. He felt himself choke up slightly.

"Well, _I'm_ sorry you had to… hear that." Shinji sighed. "I-I can be a bit oversensitive."

"Maybe… but that's kinda why I like you. People like your dad are always so... caught up in their own lives… those guys; they're a dime-a-dozen. You, though… it's hard to find someone like you."

Shinji smiled, though he honestly felt like crying. "I… I don't think I'm anything special."

"Well… that's exactly why you're special, Shinji. Don't be so hard on yourself."

…

"T-thanks, Kensuke." Shinji replied finally, forcing back some tears. "That means a lot."

"Niiiight~" Kensuke smiled at him, before flopping back fully onto the futon. "Ffffuck, I'm drunk."

Shinji walked out the room, closing the sliding door gingerly. As he walked away, though, he heard his friend call out to him:

" _Three_. Three fucking… hot ass women! 'Not-special', my ass! Lucky bastard."

Shinji wasn't really sure how to respond, but he figured he just had to take it as a compliment. Better than starting a shouting match in the middle of the night, at least.

Walking down to the stairs back to his other friends, he laughed to himself.

* * *

With a hearty sigh, Shinji plopped himself back down at the table. He knew his entrance into the kitchen had drawn the attention of others onto him, but he opted to just keep his eyes on the tabletop.

"So… what's up?" Shinji asked, raising his gaze carefully, looking first at Rei; usually the more agreeable of the two.

"We were talking about _you_ , Shinji." Rei answered, simply.

Simply, sure, but the words still made Shinji feel on edge. He looked over to Asuka for confirmation, who merely laughed at his expression.

"Those are.. the last words I wanted to hear, right now." Shinji groaned, before reaching over to the bottle of sake. After all, if _that_ was where the conversation was headed, he'd need a bit more social lubricant. To his clear disdain, though, the large bottle was _completely_ empty. Shinji wanted to shout at them, but he took a moment to collect himself and avoid waking anyone up.

"...so, apparently you guys picked up the pace while I was gone." Shinji managed, placing the bottle down carefully before rubbing his temples.

"Well, duh… you were being such a buzzkill, telling us to 'take it easy.'" Asuka replied, in a mocking tone. "So yeah, we got our licks in... while the booze-police was making an arrest."

"How poetic." Shinji replied, sarcastically. "You two sound like you're having _fun_."

"We were discussing.. How you are sexually attracted to Asuka." Rei interjected, pointing at him, deadpan.

Shinji turned frantically to the usually silent girl. "Ex... _excuse me_?!"

He honestly thought he misheard her, somehow. But then again, the fact that ASuka was now laughing hysterically lead him to believe his ears hadn't lied.

"Holy fuck…." Asuka managed between bouts of laughter, nudging Shinji in the side roughly. "This chick is hilarious. Definitely something loose in her head, though."

"Something… loose?" Rei asked, tilting her head.

"While you were gone, I asked her if she had any dirt on you." Asuka smiled slyly. "She's been an open book, to say the _least_."

Shinji glared sharply at Rei, who failed to react. "That so? ...W-what kind of _dirt_?"

"Oh, jesus… let me think. I went a'diggin and she kept deliverin!" Asuka interjected, laughing. "Lessee… you keep a picture of Misato under your pillow? You _kiss_ it?"

"T-that… _that was years ago_!" Shinji defended himself, desperately. Before turning to his loose-lipped friend. "I… I mean, why… what… why do you... even know that…."

 _ **Of course she does. Goddamnit Rei.**_

"I dunno, why does she?" Asuka laughed again. "Oh yeah, do you really play the _cello_?"

"...yes."

"HAHA, you're such a _nerd_!" Asuka laughed again, harder.

"Yeah, well… maybe now I'll be a bit more careful who I _associate with_." Shinji glanced venously over to Rei. At this point, even she picked up on the intensity.

"Shinji, I-"

"Rei…" Shinji cut her off, sighing. "Just stop. It's okay."

"Didn't know you two were best buddies." Asuka smiled, raising her brows suspiciously. "Was secrets the _only t_ hing you two shared in that cramped little room?"

" _Yes_." Shinji insisted, standing up from the table roughly. "If you ever need to know anything embarrassing, you can just _ask_ , too. Did you know I used to be a _bed-wetter_."

Asuka laughed even harder. "I did, actually!"

"...of course you do." Shinji relented, groaning. "Look… Rei, don't you think it's about time you got some rest?"

"What are you, her _mom_?" Asuka challenged him, sounding annoyed. "Let her stay, I'm enjoying this."

"Oh, I bet you are." Shinji replied, sighing. "You're just taking advantage of her."

Asuka looked offended, if only a bit. "Seriously? I didn't _force_ her to babble away all your precious secrets."

"It is true…" Rei added, flatly. "I was compliant."

"Rei, just go to bed." Shinji practically ordered.

"Aw cmon, you boring-ass… I still want to talk to her." Asuka insisted, smiling evilly. "I have more... information to unearth. I'm a straight _excavator_."

"Asuka-"

" _ **I**_ am the excavator, not you."

...

Rei words, cutting him off, actually sounded _forceful_ for once.

"Huh?" Asuka replied, clearly taken aback.

"Would you like me to demonstrate?" Rei asked, now staring intently at Asuka. To Shinji, the question almost sounded playful.

"O-okay, hold on." Shinji butted in between the two. Implications of the words aside, he certainly didn't like the glimmer he just saw in Rei's eyes. He could only imagine how they would have looked in their natural, sanguine state. "Rei, _seriously_. Do you think… Kaji would be okay with this?"

"Okay with what? What the fuck are you guys babbling about?" Asuka asked.

"We don't need to be squabbling like this… _right Rei_?" Shinji forced the issue widening his eyes. "We might _regret it_ , later."

Rei seemed to take a moment, but relented her aggressive stare. "..you are right, Shinji. I should retire for the night."

Getting up from the table, Rei walked around Shinji towards the guest rooms. Before exiting completely, Rei turned back to Asuka.

"I am sorry, Asuka." Rei bowed. "I feel strange, from the alcohol."

"Uh… that's' kinda… the point?" Asuka replied in pieces, as he watched the girl disappear down the nearby hallway. "The fuck? It's like you flipped a switch on her, or something."

"Uh… don't ask me." Shinji smiled slightly, mostly relieved the drunken antics had ended. "You know how Rei can be."

Asuka sent a suspicious glance over to Shinji before relenting, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "She's fucking _weird._ "

"...I suppose that's one way of putting it."

* * *

~Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.~

Shinji could hear Asuka's incessant tapping of the tabletop even through his music. He wanted to tell her to stop, but he had decided against it, hoping she would finally leave. He wasn't really sure why she hadn't gone to bed, yet, but he wasn't about to ask. The two of them were silently sharing that same table, though Shinji was thankful they had run out of alcohol.

 _ **Still drunk, though.**_ He thought, guiltily. **I really need to stop.**

"...bath?"

"Huh?" Shinji asked, removing an earbud.

"I said, do you wanna have a bath?" Asuka clarified, now staring at him. "Ken went to all that trouble, right?"

"That's awfully considerate, for _you_." Shinji tried to hide a smile. "Still drunk, huh?"

"Shaddap. Are we going to, or not? Water won't stay warm forever."

Shinji considered it. "To be honest, I forgot all about the…

~Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.~

"...we? What do you mean, _we_?"

"Are you dumb? I'm asking if you wanna take a bath!" Asuka clarified, looking annoyed.

"Why?!"

"Cause I'm bored? Cause it's refreshing?"

"You know damn well that's not why I'm asking." Shinji facepalmed, covering his reddened face.

"What, are you afraid?" Asuka laughed. "You're such a coward."

"I'm _not_ a coward." Shinji hissed. "It's just a bath. I _take baths_."

"With me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

" _Because_."

Asuka started laughing, catching Shinji off guard.

"You're just teasing me because of what Rei said..." Shinji complained, embarrassed.

"Please. Out of all the shit she told me, you being ' _sexually attracted_ ' to me was the least surprising thing." Asuka chuckled, putting a formal, academic term on Rei's choice words.

"That… so." Shinji managed, practically slamming his face on the table.

"Yeah, unless that redhead porno on your monitor was just a coincidence."

Shinji kept his head on the table, opting to remain silent, despite the burning hellfire of embarrassment crackling inside his head.

 _ **I forgot… about that…**_

"But...you got so _pissed_ about that." Shinji finally managed, mumbling. "Now you want to bathe with me?"

"I'm drunk, so _yeah_." Asuka laughed. "Besides, you may be a perv but I'm not worried. You don't have the balls to try anything."

" _You're_ the goddamn pervert, suggesting this!" Shinji insisted, raising his head and slamming a fist on the table. " _Talk talk talk_ … that's all you do. I'm sick and tired of you screwing with me all the time."

Getting up from the table, shinji swore under his breath.

"Bath time?" Asuka asked, still smiling.

"...yes. _Alone_." Shinji replied, forcibly.

"Well, unless you plan on stopping me… I'll be right behind ya."

...

"God help me…"

* * *

It seemed to Shinji that he had no idea just how stressed he was, until he hit that bathwater. Shinji found himself silently praising Kensuke for forgetting to quell the furnaces before passing out. The hot water loosened kinks in his muscle he didn't even knew he had.

It would be the type of situation that could make a man melt and forget all his worries.

Would be.

Instead, Shinji's heart still couldn't come to a full rest. He was too busy wondering if Asuka had been bluffing this whole time, or if he was about to get the shock of his life.

 _ **There's no way. This is exactly what she wants, probably… I'm losing my mind. She's probably just in bed, laughing to herself… smug as always.**_

"Hello~"

 _ **Oh dear god.**_

Asuka's light footsteps echoed so lightly behind him, as they slapped lightly against the ceramic floor.

"So, still hot? Looks steamy~" Asuka asked, sounding satisfied.

Shinji didn't dare look behind him, though a less honest part of him screamed for him to do just that.

"Jesus, I already feel lightheaded…" Asuka complained, laughing. "Is that the booze, or the heat? Who knows~"

"... _Asuka_." Shinji announced carefully, hearing her approach. He turned his head just enough to see her…

His intention was to tell her to leave, but he couldn't really do that. ...Too busy _gaping_.

Asuka was completely nude, from head to toe.

Milky skin. Flowing hair.

... _perky_.

...underweight

... _fragile_ …

"U-uh... " Asuka coughed slightly. "Y'know, this is kinda actually embarrassing. Didn't take you for the _staring_ type."

"S-sorry!" Shinji practically shouted, spinning around.

 _ **Crap. Got… distracted.**_

Asuka practically skipped over to the water, before plunging in next to him. Only her head emerged, the rest notably covered by the water.

"...thought you'd wear a towel, at least." Shinji had to laugh at himself, slightly. "I am."

Asuka laughed. Shinji couldn't tell if her face was red from the heat, or for more honest reasons.

"You're a _prude_ … i-it's just the _human body_." Asuka rolled her eyes. "But.. by the way you were staring though, you'd think I was horribly disfigured, or something."

"Can you blame me?" Shinji scolded her, feeling self-conscious. "You're… uh… _yeah_."

…

...

...

"Ha… haha! This is… suuuper weird." Asuka laughed, though in no way naturally. "I'm starting to sober up… I think."

"You did this to yourself…" Shinji reminded her, exasperated. "I tried to warn you."

"S-so! How's stuff with you and Misato?" Asuka ignored him, before leaning towards him with eager eyes. Shinji froze.

"H...huh?!" Shinji asked, wide-eyed. "What are you…"

"You and Misato? You should be taking advantage of this trip, y'know. Prime romance time~."

"I… guess?" Shinji responded, horribly confused.

"W-what? You totally love her, right?" Asuka shrugged, looking almost desperate. "Tell me what's up with you two."

"M-Misato? I mean… I… loved her, yeah. Things didn't work out though, _remember_?" Shinji explained nervously.

"N-no, no! You said _love_ , before!" Asuka insisted.

" _Before_?"

"At your place. You… used present tense. You _love_ her. So, I mean, _naturally_ you want to get back together."

Shinji sighed heavily. "We were never 'together' in the first place!"

"You slept with her!"

"S-so? We got drunk! She…erm, _took pit_ y on me, then she rejected me. You don't exactly recover from that." Shinji explained, not exactly thrilled he had to spell this out.

"Sure you can… i-if you really want someone, you just keep badgering 'em till it works!" Asuka explained, donning a fiery expression. "Love is a battlefield, Shinji! No regrets!

 _ **This is what he dealt with, huh… Poor Kaji… may you rest in peace.**_

"Asuka… my life is in shambles right now. I have a few _bigger_ issues right now than _love_." Shinji shook his head. "What girl wants to date a hikikomori…"

"Y-yeah, well… that makes two of us." Asuka sighed. "I got fired from my job… I'm _definitely_ expelled, at this point… my life is in the shitter. Still, I _try_. You should, too!"

"...is that what _this_ is?" Shinji asked, carefully.

"Huh?"

"Are you... _trying_ …. right now?" Shinji clarified, pointing to himself.

Cue an icy glare from the usually fiery redhead. "...don't flatter yourself. I'm not interested in a goddamn _hikikomori_."

Shinji facepalmed, an act that immediately left a red mark in the steamy environment.

"T-that's what I'm trying to say… why are we even here… together." Shinji asked, exasperated.

"...cause it's fun to tease you." Asuka admitted, almost guiltily.

…

"...can you stop?" Shinji asked, avoiding her cool blue eyes, now curious.

"Why?" Asuka asked, almost looking offended. "It's just a little fun."

"Because… _Asuka_... "

"What, idiot-Shinji?!" Asuka shouted. "Speak up!"

"I think I'm… in love with you."

…

 _ **Oh… no, it's not the heat… that is definitely blushing. ...yep.**_

"You… really?" Asuka managed, after a fair bit of fumbling.

"Y-yeah."

"...but why?" Asuka asked, looking confused. "I'm such an asshole."

"Do I really have to have a reason? I… I just _do_. I love-"

"Don't say that!" Asuka said, covering his mouth. "Don't say that _shit_ to me."

Removing her hand slowly, Asuka seemed satisfied as Shinji failed to speak.

"...trust me. If you knew anything about me; the _real me_? You wouldn't feel that way." Asuka explained, before getting up from the bath, exposing herself again.

Shinji certainly got an eyeful, before covering his eyes.

"B-but… how could you know that… if we never try…" Shinji explained carefully, still blind.

Roughly, Asuka grabbed his head and dunked him underneath the water. The act shocked and disoriented him, causing him to need a moment before he could resurface. By the time he emerged, Asuka was already outside the bath. Walking away, she stopped briefly at the door.

"Shinji… I'll stop teasing you… okay?"

"O..okay?" Shinji replied, concerned.

"You uphold your end of the deal, then." Asuka asked, turning to face him just enough to meet eyes.

"What… deal?"

"If you've been listening to me at all, I think you know what I mean."

Shinji admitted he wasn't as ignorant as he tried to project. He did know what meant… and that was exactly why he hesitated to respond.

"But…"

" _Shinji_."

"...Okay."

As she closed the door to the bath behind her, Shinji felt himself decompress. Floating uselessly back into the water, Shinji stared at the ceiling of the dimly lit bath. The water had dulled down to a tepid caress, no longer offering the heated embrace it did before.


	16. Farewell to Control

**Chapter 16: Farewell to Control**

* * *

 _ **Sorry for the long wait! I hope you enjoy (hope there aren't any typos :| )!**_

 _ **Thanks again to SeekingProfessionalHelp and Toby Narukami for the kind reviews!**_

* * *

Shinji Ikari descended the stairs carefully. They creaked at even the slightest pressure, causing him to cringe with each step he took. He knew what was going on downstairs; the smell of cooking bacon and broken smalltalk had permeated the building. Finding himself intruding into this breakfast made him feel awkward, even without the creaking stairs practically announcing his arrival.

He peeked around the wall at the base of the stairs. Asuka and Misato stared back, both sharing seats at the table while Kensuke was cooking.

"M...morning." Shinji said, walking over to Kensuke.

"Mornin', Shinji. Want some food?" Kensuke smiled, though he looked haggardly.

Shinji smiled and nodded, before looking back at the table and his two friends. Asuka was absorbed in her phone, while Misato was still looking at him with friendly eyes.

"Your friend here is a real catch… hot baths, breakfast… I need a husband like this." Misato laughed.

"FFUCK!" Kensuke yelped, now holding his hand tenderly above the sizzling bacon. His face looked red and flustered. "That's… hot."

Shinji laughed. "He's a good guy."

Glancing worriedly over at Asuka, Shinji felt his heart sink a bit. "So… Is Rei still sleeping?"

Misato shrugged, before gesturing towards Asuka. "Ask her roomate."

"She left… about an hour ago?" Asuka responded, shrugging herself. She didn't bother to lift her eyes from her phone screen.

"W-what? What do you mean _left_?" Shinji asked, dumbfounded. "Where?"

"How should I know? I'm not her mom." Asuka rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

Shinji clenched his fist. "You… you can't just let her wander! It's not safe!"

Asuka finally returned Shinji's stare, sending him a glare.

"Calm down, you spaz! What the fuck are you even talking about? This is Japan, it's like the _safest place_ on earth."

Shinji shook his head, sighing. "You don't _understand_. Rei is… different."

"Oh, _here we go again..._ how about you two stop being so _fucking cryptic_ , and tell us what the hell is going on? It's goddamn annoying!" Asuka snapped, slamming her phone on the table.

"U-uh… calm down, guys. Time to eat..." Kensuke interjected sheepishly, walking over with the cooked bacon. As he puttered around, placing the meat in front of Misato and Asuka, the argument that was seemingly starting died down just as quickly.

"Whatever… I'm going to go find her." Shinji relented, storming off to the entrance.

Leaving his bacon unattended, Kensuke took it upon himself to increase Misato's share.

* * *

It only took a few minutes for Shinji to find the absentee psychic. It was going off a lucky hunch, sure, but something about that image of Rei against the ocean led him to search the nearby coast… and there she was, standing and staring out into the waves.

As Shinji approached her, Rei looked over at him with a smile, before it died down after a moment.

"Shinji… you are angry."

"Well, _yeah_! What are you doing out here?" Shinji asked, dumbfounded.

Rei looked confused. "Is there something wrong with my being here?"

Shinji scratched his head. "Rei… why do you think Kaji went to all that trouble to hide you?"

As if in response, Rei looked around her carefully. "But Shinji… no one is here."

She wasn't wrong. The beach the two occupied was entirely devoid of others, save the occasional passing car.

"T-that's besides the point, Rei… Kaji was going to send you to one of the most isolated places on earth! I don't really blame him; do you know how the world would react if they knew you existed? If they knew what you could do?" Shinji explained, frowning.

"What?"

Shinji wasn't really expecting that kind of answer.

"W-well… it wouldn't be good. People would be scared of you… they might even…"

Shinji trailed off, not particularly wanting to play the 'worst-case scenario' game. Rei didn't seem to mind, though, as she went back to watching the waves. They were almost dancing, under the rays of the rising sun.

"Shinji… do you think that it is _fair_ that… I must restrain myself for the sake of… _people_? That I must hide?"

Rei's broken words gave off a sense of sadness.

"Rei… that's a tough question. I-I don't…"

...

"Why should I be punished… for being different?"

Shinji's heart sunk. He felt his eyes water slightly. He saw bit of himself in Rei's worried glance.

"I-I don't know, Rei…" Shinji admitted. "I think… sometimes we just have to... go along with what others want."

Rei didn't seem to react at the prospect.

"Do you know what _I_ want?" Rei asked, looking out at the ocean.

"What's that, Rei?"

"...I want to live by the ocean."

* * *

Shinji and Rei returned together, though they stopped for some ice cream first. It was the only thing Shinji could think of to cheer up Rei, who seemed to be entrenched in a kind of existential sadness he was unfortunately all too familiar with.

 _ **Ice cream… existential crisis… that should balance out… right?**_ Shinji thought to himself, as they entered Kensuke's bathhouse.

Soon enough they were met with an unimpressed glare from Asuka.

"Look at the happy couple." She drawled sarcastically. "Discussing _secrets_ , were we?"

"Knock it off, Asuka." Misato warned her. Currently helping Kensuke with dishes, she almost seemed like an overbearing mother interrupting a spat.

"Yeah, Asuka, please. Now's not the time." Shinji agreed, as they joined her at the table.

"God, you're annoying…" Asuka relied, under her breath.

"And there I was… thinking she would 'stop teasing me'." Shinji replied sharply, getting pissed off himself. "Whatever happened to that?"

"Will you _shut the fuck up_?!" Asuka shouted, slamming her fist on the table.

The room fell horribly silent, as everyone reeled from the outburst. The sound of running water from the sink continued, however.

"Asuka… what the hell is up with you?" Misato asked, walking over to the table.

Asuka got up from the table, sighing. "Look, we're almost done this fuckin field trip, right? Can we just go and drop Blue off? I want to go home."

With that, the girl left the room to go outside, presumably to the car.

Misato sighed herself, before grabbing both Shinji and Rei by the arm. "Cmon, guys…"

"Where.. w-what are you doing?" Shinji asked, resisting, though only a little.

"Fixing this."

As the trio exited the room behind Asuka, Kensuke was left by himself.

" _Huh._ I didn't think harems existed IRL."

* * *

Knocking on the roof of her car, Misato seemed to bring court in order. The four of them were standing near the car, but Misato had stopped them from entering.

"Look. Before we get in this thing and get a move on, can you two please _sort your shit out_?"

She was pointing, aptly, at the pair of Shinji and Asuka. Rei was between them, still eating her ice cream.

Asuka groaned. "Why?!"

"I… don't think that's going to happen." Shinji said, avoiding Misato's eyes.

"I am NOT going to sit through the world's most passive-aggressive car ride. Sort. It. Out."

Misato crossed her arms, and seemed to wait. The silence that followed was torture, as far as Shinji was concerned.

"Well, I'm sure as hell not doing it." Asuka broke the silence, stomping her foot. "What are we supposed to do, have a fuckin family therapy session? Are you _Dr. Phil?_ "

"Can't say I'm too thrilled about the idea, either." Shinji admitted.

"Jesus… it's not like I am, either! But you have to explain why the hell you two are suddenly at each other's throats. More so than usual."

Neither of the interrogees gave an inch, word-wise. Rei, however, seemed happy to fill the gaps.

"I believe the source of this particular conflict is Asuka." Rei began, lowering the ice cream from her mouth.

Shinji jumped at the interjection, While Asuka spun in place to face her.

"What the hell do _you_ know, Blue?"

"I know a lot." Rei replied, simply. "I know you are deeply infatuated with Shinji, yet you refuse to admit this to yourself. This causes you unresolved angst that clouds your mind, and ultimately your judgement."

Shinji coughed awkwardly, practically choking on his own surprise. Asuka looked on bug-eyed as she continued:

"I also know you deeply mistrust me. You were also angered upon seeing Shinji and I together.. I theorize this is what triggered this current conflict."

Asuka couldn't really find anything to respond with, other than a light shove, pushing Rei away slightly. The force knocked her ice cream to the ground. Asuka even surprised at herself for a moment, as everyone else sent her a worried stare.

"Fuck you, don't act like you know me!" Asuka exploded at Rei. "Stop acting like you know everything!

"I know more than you realize."

"Rei, that's enough!" Shinji interjected, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her close. "Just _stop_ , you're making things worse!"

"Most problems would be easily resolved if people would just be honest." Rei replied, staring at Shinji.

"Do you see what I'm getting at, Misato?" Asuka shouted, pointing at Shinji and Rei. "They're always whispering, keeping fucking secrets! I can't stand it!"

Misato sighed, before taking on a more serious tone. "Shinji, can you please just tell us what the hell is going on?"

"W-what do you mean?" Shinji asked, before taking a step away from Rei.

"You _know_ what I mean. With Rei!" Misato explained, exasperated. "You're clearly worried about her… acting like she's some kind of ticking time bomb. What's the deal with her?"

Shinji looked around, uncomfortably. "I-I told you… she doesn't want to talk about her past."

"Shinji… I am fine. I can tell them." Rei said, looking at him, nodding.

Shinji gaped at her, mostly in disbelief.

"Don't tell… _anyone_." Shinji said, quietly. "You hear me?"

"The fuck is _this shit_?" Asuka interjected angrily. "Blue, _fuck him_ , just tell us!"

"NO!" Shinji shouted, stepping in front of Rei. "This isn't a game, Asuka. You think I like keeping secrets from you? From Misato? There's a good reason we're not telling you."

"Bullshit! You're the only one keeping secrets! You won't even let her talk!" Asuka countered, poking him in the chest.

"Shinji…" Rei said softly, from behind him. " _Please_ allow me to tell them. It would solve everything."

Shinji laughed nervously. "Solve everything? Are you… f-fucking crazy? You tell them, and I guarantee.. _Kaji turns over in his grave_."

The last words, uttered in a hushed tone, seemed to trigger Misato.

"Hold on. What about Kaji?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

 _ **Oh… fuck.**_

"Look, it's… nothing." Shinji explained, uselessly.

" _Nothing_?" Misato repeated, frustrated. "Shinji… if Kaji's… if Kaji dying has _anything_ to do with this… you better explain. Everything."

"Misato…"

" **NOW**!"

Shinji flinched at her sudden outburst. He started to shake. Looking around, he saw that Kensuke had peeked his head outside, clearly worried. To make matters worse, a few customers had started showing up for the baths… and they were curious too.

"Misato, I - " Rei took a step forward. She soon collided with Shinji's arm, though, holding her back.

"Rei, _shut up_." Shinji glared back at her. "You want to live by the ocean?"

Rei tilted her head. "What?"

" _Do you want to live by the ocean_?"

...

"Yes."

"Then. Shut. Up."

Frowning deeply, Rei complied, shrinking back behind Shinji.

"Look Misato… Kaji entrusted me with Rei; with her problems. Now that he's gone… I'm the one who has to see this through, alright? Not you. Not Asuka. **Me.** "

Misato didn't respond at first, though her expression became quite angry.

"...Either you tell me what's going on, or you're not getting in this car."

" _Fine._ "

The immediate responses seemed to catch Misato off guard; her angry face seemed to disappear.

Shinji looked back at Rei. "You got all your stuff?"

Rei looked down, and Shinji followed her eyes. In her hands was a meager bag, filled with a single change of clothes.

"Shinji." Rei called to him, quietly, bringing his eyes back to meet hers. "You are… afraid."

"I know." Shinji smiled, meagerly. He took hold of his own belongings, throwing them over his shoulder to carry.

" _Terrified_."

Shinji began walking towards the near highway. "Let's go, Rei. We're hoofing it… at least to a train station."

Rei complied meekly, following closely behind.

"Shinji… this is it? Are you serious?" Misato called out to them.

Shinji turned, smiling crookedly.

"You know, the fact that you have to ask that… I've got to do this. See ya, Misato. Asuka. Kensuke."

Neither of the girls reciprocated the farewell, instead looking on in silence. Kensuke waved, looking confused and almost guilty.

As the departing pair rounded the corner and out of sight, Asuka sighed, placing a comforting hand on Misato's shoulder. "I really thought you were gonna cave, there."

"Me too."

* * *

The walk to the train station was long, especially so with the summer heat in full force. The fact that the two travelers weren't talking, either, didn't help.

Now, it was just a matter of waiting.

Among the transient crowds of the station, Shinji seemed to shrink. His anxiety was in full force; part of him still couldn't believe he had done what he did. Everything was in his hands, now.

"Shinji…" Rei called to him, bringing him back into reality. Back to the bench the two were sharing, waiting for the train.

"W-what is it?" Shinji replied, frowning. "Sorry, are you hungry?"

Rei smiled, slightly. The sight warmed Shinji's heart. "It is... _interesting_ you assume that. But, no."

Shinji chuckled. "Well, what is it?"

"I am glad… that you told Asuka." Rei explained.

Shinji's smile fell from his face. "What… do you mean?"

"You were bathing together… I can see her face so clearly; it's engraved in your mind. She looks surprised, her face is flushed. You must have told her that you are… interested in her." Rei smiled.

Shinji had to take a moment to respond.

"Rei…" Shinji began, shaking his head. " _Stop looking into my mind_."

The words were delivered with a cold assertive, tone.

Rei's smile left her face, in tow. "I was… simply expressing myself."

"Well, do it without prying into my _private thoughts_ , okay?" Shinji sighed. "I shouldn't have to keep telling you."

Silence.

"...I take it she did not reciprocate?" Rei eventually continued, watching some people walk by.

"...no."

"She does… but she refuses to admit it." Rei explained, seeming deep in thought. "She is afraid."

Shinji had a bad feeling in his gut. Part of him wanted to yell at her… shake her violently. But his morbid curiosity got the best of him.

"...what do you mean?"

"Asuka's mind… it's scarred. She is deeply disturbed, and afraid to get emotionally close to others. I can see it."

"...you can… see that?" Shinji repeated, trying to understand something so abstract.

"Her mind is quite literally keeping yours at bay. It's fascinating. It is almost like a... dance."

"I don't understand." Shinji groaned.

"Humans don't understand much about their minds, unfortunately."

The exchange left Shinji reeling for a different conversation partner. One that was more… relatable. Unfortunately for him, he had abandoned those very conversation partners just a while ago.

"Don't say stuff like that, Rei." Shinji sighed. " _You're_ human."

"Am I?" Rei asked the question, turning to him.

 _ **Are you?**_

"Of course you are. Look at you."

Rei raised a brow. Reaching up to her eyes, Rei removed her coloured contacts, without much attention paid to her safety. She almost clawed them out. As if to make her point, she stared deeply at Shinji with her sanguine eyes.

"I may appear human, but you do not treat me like one." Rei explained, coldly. "Kaji did not treat me like one, either."

"Well, you're… different." Shinji explained, guilty. "It's a lot to deal with… your powers, I mean."

"I am a _burden_ , then?" Rei asked.

"No!" Shinji denied, shaking his head heavily. "I didn't say that."

"You do not have to say it." Rei replied, looking away, back at the nearby crowds. "Humans are free to express themselves. Free to move about as they see fit. I am… limited. More capable than any of you…. And yet, more _limited_."

Rei's voice almost seemed to be drifting away, into another realm entirely.

"Rei… it's for your own good; trust me." Shinji said, frowning. "When this is all over… I'm sure you'll be free to do what you want. Just… somewhere where people won't bother you."

"It does NOT have to be that way!" Rei explained forcefully. "Why must I sit by the wayside? Why does humanity have to be _**afraid**_? I do not understand!""

Shinji was left speechless. He had never seen her get so worked up. Ever.

"I could do so much, Shinji." Rei explained, frowning. "I could help people. People like you."

"...I'm beyond help." Shinji responded, avoiding her piercing stare.

"You are not!" Rei dismissed him, quickly. She leaned in, her gaze becoming more intense. "You are just afraid… you are stuck on father… you have to-"

"Rei, STOP!" Shinji pushed her away. "Stop looking into my mind!"

Rei seemed scared for a moment, before her emotion seemed to flatten completely. It was perhaps the scariest transition Shinji had ever seen from her.

"I. Want. To. Help. You." Rei spoke slowly.

"I know! Just… don't do it like _that_." Shinji replied, feeling scared. "I'm... sorry for pushing you."

"You are stuck. Asuka is stuck. You have to help each other." Rei explained, staring at him. "I will be not be around to push you two together, anymore."

"...Rei, we're not dolls… we're not _playthings_ for you." Shinji explained, carefully. "We're human beings!"

"I know that, Shinji." Rei asserted, her voice strained. "Human beings are incredibly complex. They live long, detailed existences. They remember the scent of their old homes… the feeling of their favourite bed. It is all engrained."

Rei reached out, her finger hovering in front of shinji's mind… pointing. "Right. _Here_."

"Rei… stop." Shinji squeaked out, terrified at her cold gaze.

"Asuka wants to be close with you. She longs to be close with you… to entangle your minds. I've seen it between you two… and I've seen it between her and Kaji, as well. She wants nothing more than to… _latch on_ to someone."

Shinji swallowed, nervously. He could do little other than sit in petrified silence.

"As I said, however…. Her mind is _scarred_. There is an _image_ that surfaces to her mind often. It paralyzes her… depresses her. It is… the root of her fear. Her stubborn refusals." Rei closed her eyes, briefly, before opening them again.

"...Do you want to see that image?"

Shinji couldn't find his voice, at first. He was scared, and horribly confused… but desperate. Desperate to see what she was dangling in front of him. A chance to understand the woman he loved.

It was for a brief moment, but that dark desire took hold of Shinji Ikari.

"...yes." He stated, quietly.

Rei's finger, still hovering in front of his forehead, slowly but surely moved in, before pressing on his forehead.

For Shinji, it seemed like he had fallen backwards through the floor. His vision was gone. Replaced with an image.

An open doorway, and inside was.. a frail redheaded woman hanging from a noose.

He could hear a voice echoing around him. It was muffled, and distorted.

Mama?

Mama?

 _ **MAMA?!**_

* * *

Shinji came to.

He was face to face with Rei, who stared at him blankly. Back at the train station, back to the bench they shared.

 _ **Say something.**_ Shinji thought. It was plea to himself. His heart was beating out of control.

"Rei…" He began, before taking a breath. "Why… what did you just… show me? _How did you do that_?"

"I temporarily forced you into sleep paralysis. From there I opened your mind's eye, and-"

"Rei, how long have you been able to do this?!"

"Not until recently. It was something I would… practice while you slept."

Shinji turned slowly to her. He could feel a violent urge bubbling in his chest. Part of him was thankful he was in public… he was able to restrain himself.

"You know what, Rei… you're right. You're _not_ human." Shinji said, his voice shaking.

"I would be inclined to agree." Rei replied, simply. "I am glad you're being honest, now."

"No human… would do what you just did. I can't believe you just showed me… _that_."

Shinji felt like vomiting, reliving the memory.

"Shinji… Asuka needs you. You are caring and understanding."

"Don't… _fucking_ talk to me like that, Rei." Shinji spat back, venomously. "Just… stop talking."

"If there are things I need to say, I will say them." Rei said, forcefully. "It is my right, is it not?"

Shinji glanced reluctantly at Rei, who was still staring at him.

"Rei… Is that what this is?" Shinji asked, desperately. "A _tantrum_? Are you tired of being controlled?"

"Yes. I am."

Shinji stared back at her, eyes full of anger.

"Then... go find your teacher yourself!" Shinji ordered her pointing away from them.

"If I have to… I will." Rei stared back, forcefully.

Shinji's anger seemed to freeze him in place. Something in the back of his head brought him back to earth, though, if only a little bit.

"No… I'll help you." Shinj receded, turning away and rubbing his head. " _For Kaji._ "

"Thank you, Shinji."

" _Whatever._ "

And so the pair returned to the silence that pervaded them the entire way here. Except this time, Shinji's anxiety had seemed to disappear. He was left, instead, with a dull ache in his gut, and a frightening image in his mind.

* * *

The sounds and sights of the moving train kept Shinji occupied, for the most part. The nagging feeling of anger and resentment was still there, of course, but it had subsided somewhat.

It was replaced partially with the ever present, yet comforting, monotony of travel.

A sound cut through the ambiance of the train, though, pulling his attention to his right, where Rei was sitting.

It was a pained wince. She was grasping at her head.

A darker part of Shinji wanted to leave her in her state… suffering. But he new better. Kaji wouldn't forgive him.

"Rei… are you okay?"

"I have… strained myself." Rei said, wincing again.

"Your mind? It's hurting again?"

"Yes. Very. The crowds… our conversation… my… _prying_." Rei explained.

"Well… I tried to get you to stop."

Rei nodded. "I am… sorry Shinji. I do not… know why.. I should not have… I'm _**sorry!**_ "

Her voice was cracking, as she squeezed her head. "It… **hurts**."

Sighing heavily, Shinji pulled Rei in close, placing her face against his chest. "It's okay, Rei. _You're gonna be okay_."

Rei started to whine.

Soon, she was… _crying_.

"Shinji… I'm crying…" The girl managed, sounding almost pleasantly surprised, voice muffled from their tight embrace. "I'm… crying…"

"I know, Rei." Shinji sniffled. "Me too."


	17. Welcome to Revelations (II)

_**Here's a quick update. It's a shorter chapter than usual, but where I ended it felt natural for a break. Exposition can be a bit tiring for the reader and the writer!**_ _ **I hope you enjoy.**_

 **Thanks to Toby, SPH and xSunfyre for being so nice as to leave some feedback.**

* * *

"Right… here."

Rei was pointing to the entrance to a dirt road, jutting off awkwardly from the main highway and into the adjacent forest. Cutting into the forest for a ways before jutting off again to the right and out of sight, the road seemed to take a sudden leap into the unknown. It didn't look exactly… welcoming, _or_ well-trodden.

"...here?" Shinji repeated suspiciously, putting his hands on his hips. "Are you _sure_?"

"Yes."

Shinji sighed.

"...alright. You take the lead, though."

"Naturally." Rei nodded, sending a smile. "It's been awhile… but seeing this path... I already feel like I'm home."

As Rei overtook him, Shinji felt himself get a bit stuck on the sight of the smile. Shinji wasn't sure, to be fair, but he felt the girl's emotion were showing themselves a lot more than usual. It had been progressive, he figured… but for the past few hours, it was almost like she was a _different person_.

"Are you coming, Shinji?" Rei asked, turning around. She looked concerned.

 _ **...Did she… no, she's fine…**_

"Yeah… sorry."

It was attempt to convince himself, but it just went around in circles. He knew what had happened between them a few hours ago was anything but normal… but she did seem _fine_ ; better, even. But why? How can you explain someone suddenly acting so different?

 _ **How do you go through life… seeing images like…**_ _ **that**_ _ **. And all that pain? Anyone might… snap.**_ Shinji thought, scratching his head reflexively. _**I have to say something. Check on her.**_

Shinji picked up his pace, in order to fully catch up with Rei.

"Rei… are you okay?" He asked, carefully.

"Yes, why?" Rei replied.

Shinji had to pause. He wasn't really sure how to put this.

"...you just seem… uh… different…"

"You have been different, as well." Rei said, turning to him, stopping in place. "Ever since we talked at the train station."

Shinji stumbled to stop alongside her. "Well.. that was… _traumatizing_. It would be for anyone."

"I understand. You are afraid of me." Rei said, smiling slightly. "And I cannot blame you for feeling that way."

Shinji felt the need to deny it, but he knew it was useless. If he had to describe Rei's behaviour the past couple days… it would be _volatile_. And that certainly wasn't how he'd have described her when they first met.

"I _am_ scared… but I'm also _worried_. About you." Shinji answered, feeling embarrassed. "You've recovered a bit _too_ quickly…"

Rei smiled wider.

"It is because... I have come up with a plan!" Rei explained, her voice giving way to a chirpy inflection. "And… I am excited to discuss my ideas with my teacher!"

"You're… _excited_ …" Shinji repeated, trying to digest that word, coming from her. "What _plan_?"

"My teacher… he's very resourceful." Rei explained, looking off into the forest. "He built his own house… without anyone else helping him! While we were on the train… I thought, perhaps, that he might help _me_ build a house, too."

"...next to the ocean?" Shinji tried his best follow.

"Yes! A house just for me… Somewhere… far, far away from everyone. Somewhere _beautiful._ "

Shinji didn't have to force himself too hard to smile. Rei looked ecstatic, almost childlike. Her plan, he thought, seemed pretty nice. Nice and simple… perhaps to much so.

"That sounds nice… but won't you get lonely? Why don't you just live with your teacher?"

Rei seemed confused. "But Shinji... don't _you_ live alone?"

Shinji had to laugh slightly at himself. "Y'know… you're not wrong, Rei. But… I'm not alone. I had Kensuke... Kaji… I had _you_ … Asuka… Misato… Toji... my father, even. I had… _have_ people to lean on."

"It's good to hear you say that, Shinji." Rei smiled. "But things are different, for me."

Shinji didn't respond.

" _Humans_... lean on each other. They share their thoughts and feelings, and support each other. I'm slowly understanding that, as isolated as my life has been." Rei responded, her voice distant. Growing slightly quieter. "But we both know I am _not human_. When I am around humans… when I try to express myself… I just cause problems. So I must be alone."

Shinji wanted to cry. He wanted to try to cheer her up, but… he didn't know quite what to say. It was so obvious… of course someone like her would _cause problems_. Just being around the girl exhausted him… it made him feel vulnerable. More recently, he had even begun questioning _both_ of their sanities... being around Rei was far from _enjoyable_.

...but he wished, deep down, that it didn't have to be that way. He wished there was a way for him to tell her things would be okay. That he could help her. Shinji knew though, that that was impossible. He had no intention of being her saviour when he couldn't even save himself.

"Let's just…" Shinji started, taking a laboured breath. He grabbed Rei's hand, giving her a gentle tug down towards the dirt road. "Let's focus on that house of yours, okay?"

"Okay." Rei smiled, resuming her walk alongside Shinji.

…

"Perhaps I could not be completely alone… would _you_... visit me?" Rei asked, sounding hesitant. "My house."

…

"...Yeah."

* * *

The walk into the forest took some time, and only got more difficult. Added incline and the disrepair of the road made the steady hike difficulty. By the time the both of them reached the end, they were both exhausted.

The end, as it was, was signaled by the emergence of a opening in the forest, and the presence of a wooden cabin at the edge of the opening. Smoke was billowing out of the chimney, and the scent of cooking food began to reach their nostrils.

Rei's stomach grumbled loudly.

"Shinji… I'm hungry." Rei turned to him, smiling wide.

She began to laugh. "...and I believe I _recognize_ that scent."

Shinji could do little than stare at the girl, who was still holding back some giggles.

"I… I recognize that smell." She _laughed_ , again. "It's stew… my teachers _stew_."

"...yeah?"

Rei started to run off, bounding towards the cabin with a kind of joyous weightlessness. Shinji laughed a nervous laughter at the sight. As the two approached the cabin, a slim figure emerged from the front door. The opening slid open quickly, in traditional japanese fashion, causing a loud noise that startled both Rei and Shinji, who was farther back.

It was an old man holding a kitchen knife. He looked angry. Though, Shinji would be lying if it was the angry knife-wielding that startled him the most. Bo, it was because he recognized this man, and quite well at that.

"Who's there?" The man called out, stumbling out of his cabin, after getting caught on the door. He seemed flustered. "You're not supposed to be here! This is private proper…ty..."

The man trailed off, before dropping the knife onto the wooden terrace with an audible clang. He was fixated on Rei.

"Y… _Yui_?" The man uttered in disbelief. "No… those eyes. _R-Rei_?!"

"Hello… sensei…" Rei said, smiling slightly. "I am sorry if this is unexpected- _woah_!"

Rei was startled by Shinji bumping into her from behind.

"Sensei…" Shinji said, in disbelief himself. "Fuyutsuki-sensei!"

Shinji was a bit more used to seeing this man in a suit or a lab coat, and certainly not the humble farmer's get-up he was currently sporting, with a well-used towel around his neck. Still, this was the same Fuyutsuki he had known from years long past. Incredulous, all Shinji could do was smile.

The man now seemed to fall into an even deeper shock. " _...Shinji?"_

No one knew quite what to say. The nearby birds offered some filler, though they didn't do much to distract the trio from the apparent rush of emotions each of them was feeling.

A distant voice broke the silence:

"...What's the commotion, Fuyutsuki?"

A blonde woman in a lab coat emerged from inside the cabin, with a young child in tow.

As the blonde woman's eyes made the rounds, she gasped audibly upon seeing Rei.

"Wait… Rei?"

…

"Yes?" The child next to the woman responded, albeit quietly. It was perhaps only because everyone was so quiet in shock that the small figure even had their quieted, dead delivery heard.

Then again, it was kind of difficult to miss her. She had blue hair, and red eyes, after all.

The woman turned to the child. "Go inside, Rei."

The child nodded, and turned back to go inside, without much fuss. The blonde woman closed the sliding door behind her.

…

"Why… who… was that, sensei?" Rei was the first to break the loaded silence. "Me?"

"Rei…" Fuyutsuki responded, voice shaking. "We thought… we thought you were _dead_."

* * *

Fuyutski placed a bowl of hot stew in front of Rei, who, although a bit on-edge, semed to relax a bit.

"It has been a while since I've had this stew." Rei smiled.

Fuyutsuki seemed a bit taken aback. "Yes… I suppose it has." He relented, smiling back.

Shinji was waiting in the corner of the room, next to the child, who was currently drawing some seemingly random scribbles on a piece of paper. Fuyutsuki would occasionally glance over to him with a troubled expression. Shinji wouldn't be surprised if he himself was wearing that same face.

Fuyutsuki cleared his throat. "Ritsuko… once Rei is finished, could you take her to my office for a basic physical?"

The blonde woman looked around her, before laughing to herself. "Sure… but which one?"

Fuyutsuki narrowed his eyes. "I think you're well aware _which one_."

Ritsuko sighed. " _Of course_ , doctor. Shall I prep the MAGI?"

"We'll hold off on that for now. Our guests could use some rest, I think." Fuyutsuki responded, wiping his hands with his cloth. "Now.. Shinji, would you come with me outside? It's been a while since I've had a shogi partner.."

Shinji stiffened up. It felt weird to hear that voice ordering him around again. "S-Sure…"

As Shinji went to leave, Fuyutski walked over to the child, and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Come with me, Rei."

The child nodded.

As the three of them exited, Shinji looked back to Rei. She looked nervous. He sent her a gentle smile, and she tried her best to respond accordingly.

"Don't… be gone too long, Shinji."

"I won't, Rei."

* * *

"I… Sensei..." Shinji wondered to himself, not-so-innocently, as Fuyutsuki motioned for him to sit down. "Is it really the time… to be playing _shogi_?"

"Do an old man a favour and indulge me…" Fuyutsuki said, wincing from the motion of taking a seat. "Besides, I imagine you could use some time to _think_."

The two of them had improvised, taking seats on the terrace itself. The child watched on from a nearby wooden chair, kicking her short legs around. Shinji felt horribly uncomfortable in this setup, and it wasn't just because he was having an unexpected reunion with his old caretaker.

"Erm…" Shinji began, unsure what to say. He was looking confusedly at the Shogi board. He knew how to play, of course, but wasn't quite sure to begin, given the circumstances.

"Go ahead, Shinji." Fuyutsuki urged him on, gently. "Take your time."

So he did.

"Sensei… what…. why are you all the way out _here_?" Shinji asked, carefully moving a piece on the board. "And… w-why are there _two Reis_?"

Shinji whispered the latter question, feeling a bit weird that the second Rei in question was sitting only a few feet away.

Fuyutsuki laughed, again. He moved a piece, before looking up at Shinji with a wry smile. "You know… _I_ was hoping to be the one asking questions."

Shinji carefully lined up his swing. He waited a moment. "Well, why don't we… _take turns_?"

"...I suppose that could work." Fuyutsuki shrugged. "I built this home about… forty years ago? It was place for me to get away from my studies when things got hectic. Though, as of late... _my studies_ have found a way to bother me, even _here_."

As Shinji looked at him, awkwardly waiting for some kind of clarification. Fuyutsuki scratched his chin, thoughtfully.

"I've raised _two_ of them here."

"Two…"

"Reis."

"Rei.. _s_?"

Fuyutsuki raised his hand. "I believe it's… my turn now, is it not?"

Shinji almost forgot what he meant. Though frustrated, he dutifully nodded. "Go ahead, sensei"

"...how much do you know?" Fuyutsuki asked, barely taking any time to think.

Shinji, on the other hand, seemed to take an eternity.

"That's a bit of a _loaded_ question, don't you think?"

"I figured... I would make efficient use of my turn." Fuyutsuki smiled wryly. "It would be apt to find out what you _do know_ , and where the blanks must be filled in, so to speak."

Shinji nodded, but had stop and think. Where exactly does one tackle that kind of question…

"I know… as much as _Kaji_ knew, I guess." Shinji tried to explain, moving a piece. "Though, I guess it's possible he didn't tell me _everything_."

"Kaji…" Fuyutsuki repeated the name, sounding a bit sour. "I knew that upstart had to have something to do with this. I'm just surprised it was _you_ who got involved with him. It's a small world."

"Well, Kaji didn't…" Shinji began, before Fuyutsuki cleared his throat loudly, interrupting him.

"Why don't you use _your_ turn?" He cautioned Shinji, smiling slightly.

Shinji felt a bit embarrassed, actually. It was almost like Fuyutsuki was reminding him to be shrewd. He felt felt a bit over his head, having to uncover all this himself. Where was the limit to his questioning? What would Fuyutsuki answer, and what might be too far? Shinji racked his brain, but went down the logical path.

"Well… what did Kaji do?" Shinji asked."Why was he… protecting Rei?"

"Shinji… he wasn't _protecting_ Rei." Fuyutsuki shook his head, sighing. "He _kidnapped_ her. We thought he had _killed_ her."

"But… she was following Kaji willingly…" Shinji responded, confused. "How…"

"Hold on, It's _my_ turn." Fuyutsuki reminded him, frowning. "What was Kaji doing with Rei?"

"...d-doing with her?" Shinji wondered to himself, fiddling with a shogi tile. "Uh… nothing. He was just…. trying to get her out of the country. To… Siberia, I think."

Fuyutsuki didn't respond right away, instead sighing heavily. "That man… I can't believe it, but it appears he duped us all."

Shinji bit his lip. "Though… he _tried_ , I guess." He sighed. "He's dead now."

"He is."

Shinji raised his eyes slowly to meet his old teacher. "You… didn't have anything to do with that, did you?"

It was almost more of an accusation than a question really. Shinji knew he wouldn't admit to it, even if he did, which he doubted anyway. Misato had planted the seeds of conspiracy in his mind, it had seemed.

"Your father had Kaji killed, yes."

Fuyutsuki answered nonchalantly, stunning Shinji for a second. His dad… killed someone? Killed _Kaji_?

"He… made it to look like an accident?" He couldn't even believe it himself.

"You used your turn, as far I'm concerned." Fuyutsuki warned him, waving his hand dismissively. "Now… have you _told anyone_ about Rei?"

"No! Of course not." Shinji exclaimed, a bit incredulous. "Why… wouldn't that be a big mistake?"

Fuyutsuki looked surprised. "It _would_ be. I must say, Shinji, you seemed to have tidied up this mess quite well. You kept Rei safe and secure, and delivered her right to my doorstep. Your father will be quite pleased, once the initial confusion wears off."

Shinji froze in spot. "You're going to tell my father? But you just admitted… he's a _murderer._ Why are you helping him?!"

Again, Fuyutsuki sighed heavily. He started to get up, groaning again from the pain. "...I believe this _disgusting experiment_ has gone on long enough. Forget the shogi… forget the _turns_ … come inside with me, Shinji."

The man looked at the shogi board with longing eyes as he struggled to rise. "And here I was, thinking I could relax, for once."

Shinji didn't laugh; he wasn't sure he could. Getting up himself, he turned behind him to the child sitting a ways away. She was still staring at them, not doing much else.

"Don't you think it's a bit weird, having these conversations… around her?" Shinji turned to Fuyutsuki, talking in a hushed tone.

"I wouldn't worry about it." His teacher assured him. "She may _appear_ mentally present, but she's far from it. Long term memory hasn't even developed at this point."

Shinji's raised an eyebrow at his teacher, and then the child.

"Sensei... what the hell have you been up to, all these years?"

"You'll know, soon enough."


	18. Farewell to Rei

_**Hey all.**_

 _ **This story really has covered a whole slew of moods and tones. It's pretty weird for me to upload this chapter and look back at where this story started. Things have gotten pretty heavy, compared to early on. I feel like its necessary, though, considering Shinji's situation is pretty bleak. I truly hope none of those who have been reading this story feel I've strayed too far from what they liked in the first place. I'm trying to do this narrative justice, and sometimes that requires less jokes and fun stuff and more drama and exposition!**_

 ** _I would love to hear your thoughts on how this story has developed; I'm feeling a bit anxious about what I've been doing. Thanks to all of those (SPH, Toby, Gryphon, Sunfyre and DarkNutDestroyer) who have been doing so already._**

* * *

Shinji Ikari found himself feeling a bit conflicted. He was watching his old teacher putter, just like old times. The sight made him think of all the time they spent together, doing mundane things... preparing meals, doing math problems or learning the cello. It was a time of his life that he now looked back fondly, though there was some clear bitterness attached. These were memories where his father _should_ have been, he knew.

...Still, they were pleasant memories.

He was contrasting that warmth of the past with a much colder and uncomfortable present. Starting with the obvious, there was the entire strange circumstance that brought him to this cabin in the middle of nowhere. Not to mention the recent revelations that frankly, scared him.

Multiple Reis, murdered friends… a father that was as much criminal as he was _absentee_.

Fuyutsuki was currently setting up a video projector, swearing under his breath occasionally as he struggled to find certain wires or attachments. Shinji, meanwhile, sat awkwardly in a nearby chair. He was surrounded by plentiful but well organized documents.

"So… sensei, is this… your office?" Shinji asked, trying to breach the heavy feeling in the air.

Fuyutsuki chuckled bitterly. "This used to be…" Fuyutsuki started, before grunting angrily, still frustrated with the projector. "...where I would read… listen to music… now, It's just storage for medical tests, electrical bills, MAGI simulations."

"...MAGI?" Shinji sounded out.

Fuyutski seemed to consider an explanation for a moment, but clearly gave up, shrugging.

"It's far too complicated to explain." Fuyutsuki sighed. "All the same, this set-up I have here is neither ideal nor intentional. Out of unfortunate necessity, your father has set me up out here… like some kind of deranged, _hermit pediatrician._ "

His old teachers words had significant venom to them. Before he could even ask what that even meant, though, he was cut off by the sudden entrance of Dr. Akagi. The blonde woman, wearing her usual lab coat, looked annoyed.

"The physical is complete. No anomalies, _physically_. Her vitals are fine." The woman explained. "She's a lot _mouthier_ than I remember, though."

Shinji had to laugh. "She's gotten a bit more... lively, lately."

"...I like them more when they're silent, frankly." Ritsuko added, looking disdainfully over at Shinji. "...or did you like having to deal with _that_ all day?"

"...uh..." Shinji went to respond, confused by the woman.

"Dr. Akagi…" Fuyutsuki interjected, with a warning tone. "Get the... _original_ Rei, and bring her here."

Ritsuko narrowed her eyes. "Not even a please or thank you, huh?"

She turned, going to leave, but got caught on the sight of the projector Fuyutsuki was setting up. She straightened up, looking a bit confused.

"Hold on… You're not going to show her all that, are you?" She asked, sounding incredulous. "Tell her?"

"I'm telling _both_ of them." Fuyutsuki clarified, not bothering to turn to face her.

Ritsuko raised a brow. "Well, I won't _stop_ you… but you know Ikari-sensei-"

Shinji tensed up.

"I'm well aware of what I'm doing, _thank you._ " Fuyutsuki cut her off, clearly impatient.

"Fine, but that man isn't the most… understanding." Ritsuko mused, glancing briefly at Shinji, smiling wryly. "I'm sure we all know that, though, no?"

"... and I am an _old_ man." Fuyutsuki countered, walking over to his partner. "A _tired, old man who is running low on patience_. Go fetch Rei, _please_."

"Fine." Ritsuko nodded... still wearing a knowing grin as she left the office. Her parting glance towards Shinji left him feeling uncomfortable.

* * *

"I recommend you two listen to me very carefully." Fuyutsuki warned them aloud, as he turned off the lights. The projector's lights became more prominent, alongside an uncomfortable silence.

"...I am not in the mood to have to explain…. _**This**_ … twice."

Shinji meekly nodded, before looking over at Rei, who looked concerned. It was just the three of them in the office, as Ritsuko had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with what was about to transpire.

"...what are we watching?" She asked, tilting her head.

Fuyutsuki sighed heavily. "...I suppose, in a simplistic way… some _home videos_. From your childhood, Rei."

Rei's face lit up slightly. "Really?"

Fuyutsuki massaged the bridge of his nose, stressfully. "Yes. I will also be explaining your _origins_ , for both your sake and Shinji's."

Rei's confusion maintained. "My… origins?"

"...Kaji didn't tell you anything, did he?" Fuyutsuki sighed. "I can't say I blame him."

"H-hold on... " Shinji began, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. "S-should we really be seeing this? Isn't this… secret?"

Fuyutsuki looked at Shinji with a deep concern, and confusion. "Shinji… did you really come _all_ this way to not learn the truth? Isn't that why you're here?"

Shinji stared at the ground, heart beating uncomfortably fast. He was still stuck on what Dr. Akagi had said. "...won't… father…"

Fuyutsuki raised his eyebrows, looking almost impressed. "I'm surprised you still show him so much loyalty, Shinji… after everything that's transpired."

Shinji met his teachers eyes, solemnly. "D-do you not?"

"To a point." Fuyutsuki admitted. "I admired and respected your father, _once_. I loved your mother, as well."

Fuyutsuki voice was uneven, and slightly shaking. The candidness of it was unfamiliar to Shinji, who was used to a more straight-laced and reserved man teaching him.

"...but now, I'm _old_. I don't have much time left on this earth, I figure." Fuyutsuki explained, carefully. "You _both_ deserve to know the truth. About everything. If there's one thing I could offer you two before I'm gone, it would be this."

Another heavy silence.

"...may I proceed?"

* * *

 _ ***~*Three Years Earlier*~***_

Kouzou Fuyutsuki adjusted the camera carefully. The tripod was standing annoyingly uneven against the shoddy cabin floor, and the lens was quite dusty from disuse. The recording would definitely be of questionable quality, but he new not many eyes would see this, so it didn't bother him very much.

Sighing, he walked back towards his desk, where the camera was pointing.

He took a seat next to Rei, and cleared his throat.

"This is… the first update. For _posterity_." Fuyutsuki began, speaking aloud. "Things have gone smoothly, all things considered. The cloning process… was _relatively_ successful."

He paused, feeling a bit disgusted with himself.

"The subject… _Rei…_ has retained _most_ phenotypic traits of the original DNA, with a few… concerning exceptions."

Fuyutsuki looked next to him, at Rei. The young girl seemed deeply lost in thought, as per usual. Her expression was like a blank canvas, painted by her two disturbing red eyes… and framed by blue hair.

"Physically speaking, she's a perfectly healthy child. That being said, she is far from normal. I've noticed some… _disturbing_ mutations, possibly caused by the cloning method, which I am… _concernedly unfamiliar_ with."

Fuyutsuki had to take another moment to pause. He still couldn't quite beleive what he had gotten himself into.

"... _first of all,_ the rate of growth is... inhumanly fast. By my estimations, Rei has reached the physical maturity of a six year old in a matter of _six months_. I have no explanation for this. Second of all, she has no affect, emotionally. Attempts at communication or linguistic development have been almost entirely fruitless. Again, I have no explanation. Still, I will continue to make attempts."

Fuyutsuki sighed. That seemed to cover most of it. Then again…

Fuyutsuki walked over to the camera, grabbing it off the tripod. Holding it up to his face, he found himself laughing slightly. "Ah, yes…"

"Despite a lack of emotion, she has… developed a taste for… _sweet potatoes_. It's almost the only thing I can get her to eat, consistently."

Walking out of the room, Fuyutsuki made his way over to the kitchen. Placing the camera down on the counter, he began his ritual. There he retrieved a partially cut sweet potato from a cutting board. A _snack_. Shaking his head in disbelief, he proceeded to put the potato in a bowl, before getting onto his knees. He knew he was out of frame, but this would have to do.

He carefully removed a floor board from his carefully constructed cabin floor, revealing a tight but open space underneath. He then took the sweet potato bowl, and placed it _in_ the space.

Rising from his knees, groaning all the while from pain, Fuyutsuki turned to the camera.

"I've... _hidden_ the sweet potatoes underneath the floorboards. I have never done this before, and I find it frankly disturbing It's something I have to do at all." Fuyutsuki chuckled at his own expense. "But I'm not sure how else to demonstrate my concerns."

Sighing Futuski went back to his office, where Rei was still sitting there, doing nothing. He picked her up, though he soon regretted the action. She was getting heavy, _fast_.

Placing her back down in the kitchen, Rei seemed to come to. She looked up at him, staring at him with her piercing eyes.

"Do you want a _snack_ , Rei?" Fuyutsuki asked, putting emphasis on the key word. "A _snack_!"

Rei took a moment, staring all the while, before walking to the exact floorboard that was earlier disturbed. She began to struggle to try to remove it. Fuyutsuki grabbed the camera, showing the act clearly.

"I've had to start to putting them out of her reach, because she will _always_ find them... and _eat_ them." Fuyutsuki explained, incredulously. "I'm afraid at what I'll have to do once she becomes fully grown… in _two years_ , by my estimations. She might just eat all my potatoes, before I even have a chance to _cook_ them."

Fuyutsuki turned the camera to his face, trying to his best to muster a cross glare that he once sent his two pupils quite often.

"Again, I have no explanation how this is happening… Maybe I'll be able to figure something out, but... let's hope, _Gendo,_ that I'll be relieved of my _babysitting_ duties before then, no?"

* * *

Shinji swallowed nervously as the film cut short.

"I have a few others, they might help clarify-" Fuyutsuki began, rummaging through a box of tapes.

"H-hold on… I'm not sure I heard you correctly, but… Rei…. is a…." Shinji began, not really prepared to have to utter the word.

"A _clone_ , yes." Fuyutsuki explained, calmly. "Originally created by your father in the Ikari labs, directly under the nose of the university."

Shinji looked over at Rei, who was staring at the floor, clearly deep in thought.

"A-a clone of _what_?" Shinji asked, desperately.

Fuyutsuki seemed a bit taken aback, gesturing towards Rei. "Do you _really_ not recognize her, at all?"

Shinji's was sweating profusely. He turned to look at Rei, who finally seemed to take notice of him, turning towards him with eyes full of confusion.

"She… she's my sister… isn't she?" Shinji admitted to himself, aloud. "I can see the resemblance… I-I think."

"Not quite." Fuyutsuki responded, sighing heavily. Reaching into his back pocket, Fuyutsuki removed his wallet. Reaching inside the wallet, he produced a picture, which he then showed to Shinji.

"That resemblance you see… it's your _mother_ , Shinji."

Shocking, but undeniable. Shinji could see it in the picture. It was just like Rei, minus the eyes. Suddenly... it felt like everything clicked.

"She's… my _mom_?!" Shinji repeated, feeling sick. "B-but… why? _What_?!"

Shinji hadn't seen a picture of his mom since he was a kid. That painful avoidance seem to come flowing back at once, as Shinji felt his eyes water. "M-mom?!"

"Not quite, Shinji..." Fuyutsuki tried to interject, concerned. "

"But… I-I don't understand!" Shinji shouted, looking at Rei for answers.

Rei leaned back in her chari, grasping at her head, wincing.

"R-Rei! Why… why…" Shinji tried to speak, but kept getting stuck. He reached out for her. "You can't…"

"S-shinji… stop… it _hurts_." Rei said, closing her eyes, clutching her head. " _Too much._ "

"Oh.. I-I'm sorry, Rei!" Shinji pulled back, catching himself. He wanted to reach out and comfort her… but suddenly the idea terrified him.

Fuyutsuki walked over briskly. "Shinji, what's going on?"

"Her b-brain! It's hurting!" Shinji tried to explain. "She's… _overstimulated_."

"I… haven't seen this before." Fuyutsuki noted, worriedly. Quickly walking over the door, he opened it and shouted. "Dr. Akagi, prepare the MAGI!"

Walking over to Rei, he wrapped his arms around her carefully, urging her to get up from the chair. "Come on, Rei. Dr. Akagi will help you."

"Okay…" Rei spoke softly, getting up.

As Fuyutsuki left the office, gentling urging Rei along, he turned back with a concerned look.

"Shinji… prepare some tea."

* * *

Shinji was startled as Fuyutsuki emerged from the basement door. The shock almost made him spill the boiling water.

"...she's settled in, it seems." Fuyutsuki sighed.

Shinji wasn't really sure what he meant. He saw Rei and the two lab coats go downstairs, while he stayed in the kitchen. He was making tea, all the while with shaking hands, while the smaller Rei seemed to watched from a nearby table, seemingly bored.

He could have followed Rei down there, sure, but Shinji didn't really want to know what else could be waiting for him. He had had too many surprises to today, for sure.

"So… she's o-okay?" Shinji managed, worried.

"I'm not sure." Fuyutsuki explained, sighing. "Like I said, these… _migraines_ …. I had no idea how or why she's developed them. For what it's worth, though, she says she feels better."

"Should I… _you_ give her this tea?" Shinji asked, staring solemnly as the kettle.

"That tea was for _you_ , I figured." Fuyutsuki said. "To…. decompress. Calm down."

"I'm not sure I can… until I get some answers." Shinji admitted, looking sheepishly at his old teacher.

"Understandable." Fuyutsuki admitted, leaning against the wooden kitchen counter. "I'll answer what I can."

Shinji took a deep breath before continuing. He gripped the handle of the kettle, ignoring the pain from the rising steam. "...why would my dad... _clone_ my mom? How could that result in someone… some _thing_ like Rei... I don't _understand_."

Fuyutsuki shook his head. "Straight to the hardest questions, I see."

Shinji turned to Fuyutsuki angrily. "Well, they're kind of _distracting_ , don't you think?!"

"Fair enough." Fuyutsuki raised a hand, trying to calm his pupil. "To be honest, your father might be the only one who knows the answers. From what I understood, when he explained this to me, it was an attempt at... reclaiming what was taken from him."

Shinji's heart sank. "You mean… mom dying?"

A solemn nod. "You were too young to remember, but she died while your parents were working abroad. A couple of renowned scientists; they were always quite busy. I was taking care of you occasionally, even back then."

"I know… radiation poisoning…" Shinji said, shaking his head. "Father told me…"

"That is the _story_ , yes." Fuyutsuki confirmed, less than enthusiastically.

"W-what do you mean?!" Shinji asked, voice cracking in anger. "Is that not the truth?"

Fuyutsuki remained silent for a second. "I'm not sure myself… but your mother's demise never sat well with me, or your father. Rei's strange development and…. unusual abilities have led me to be even more suspicious."

"So… _why_?" Shinji asked, relenting hs anger at the sight of his saddened and stressed mentor.

"I don't know, Shinji." Fuyutsuki admitted, voice shaking. "I… I had this same reaction when he came to this cabin, holding that blue-haired child. He said it was his daughter, and that he needed _help_ … but we both knew there was no _Gendo_ in that face of hers… not like yours. That man is... reconstructing the woman he lost."

Fuyutsuki looked over at Shinji, frowning.

"I regret ever being involved in this... _farce_. We should have left your mother's body and soul rest in peace. Instead your father appears to want to play _god_ , with worrying results."

He looked back at the younger Rei, who was staring out the window, absentmindedly.

"I'm going to call your father, get him over here… and try to put an end to this mess." Fuyutsuki explained.

"What… do you mean?" Shinji asked, worriedly.

"No more cloning. No more _playing god_. He needs to _retire_ … and take responsibility for his children, you included." Fuyutsuki explained, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Shinji looked at the old man in disbelief, feeling a bitter anger in his chest rising.

"You'd… you'd never convince him to stop working…" Shinji explained, suppressing tears. It's all he care about. It's all he's _ever_ cared about."

"I can _try_." Fuyutsuki sighed. "God knows I've done _him_ enough favours."

Shinji shook his head, finding the strength to speak. "No! I… I don't want anything to do with that… _bastard_. He _killed_ Kaji! My **friend**!"

"That... _is_ problematic…" Fuyutsuki admitted, scratching his chin. "I considered it _just desserts_ at the time, but we never did confirm he had _killed Rei_ like the said he did."

"Kaji would _never_ kill someone! Did you ever even talk to him?! Get to know him?" Shinji shouted angrily. "All he wanted to do was help Rei! Now he's dead for no reason!"

"Be that as it may, he _interfered_." Fuyutsuki said calmly. "I don't like the result, but he crossed your father and upon capture, confessed to essentially _murdering his child_. Your father reacted extremely, to be sure, but it was not unjustified from his perspective."

Shinji reached out angrily, grabbing the boiling kettle, before smacking it off the stove and sending it crashing onto the floor. The boiling water sizzled against the wooden floor.

Seething, Shinji began to speak slowly. "I don't care about his perspective! I don't want anything to do with this anymore. I never want to see him again, okay?! I'll... tell the police and get you both _thrown in jail_!"

Fuyutsuki didn't react. At least, not in a way that Shinji expected. His teacher just sighed.

"Shinji, you can do whatever you want with the information I've shared. You've been through enough to have earned that right, as far as I'm concerned." He explained, nodding . "Just know… your father never meant to drag you into this. He just wanted-"

"I don't care what he wanted!" Shinji spat, sniffling. "You should never have told to me all of this! Why couldn't you have just _lied_!"

"All the same… for your mother… for Rei… You could stay and talk to him. I _know_ together we could convince your father to stop this madness. If he won't listen to me, I truly believe he will listen to you." Fuyutsuki pleaded. "Family means everything to that man."

"...Yeah, well, he's got a twisted way of showing it." Shinji shook his head. "Just... forget it, okay? I'm leaving… I'm never coming back. When you see my father… tell him I don't want to see him. That I don't want his _d-dirty money_. If he ever contacts me again, I'm telling everyone what's going on here."

Fuyutsuki stood there in silence, taking deep, laboured breaths.

"You have every right to ask of that." Fuyutsuki relented, sighing. "I'll tell your father."

"...thank you."

Shinji let out a partial sob. He could almost feel his emotion bursting at the seams of his chest. It was taking a lot out of him to not break down.

"I-I'm going." Shinji managed. "Home."

 _ **What home?**_

"And Rei?" Fuyutsuki called out to him. "You're not going to say goodbye?"

…

"I… don't think I can be around her, anymore." Shinji admitted himself, feeling his stomach churn horribly. "She's… what she is… how am I supposed to deal with that."

"I'm not asking you to 'deal' with it." Fuyutsuki asked, concerned. "I just think she's… grown attached. More so than she ever was to me."

"Somehow i doubt that." Shinji said, warily, wiping his eyes.

"Is that why she's suddenly grown the ability to smile? To _laugh_?" Fuyutsuki asked, laughing himself. "I'd say that's quite the miracle, given the starting point."

The two shared a glance of the smaller Rei, face completely void of any expression.

"I… just… need to go." Shinji said, feeling frightened. The child's eyes, her _face_ , haunted him in the most eerily familiar way. "I can't deal with this, anymore..."

Shinji heard his teacher call out his name, but he had already shut himself off from the rest of the world as he rushed outside the cabin. Running off down the dirt road that he entered in from, Shinji tried to shake the images of Rei… the images of his _mother_ that were stuck in his mind. No matter how hard he tried, it didn't seem to work. So he just kept running.


	19. Intensive Care

_**Quick Update. It's short, but I was really eager to keep writing.**_

 **I wanna thank everyone who gave me such supportive and kind words! .3781, Toby, SPH and Bcaffera... you guys are awesome!**

 **And yes, guest reviewer. Sweet Potatoes.**

* * *

The journey back home began less than smoothly for one Shinji Ikari, who, in the adrenaline of all that had happened this past day, forgot the sun was setting and that he was running off into an unfamiliar area in ever encroaching darkness. After leaving the forest, Shinji was at least able to remember how to get back to the train station on his own, after a fair a bit of hesitation here and there.

Getting on the train was an ordeal in of itself, as he had to guiltily take funds from his father's account despite his earlier assertions that he was now independent. To make matters worse, the train ride only reminded him of Rei's fragile state during the _last ride_ he took. She had cried for the first time in her life, right into his chest. She was so vulnerable right now, after all that had happened. After all that was revealed to them. And yet, he had abandoned her, just like his father abandoned him. Part of him didn't really believe that… but part of him totally did. Rei had been pushing forward on ideals of a picturesque life by the ocean, and he just left her in the basement of a strange cabin, with a pair of questionably trustworthy scientists, who he doubted had any intention of letting Rei go build that house she was so happy to escape to. He never... even said goodbye.

And so, Shinji felt horribly empty. He was out in the wide world, all on his own… with no idea what he was going to do. Who could he turn to? Where could he go?

At this point, Shinji found solace in an at least retracing his steps. He made his way back to Kensuke's bath house, especially knowing he had never really given his old friend the proper farewell he deserved. That, and there _was_ some guilty desire that he could stay there for a while. Maybe?

As he finally made the walk back to the bathhouse after the train ride, Shinji's legs were sore and tired.

 _ **I really could use a bath..**_ Shinji thought, frowning. _**I suppose I'll have to burden Kensuke just a little while longer.**_

Shinji was sad to see that the lights of the bathouse were off. It was past midnight, so it made sense. Part of him hoped that Kensuke had kept his bad sleeping habits from when they were neighbors, but it was clear that was not the case.

 _ **Knock…?**_ Shinji wondered, hovering his hand over the entrance to the bath. _**No…**_

So, Shinji leaned on the side of the bathhouse, curling up and bringing his legs close. He figured he would just wait until the sun came up.

 **Shouldn't…. Be…. too… long….**

* * *

"I understand, Sir… I just need a little more extra time off… yes, something came up, I'm sorry."

Shinji awoke slowly to the sound of worried chatter. After taking a moment to get his bearings, he looked around woozily to see that it was coming from inside the bath house, close by.

 _ **I can't believe I actually fell asleep in this position…**_ Shinji cranked his neck, horribly sore.

Shuffling from inside, soon the door came sliding open.

"Yep. Goodbye, sir. Sorry, again." Misato emerged from the door, holding a cellphone to her ear. Closing the phone, she stretched heartily before looking to her right, where Shinji was still sitting, groggy.

"What the f… Shinji?!" Misato asked, lowering the phone. "I've been trying to contact you! What the hell are you doing out here?"

"M-Misato…" Shinji announced, warily. "Just… _resting_? I… didn't know you were here, still."

"Uh… we were waiting for you to come back." Misato shrugged, adjusting her messy hair. "Stayed an extra night… Kensuke offered."

Shinji had to smile a bit. Kensuke was always a bit vulnerable to the other sex.

"So… Is Rei… okay?" Misato asked, awkwardly. "You got her to her… 'teacher', was it?"

"...yeah." Shinji answered, getting up from the ground. "She's… fine."

"Cool…" Misato responded, quietly. "Y'know, Shinji…"

Shinji tensed up, suddenly remembering how things ended when they last saw each other. He was still shaking off sleep.

"I... I'm sorry." Shinji admitted. "You probably don't wanna talk to me, right now…"

Misato shifted her weight, looking worried. "No… that's not it."

The front door opened up again, this time Kensuke coming outside. "Misato, who are you… oh, hey _Shinji_!"

Shinji bowed. "Um, s-sorry to intrude."

Kensuke smiled. "No worries, man."

Kensuke raised a hand, scratching the back of his head. Shinji noticed quickly there was a sizable red stain near his sleeve.

"You've… got _red_ on you." Shinji pointed out, puzzled.

"O-oh… shit!" Kensuke covered the area, tensing up.

Misato cleared her throat. "I was just… going to explain, Kensuke."

Shinji's heart sank. "What… what's going on?"

"Man.. that foreign girl you brought with you… Asuka." Kensuke sighed, shaking his head. "She's fucking _bonkers_ , man."

"Kensuke!" Misato shouted, covering her face in embarrassment. "This is why I wanted to explain."

"What… you said the exact same thing last night." Kensuke defended himself, though.

"I was drunk… we all were." Misato explained, rolling her eyes. "Jesus christ, what a fucking mess."

"Can… can someone just tell me?" Shinji asked, raising his voice. "What's happened? Where's Asuka?"

"She's uh… in the _hospital_." Misato explained, clearly having some difficulty.

"What?!" Shinji asked, now feeling nowhere nearly as sleepy. "Why?!"

"We were… drinking together." Misato recounted, clearly frustrated with herself. " _Again._ We all just wanted to relax, after you had left, but…"

"But what?!" Shinji asked, shouting.

"She got a phone call from her father." Misato explained, sighing. "Apparently he found out she had gotten expelled, and was missing… there was a lot of shouting."

"Oh…" Shinji realized, worrying. "I-I guess I can't blame him…"

"She went to take a bath…" Kensuke explained, shrugging. "We got a bit worried when she didn't come back. Probably would've worried sooner If I had seen that knife missing."

"K-knife? What?!" Shinji shouted.

"Shinji, she… Asuka _slit her wrists;_ pretty deep too." Misato explained, unable to meet his eyes. "I'm... just glad we found her when we did. She had already lost quite a bit of blood, but once we got her to the hospital, and they said shed be fine…"

Shinji couldn't find the words to speak.

"That's the… _red_. I was just cleaning up some of the dried up blood." Kensuke said, touching his sleeve gingerly. "I'm just glad she did that when we were _closed_. I've had time to clean up before we open."

"Kensuke!" Misato warmed him again.

"What?!" Kensuke said, looking pissed. "It's a bit inconsiderate to turn my business into a literal _bloodbath_ , don't you think? Especially after all I've done to accommodate her."

"I-I'm… sorry, Kensuke." Shinji said.

Kensuke sighed. "Its okay, dude. It's not your fault. It's not like you could've known."

"...r-right." Shinji admitted, feeling uneasy. "Where… is she? What hospital?"

"I can take you there, if you want." Misato said.

"I don't... but... " Shinji began, feeling guilty. "You've done enough for me Misato… I feel bad."

"Shinji… let's just forget about everything for a bit." Misato said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'd have to be a real _bitch_ not to at least give you a hand... given what's happened. I know how close you two are."

"...right."

* * *

"Let me just be clear, okay?" The older doctor warned Shinji, who was clearly anxious to enter Asuka's room. "We're not releasing her from this hospital until her father shows up. He was... pretty _adamant_ about that. Regardless, we still haven't had a chance to give her a full psychiatric screening. So, if she asks about _leaving_ , don't make any promises, okay? Let's be realistic."

The lecture made Shinji feel a bit uneasy. She was stuck here, partially because of him, he figured. As much as it made sense, he felt kinda guilty.

"O-okay"

"Oh, and she's still recovering from the surgery. We had to give her quite a bit of anesthesia due to how deep the lacerations were… she's most likely going to be quite… _loopy_."

"O-okay…" Shinji repeated, feeling useless. Misato, next to him in clear support, put yet another hand on his shoulder, stabilizing him like she had been for the past few hours.

"Let's go say hi, Shinji." She smiled, though she was clearly a bit on-edge.

Misato gave him a gentle push as the doctor opened the door, urging them inside.

Shinji walked in, his eyes immediately locked into the most eye-catching colour in the bland but calming hospital room, painted a soft, quiet light green. It was the flowing hair of his redheaded friend, who took a bit longer to notice she had visitors.

"Hi, Shinji…" Asuka called out, voice hoarse. "I… did something bad."

Shinji was stunned by the simple statement; how weakly it was delivered. His legs buckled slightly as he walked over to her bed. The rhythmic beeping of the EGG almost seemed to talk over him, as he tried to find the words to respond to her.

"Are you… okay?" Shinji asked, almost immediately cursing himself as soon as the words left his lips.

Asuka started to laugh. It was a strange laugh, to be sure; hoarse and weak, but still gleeful.

"Idiot… Shinji…" Asuka chuckled. "Do I look okay?

The girl raised up her arms, which were covered in bandages. She was smiling, and Shinji felt kinda guilty when he naturally smiled back.

"No… you don't." He said, looking away. "I'm sorry."

Asuka looked at him, unimpressed. "Apologiiiiessss. Always apologizing. God… _damnit_."

Shinji had to stop himself from apologizing, again. He shrugged, looking guilty. Asuka stared at him for a while, making him feel quite uneasy. Her face was even paler from usual, probably from the blood loss, Shinji figured.

"You know… I... " Asuka began, before looking towards her wrists, looking almost confused at the sight. "I should have said it…"

Shinji tilt his head, before sitting down on the bed, next to her. It was pretty hard to hear the woman in her current state.

"Said… what?" Shinji asked, confused."

"That I llllove you." Asuka drawled, before laughing slightly. "That I love you _too_ , dumbass."

Misato, who was standing a ways away, had to cover up what was clearly a guffaw. "Those must be some strong drugs…" She whispered, supposedly to herself. Shinji would have laughed too, but he was a bit too distracted.

"...Really?"

"Yeah... " Asuka admitted, staring at him. "You're really hand...some. And… gentle… even if you're all… wimpy… and stupid."

Another thinly veiled laugh from Misato.

"That's… good to hear." Shinji smiled, though terribly worried. He wished the circumstances around those words didn't have to be so tainted.

"I… want you to know… before I go home…" Asuka said, looking back at her wrists. "My papa… he's not gonna let me… come here again. _No way_."

"I… suppose that makes sense." Shinji said, sadly.

"He'' probably put me in a… _loony bin_." The girl laughed. "Just like… mama."

Laughing harder, the girl seemed to whine lightly. "Just like _mama_."

"Asuka…" Shinji felt his stomach twist, his mind flashing back to images he wish he had never taken in.

Suddenly, Asuka lurched, puking up a small amount of liquid up onto her hospital gown. A nurse, who was keeping tabs from outside the room, came walking in hurriedly. The short haired woman looked terribly tired and worried.

"Um… just give us a moment, okay?" She asked, worriedly. "I doubt she'd… want _you_ seeing her like this."

" _Shut up_ , Maya-chan…" Asuka said, practically throwing a tantrum.

The nurse shook her head. "Maya- _chan_ , you say… silly."

Shinji excused himself at further urging from the nurse. As he exited the room, Asuka called out to him.

"Wait, Shinji… did _Blue_ …did she make it okay?

"...yeah, she did. She's… okay." Shinji answered, hesitantly. There was no way he could answer differently. Not now.

"...good."

* * *

A waiting room wasn't exactly a place for comfort, despite hospitals best intentions. Even if Shinji could forget what we had just saw, the people around him seemed equally worried, pacing around nervously.

Misato came walking up, holding two cups of coffee.

"Here, Shinji," She urged him, smiling gently. "We _both_ could probably use a pick-me-up."

Shinji thanked her, managing a smile himself. The two didn't share any words for a while, meagerly sipping the hot drinks in silence.

"So… what are you gonna do?" Misato asked, eventually. "Going home?"

"...you really think I'd leave her here?" Shinji asked, frowning.

"N-no… sorry… it's just, you aren't always the most… easy person to predict, Shinji." Misato said, carefully. "Last time things went badly… you kinda ran away."

Shinji couldn't help but think about Rei. Tears welled up to his eyes almost naturally. He had to take a moment.

"You're not wrong, but… I don't have anywhere to run to, anymore." Shinji admitted, staring into space. "I… I'm not going back to that apartment."

Misato seemed surprised. "Really? Why the change of heart?"

"I-I… I can't rely on my father anymore." Shinji answered. "He… I learnt some things, recently."

"What do you mean?" Misato asked, confused. "You're being cryptic again."

"I'd... rather not talk about it." Shinji caught himself. "Sorry."

Misato, seeing Shinji clam up and look away, donned a more cross expression.

"Shinji… can I just talk to you?" Misato urged him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Gripping it tightly. "You can tell me, you know? I'm not your enemy."

Shinji forced himself to look at her. He owed her that much, he figured.

"I know…" He admitted, guiltily. "Just… give me some time to process everything, okay? I'm a bit out of sorts."

Misato's grip relented. She frowned. "That's fair. I'm sorry."

An awkward silence.

"...I'd hate to burden Kensuke more, but… I don't know where else to stay. I want to stay nearby until Asuka is discharged." Shinji began, thinking aloud, trying to change the subject. "I don't have any money, either."

"I wouldn't worry about that, Shinji." Misato said, sighing. "I'm pretty sure Kensuke won't turn you down… he was really worried about you, ever since you stormed off with Rei. We could always offer to help him out around the bathhouse."

Shinji smiled. It was a comforting thought.

Misato started to laugh slightly.

"Besides… I don't think he's really capable of refusing me." She admitted, smiling knowingly. "I could always use my feminine wiles, when push comes to shove."

Shinji laughed, too, though he was still worried. "You don't have anything to do, back in Tokyo? I'd hate to burden you, too."

"I got some more time off work, though they weren't happy…" Misato sighed. "Besides, _I'm_ worried about Asuka, too. You know, I can see why Kaji took to her… she may be a bit... _abrasive_ , but... she means well. She spends so much time dealing with everything… I'm not sure she's ever taken the time to take care of _herself_. Kaji was the same way."

Shinji nodded, solemnly. He couldn't help but recall the image of the girl he loved, frail, bandaged and pale in that suffocating, sterile hospital room.

"...She's… something else."


	20. Intensive Care (II)

_**Another quick update!**_

 _ **Thanks for everyone who left a review (Toby, Sweet Potato Guy [lol])! I really appreciate every piece of feedback I get, it makes me really happy.**_

 _ **Apologies for the typos, by the way. I've slowly begun going back into the story to comb through them!**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy.**_

* * *

 _ **~~TWO DAYS LATER~~**_

 _"Perhaps I could not be completely alone… would you... visit me?"_

Shinji swung the axe recklessly, missing the log completely. He swore under his breath, pulling at the tool he had just lodged into the cutting block. His arms stung horribly; his arms hadn't gotten this much work in a long time.

 _"I just think she's… grown attached."_

Shinji pulled desperately. Eventually the axe became dislodged, sending him stumbling back. Tripping over a nearby log he had thrown aside, he was sent falling to the ground.

" **Fuck!** "

Kensuke peeked his head around the corner, wearing a worried expression.

"Shinji… it's fine, I can do the wood chopping." His friend explained, walking around the corner. Placing the broom he was holding against the wall, he walked over to Shinji, extending an arm out to help him up.

Shinji accepted the open hand, albeit reluctantly. "I… I need to do _something_."

Kensuke smiled, shrugging. "Like I said, you can sweep the front porch. The shed could use a sweep too."

Shinji dusted himself off. "I get the sense you're just… finding me busywork."

Kensuke's smile dropped, looking exasperated. "Who cares? I didn't even _want_ you to work…"

Shinji kicked at a nearby log, before walking over to the broom. "I… can't just do nothing. All I ever do is _nothing_."

Kensuke's hand collided with his face. "Shinji… I know you're not exactly an optimist, but could you _lighten up_ a bit? I'm honestly _stoked_ you've been staying here. You, _and_ Misato. It's fun… considering the circumstances."

Shinji sighed. "Sorry, y-you're right. I'm just a little... stressed out."

"I think we _all are_ , a little." Kensuke said. "Not… not to take away from your _precarious_ situation."

Shinji grabbed the broom, squeezing it tightly. "...don't worry about it."

As he walked away around the corner, Kensuke laughed to himself.

"It's hard to _not worry_ , when you're always wearing those puppy dog eyes…"

* * *

Sweeping was a simple enough job. Almost too simple, Shinji figured, as it was so automatic his brain had ample time to drift into uncomfortable thoughts.

 _"Wait, Shinji… did Blue…did she make it okay?_

Shinji groaned, frustrated. He kept sweeping harder, but it just didn't have the same release as cutting wood. Still, he was sure his arms couldn't have taken much more of it. He had to make sure with whatever distraction he could find, even if it was monotonous.

"Yo! Shinji!"

Shinji perked up. The voice certainly wasn't Kensuke's but it was familiar.

Toji walked up to the front porch. His arms were shoved into the pockets of his well-worn tracksuit, his legs taking huge, purposeful strides.

"O-oh, Toji." Shinji smiled meagerly. "You… actually came?"

"What in the everloving fuck are you guys doing all the way down here? _Bumfuck nowhere_!" Toji shouted, stretching his neck.

"Bumfuck… nowhere?" Kensuke called out, peeking around the corner, though now from the furnace area. "More _tourists,_ huh?."

"A f-friend, actually." Shinji explained, apologetically, bowing his head slightly. "A really… _crass_ friend."

"I'm just sayin'... took me almost _six hours_ to get here." Toji complained, shaking his head. "I didn't skimp on the speed, either… my truck is _fast_. What a way to spend my weekend off."

Shinji sighed, feeling slightly guilty. "That's why… I didn't expect you to actually _come_. You didn't seem too keen on the phone."

Toji look unimpressed. "Yeah well, you did phone me at work. My boss isn't gonna just let me _gossip_ while I'm on shift."

"I didn't' have your cell number... " Shinji shrugged, shrinking. He had spent a while on the internet trying to find out how to contact him.

Toji shook his head, though smiling. "Yeah, well, I didn't even know you did the whole _phoning_ thing. Asuka said you were _crazy_ shut-in."

Kensuke walked over, swinging the axe playfully at his side. "Shinji… you mind telling me what's going on here? You're not bringing more strays in here, are you?"

"N-no!" Shinji said, waving his arms defensively. "I'd never. He's _just a friend_ … I told him about Asuka and I guess… he's visiting?" Shinji looked to Toji, looking for some explanation.

"Nah… I'm sleeping in my truck, if I end up staying." Toji sighed, looking at Kensuke, smiling. "Unless you are accepting _more_ guests."

"Toji…" Shinji warned. "Me and Misato have burdened him enough, okay?"

Toji seemed to have to take a moment to process the words, staring at Shinji.

"You… _and_ Misato." Toji asked, eyes widening slightly. "... _and_ Asuka?"

Kensuke laughed, nudging his friend slightly in the arm. "Him and _three_ chicks showed up here one day. All travelling together."

" _ **Three**_ chicks?! What the _fuck_?!" Toji shouted, putting his hands on his head. "Here I was thinking you had run off to _elope_ with Asuka, and I find you starting a goddamn _harem_?"

Kensuke started laughing even harder. "I know, right?"

"E-elope…?" Shinji repeated, embarrassed. "It was just… we were just… _vacation_?" Shinji finished, exasperated, unwillingly to find or deliver a proper explanation.

"You lucky fuck! We need to get that beer and talk about this!" Toji laughed, smacking him in the arm.

"Um… I don't know… drinking is a bit…" Shinji sighed heavily. "I don't think I can drink for a while… _bad things_ seem to happen when alcohol is involved."

"What do you… oh." Toji asked, before taking on a more troubled expression. "Right. _Fuck_. I... should visit her."

Shinji shifted uncomfortably. "If you want… Misato and I were going to go over later. You can come with us."

Toji shoved his hands back in his pockets. "That sounds… good. Safety in numbers, huh?"

"Safety." Shinji repeated, confused.

Toji laughed, putting on a broken smile. "Can't say I've ever felt completely at ease around that ginger."

Shinji had to smile himself. "Me neither."

* * *

"Wow!" Maya said, smiling brightly. " _Another_ visitor?"

"From Tokyo." Toji clarified, sheepishly, rubbing his nose. "I'm pretty dedicated."

"Asuka is pretty popular, huh?" Maya laughed slightly. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

"I wouldn't be so sure, honestly." Toji smiled. "She'll be happy to have another punching bag, probably."

Toji looked at Shinji, raising his brows. Maya tilted her head cutely, but still smiled.

"Well, alright. I'll go see is she's awake." Maya turned away slightly. "She's been sleeping a lot, but I think you'll be happy to know she's more... _clear-minded._ She's still on painkillers, obviously, but they're nowhere near as strong."

"U-um… does she… remember anything?" Shinji asked, carefully. "From last time?"

"Hm?" Maya asked, confused.

"She doesn't, Shinji." Misato replied, smiling knowingly. "Trust me, I was curious myself."

"Uh... " Maya looked concerned.

"That girl's pretty _prickly_ , but she was pretty lovey-dovey to old Shinji-boy last time." Misato clarified, smirking at Shinji. "I asked yesterday, though… she remembers seeing you, but that's about it."

Maya laughed, before shaking her head and walking off. "One moment."

Shinji decompressed a bit. He had a feeling she would be mortified if she had remembered.

The three visitors leaned on the nearby wall, not saying much for a while, watching the hospital run like a well-oiled machine. Toji was fidgeting, looking restless. He let out a big sigh:

"So… you said she's going home soon, huh?" He leaned towards Shinji. " _Bummer._ "

"Y-yeah… her dad should be here in the next couple days, they said." Shinji stared at the floor.

"Well… I'm glad I made it then." Toji smiled. "It'll be good to say goodbye, at least."

Shinji nodded solemnly. He knew all too well how much this time meant for him. It would only be a small while, relatively, before Asuka was out of the country and out of his life. He almost found it paralyzing, as for the last couple of days he had opted to stay at Kensuke's inn and help out rather than visit Asuka. Misato was against it, sure, but Shinji had a hard time convincing himself to be around her very much, especially with the effect of the drugs.

"Shit… I wish I could have a smoke." Toji laughed to himself, patting his pockets. "I hate hospitals… make me nervous."

"Yeah, why's that?" Misato asked.

"Uh… my sis spent a lot of time in em' when we were younger." Toji clarified, shrugging. "Cancer."

"Oh… i'm sorry." Misato apologized, frowning.

"S-she's fine now, don't get me wrong." Toji clarified, face slightly flushed. "It's in remission."

Toji leaned back on the wall, taking a deep breath and exhaling laboriously. "Hardest time of my life, though."

Shinji felt his heart sink. Sometimes it took some reminders for him to remember there were other things going on around him then his own problems and anxiety. For a guy who liked to style himself as a 'nice guy', he was pretty self-centred at times, he admitted.

Maya emerged from the nearby room, with a relieved smile. "She's... okay to see you, now."

Shinji took a deep breath. He watched his two friends enter the room on their own before following in himself.

* * *

"Go Fish…" Shinji smiled, not removing his stare from his cards.

"Fuck… are you serious?!" Misato bemoaned, reaching for the pile of cards. She was closest to winning; something she made sure people knew every time it was her turn. "Goddamnit."

As Misato drew a card, Shinji snuck a quick glance over at Asuka. They were all sitting around her bed, while she sat reclined. She was looking over at the window, disinterested.

"Uh… it's your turn, Asuka." Misato said, trying to get her attention.

"...Huh?" Asuka said, turning her body towards them and nearly revealing her cards in the process. "Oh… right, _sorry._ "

"Did you just _apologize_?" Toji smirked. "Are you sure you're not still on those drugs?"

"Would you shut up, dumbass?" Asuka shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah… a bit insensitive…" Shinji said, glaring at Toji.

"What? I was just jokin'..." His friend shrugged.

"Nah, it's fine. _Really_." Asuka said, looking over her cards with continued disinterest. "It's not like it's a secret. For all the shit I've given him, he can take a _few shots_ at the cutty-stabby girl."

Shinji coughed, awkwardly. "Your turn?"

"Uh… do you have any 3's?" Asuka asked, before starting at him. "Shinji?"

Shinji looked at his hand. No 3's. He swore internally; he almost wished he had one to give her. "...Go fish."

Asuka reached for the pile, displaying her bandages. The sight still made Shinji feel horribly uncomfortable.

Pulling her newly drawn card to her hand, Asuka's eyebrows raised, if only a little bit. The girl took ahold of another card, before placing a pair of 3's next to her. She didn't let go of the pair right away, though, holding it against her lap for a moment as she stared at the cards.

"Um… you going to go again?" Shinji asked her, almost in reminder. The girl seemed elsewhere mentally, to be fair. Not that he could blame her.

"Um… Shinji?" Asuka raised her eyes, though keeping her head lowered.

Shinji froze up at the words, which were delivered with a kind of hesitancy he rarely saw from the girl.

"Y-yeah? What's wrong?" Shinji asked.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just…" Asuka clarified, looking kind of embarrassed.

 _ **She doesn't remember what she said… does she?**_ Shinji asked, feeling almost excited.

"...does Blue… is she staying kind of nearby?" Asuka asked, finally.

Shinji had to take a moment. "...sorry?"

"I'm asking if Blue lives close by…" Asuka repeated, face reddening slightly "Like… close enough to come visit?"

Taken aback, Shinji glanced over at Misato, who herself looked at a loss.

Shinji wanted nothing more than to shut down this train of conversation before it even got moving in proper, but something about the look in Asuka's eye made him know he'd be robbing her of something if he did.

"Um… I suppose so? It's just a short train ride from here…" Shini answered, shrugging. "...why?"

Asuka reached up to her face, playing with her hair for a second. She looked _uncomfortable_ , in an adorable way, Shinji thought. "Uh… I just… was thinking I'd like to see her, before I get _dragged home_."

"...r-really?" Shinji asked; something that made Asuka even more uncomfortable.

"Y-yeah! I just… I feel bad, okay? I feel like I should apologize for... being a _bitch_ to her." Asuka explained, looking guilty at her cards. "I'd get why she wouldn't come but… she's kinda weird, so I dunno."

"Uh… who is… 'Blue'?" Toji asked aloud, feeling horribly out of the loop.

Shinji waved his hand at Toji. "I-It's a long story. _Trust me_."

Shinji turned back to Asuka, sighing. "I think I get it… it's just… you really need to apologize? You two seemed to get along… _okay_. Considering it's _you_ , I mean."

Asuka didn't react to the clear slight, instead sending a sideward glance over to the window, cringing slightly. "Uh… you weren't around for all of our... conversations."

Shinji narrowed his eyes. "...what the _heck_ did you say to her?"

Another inward cringe from Asuka. "You ever… say weird shit to, like… get a rise out of someone?"

"...a rise out of _Rei_? The _emotional brick wall_?" Misato asked, looking unimpressed. "Why bother?"

"I dunno… I was bored… we were… drunk…" Asuka explained slowly, placing a hand on her face.

"Did it _work_?" Misato laughed.

"No."

Misato laughed harder.

…

Shinji sighed. "Look… I'm sure she's not too bothered by it. She probably knew you were just joking… she's got good… _intuition_."

Asuka ruffled her hair in frustration, dropping her cards to the hospital bed she occupied. "Look, can you get her to come here or not? I'm trying to be a good person for once and you're _stonewalling_ me. Let a girl turn a new leaf, would ya?"

Shinji sighed again.

 _ **The only way…**_ _Shini thought, nervously._ _ **I'd have to go back. No way…**_

"I... " Shinji began, before glancing at Asuka, who was clearly interested in his response.

…

"...okay."

Asuka let out a sigh of relief. "Sweet. That'll be a load off the conscious…"

Toji snickered. "You have one of those?"

" _Shaddap._ "

* * *

"Man.. why are we…. _fishing_?"

Toji's pinpoint question made Shinji self-conscious, as he tossed his line off the dock. The fact that the man had waited until they were _already fishing_ to ask that question, definitely highlighted the ridiculousness of their situation.

"U-uh… you wanted to talk to me, remember? About my… harem." Shinji used the language guiltily, trying to deflect the conversation. "Kensuke suggested fishing."

"I-It's pretty relaxing, actually. You should give it a fair shot." Kensuke shrugged, casting his own line off into the ocean. "I mean, it's nowhere near as cool as the _wargaming_ club back at university, but-"

"N-no, I get it, Kensuke… I _do_." Toji appeased his new friend. "I meant Shinji, though."

Shinji shrunk as he felt the attention back on him.

"W-what about me? The harem?" Shinji asked, groaning.

"Get off the _harem_ for a sec, would ya? I'm being serious." Toji persisted, placing down his rod before walking over to Shinji. "Don't you have something to be doing?"

"...what?" Shinji asked, yanking at his rod uselessly, as if to distract him.

"Well you haven't gotten in touch with that 'Blue' girl yet, have ya?" Toji explained, clearly at his wits end. "Dontcha think you should be _getting on_ that?"

"...I'll do it _tomorrow_." Shinji clarified, glancing at the sun, which was beginning to set over the waters. "Besides, I can't just 'get in touch'. I have to _go see her, physically_."

Shinji glanced guilitly at Toji, who looked at him with an offended expression. "Well, fuck! We should start going _now_ , then."

Shinji groaned. "Why?! I'll just go _tomorrow_ , it's no big deal!"

Toji grabbed him by the shoulder, shaking him slightly. "Dude, you don't know she'll even be here, tomorrow! Her dad could _whisk her away_ by the time you even get back, we don't know!"

Shinji shaked Toji's grip off him. "...why do you care so much? You don't even know who 'Blue' is…"

Toji laughed, though it clearly wasn't pleasant. It was mocking.

"Why do I care?" Toji repeated, incredulous. "Dude, she tried to _kill herself_!"

"I know!" Shinji spat back, angrily. "I _know_."

"So… let's do our best." Toji grabbed him again, more gently this time. "We gotta try to make sure she's happy before she goes. Do you really want to live with the fact that we _blew our promise_ to her?"

"We? Our?" Sinji repeated, confused. "What makes you think you're involved?"

Toji grabbed him with the the hand, securing him and staring into his eyes, "I'm fucking _involving myself,_ you little shit!"

"I'd rather you not…" Shinji looked away, guiltily. "You don't know the full story."

"Well, not like you'd tell me the full story." Toji rolled his eyes. "C'mon, let's jump in my truck. All _three_ of us. Take a lil' manly road trip over to this' Blue' chick, and sonder on back like a trio of _cabaneros_."

"What are you even saying... " Shinji groaned, exasperated. Even he couldn't hold back a slight smile, though.

"So? We goin' to see Blue, or what?" Toji asked, now displaying a full, goofy grin.

Shinji hesitated. The idea of going back to that cabin deeply disturbed him, but… part of him didn't want to lose to Toji when it came to dedication to the whims of a certain redheaded girl.

"...okay. Let's go." Shinji nodded. "But her name is _Rei_ , okay… just stop calling her _Blue_."

Toji smiled wrapping his arm fully around Shinji's shoulders. "I dunno man, Blue is a pretty sweet nickname."

The two of them walked down the dock, towards Toji's truck which was waiting nearby. They passed Kensuke on the way, who promptly dodged Toji's attempt at grappling him close like Shinji.

Toji looked offended at Kensuke's physical denial. "What's up, Kensuke? Not coming?"

Kensuke adjusted his glasses, looking annoyed. "Look I'd love to come galavanting with you two, but I've got a _bathhouse_ to run, remember?"

"Aw cmon… just close it for a few-"

"No. My parents would _kill_ me if they found out." Kensuke crossed his arms. "Go get your fishing rod, too, don't just leave it there... and give me a ride back too, before you go on your _late night adventure._ "

Toji looked at Kensuke, dejected.

"Man, no wonder you and Shinji used to be friends…" He said, sighing, walking guiltily over to the fishing rod he neglected earlier. "You're really harshing my vibe."

Kensuke adjusted his glasses, again, smirking.

"Well… we all have our responsibilities."


	21. MAGI

_**Sorry for the long wait, everyone. It took me a while to decide how exactly I wanted things to develop in this chapter. Hopefully it's to your liking!**_

 _ **I really hope there's no typos... I tried to really watch out for them.**_

 _ **Thanks as always to SPH, Toby, Bcaffera and Gryphon! You guys are awesome, and I hope you like this chapter.** _

* * *

"...Something's not right with Asuka, dude."

Shinji looked to his right. Toji, eyes glued to road, looked agitated.

Shinji kept quiet, feeling a bit uneasy at the idea. He didn't _want_ to think about Asuka right now, though he was understandably having trouble escaping the subject. This certainly wasn't helping.

Toji eventually looked over, looking impatient.

"...do you disagree? Hello?" He called out.

"W-well... " Shinji asked, looking out the passenger window. " _O-obviously_!"

"Aw c'mon, you know what I mean!" Toji responded, frustrated.

"I really don't." Shinji insisted. "I think it's _pretty clear_ something isn't right."

Toji rubbed his forehead, sighing. "I just… she seemed a bit calm and collected for a girl who tried to _kill herself_ , don'cha think? It weirded me out!"

 _ **...Yeah.**_

"I-I don't know, Toji… they have her taking all kinds of drugs, probably. Who knows what's going through her head." Shinji dismissed him, sighing. "She's safe now; that's what's important."

"Still…." Toji struggled to find the words. "It's not like her."

Shinji shook his head, rolling his eyes. "W-well… _yeah_! Things are kinda… _messed up_ , right now; o-of course she's not _like herself!"_

Shinji glanced over at Toji, who was gripping the steering wheel with clear frustration, seething but saying nothing.

Shinji continued. "There's no point in getting all worked up… i-it's out of our control."

"Yeah, well… we'll see how you feel once she's gone." Toji replied, bitterly. "Maybe you'll wish you did something, or said something to her. We all have moments like that in our lives... you can't just resign yourself to everything bad that happens to you, man. You're going to end up regretting it."

"...what do you know?" Shinji shook his head, voice quieting down to a hiss. "What gives you the right to lecture me _?_ "

Toji looked back at him, staring for a while. Finally, he sighed.

"Fuck, you're a frustrating guy...you don't know how lucky you are."

* * *

Toji stopped his truck at Shinji's sudden request. It took a couple awkward passes for Shinji to spot and point out the dirt path into the forest. Once he saw it though, he was sure they were at the right place; his memories with Rei were still fresh in his mind, especially with how much they had been bugging him.

Toji turned his truck towards the small path, and began to drive down it. They made it a ways down, before Shinji had a sudden realization, jutting him out from his usual silent compliance. Shinji extended a hand out to gesture him to stop.

"Wait… H-hold on, Toji!" Shinji said, sheepishly.

Toji sighed again, applying the breaks reluctantly. "What _now_?"

He said the words with clear exasperation, and Shinji cringed slightly. The two of them, regardless of how amicable this little road-trip had started, were not exactly getting along. Being alone together certainly had the effect of magnifying any incompatibility the two had, at least.

"Uh… c-can you just wait here? I'll go up and get Rei myself." Shinji explained, opening the passenger door.

" _Huh_? Why?" Toji asked, glaring at him. "Cmon, I drove us all the way here… the least you can do is let me come with."

"T-trust me… I'd like to have someone else come with me, but…" Shinji explained, stepping down from the truck. "Things are a bit... delicate."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Toji asked.

Shinji sighed, adjusting his clothing carefully. Slowly but surely, he turned around towards the forest path. "I-it's hard to explai-"

Shinji stumbled backwards, coming face to face with Rei.

"W-woah!" Shinji reeled backwards. "Rei?!"

Blue hair and red eyes, shocking his system.

 _Blue… hair?_

 _ **Shinji, you have returned!**_ The girl exclaimed, happily, clasping her hands together. Shinji still wasn't used to seeing her so expressive.

"I… y-yes?" Shinji explained warily, voice cracking. "Why are you…"

"Shinji, what the fuck are you doin'?" Toji called out to him, leaning in his seat, looking around Shinji. "Who the hell are you talking to?"

In his sudden shock, Shinji had almost forgotten he was still mid-conversation with Toji.

"U-uh…. Her?" Shinji pointed ahead of him. "Rei. Blue?"

Toji looked at him, and then where Shinji was pointing, his face contorted in confusion. "What? _Where?_ I don't see shit, buddy."

 _ **Have you come to visit me?**_ Rei called to Shinji, pulling his attention from his friend. _**I was... afraid you would not return.**_

Shinji looked back to see Rei, who was now suddenly a ways down the path, beckoning him. He certainly hadn't heard her move.

"Rei…?" Shinji whispered out uselessly, looking at her wispy form in the distance. He looked back at Toji for desperate recognition; he was still just as confused.

 _ **Oh… him? One moment.**_

Rei disappeared.

"W-woah!" Toji called out, suddenly freaked out.

Shinji looked over at Toji, who was looking out of his dashboard with wide eyes.

"Who the fuck are…" Toji called out, voice becoming weak. "... _you_?"

Toji eyes closed slowly, before he fell back into his seat, passed out.

"T-Toji? _Toji_!" Shinji called out, reaching out to help his friend. Before he could get onto the truck, however, Rei appeared suddenly in front of him. Shinji stumbled, trying to avoid her sudden apparition, but gasped as he partially phased through her body.

Rei laughed, slightly. _**Do not worry, Shinji. He is just sleeping. Dreaming.**_

Shinji felt goosebumps crawl over his body. "Rei… what are you… how..." He gulped. "Well… w-wake him up, please."

 _ **Why? You did not want him to come, no? This makes it easier for you to visit, alone.**_

"...visit?" Shinji repeated, shivering. " _Alone_."

 **Come and see; it is quite amazing.**

* * *

So, Shinji followed Rei down the path, all the way to the cabin. Along the way, Rei would phase in and out of sight, but always returning to urge Shinji along if he ever hesitated to continue walking. Shinji was starting to think he was losing his mind, but this wouldn't be the first time Rei would be surprising him. This, though…

This was at a different level.

Walking up the steps of the cabin, Fuyutsuki emerged at the same time, almost on time, wearing a stern expression.

"Hm. She _told me_ you had came back." Fuyutsuki said, sighing. "I'm surprised, still."

Shinji looked over to his right, where Rei had been standing. She was gone.

"Sensei… what's going on?" Shinji asked. "Where's Rei?"

"So…. you're here to see her, I presume?" Fuyutsuki asked in turn, stiffly. Nervously.

"I-I am." Shinji replied. "I wanted to see if she would come with me, for a bit. For a... friend."

Fuyutsuki narrowed his eyes.

"You might find that difficult."

* * *

Fuyutsuki guided Shinji through the cabin. They passed the younger Rei on the way, who merely stared blankly at them as they passed. Shinji stared back himself, feeling a bit on guard. He heard his sensei clear his throat, beckoning him over to the basement door. He was gripping the doorknob, wearing a serious expression that wasn't unusual for the old man, but still betrayed a sense of nervousness.

"She's in the MAGI." Fuyutsuki explained, before coughing slightly.

"Can she not… come up?" Shinji asked, hopefully. He didn't want to go down there, even now. He had had enough of secrets.

"No, You'll have to go down to see her. She's… she's _locked herself in the machine_."

Without waiting for a response, the older man opened the door and urged him inside. Shinji hesitated for a moment, looking down the poorly lit staircase.

Rei appeared at the bottom, smiling at him.

"But… she's… right there." Shinji pointed, looking expectantly at Fuyutsuki.

The man didn't respond, and Shinji felt himself sweat. "So… I'm assuming… you can't see… her." He pointed down to the bottom of the staircase.

"No." Fuyutsuki sighed. "Not me. Not at the moment."

Shinji wanted to ask more questions, but nervously glanced down to Rei staring. Reluctantly, he began to descend the stairs, as Rei smiled wider.

As he arrived near the bottom of the staircase, Rei disappeared. He looked back up the stairs, to see his sensei following him down. The man nodded, urging him again to keep moving.

Descending into the room proper, Shinji glanced around. It was at least better lit than the stairs, though most of the lighting was provided from some glaring, industrial sized lamps. They illuminated the center of the cramped room, where a strange human-sized metallic pod sit. The pod was attached by a series of wires to a large computer, beeping away. Right next to the towering computer was Dr. Akagi, who was sitting in an office chair and sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Hello, Shinji." The doctor called out to him, smiling slightly. "Rei seemed excited, so we had a feeling you were back."

"Y-yes." He grabbed at his collar, tugging at it. The room was quite hot, even though Shinji noticed there were multiple fans working away, blowing cool air at the computers. "Where is… Rei?"

"In there." Ritsuko pointed at the metallic pod, bored. "She's been in there since you left."

"The… MAGI?" Shinji repeated what his sensei had said, sounding out the foreign word.

"It's an _isolation tank_."

A deep voice cut through the room, commanding attention. Shinji spun around, his heart practically jumping into his throat. He knew the voice.

His father was standing in the space beneath the staircase he had descended earlier. It was hard to see the man, but his glasses shined slightly from the harsh industrial lights, giving away his position.

"F...father." Shinji acknowledged him, though failing to meet his eyes.

"Shinji."

A silence, pregnant with emotion.

"We… we use the isolation tank to, well, _isolate_ Rei's brain activity from outside stimuli." Ritsuko cleared cut, trying to rein in the conversation. Even the usually up-front woman seemed uncomfortable. "...It's useful for testing purposes."

Shinji looked over at Fuyutsuki, frowning. "But you said she… she's _trapped_ in there?"

"I didn't say trapped." His sensei corrected him. "I said she locked herself in."

"But… why?" Shinji asked, worried. "I don't get it…"

"We all don't ' _get it'_." Ritsuko said, before taking a long sip of her coffee. Resuming, she shrugged in frustration, looking over some graphs on a nearby monitor. "She's somehow managed to override the locking mechanism, assumingly through the neurological integration system."

Shinji looked at the woman with wary, narrowed eyes. "...huh?"

"...she doesn't want us opening the tank. We could shut it off, and _force_ the tank open, but…" Ritsuko continued, voice falling off.

"We don't know what she's capable of." Gendo finished her sentence, stepping forward.

Shinji turned to his father, feeling sick. "W… what do you mean, you don't know? Didn't you _make_ her?"

Gendo stared back sternly. "This doesn't concern you, Shinji. Wasn't _supposed_ to concern you." He looks over at Fuyutsuki, who fails to react.

"You… _cloned mom_." Shinji began carefully, beckoning his father's attention back to him, bitterly. "I-I think that concerns me, at some basic level."

"Your son has a point, Gendo." Fuyutsuki interject, smirking slightly. "Besides, might I remind you that he's the only reason Rei returned to us in the first place? You should be thanking him."

Shinji stiffened up, feeling a bit embarrassed, for whatever reason. "I… I didn't do it for… _whatever the hell_ you guys are doing here. I was just helping Rei."

"Well, now Rei's locked herself in the MAGI, and is threatening to overload and damage the system if we force her out. I don't know what your idea of 'helping' her was, but she's been nothing but trouble since you handed her over. I've said it before but I liked it better when she was a _blank slate_ , like number two upstairs."

"...you know she can… probably _hear you_ , right?" Shinji responded, looking around him warily. No Rei.

"Of course I know. I don't have to _vocalize_ my feelings for her to _know._ " Ritsuko shot back, sounding annoyed. "She'll find out, one way or another."

 _Point taken._

"We're getting distracted." Gendo stepped in between them, before looking at Shinji. "Why are you here, Shinji? Fuyutsuki seemed quite sure you wouldn't be back."

Shinji looked down at the floor, unable to hide a scowl. "I know you don't like me being around, but… still…"

" _Why are you here_?" Gendo repeated.

"Well… s-someone wants to speak to Rei." Shinji explained, still failing to meet his father's eyes. "A _friend_ of hers. I was hoping to have her come with me, just for a little while. It's urgent."

"Even if she wanted to leave, I wouldn't… couldn't allow it." His father responded, voice unwavering compared to Shinji's. "She's spent too much time in environments outside of our control, and these migraines of hers… they're only getting worse."

Shinji went to protest, but felt a shiver run down his spine, as a spectral arm draped itself over his shoulder. The pale thin arm led his eyes to Rei's face, looking at him curiously over his shoulder.

"W-wah!"

 _ **Asuka wants to speak to me… that is curious.**_

"Un… yeah." Shinji confirmed, looking nervously around at him at the others, who seemed disturbingly aware at what was happening. "She's worried about you, I-I think."

 **Worried about me? But why?** Her words almost sounded playful.

"I-I'm not sure…" Shinji shrugged. "Honestly…. I-I think she misses you, as hard as that might be to believe."

Everyone around Shinji was silent but concerned, clearly hanging on baited breaths. Shinji looked over at Rei, who frowned, seemingly to get lost in thought.

 _ **Could you… come for a visit? I'd like some... privacy.**_

"Visit?" Shinji asked, quietly. "But how?"

 _ **Come inside the MAGI, silly.**_ Rei smiled, slightly. _**Inside the tank! I will unlock it, just for you.**_

Shinji failed to respond, looking at Fuyutsuki, worried. "She… wants me to come inside the MAGI with her…"

Fuyutsuki raised his brows. "That so?"

"But… Ikari-sensei…" Ritsuko interjected, looking a bit nervous at her superior. "With all due respect; if she unlocks the tank for Shinji, we can just… yank her out… _can't we_?"

Suddenly Ritsuko stiffened up, looking to her side with an offended expression.

"Okay… okay, fine!" Ritsuko rolled her eyes. "Yes, I know you can hear me…"

Shinji watched on, having some trouble not laughing, even with how messed up this whole situation was. Rei was developing a bit of sass, for sure.

"She's pretty set on the idea, it seems." Ritsuko sighed, before looking at Gendo. "What should we do? The MAGI's NIS isn't designed for multiple occupants."

"Something tells me Rei's more familiar with the system then we are, at this point." Gendo adjusts his glasses. "How long did you say she's been in there?"

"Almost seventy two hours, and counting." Ritsuko replied, rubbing her temples. "Uninterrupted exposure. She hasn't even _eaten_."

"Well then, we're _already_ in uncharted territory. She's wasting away in there; we ought to do something about it." Gendo said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his lab coat. "Though, ultimately it's not my decision."

Gendo looked at Shinji, expectantly.

"Well… i-is it safe?" Shini asked his father, rubbing his arm.

"Would you even believe him, if he said yes?" Ritsuko asked, looking at Shinji, unimpressed.

" _Ritsuko_." Fuyutsuki warned her, glaring at her from across the room.

"What? I'm just saying, you could see the chip on his shoulder _from orbit_." Ritsuko shrugged, though looking a bit regretful upon seeing Gendo's own glare. "...just trying to move things along. _Frankly,_ Ikari-sensei, if we don't get her out of there soon, she's going to start starving."

"If it comes to that, we'll have to cut our losses and force her out the pod." Gendo insisted, walking over to Ritsuko's side, looking over some monitors.

"And if she overloads the MAGI? You know how much that would set us back? How much it would cost? _Someone's_ going to start asking questions if it goes offline."

"Rei's safety comes first."

"Do I have to remind you that you have _another one of her_ upstairs? We don't have _another MAGI_!"

Shinji sighed bitterly, as the two began to bicker. He looked over at the isolation tank, where Rei supposedly resided. The real her, at least, as the projected one sat expectantly on top of the tank.

 _ **You are scared, Shinji. Worried.**_

"Y-yeah. Of course I am."

 _ **Don't be. Come closer.**_

The girls red eyes seemed to glow from across the room, as she gingerly gestured him toward her. Shinji complied, walking nervously over to the isolation tank. He glanced back at his old teacher… his father.

 _Hell... whatever's in there… it's better than what's waiting for me out here._

As he walked next to the pod, it gave way with a deep clunk, before hissing and opening slightly. Vapour, barely visible, came spilling out the opening cracks. Slowly but surely, an opening large enough to crawl through was available.

The room fell silent, devoid of the then mounting argument. Shinji heard Ritsuko laugh slightly. Sounding slightly surprised, still. "Well, climb on in, Shinji."

Shinji swallowed nervously, not bothering to look at the doctor's assumingly smug face. Instead, he bent down, climbing into the pod. As he was part way through, he lost his balance on the edge of the opening, slipping into the pod. He splashed into a shallow body of water, colliding with another body. Shinji outstretched his arms trying to avoid the body, gasping as he came into contact with cold bare skin.

Arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. Shinji shivered as he pressed against Rei.

Another hiss. The pod closed tight behind him, and any trace of light or sound abandoned him, isolating him completely with his co-occupant.

Shinji soon felt light-headed, as he felt his body seemingly toss and turn, losing all sense of time and place.

* * *

Shinji awoke, looking up towards a blue sky. A few large fluffy clouds drifted by, a soft wind seemed to brush against his face for a moment. He pushed himself off the ground, brushing against some grass, which gave way to his push, sliding away almost like liquid.

"What the…" Shinji groaned, looking around at the strange world.

He was on the edge of two worlds. One, an endless green pasture ending at a cliff. Beyond the cliffs drop, an endless ocean spreading out . It all seemed surreal, colours bleeding into each other, occasionally blurring at close inspection. Nearby was a _cartoon-like_ wooden cabin, with smoke blowing out of a clay smokestack.

And, ofcourse, more _clearly_ , Rei was sitting next to him. She had clearly taken note of him waking up.

"Hello, Shinji."

Shinji sat up, looking at her carefully, as if to confirm she was in fact there. "Rei… where are we? It's like… a dream."

"It is, is it not? Just like a dream… your third eye is open wide." Rei smiled, looking over at him, pulling her legs close. She was wearing the same hoodie Kaji had lent her when they first left their apartment. "We are sharing a dream. It is wonderful."

Shinji looked around him, still taking in the strange environment. "But… _how_?"

The question seemed a bit absurd, asking the _telepathic_ girl he had lived with for some time. It wasn't a question worth asking anymore.

"The MAGI is… a pretty nice place to be." Rei responded, looking almost a bit guilty, staring at her bare feet, grasping at the strange astral grass. "I like it here."

"This... we're by the ocean?" Shinji acknowledged, confused, looking out into the not-quite-real sea. A deep deep blue.

"I saw something like this… in a book once, when I was younger." Rei explained, sounding melancholic. "A book my teacher showed me... I have been piecing it together, from my memories."

"Rei… what are you doing here?" Shinji said, feeling more than a bit uneasy. "Everyone's worried about you, outside. Asuka-"

Suddenly the area around them morphed. Colours changed, rearranged. Suddenly they found themselves in a blurred reconstruction of Shinji's tiny apartment. Rei clutched her head, wincing horribly.

He pain seemed to subside, as she wrapped herself in a free-flowing duvet, getting clearly comfortable. It was a sight Shinji was accustomed to seeing, back when they lived together.

"Shinji, I… I don't want to leave." Rei said, again, guiltily. "I am sorry."

"T-this… isn't _real,_ Rei." Shinji's voice cracked slightly. "You'll die if you stay here."

Rei looked at him with a resolute stare. "We all die at some point, don't we? I will die… the other Rei will die… _you will_ die. These circumstances are ideal… as far as I am concerned. It is my choice."

Looking into her determined eyes, Shinji felt scared.

"Rei… I didn't come here to die." Shinji warned her, feeling nervous.

Rei laughed.

"I know, silly. No need to be scared." Rei smiled. "I'm glad you are here though, I really am. Things can get a bit lonely with just me in here, memories aside..."

"Rei, _we need to go_ …" Shinji urged her, reaching over and trying to shake her. His hand passed right through her. "This is insane."

"Don't worry Shinji, you can leave." Rei nodded, shrugging with a slight frown. "I'm not trapping you here."

Shinji looked down, sighing heavily. A touch of exasperation, a touch of relief.

"...but you will stay a while, won't you?"

Shinji looked up.

A smile.


	22. Magi (II)

**Hey everyone!**

 **Sorry for the long wait, just had to finish up school.**

 **I want to apologize to anyone who tried to read this story for the past while... I realized that chapter 16 was replaced with another chapter and it messed the plot up completely. I've fixed the issue, now. (Thank god for keeping backups of a story...)**

 **Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter! It's my birthday... so if you wanna give me a birthday present, please leave me a review! Every single piece of feedback means the world to me!**

 **Oh, and this chapter might be a little abstract... but that's just the point that we're at in this story. Hopefully everything makes enough sense.**

* * *

"You don't… want to go back?" Shinji called out to her, confused.

She shakes her head, looking out the window with angry eyes, clearly distracted. His apartment was barely starting to lighten, as the beginnings of the new day started to seep through the glass.

"What do you mean… where could you go?" He adds, squirming.

Her eyes soften slightly, looking back at him almost guiltily. Her blue eyes almost glimmer in the morning sunrise. "Can't I… stay here? With you and Rei?"

Shinji gets a little lost in Asuka's expression, displaying a vulnerability he wasn't used to.

"Just for a while…" She adds, looking at the ground.

"...Okay."

* * *

 _ **You were so happy, that day.**_

What do you mean?

 _ **I was awake, though you were unaware. I could see.**_

Well… with what happened with Kaji… I couldn't let her go back.

 _ **To the dorms?**_

Yeah.

 _ **Hmm… Perhaps it would have been better if she had never stayed with us.**_

...Probably. She wouldn't have gotten caught up in all this mess.

 _ **But you were happy.**_

I was in love. I couldn't say no.

…

Rei?

 _ **I wonder what that feels like.**_

* * *

"What is that… in your hands?" Rei asked.

Kaji's grip on the firearm loosened slightly, as if it was an accusation.

"It's a gun… a weapon."

Rei's expression didn't change. "Why? Are you going to hurt me?"

"Of course not. I… just didn't know what I was walking into here."

An eerily empty room. And a frail blue haired girl sitting on the bed. Her red-eyed stare caused Kaji to feel on edge.

"You are nervous; scared." Rei said. "Why?"

An awkward silence.

"I've read your file… Rei." Kaji said slowly, feeling a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. "Sixth sense; you can see into minds. Is that true?"

"Yes." She replied, deadpan. "Though I can't see why you are here. Who it is you are."

Kaji laughed. It was part natural, part out of a need to decompress. "What if I told you I didn't really know those things myself?"

"Strange. Then… the weapon?"

Kaji sighed, before holstering the gun. Underneath his jacket. "I just wasn't sure what was going on here. I wanted to see if you really existed. And.. here you are. Like a princess locked up in a tower. I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it, to be honest."

"And yet, you… you want to leave." Rei said, staring at him unceasingly.

"Well…" Kaji sighed, looking around with a pained smile. "Who _would_ want to stay cooped up in here?"

* * *

...You just went with him?

 _ **I wanted to see the outside world.**_

The 'outside world'… You make it sound like you were a prisoner.

 _ **Ever since I arrived… I wasn't allowed to leave the laboratory. Is that not a prisoner?**_

I suppose… but to trust a stranger like that?

 _ **No one is really a stranger, to me. His disposition was clear. Kaji was just like Fuyutsuki-sensei. Like yourself. A gentle soul.**_

...

...and my father? _Our_ … father?

 _ **A tortured soul.**_

* * *

Shinji knocked on the door.

Hearing rustling coming from inside the small apartment, he felt his heart race slightly. Adjusting his shirt, he couldn't help but fidget as he waited.

The door opened, and Misato poked her head out with an annoyed stare. Her gaze softened with eye contact.

"...Shinji." She announces, smiling slightly. "W...what's up?"

Shinji shrugged, staring at the ground. Misato was wearing a low-cut tank-top, displaying her assets quite clearly. Her lower half was hidden behind the partially opened door, leaving some wiggle room for Shinji's all-too-active imagination.

"Well…" Shinji swallowed nervously. "You never showed up in the clubroom… you were going to help me study for my midterm."

Misato's eyes opened wide. "Oh, _fuck_! Sorry! I got... distracted."

"What's wrong, Misato?" A deeper voice called in from within. "You alright?"

Shinji's stomach sank; a million scenarios seemed to rush into his brain at once, but only a few stood out to him clearly. None of them good.

"Oh, for fucks sake…" Misao groaned, looking behind her. "Go soak your head, dude, I'm busy!"

"S...sorry to bother you." Shinji began to walk away from the door, feeling horribly embarrassed.

"Shinji! H-hold on!"

* * *

 _ **That was Kaji?**_

I guess so… I hope so…

 _ **You're still embarrassed, even now.**_

You think that's funny?

 _ **Perhaps, but not at your expense. Humans are pretty vulnerable.**_

I was in love… that tends to make you vulnerable.

 _ **Again?**_

Huh?

 _ **In love. Again.**_

So… so what?!

* * *

"Who was that outside?" Rei asked, walking over to Kaji, who had just entered the room.

Kaji sighed, cracking his back. "An old friend."

Rei tilted her head. "But you are stressed. Why was there yelling?"

"It was an unexpected visit." He shrugged. "Couldn't have come at a worst time, frankly."

"Because of me."

Kaji looked over at Rei with a concerned face. "Maybe, but that doesn't mean much. You're my priority, at the moment."

Rei seemed to consider this for a moment, though she failed to break eye contact with Kaji, who felt more than a bit uneasy.

"A priority… though you have left me alone for some time. I cannot leave this room, either. I feel as though my current situation is the same as it was before." Rei explained to a almost bemused Kaji, who detected a hint of... sarcasm?

"Your _safety_ is priority." Kaji responded, pointing at her. "You'll get your chance… just give me time."

"Time for what? What chance… am I getting?" Rei sounded out.

"Well.. a chance to _live_ , Rei."

* * *

I was listening in on that conversation, I think.

 _ **You were?**_

Through the wall… I was curious.

 _ **But why?**_

...I'm not really sure. You, Kaji, Asuka… maybe it was exciting to me… a little.

 _ **It seems such a long time ago.**_

I think so, too. A lot has changed since then. So much has happened.

 _ **Do you think… you would have made the same choices, given another chance?**_

I'm… not sure. Would you?

 **Without fail.**

How can you be so certain?

 **Would you have been okay with your life being stagnant, Shinji? To be trapped, alone, with no thoughts of a future?**

I guess… maybe at one point… but not anymore.

 **Perhaps Kaji was right… though the path was unpredictable.**

What?

 **I got my chance to live.**

* * *

"Dude… you have to come out of there…" Kensuke called into his best friend's apartment, from beyond the closed front door. He tried to open it again, at no avail.

"No…" Shini replied, weakly. "I can't, Kensuke"

Of course, Shinji was partly lying. He had already left his bed, and was a urge away from opening the door for his worried friend, but had stopped short in a bout of helplessness.

"I'm… going, man. I've gotta go back home. This is it." Kensuke explained again, sadly. "Can't we just talk?"

"...We _are_ talking."

Even with the closed door between them, Shinji could hear his best friend sighing.

"Shinji… you can't let a girl get you so down-"

"I-It's more than a girl! You _know that_." Shinji shouted, pressing up against the door.

"...Do I? I want to know what the hell is going on, but… you won't even talk to me face-to-face." Kensuke replied, sounding tired.

"W-whether I tell you or not… you're still going to leave. Just like everybody else." Shinji said, quietly. "I'm at the end of my rope… I don't care anymore… It'll be easier for both of us if you just… g-go."

A prolonged silence.

"Shinji… you're not going to do anything stupid, are you?" Kensuke said, carefully. "This isn't the end of _anything_ … it doesn't have to be."

"...a-all I do is disappoint people, Kensuke." Shinji replied, voice cracking. "If you're just learning that now… t-then all the more reason for you to leave."

* * *

 _ **That was the last you spoke to him?**_

Until recently, yes.

 _ **Strange. I still find it difficult to understand your mindset.**_

I never asked you to psychoanalyze me.

 _ **Why would you hide away… on purpose?**_

Rei… Is that not what you're doing right now? Are we not hiding?

 _ **I do not know what I'm doing. I don't even know how much time has passed.**_

Me neither.

 _ **Though, I... know what is going on outside. I know what those people see in me; what the world would see in me.**_

It's frightening, Isn't it?

 _ **...I want no part of it, anymore.**_

Then you _do_ understand my mindset.

…

* * *

"I'm sure he's very proud of what you've accomplished Shinji." Fuyutsuki said, placing down a piece on the shogi board.

"He has a funny way of showing it." Shinji stared at the board, failing to meet his teachers eyes.

"People in his line of work don't have much time, I'm afraid. I'm sure if he wasn't in Germany…"

Shinji practically slammed his own piece down, silencing the old man. "It wouldn't make a difference. He wasn't around for any other graduation ceremony, either. Why would he bother starting now?"

Fuyutsuki scratched his chin, looking uncomfortable.

"Shinji, seeing how you've just turned eighteen… as an adult, would you allow me to speak frankly?"

Shinji nodded, though deep down he was scared at the prospect. All the other conversations the two had; over tea, over shogi, now seemed insignificant.

"Your father once told me he was too busy to raise you properly." Fuyutsuki said, bluntly. "He said you'd be better off in my hands… an old retired, professor. Funny isn't it?"

"You think… that's funny?" Shinji replied, bitterly.

"Shinji… we've spent over a decade living together, and you've grown into a fine young man. I think it's _funny_ , because I _agreed_ with your father, at some level. Years down the road, and you couldn't be _more unlike_ your father, frankly… and I think you're all the better off for it."

Shinji smiled, slightly.

"I simply… wish I could see how things would've been had your father taken more responsibility. I wish I knew what would've happened if your mother was still around."

Shinji hunched over, focusing on the board again. He felt the tears coming.

"But now that's all in the past, and now you're an adult, Shinji. The world is your oyster… what are you going to do?

* * *

 _ **Our upbringing… it's not so different, somehow.**_

Fuyutsuki-sensei… he's a good person, though a little prickly.

 _ **Why did you leave him? Were you not happy?**_

I wanted… my own life. I wanted to try get away from my father.

 _ **Again… our stories are strangely similar.**_

And yet we ended up here… I delivered you right to him. What was the point of all this? I feel like I'm back at square one.

…

Rei?

* * *

"Why did we have to leave, Kaji?" Rei asked, leaning against the wall of the cramped room. "I liked the old room."

Kaji looked back at Rei, the man was about to leave, but had to stop at Rei's behest. He sighed turning around:

"Rei, I know things here aren't ideal." Kaji gestured around him, the modest internet cafe speaking for itself. "But things were getting too... _busy_ back at the apartment."

"I don't understand."

Kaji sighed. "I've explained it to you, didn't I? I know you like being around Shinji and all the others but… it's just not smart. You're about to leave the country… interacting with him was just too much a risk."

"But… you said he was a friend…" Rei insisted, sounding slightly sad. _Slightly_.

"He is, but…" Another sigh. "Look, Rei… do you remember how I said I read your file, back at the lab?"

"Yes."

"Well, I've learned a few things, in my… snooping around." Kaji explained, carefully. "For one thing, _Shinji_ is Gendo's son."

"...Gendo is my father." Rei replied, staring.

"Rei, Gendo isn't… _yes_ , you and Shinji… _share a father_ , I suppose." Kaji shoved his hands in his pocket, clearly frustrated. "But what that means is… back at the apartment, you were one step away from being back in Gendo's possession, do you understand?"

"But… I liked being around Shinji."

Kaji gripped the bridge of his nose, suproseeing a groan. "I understand this is all very new for you…all this emotion. I know you're not the same person I met in that lab, but... think about the end goal, Rei. Don't you want to be free? For good?"

Kaji looked at Rei desperately, but the girl failed to meet his passion.

"...I am not sure what I want, anymore."

* * *

I guess Kaji was right, being around me was bad news.

 _ **And yet you were the only one he trusted enough to help me.**_

And what a great decision that was.

 _ **What do you mean?**_

He's _dead_ , Rei. And Asuka tried her best to follow him. He _trusted me_ ; to keep you safe, to keep the others from getting involved… I fucked everything up.

 **...do you really believe that?**

…

* * *

"So, you got a thing for Shinji-boy, or what?" Asuka asked, laughing drunkenly.

"Hm… I am not sure what you mean." Rei replied, lifting a hand to her face. It was hot, her stomach burned dully from the alcohol. She liked it, though she found this strange.

"Cmon.. while he's off putting Kensuke to sleep… do you have a _crush_ on him?"

Rei, tilted her head still unsure.

"Do you… want to fuck him?" ASuka leaned closer making an obscene gesture with her hands.

Rei stared into Asuka's eyes, getting confused for a second, before letting out an awkward laugh.

"W-woah… you can laugh?"

"You… you are the one who wants to… _fuck_?"

Asuka's eyes shot open, as she slammed the near-empty bottle of sake to the table. "What the _hell_?"

"You are fixated on Shinji… do you mind if I ask why?" Rei smiled, slightly.

"Shut your trap, Blue." Asuka replied, rolling her eyes. "You're such a weirdo."

"He is fixated on you too, though." Rei added, nodding to herself.

Asuka grabbed the bottle again, almost by reflex. "Go on…"

"Both of you are quite sad and anxious people, even if it displays itself quite differently." Rei explained, closing her eyes. "But... around each other, that sadness and anxiety seems to disappear, as chaotic as your interactions can be. You both miss that feeling of relief once you are separated from one another for any period of time. I've noticed this pattern over the past week."

Asuka shoved the bottle over to her. "Stop acting like you know everything, you basketcase. Drink up, you're still usin' too many fancy words."

"I'm merely explaining my thoughts…" Rei defended herself, though complying easily with the request, opening the bottle and drinking.

"Yeah well… you didn't answer the question." Asuka said, crossing her arms. "Do you... like him?"

"Of course I like him." Rei said, placing the bottle down.

"...r-really?" Asuka asked, sheepishly, for once.

"Being around Shinji… has allowed me to feel things I've never felt before." Rei explained further.

"That's kinda… sappy. Why don'tcha fuckin' date him, then?" Asuka said grabbing the bottle back. "Why are you tryin' to leave?"

"...I have my own… ideas about him. About myself." Rei looked down at her hands. "Can I ask you to promise me something, Asuka?"

Asuka was about to take the last swig, but stopped herself. "...Huh? Promise what?"

"Promise me you and Shinji will stay together. You two need each other to function, I can tell." Rei said, looking a bit fired up. "Nothing would make me happier than to see to you two happy together."

"I… Huh?" Asuka replied, face red. A genuine smile from the girl across the table. Utterly disarming. "What the fuck are you sayin', Blue? Shut the fuck up, would ya?"

"But... you brought up the subject, Asuka."

"I said shaddup, Blue."

* * *

You're really trying to push us together, huh?

 _ **Only because it makes sense.**_

Last time I checked, she was in the hospital.

 _ **After you left her alone.**_

You trying to make me feel guilty?

 _ **I'm trying to make you realize the role you play.**_

What… a parasite? Leeching off of her?

 _ **You stabilize one another.**_

Well… she'll be gone before long…

* * *

 _ **A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A-V-A**_

"Hold on, Rei…" Shinji came to, as if opening eyes for the first time in years.

He felt a form press against his back. Turning around, he saw that Rei and himself were sitting back-to-back, sitting alone in a pitch black room. The only light was emanated off of themselves, their skins glowing in an otherworldly fashion.

"..we have to leave, Rei." Shinji got up on one knee, grabbing Rei's shoulder. ""Remember? Asuka wants to talk to you…"

Rei seemed nonplussed at the suggestion. "Shinji… I'm not leaving."

"Why not?!"

"This is what I want." Rei explained, eyes closed. "This is my freedom. My right to choose."

"Rei… we can't stay here forever. Asuka is going to be leaving, soon!" Shinji shouted, shaking her roughly. "We don't even know how long we've been in here!"

"I see." Rei replied, opening her eyes and turning towards him. "I won't force you to stay… I just wanted a chance to… talk."

"We can keep talking… we can go see Asuka!"

Rei shook her head. "You misunderstand the situation, Shinji. Given where I am now… the options I have… this is where we part ways."

"Rei, please stop talking like that…" Shinji felt tears welling up in his eyes. "You gotta come with me!"

"Us being here together... this was my last request. Thanks for fufilling it... I'm glad we could spend this time talking. I learned a lot."

"What the hell are you talking about, Rei?" Shinji shook his head. "Let's leave this place!"

" _You_ leave, Shinji." Rei smiled at him, turning around. "Go to Asuka. I hope my selfishness hasn't caused you any trouble between you two, but… I needed this."

"Rei!"

"Bye bye, Shinji."


	23. Rewrite

_**Thank you kind guest for leaving a review! You really got me to keep working, and finish the next chapter.**_

 _ **Hope everyone likes it, and I'll see you next time.**_

 _ **Also, forgot to thank SPH, Toby and Gryphon for your kind words from last chapter.**_

* * *

"He's waking up."

"Right on time."

"Don't say that, it's _creepy_."

"You're in the wrong business, Langley"

"Maybe… doesn't mean I can't comment on it."

Shinji Ikari opened his eyes to the sound of hushed but confident voices. Horribly dazed, it took a moment before he was properly able to look around and see what was happening. A white… nearly blank room. Three men sat at a table next to him.

His father, stoic as always… another older man with a pronounced, grey widow's peak… and another man, middle aged with red hair. All in formal business attire, it almost seemed like Shinji was waking up in the middle of a boardroom meeting. At least with the way they were staring, he felt he was interrupting something.

"What… what's going on?" Shinji groaned, moving awkwardly underneath the covers.

"You're okay, young man. Just... a nasty brush with some chemicals." The old man said, sternly.

"... _chemicals_."

"I can't say I approve the... _storage standards_ you were maintaining in that shoddy lab." He continued, practically ignoring Shinji as he looked at his father.

"Well… we won't have to worry about shoddy conditions anymore." Gendo replied, adjusting his glasses.

"No… no more university officials breathing down your back. No more criminals snooping around, collecting company secrets like a curious child. Had I known what kind of breakthrough you had made here, Gendo, I wouldn't have you working in conditions like this."

"Yeah… your little cloning operation gone haywire has gotten the board's attention, to say the least… and not in a good way." The red headed man added, shaking his head.

"I had to make sure I understood the process before I reported to you, Keel… I know you expect a certain level of quality." Gendo replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.

The older man sighed , crossing his arms. "Yes… I suppose. Your… extracurriculars are a bit worrying, as was your lack of proper _documentation_ , but I can't argue with the results. You've certainly earned your spot in the main labs, back in Germany."

"The same spot we used to have." Gendo adjusted his glasses again, voice deeper than usual. The sound gave Shinji chills.

The older man looked slightly uncomfortable, but smiled slightly. "I suppose, though now it's more permanent."

"Mm."

Shinji propped himself up, leaning against the frame of the bed. "U-uh… father?"

"Yes?" His father turned to him expectantly.

"What's going on? Where's... Rei?"

"She's in cold storage."

"H-huh? What? Shinji shook his head, confused.

"The whole project is in lockdown, while we investigate what happened with Kaji-san." The old man interjected. "Things have gotten out of hand, to say the least."

"This whole situation is just one big… messed up coincidence." The redheaded man added, clearly agitated. "Gendo… care to explain to me how my daughter ended up galavanting around the Japanese countryside with your son? Alongside, I might add, one of your lovecraftian creations... gone AWOL."

"...lovecraftian." Gendo repeated, not sounding very impressed. The other man merely raised his eyebrows, almost playfully. In the snarky, aggressive expression, Shinji immediately found Asuka.

 _ **Her father...**_

"Langley, Gendo has already explained the situation. If it weren't for that intern sticking his nose where it didn't belong, none of this would have occured. Coincidences and bad timing aside, we've made strides here we never imagined were possible."

"My daughter also ended up in the hospital."

" _Coincidences and bad timing aside_ … things are okay." The old man insisted, shrugging. "We're going to shorten all the leashes in this operation, your daughter will have the most experienced therapists in Germany on her case, and you can report back to the board on our new findings… trimmed, of course."

The redheaded man sighed, before turning over to Shinji with a sour expression. "From what I can tell, Asuka was passing her classes, before she met you."

Shinji felt a rage simmering, as he gripped the sheets of the blankets of the bed. Still, Shinji struggled to respond, as he stared down at his hands.

"Gendo, your shut-in son should learn to…. control himself." Langley insisted, pointing rudely at Shinji. "Has he even ever held down a proper job… learned any responsibility? He completely threw my daughter's career path for a... _fucked up loop_ , just when she was making progress."

Shinji's stomach churned, as he felt his hands shake.

Gendo cleared his throat, before removing his glasses.

"I hardly see how my son is a relevant subject to this business meeting." He said, staring intensely at Langley.

"This is from one father to another. Nothing to do with business." The man smiled, shaking his head. "I'm simply suggesting… perhaps you should fix your _current_ family before you go about… _birthing_ more."

Gendo didn't respond right away. Getting up from the table, he adjusted his tie. "I hardly find you preaching to me about family to be appropriate, Langley. If your daughter is anything like your wife… I don't think _my son_ was the reason she's headed for a mental hospital."

The man stood up himself, clearly enraged. " _Fuck you_ , Gendo."

"For God's sake…" The older man stood up, sighing laboriously. "Bickering like children… come, this meeting is over. Everyone is accounted for."

Langley turned to the old man, still clearly not done. "You're crazy for bring this sociopath into the fold, Keel. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Gendo re-donned his glasses, seemingly returning to his usual stoic demeanor without a hint of a hiccup. The sight of the calm man, gathering his things routinely, seemed to make Langley even more angry.

"Most brilliant minds are a little bit… abnormal" Keel smiled slightly, as he urged Langley out of the room, clearly trying to separate the two. "I'm sure you of all people understand that."

As the two other men left the room, Gendo turned to Shinji expectantly. "Let's go, Shinji."

Shinji hesitated for a moment, but managed to get up. Besides feeling a little light-headed and stiff, he felt completely fine. Gendo starting to leave the room, but Shinji didn't follow right away, feeling horribly confused.

"Father… what the hell happened? Last I remember… I was in the… MAGI… with Rei." Shinji asked, rubbing his head gingerly.

"The whole incident with Rei is finished, Shinji." Gendo urged, not even bothering to turn to face his son. "She's safe, and we're moving on."

Shinji wanted to shout out at his father, but couldn't quite find the words to describe his complete lack of grasp on the situation.

"...how can you… just say that? What even… I don't understand…" Shinji managed, voice shaking.

"Shinji… you involved yourself in an intensely intricate organization that you know _nothing_ about, regardless of your intentions. It's best for you if you don't ask questions. It's time to move on... we've wrapped things up here."

Shinji shook his head, but didn't respond. He merely followed his father out of the room.

* * *

"What a fucked up situation…" Toji groaned, picking at a partially eaten breakfast. "At least the food here is good… but I'm still confused."

Shinji sat next to his friend, not joining him in the meal. He had no appetite at all.

"I'm telling you, Toji… you don't even… get it."

Toji looked at him, unimpressed. "Dude… would you give it a rest?"

"They just… covered everything up." Shinji shook his head, as if he was still trying to convince himself. "It's ridiculous."

"Your heads still wonky from the... chemicals, or whatever, man. They warned me you'd be a bit weird… hope it's not permanent." Toji said, worriedly, before scooping a healthy helping of eggs.

"You really believe what they told you?" Shinji asked him again.

"What's so… hard to get? Like… we accidently inhaled some weird biological shit in your dad's lab."

"...and magically ended up back here, in Tokyo?" Shinji urged his friend to think a bit deeper, but it clearly wasn't working on his friend who was a bit more interested in his dietary choices. "Doesn't that seem weird?"

Toji shrugged. "They said they could treat us here best… I'm just glad we're okay, though my memory's still fuzzy. Don't even being in that lab at all… or talking to any of those weird scientists..."

Toji seemed to get stuck on a thought, as if was on the verge of a mental breakthrough. Shinji leaned in anxiously, hoping to finally get someone onside with him.

"Oh… by the by… thanks for the _heads up_ about the whole 'we're going to a weird lab in the woods with crazy chemicals n' shit' _thing_."

Shinji rubbed his forehead in frustration. "That's… why I warned you not to come. You never _did_ come!"

"Of course I came… we were supposed to be looking for that weird 'Blue' girl for Asuka… which… again, you never told me she was some sketchy test subject."

Shinji buried his head in his hands. "She's more than a... A goddamn test subject. She's a… telepathic clone."

At this point, Shinji was doing little more than grasping at straws.

Toji stared at him for a moment, now looking concerned. "Dude… you're fucking crazy. Stop thinking too hard, they said to give your mind a rest… yer goin to blow a casket."

Shinji sighed, though complying reluctantly. This whole situation aside, he was developing a mean headache.

"Still… it sucks we got into this mess." Toji complained, eating some more. "Asuka left before we even got a chance to say goodbye. Her dad was hella pissed, apparently."

"You met her dad, too?"

"Nah, but Misato did."

The mention of Misato shook Shinji a little, who was still too entrenched in this whole corporate conspiracy to consider what had happened with his old friend.

"M...Misato… right. Where is she? Is she okay?" Shinji groaned, feeling guilty.

"Yeah… why wouldn't she be?" Toji raised a brow.

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well… not exactly, I guess." Toji added, looking to be recalling something. Shinji felt his heart pick up a worried pace. "She was here a few hours ago… got really pissed and left."

"Pissed? About what?" Shinji asked, worried. He knew how Misato could get when angry.

"Some guy called… Kaji? She was asking questions about him… but they just said he was a… like, a felon, or something? Apparently he's being charged as a terrorist… but, like, he's already dead… so what the hell is up with that?"

Shinji leaned back into his chair, feeling helpless. "Kaji… a terrorist."

"It was fucking crazy… this guy in a black suit… I dunno who he was with, but… he told Misato that… that Kaji offed himself to 'avoid the consequences'" Toji explained further, using air quotes on the last words. "Apparently even the american government was gonna come for him, guantanamo bay… interrogation n' shit."

Shinji shook his head in disbelief. "They just… you _heard_ all of this?"

"Apparently it's some big scandal… it's gone public. Local university guy goes on some... _hacking binge_ and gets himself on the bad side of all sorts of companies. Fuckin' nutzo, man."

"Jesus Christ…" Shinji buried his head in his hands, again. "What the hell happened?"

"Hell if I know, man…" Toji shrugged, cleaning his plate with a solemn face. "I'm just… pissed we never got to see Asuka before she left. I really liked her… even if she was a little rough around the edges."

Shinji looked at his friend, almost wanting to reprimand him for being so casual. After considering the words, though, he felt himself get a little sad.

"Y-yeah… me too, Toji."

* * *

 ***TWO DAYS LATER***

Shinji hesitated to knock on the door, hovering over it awkwardly. He had no idea if she was home or not, but the prospect of seeing her again weighed heavily on his consciousness.

Still, even with all the hesitation in the world, he brought himself to knock.

Movement. Footsteps. An Opening.

Misato's head peeked out from inside. Looking a little agitated before meeting eyes with Shinji.

"S-shinji…" Misato sounded out, sounding surprised. "Hey, what's up?"

The casual greeting made Shinji feel more than a little strange. What was up? A hell of a lot, he figured. Still, she seemed muted despite the plethora of things he felt they needed to talk about.

"U-uh… I sorta figured you would've come to talk to me, after everything that happened during that… trip." Shinji explained. "Just wanted to check on you, m-make sure you're okay."

Misato smiled, but it seemed a little broken, She urged him inside, pushing lightly on his back.

Shinji took off his shoes, looking around her… admittedly messy apartment. Random clothes were scattered everywhere, and several boxes of beer cans laid right next to the door, seemingly ready for recycling day.

"Sorry about the mess… been busy at work." Misato laughed slightly, as she walked towards the kitchen.

"No worries… I haven't been much good for cleaning lately, either." Shinji replied, sheepishly. "What… what is it you do again? I feel bad I can't remember…"

"Erm… I design software… lead a small team of programmers, really. I'm kinda like a… cubicle mom for a couple of dorks." Misato explained, as Shinji followed her into her small kitchen. "You want some noodles?"

"S-sure… I'm pretty hungry, actually."

"Well… hope you don't mind it's something so simple."

"Not at all."

Misato hummed slightly as she began boiling some water.

"Yeah… I landed the job after I graduated. Y'know, for all the drinking we did in our club, I actually was pretty good with computers... " She said, before obviously getting a bit stuck on some memories. She stopped moving for a moment, gripping the handle of the kettle.

"You… alright? Misato?" Shinji asked, feeling worried for his friend.

Misato sighed, before sniffling a bit. "Just… thinking about stuff."

Shinji felt helpless as he saw Misato struggle to maintain composure, clearly getting emotional.

"S-shinji… you… wouldn't lie to me… right?" She asked, after a moment. Turning towards Shinji, she looked desperate.

"N-no… I…" Shinji tried to respond, feeling on edge.

"You didn't… know about Kaji that whole time, right? What was going on between him and Rei?"

Shinji froze in place. "I-I…"

Misato put her hand on his shoulder. "You would've told me… if you knew he was getting in trouble?"

Shinji stared at the floor, avoiding her desperate eyes.

" _Shinji_."

"H-he… told me not to tell you. To tell _anyone_."

Misato began to tear up, though she was clearly trying to stop herself. "Goddamnit… why didn't you tell me?"

Shinji reached out to her, touching her shoulder. "M-Misato… you saw what happened… what they've said about him... d-do you think he wanted you roped in all that?"

"Kaji's… not a fucking _terrorist_ " Misato spat, sobbing slightly. "There's no way… those motherfuckers… they're just covering it up… it was those men, from the government... they fucking killed him."

"Misato…" Shinji called out to her gripping her shoulder tighter. "I don't think-"

Angrily, she shook him off, standing up and pushing him away slightly.

"You think I'm fucking crazy, don't you?" She said, glaring at him. "You don't believe me do you?"

Shinji backed off, raising his arms defensively. "I… I don't know what hell is going on, Misato… really. "

 _ **Liar.**_

Misato leaned against a nearby wall, letting out a pained sigh. "This is so fucked… _fucked up_."

Shinji inched closer to her, but made sure to maintain his distance. "Misato… I don't understand what happened with Kaji, but… there's no way he did what they said he did. He's not a _terrorist_. He was just trying to help Rei... "

 _ **Tell her. About Rei. She deserves to know.**_

 _ **She wouldn't believe me. No one would believe me.**_

 _ **What good would it do?**_

"I… I know. He just… couldn't leave well enough alone." Misato said, before taking a deep breath. "That fucking idiot… he always went out of his way to help people in trouble. He helped me, and I'm sure he wanted to help you… and Asuka."

"And Rei."

Misato nodded, before covering her face with her hands.

"...I just didn't think he'd get himself _killed_ for it!" She sobbed out again, muffled from her hands.

Shinji, steeling himself, placed a hand on her shoulder again. "I know we might be… at the foot of some messed up… conspiracy here. But, we're _okay_. You just have to keep moving; you know he would want you to."

"I know that…" Misato said, lowering her hands, looking at Shinji. "I just feel so goddamn helpless…"

Grabbing his hand, Misato stared into his eyes. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but Shinji still found them pretty. He felt guilty nearly immediately, as he felt heat rise to his cheeks.

"Shinji… are you okay? I never even asked, I'm so stupid." Misato said, wiping her eyes with one hand, while gripping hard on Shinji's hand with the other. "You and Toji ended up in urgent care. Something to do with chemicals?"

 _ **What a mess.**_

"I"m f-fine…" Shinji replied, looking down at his hand, being squeezed by Misato.

" _Really_?"

"You know, I… I think I'm making some progress, even with everything that's happened. I'm gonna try to find a job, and start paying my own rent. I… I want to be more independent." Shinji explained, trying to lighten the mood. "I… I think it's time I… join the real world."

Shinji tried his best to laugh, but it still sounded forced.

"...w-wow, Shinji!" Misao smiled, taken aback slightly. "That's... good news."

"Sp...speaking of… I should probably head out… I gotta find a job soon, or I'm gonna get kicked out for not paying rent." Shinji sighed. "I told my dad to bugger off… but… maybe it was a bit stupid of me. I have no money."

"N-no! I.. think this is good!" Misato smiled again, grabbing Shinji's free hand. Holding both his hands, she smiled at him. "In fact… I have an idea."

"W-what?"

"Why don't you stay here with me, while you look for a job!" Misao said, brightening up considerably.

Shinji felt uncomfortable. "Uh… I don't want to impose, Misato."

"Cmon, Shinji… I'm practically losing my mind here…" Misato pleaded, squeezing his hands again. "With everything that's happened, I feel like it'd be better if we supported each other, right? Remind ourselves that we're not… going bonkers."

"Well…" Shinji said, feeling embarrassed, but admittedly a little… excited. "If you're okay with me staying…"

"Of course!" Misato smiled, pulling Shinji close.

"U-uh, fuck…" Shinji sputtered out, as he felt the warmth of Misato's body. "S-sorry."

Misato looked down. "Oh… wow." She blushed slightly. " _Hello_."

"I-I-I'm.. Sorry…" Shinji tried to pull away.

"N-no, it's okay, cmon…" Misato laughed, though Shinji figured it sounded a bit too giddy. Stepping forward, she pushed him against the wall. "We can do this… just like old times."

 _ **Jesus Christ.**_

"M-Misato… uh… I-I don't know if that's a good idea." Shinji pulled away. "This is... k-kind of a weird time. I should… go."

" _No._ " Misato said forcefully, pushing him against the kitchen wall. She avoided his eyes for a moment, face red, as if she just realized what she was doing. Soon though, she looked at him with a guilty face. "Please, Shinji… I just… need to blow off a little steam. It's not... weird, it's just... healthy."

"I… M-Misato...?" Shinji began. Before he could fully respond, though, Misato was pushing him down towards the kitchen floor. She laughed nervously, as she began to mount him.

"M-Misato… the noodles... the waters gonna start boiling…."

"Mm… It's okay... I'm good at multitasking."

* * *

 **Just a quick reminder that in this universe, Shinji is aged up and in his early twenties.**

 **...just feel like that's pertinent information.**


End file.
